All Comments on 'My New Life Ch. 03 - Collect Winnings'

Please continue.

I would stop using actual phone numbers, even if they are not in use. area and final 4 are ok but I would use 555 as the prefix.

Very good so far , please don't stop now , like some other writers , you make sense, you don't jump all over the place , longer chapters of five pages at least , makes nice reading, keep it up please !!

... you include to many irrelevant details that add nothing to the story.

Stuff like "Seems they were set up to electronically transfer the funds to a financial institution and I had given them the credit unions routing number, the LLC account number and the phone number to the credit union so they could call and verify everything." make it feel more like a technical documentation than an erotic, romantic story.

I don't mind a slow build up at all and details add to the atmosphere of the tale but try to make them relevant.

It is shaping into a good story.

Please get editor and/or a proof reader. With a little help it could turn into a great story.