All Comments on 'My Little Cousin Jenn'

Swapping from first person (I, Jenn) to second person (I, you) constantly killed the mood. Pick a perspective and stick with it.

For fucks sake edit this POS

Especially when she shoved 50 pipe cleaners and Grandmas toothbrush up his ass and sliced his cock off with a razor. Bloid gushed and he screamed. Then she slowly chewed his balls off and unleashed a torrent of dark red blood onto Grandpas cute little belly button. Grandma moaned and bit off her own wrinkled nipples.

Well that was a waste of time

You have finally proven to all of us that Neanderthal man still lives among us...and the room temperature I.Q. didn't hurt either.

..."pronunciates"...really...? GTFOH

As in, Jenn is a person and you would refer to another person. Please PROOFREAD kid.

Well at least I wasn't the only one thrown off and lost interest due to the switch ha,k and forth of point of view... seriously get an editor bro...

Why. Would you have her between you and the car. Didn't you have a key to open a door and set in the car seat? I would say you will never get your dick near her mouth again.

Speaking of stupid I was watching Hilary Clinton presidential candidate on TV acting anal. I entered it on my smart phone. The video that came up I would say if she had as many prick's sticking out of her as she had sticking in her she would look like a porcupine and none of them were Bill. I can't believe all the searching the internet for the sites not to be found.

Great now I want to have sex with my cousin so bad

i've NEVER had a blow job that was even in the ball park of pussy. this complete idiot can only think of a fucking blow job? what a jerk...

What a fucking waste of time and energy. You, her, he, she, it, Jenn.....damn, make up your mind.

This is an alluring story concept and you definitely have talent. But take time and continue to practise your writing.

Major things to work on.

1. Details. The story was hot but we have no idea what either character in the story looks like.

2. Tense. Switching from refering to "Jen" or "Her" to "You" is really jarring. There is a way to write where you make the reader feel as if they are a part of the story and it seems you might be working towards that. But if this is your goal only call her Jenn in dialogue, and call her "you" outside of the dialogue. That would fix the story enormously.

3. Why. It doesnt make sense that a character wouls go from almost grossed out to on her knees, more needs to be expressed in these moments for the characters to become more realistic.

As i said before if you continue to practise you can one day become a much more adept author. Good luck!