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Click hereIn twenty minutes, as people left the dinner, many were getting texts and checking their phones, then whispering to each other and staring at Debbie. She was one of the only ones that hadn't seen the images yet. Her phone was on mute.
A million more previously clueless social media followers everywhere now knew exactly who Jay and Millie Kincaid were, and they liked them. More news organization set up to follow them and research them. Instagram filled up with pictures of women sitting next to their big screen with Jay's image from Debbie's video, with captions like "Pick me, Millie" and "Dear Jay and Millie: I am available".
By the time Debbie looked at her phone, she had 50 messages. The first one had a link. She opened it and stared in disbelief. She shuffled to her car in a trance, got in and locked the doors. She killed her hotspot feed. That bitch Binkie had betrayed her. A text came in, from Binkie. "I'm not paying you a penny for a failure."
Debbie jumped as someone knocked on her car window. It was Millie! Debbie rolled the window down, anger suddenly welling up in her. "Come to gloat, Mrs. Kincaid?"
Millie smiled. "Not at all Charlotte, or should I say Debbie. Best PR we could have."
Debbie couldn't think of anything to say.
Millie leaned closer and then looked down Debbie's dress! "After the election, and if you leave your cameras at home, perhaps you should come visit us? We will discipline you and then give you a chance to make it up to us, all in private, of course." Millie turned and walked away swaying her hips provocatively.
Debbie Delaney did not see that coming. But life was full of surprises, wasn't it?
+++++++++++++++++++
Suzane Pliskin looked up Steven's records on her laptop. Given his degree plan and the relatively few sections offered each semester, there were only two possible graduate classes that he could take that would apply, and neither of them were on her teaching calendar. She realized he should already know that. So why was he here?
She looked up again and made eye contact, searching for an insight. He held her gaze for just a moment, then looked down. Something stirred in her. "There are only two classes that would work for you, Steven. In fact, your schedule is almost completely constrained by the class offerings. So, you really don't need my advice, do you?"
He kept looking down. She stood and walked around her desk, until her feet were in his line of sight. She was glad she wore her long leather boots. He stared at her boots, gulped audibly, but did not look away, nor did he look up.
"Perhaps you need some individual attention, Steven? Some personal counseling?"
He looked up for just an instant, then his eyes went down again. He was supposed to act excited. But he didn't need to act. That controlling tone in her voice was doing something to him, something he had never experienced before.
She walked close enough that he could smell her subtle perfume. He heard his own heart thundering in his chest. "Do you live close to campus, Steven?"
The people at the Pentagon had arranged a sublet apartment in a small but venerable old complex on F street NW, the nicest place Steven had ever lived in. Not by coincidence, it was within walking distance, small enough to have little in and out traffic, and with a discrete back entrance. Suzanne was staying at her parent's house in Georgetown. Mike spent most of his time at the rehab hospital.
His voice cracked as he answered. "Yes, a short walk from here in fact." His heart rate went even higher.
She smiled. "Let me get my coat. I am finished here for the afternoon. Let's walk out together." It sounded more like a command than a request. He stood still and waited for her to lead.
She strutted more than walked. He couldn't take his eyes off her legs and those damn boots. When the elevator door closed, she gently touched his backside, and spoke in that commanding voice. "You know Steven, sometimes learning takes hard work and discipline. Sometimes a teacher must strongly discipline a student, to make sure to have their complete attention."
She pinched his butt, not hard, but sharply. He discovered he liked it. He stood still. The gentle touch returned, with a little circular petting motion. Suddenly he was so hard he was afraid he couldn't walk out of the elevator. Just before the door opened, she moved her hand to the front on his pants and deftly outlined his erection.
"You are a promising pupil, Steven. You must do your best not to disappoint me!"
The door opened and he stood frozen. "Show me your place Steven!" she commanded.
The apartment had only been available furnished, and the décor was 1980 or before. Overstuffed sofa, dark wood paneling, little landscapes on the walls. In the living room, there was a big overstuffed recliner with a footrest, placed so it could look out into the courtyard through the window. The kitchen was more properly called a kitchenette, and Steven had no idea how to cook anything beyond boiling water or starting the microwave oven.
As the door closed behind her, she strode between him and the window, so the light was at her back. "Sit in the chair, Steven." He did so without thinking. It was a low chair, so his eyes were now level with her knees. He had a very nice view of her legs.
"I saw that you were in the military Steven, so you know how important it is to follow orders?"
He nodded.
"Follow them completely, quickly, and without hesitation?"
He nodded again.
"I need verbal answers, Steven. In complete sentences."
"Yes, I will do what you say."
"Yes, I will do what you say, what?"
He remembered his training. "Yes. I will do what you say. Mistress!"
She smiled that tight little smile. "We will meet here twice a week, after my office hours on Tuesday and Thursday. I will instruct you. You will give me your all and do you best to learn, won't you Steven?"
"Yes, Mistress!"
"I am sure you will find what you learn valuable, Steven. Enjoyable, too."
She put her left foot up on the footrest, revealing a tantalizing view of her leg and incredibly muscular thighs. His heartrate zoomed like he was running in soft sand again.
"Do you like my boots, Steven?"
"Yes, Mistress!"
"Consider this our first date, Steven."
He looked puzzled. She laughed. "Don't you want to give me a goodnight kiss on our first date, Steven?"
She shook her leg a little, making it crystal clear what he was supposed to kiss. As he bent down to his right, she let her leg roll a bit to her left, opening up the space between her legs. He smelled her perfume even more strongly and desperately wanted to kiss up from her foot to her thighs.
She planted her foot on the stool and them lifted her other foot and put it on the back of his neck, pressing his head down onto her left boot.
"Lick it, Steven!"
He did. The texture and smell of the leather fascinated him. She dug her bootheel into his neck and pushed him down, then let him inch his way up. Just when his lips were about to reach the top of the boot and touch the flesh just above them, she pushed his head down again all the way to her ankle. Three times he made that journey, hoping to reach the top.
Suddenly she grabbed him by his hair and pulled his head back, hard, looking him right in the eyes. "Patience and devotion, Steven! All things come to those who wait, work hard, and follow orders!"
"Yes Mistress!"
"I'll see you here Tuesday. Think about how best to serve me, Steven!"
"Yes Mistress!"
As the door closed behind her, he thought to himself what a crazy assignment this was. Still, it was a lot more fun than the obstacle course, or SERE. The apartment and all the school expenses were paid for, and he got a great DC area per diem allowance, so the food was good. The building even had a small gym so he could keep up his workouts, and he had seen some very interesting women walking around the area. Sometimes it's best to just play the hand you're dealt.
+++++++++++++++++++
Pepe "Guapo" Flores was feeling pretty good. Jay Kincaid looked like a sure bet not only for the Texas State House, but the US Congress in DC and maybe well beyond that. That meant Pepe had a good gig going for the foreseeable future, as a security guy, advance man, body man, maybe even a legislative aide. Things were really looking up.
What he really needed now was a hot girlfriend. He had followed Binky and Ashley enough to know where they hung out when they were not on the air or following Jay, and he knew that Binky had left town after the video takedown that Stuckey had helped to arrange. He also saw the fiasco at one of Jay's donor dinners. He was still fascinated by Ashley Armstrong and decided to see what she was up to now.
As he suspected, Ashley was drowning her sorrows at her usual hangout, a "bookstore bar" in Fort Worth. It used to be a pharmacy and bookstore and was decorated very old school. It was an upscale scene, full of what they used to call yuppies. More importantly, it was very female friendly and full of well-dressed women.
Sure enough, Ashley was in the downstairs bar, listening to the band and putting away Margaritas steadily. Pepe watched as two banker types tried to pick her up, but she was not responding. They gave up and walked away, and Ashley had another Margarita. The bartender told her that was the last one that he could serve her. She got loud.
Pepe walked up and sat on the stool next to her and give the bartender one of his best cop looks as if to say, "I got this."
Ashley looked at Pepe and said, "Will you buy me a Margarita, new guy?" He had a hawk faced look, but a nice tight little body, and kind eyes.
Pepe said, "No Ashley, I won't. You have had enough."
"Oh, hell I'm fine. How do you know my name?"
"Pepe Flores. I worked a few accidents and crime scenes for Kaufman County Sheriff's Department, so I know who you are, but you probably never noticed me."
"Well, Pepe, if I'm lucky I may get to cover wrecks in Kaufman County again, if they don't just fire me!"
"I always thought you were pretty good Ashley. You probably got the job because you look so great on camera, but I like the way you did your stories."
"You're just trying to flatter me, huh?"
"Well, I do think you are hot. But if you try to drive home right now, you might end up getting a DWI like Stuckey Jones."
"That asshole! Would you arrest me?"
"I might like to handcuff you, but I would be tempted to just take you home."
The Margaritas were really hitting her now. "I came in an uber, so I wouldn't risk a DWI. But if you take me home, would you try to take advantage of me?"
"I really like you Ashley, so I would try, but you can always say no."
"Then take me home Sherriff, If I am still conscious when we get there, ask for my consent."
"If you're not, I'll put you to bed alone."
"My hero."
Ashley was just barely able to walk to Pepe's Explorer, with him bearing about 60% of her weight all the way. She got the giggles for a while, and then drifted off. He knew where her apartment was, and it took about 30 minutes to get there. The fresh air on the way revived her enough so that she could find her keys in her purse and give them to Pepe so he could open the door.
He had to carry her to the bed, and she slipped her beneath the sheets, and turned to leave. But she threw off the covers and looked at him with a funny expression.
"I need to pee, Peepee!" She got the giggles again. "Help me stand up, please?"
He got her to the toilet, and she sat down and managed to get her panties down by herself. Pepe, just on the other side of the bathroom door, was surprised at how much noise she made and how long it went on. He heard the flush, and then water running in the sink for a while. She opened the door, suddenly looking more together and much closer to sober.
She gave Pepe a very hot look. "It's Saturday night about midnight, in my apartment on Forest Lane in North Dallas. I let you pick me up at Thompson's in Fort Worth, where I was hoping to get drunk and get laid. Then I let you take me home and come into my apartment. Correct?"
Pepe actually looked embarrassed. She gave him an even hotter look. He felt himself responding.
"So, Sheriff, would you say I am aware, oriented and in touch with my facilities?"
He was not sure where he was going with this, but she did seem mentally competent. "Yes, and?"
"So, am I legally able to give consent?"
So that was it. "Yes, I would say so."
"Sometimes Pepe, a girl just wants to lay back and get fucked, and not think about anything else!" She stepped into him, kissed him, and squeezed his butt. She noticed it was very tight and very warm.
Pepe was suddenly in another world. What was it that Tony Romo had said about that singer? "Sexual Napalm?" He was feeling the fire. Ashley's taste and smell burned on his skin. Her hand on his butt triggered a storm of hormones and feelings he had never felt before. His veins were burning with need. Every breath he took seemed to send more oxygen and energy right into his cock.
Their clothing disappeared and they stumbled into Ashley's bedroom. It was a mess, with clothes and stuff everywhere. Pepe swept everything off the bed and threw Ashley across it. Their hands flew all over each other. She was incredibly wet, and he was incredibly hard. It was like two of those strong neodymium magnets with the warning labels snapping together, and he plunged into her savagely. She thrust up at him just as hard.
"Yeah!" She growled. "Yeah!" Her fingernails dug into his butt, urging him further into her. The bed was already soaked. He rocked like a windup toy. She took it all. Her breath came in shuddering gulps and then stopped as she spasmed for several seconds.
Pepe barely noticed. He fucked on. He was in a daze. It went on for quite a while. Ashley made a lot of noise. Suddenly white light burned through his head and he came, pinning her to the bed and driving it into her like an animal. They both burst into tears. It was unlike anything they had ever felt, or even thought about.
They just tried to catch their breath for several minutes. They both realized that something very profound had just happened. Pepe was elated. Ashley was terrified.
+++++++++++++++++++
Chrissy and I finally settled into an extended cuddle about 3 AM. For some reason I was fascinated with kissing her shoulders, and she seemed to like it, too. I couldn't hear any contentment Suzie, but I was pretty sure she was sending one.
"So, I wasn't sure if you came that first time or not, Chrissy. Did you?"
"No, Robbie. I was still in shock, but the second time was great. I hope I wasn't too clumsy when I sucked you?"
"It was fantastic."
"I will get better, I'm sure."
"So am I, beautiful."
"I'd like to try again, but..."
"But what?"
"I really liked it when you kissed my ass. Will you do that again first?"
"Any time, Chrissy."
+++++++++++++++++++
Ashley spoke first. "That was great. But this is just a one-night stand, you know?"
"Not for me, Ashley. That just changed my life. I told you I wanted a hot girlfriend and you are the one I want. I don't just want a hookup. But I have to tell you something first."
"Oh shit. Your name's not Pepe Flores, is it?"
"That's really my name."
"OK, but you're not really law enforcement, you're actually a cartel assassin?"
"Nope. I was a Kaufman County Deputy when I first saw you, but I don't work there now. I'm not a hired killer. But I am sort of a hired gun."
"For?"
"I work security for Jay Kincaid."
"Shit. That's almost as bad!"
- COMMENTS
Anonymousover 3 years agoGreat story! I actually liked Suzanne going off the rails, and was also glad he resisted, because that would just bring in a ton of drama. I used to be one of the people who didn't like all the extra side stories, but then they got interesting. Though I do hope they converge, or else there's not much point to them. Again, good job!
rlcsub63over 3 years agoI'd like to apologize to Conanthe on behalf of @JasonRTaylor who, apparently, considers Conanthe and every other author who publishes his/her work on Literotica to be rank amateurs who cannot accept a critique simply because he/she publishes on a free site. I sincerely think that Conanthe's work can be published for sale if he simply addresses a few shortcomings and remembers that he must always cater to his customers (his readers). Art only sells when the reader wants to buy it!
JasonRTayloralmost 4 years ago@rlcsub63 you couch your insults and derision in sanctimonious drivel.
Let's try to be clear: scum like you are why quality authors quit writing.
Yes, they need to have thick skins, but this is a FREE SITE.
To put it in a way that your mommy told you this morning: FUCK OFF AND GET OUT OF MY BASEMENT!
Wait, that's the most common one... the one she Failed to teach your sorry bitch ass thirty years ago when you were a kid is: IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY, FUCK OFF AND GET OUT OF MY BASEMENT!
It's a mixed metaphor... cuz yer smrt like dat.
J
rlcsub63almost 4 years agoDear Conanthe:
I am writing to tell you that I found your story (My Only Talent) to be both riveting and compelling to read. Your knowledge of math, science and other technical issues brought a touch of realism to the story that is often absent in fiction today. At times, your use of humor was both subtle and pleasing. I would also like to bring to attention a few concerns that I hope you can address in future chapters as well as revisions to existing chapters.
In Chapter 17, your main character Robbie promises Spear Overtop that “maybe I can arrange for you to meet her in some context. Give me some time to work on it?” He also told and Ivor Greentree that he “might be able to arrange for you to meet her without violating those promises, but I can't specifically introduce you.” Robbie strikes me as the kind of person who follows through on his promises yet nothing was ever said again about these promises. Moreover, Spear Overtop and Ivor Greentree are not the kind of men that you want to make a promise to and forget. Shame on you.
At three (3) different times during Chapter 21, Robbie indicated that he “could not shake the feeling that I had forgotten something.” I didn’t find any reference that he remembered what it was at any time during this story. It must have been important for him to think about it so many times or did you forget?
In Chapter 26, Robbie agreed to help Gunther with recruiting Muffy McGunnigle to the ESU rowing team. Not only did he not try to help with her recruiting but he later hit Gunther with a blast that might have left him seriously injured. Another loose string in the story that you have left behind.
In Chapter 30, when Robbie and Suzanne visit Gunther and Strelsa for a little man-on-girl-on man action, Robbie “wanted to pick up the jawbone of an ass, a baseball bat, or even a tennis racket, and bash Günter's skull in.” The resulting impact on Gunther left him uncounscious, very nearly bashing his skull into the wall had Strelsa not grabbed his head and guided it to the bed. After that Robbie and Suzanne dressed and left Strelsa alone to take care of Gunther. I didn’t see any effort by Robbie following that to check on Gunther’s health. For all he knew, Gunther had died leaving a broken widow in Strelsa. Robbie might have been forgiven this because he didn’t know he could do that. However, it happened again in England when Robbie rendered Duran Drathars unconscious when he “heard a loud buzz and saw flash of white light.” This time, Robbie knew that he had done this. Although Duran Drathars recovered, Robbie made no effort to understand or control what he had done. Hardly the work of the story’s “hero.” In fact, he had one-night stands with Melanie and Sarah that lead to terrible psychological repercussions for both of them despite his mother’s early warning in Chapter 1. It could even be said that Robbie is no hero at all, given that his first actions after setline into his dorm room was to start stalking incoming freshman women as they checked in at the “Freshman Orientation” table. Maybe you can rehabilitate Robbie as a hero by revising those scenes to show him as more reflective and concerned.
I would be remiss if I did not point out that I found the sex scenes to be un-necessarily repetitive and boring. Tell the truth, you used cut and paste a lot didn’t you? I’ve seen this in other stories on this site. Fortunately, your sex scenes contain no information critical to the story’s plot so I could simply skip them and read on without missing any important story points.
As a small point, I would like to a little better effort to improve your review and word-smithing of this story. These failures can make reading the story difficult to follow.
Finally, my last question / concern is, “why isn’t this story done yet?" Your story so far consists of 1,268 words in 43 chapters spanning from 2/22/12 to 4/9/20 and there is no end in sight. If Robbie’s powers do not reach their full strength until he reaches 26 and he’s only 19 as the story ends with the story only covering one year of his life, the story will not be over until well after both you and I are dead and buried.
Imagine, if you will, that you are a merchant in Elizabethan England. You’ve heard about a new writer who will be presenting a play at the local theater so you set out one evening with your good friends for an evening at the theater. The crowd is large and noisy but quickly falls silent as the curtain rises on Act 1 Scene 1. The actors are good and the material is riveting. You and your friends are finding it very enjoyable. At the end of the Act 1 Scene 1, the writer steps out from behind the curtain to thank you for your attendance and interest. He goes on to tell you that as soon as he completes the writing of Act 1 Scene 2 you are welcome to return and further enjoy his play. You grumble to yourself as you leave the theater, nobody will ever remember the name of William Shakespeare!
Please do all of your readers a favor and don’t publish until you have a complete story to share.
rlcsub63almost 4 years agoI am writing to tell you that I found your story (My Only Talent) to be both riveting and compelling to read. Your knowledge of math, science and other technical issues brought a touch of realism to the story that is often absent in fiction today. At times, your use of humor was both subtle and pleasing. I would also like to bring to attention a few concerns that I hope you can address in future chapters as well as revisions to existing chapters.
In Chapter 17, your main character Robbie promises Spear Overtop that “maybe I can arrange for you to meet her in some context. Give me some time to work on it?” He also told and Ivor Greentree that he “might be able to arrange for you to meet her without violating those promises, but I can't specifically introduce you.” Robbie strikes me as the kind of person who follows through on his promises yet nothing was ever said again about these promises. Moreover, Spear Overtop and Ivor Greentree are not the kind of men that you want to make a promise to and forget. Shame on you.
At three (3) different times during Chapter 21, Robbie indicated that he “could not shake the feeling that I had forgotten something.” I didn’t find any reference that he remembered what it was at any time during this story. It must have been important for him to think about it so many times or did you forget?
In Chapter 26, Robbie agreed to help Gunther with recruiting Muffy McGunnigle to the ESU rowing team. Not only did he not try to help with her recruiting but he later hit Gunther with a blast that might have left him seriously injured. Another loose string in the story that you have left behind.
In Chapter 30, when Robbie and Suzanne visit Gunther and Strelsa for a little man-on-girl-on man action, Robbie “wanted to pick up the jawbone of an ass, a baseball bat, or even a tennis racket, and bash Günter's skull in.” The resulting impact on Gunther left him uncounscious, very nearly bashing his skull into the wall had Strelsa not grabbed his head and guided it to the bed. After that Robbie and Suzanne dressed and left Strelsa alone to take care of Gunther. I didn’t see any effort by Robbie following that to check on Gunther’s health. For all he knew, Gunther had died leaving a broken widow in Strelsa. Robbie might have been forgiven this because he didn’t know he could do that. However, it happened again in England when Robbie rendered Duran Drathars unconscious when he “heard a loud buzz and saw flash of white light.” This time, Robbie knew that he had done this. Although Duran Drathars recovered, Robbie made no effort to understand or control what he had done. Hardly the work of the story’s “hero.” In fact, he had one-night stands with Melanie and Sarah that lead to terrible psychological repercussions for both of them despite his mother’s early warning in Chapter 1. It could even be said that Robbie is no hero at all, given that his first actions after setline into his dorm room was to start stalking incoming freshman women as they checked in at the “Freshman Orientation” table. Maybe you can rehabilitate Robbie as a hero by revising those scenes to show him as more reflective and concerned.
I would be remiss if I did not point out that I found the sex scenes to be un-necessarily repetitive and boring. I’ve seen this in other stories on this site. Fortunately, your sex scenes contain no information critical to the story’s plot so I could simply skip them and read on without missing any important story points.
As a small point, I would like to a little better effort to improve your review and word-smithing of this story. These failures can make reading the story difficult to follow.
Finally, my last question / concern is, “why isn’t this story done yet?" Your story so far consists of 1,268 words in 43 chapters spanning from 2/22/12 to 4/9/20 and there is no end in sight. If Robbie’s powers do not reach their full strength until he reaches 26 and he’s only 19 as the story ends with the story only covering one year of his life, the story will not be over until well after both you and I are dead and buried.
Imagine, if you will, that you are a merchant in Elizabethan England. You’ve heard about a new writer who will be presenting a play at the local theater so you set out one evening with your good friends for an evening at the theater. The crowd is large and noisy but quickly falls silent as the curtain rises on Act 1 Scene 1. The actors are good and the material is riveting. You and your friends are finding it very enjoyable. At the end of the Act 1 Scene 1, the writer steps out from behind the curtain to thank you for your attendance and interest. He goes on to tell you that as soon as he completes the writing of Act 1 Scene 2 you are welcome to return and further enjoy his play. You grumble to yourself as you leave the theater, nobody will ever remember the name of William Shakespeare!
Please do all of your readers a favor and don’t publish until you have a complete story to share.
Anonymousalmost 4 years agoJust ran across the April installment. Had not checked on the story
due to the distant spacing of recent posts. No reason to seek out disappointment.
I am having trouble coming to grips with the complaints that are being tossed about. You would think you were some beginner and receiving feed back from your first attempt at writing.
It's not like "most every chapter" of this story still owns a place in the Mind Control top 250.
Those urging you to quit are the types that would tell George R.R. to quit TGOT because it was taking to long and they disagreed with the out come of some of the story plots.
Those complaining about Suzanne did not read the story very well 6 years ago.
The fore telling that things were not going as Robbie wanted was more than eluded too.
But Hey Hey Hey, whats the saying. "Different strokes for different folks."
"Kind of the whole point this web site was built on."
The story "I see it' is the story of a guys freshman year in college. A lot of twists and turns and lines of inquiry that turned into dead ends. Kind of mimics real life in that aspect.
"Note to self." Life Lesson- Things seldom turn out as we would like for them too.
I told that Covid 19 virus to go away but it didn't.
Can I wright to the author of the virus and complain?
I will admit to being flustered it has taken 8 years to write Robbie's first year of college. But I guess it takes time to polish diamonds. Besides I did not have mine the diamonds or spend any time polishing them. I just get to read them and they're brilliant!
It appears 'The beginning of the fall' starts as a summation and wrap up of year one and hopefully "the beginning of year two." If it takes eight more years to write it, this loyal reader will still enjoy it.
To the nay Sayers. "UMGAWA!"
Nay Sayers could be a reason for dwindling number of views in the overall web site . It is a dog eat dog in the business world of porn , more competition less revenue. This should generate a story titled 'How to screw things up when your really trying' in the "novella" or "How to" sections.
If the nay Sayers are attempting to create controversy by way of a cat fight. This should generate a story titled 'The law of unintended consequences.'
Conanthe keep up the interesting an well written story. The character development is as good as many on the best sellers lists.
realusmctazmanabout 4 years agoI can't wait to see how all these storylines the together in the future. We need to see if the Suzy signals come back once Laura gets pregnant, and if he gets the full range back once the kids are born. Trying to patiently wait for the next chapter. JT
Anonymousabout 4 years agoThis series is exciting to say at the least. The character development was great and the twists and turns made me wanna gobble up the whole story in one go. The part of Suzanne dumping Robbie made it more human, even if I hated him go crazy over things he couldn't control. Plus, Suzanne has traded places with Lara from the beginning, where domination was the new thing among these three. I hope you bring Robbie's Vitamin D for here pampered and soon to be crumbled persona.
Nora is a queen, and her bond with Robbie, both physical and mental, raises the bar to a whole new level. Would love to have her part increased in the later parts.
And the last thing I can say, is please do not drop this story. This is one of the rare stories that should be on the best creative and story-telling lists, and your creativity with it, makes us readers wait patiently for the next part. The wait is always, worth it!
Regards,
A fan of your writing...
Anonymousabout 4 years agoJust curious, but do you read the comments and messages sent to you. This isn’t a judgement or anything, just wanted to know if you read them or not. If you do, do you ever incorporate your readers thoughts into your story? Do you answer the questions asked? I like your story. It is an interesting twist on the mind reading genre. I have some questions about some points in the story, but I don’t know if it’s worth it to ask.
Anonymousabout 4 years agoLets get the easy stuff out of the way: Suzanne has turned into a sadistic shitebag. The idea that she would actively attempt to disrupt a marriage - and has zero compunction about remaining faithful to the "All Important Mike" from just a few chapters ago seems... well, it's as though she's had a psychotic break and changed personalities completely.
While I'm glad you've 'saved' Alexander, it seems as though Suzanne has been jettisoned into darkness, her dad actively providing a way for her to cuckold her disabled husband just proves that she is either not at all who she pretended to be, or she's just plain broken, as mentioned.
I'm not yelling at you or angry at you, I'm disappointed with the character and hoping that you have a plan to redeem or help her. Nobody likes to see people suffer, and she is heading towards a world of suffering.
Now, the tougher topic. Robbie wasn't exactly 'insecure', but early on he made lots of references - and visits - to his family. Now he's in and out and never even says 'boo' to his Talent-Aware family in the midst of the single greatest time of crisis in his life. It just doesn't fit the character you built. He never even considers turning to his elders for advice, which is a key character trait you have built into him from the beginning. Furthermore, I can't see that you've given him anything else specific to drive him forward and distract him from that central core trait.
Yeah, he's gonna be a father, but he's (they've) got a plan for that.
I'm just disappointed with the way Robbie seems to have disconnected from 'who he was' in these last few chapters.
He is 'human', and certainly young enough to make these kinds of mistakes. I have to assume you have some form of plan for either revealing what's going on, or having him crash and burn and finally revert to the good hearted guy that I have been rooting for for the first 40 chapters.
Thanks again for sharing your time and talent, this continues to be one of my all time favorite tales.
Jason
