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No answer, just heaving. His face remained buried in the sheets as he tried to compose himself. It was difficult, his body wouldn't listen, wouldn't stop shaking.
"My prince...?" Asgar stared down at the trembling body beneath him, his hips twitching to press back into that bum it had just been against a few seconds ago. He moved further away as soon as the thought crossed his mind so he was lying beside him instead. He waited patiently for the small man to calm his nerves.
"Okay," came the soft muffled whisper in acquiescence. At that he was pulled gently into strong arms and he did not struggle this time, just took his place curled up against that powerful body, letting the softness of the crook of Asgar's neck and the delicious smell of his flesh calm him.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousover 10 years agoThe prince is 5'2" and the slave is "more than double his height", so that makes him over 10'4"?
cjl4991over 11 years agoThe varying cganges of narration is confusing. Personal, yet omnicent. This conflict caused me moderate confusion.
Anonymousover 11 years agoI found much here to enjoy, the imaginative setting, believable characters (even is the "little prince" was a little too mincing for my tastes), and an intriguing setup, plus much good humor. However, it is slow-going. You can convey a slowly developing relationship without dragging your reader through every hesitated pause and unspoken impulse. I would have suggested introducing more characters (where's the mother?) and more of that palace intrigue.
BlueOleanderover 11 years agowow, some harsh anonymous critics in the comments section. I really enjoyed the story. It moves slow enough to allow you to get to know the characters and enjoy their interactions with each other.
I hope I get to see more from you in the future!
ikhneumonabout 12 years agoThe word "okay" is not okay in most fantasy/historical settings. It's a relatively recent (mid 19th-century) American word that pulls the reader right out of the world you are trying to evoke. You have created a highly intriguing setup here: the instant connection between two men, hampered by one's innocence, the other's amnesia, their unequal social status, and the implicit dangers of palace politics. Don't let too-casual diction break that spell.
Anonymousabout 12 years agoThe beggining of a story is the most crucial part. The best story ever written, the bible, starts with three words: In the beginning. It's a hook, a catch, and something that makes you want to read the rest of the fiction. Unlike this story. The first sentence, the first line, is as boring as watching soap dry.
fukmi_allniteover 12 years agoIt was delightful reacquainting myself with your work. Glad you decided to continue this piece.
cliffgirl08over 12 years agoSo much time passed between the 2nd and 3rd chapters I had to go back and read again. I love this story.
Anonymousover 12 years agowhat an awesome story... you have a real gift :) I'll be eagerly checking to see when you'll add the next chapter!!!
