My Rocks

Sam has never called me dad. "Sam, I love you very much, but I am not your dad."

"You are the only dad I know. I should have been calling you dad for years but wasn't sure if I should. When I saw you leaving it just came out. I won't apologize since it got you to stop."

"Oh princess, I have always thought of you as my daughter. If you want to call me dad, that is up to you. What did you need to talk to me about?"

"I need you. I don't want to live like this. I know you are mad at mom, but I feel like I am the one being punished. I need you to figure this out with mom. I don't want to lose you if this doesn't work out between the two of you. You need to fix this now!"

Sam was crying which made me cry. Her teammates were starting to come down towards us. I wiped away her tears and told her to go celebrate with her teammates and I would wait for her and give her a ride home or go get something to eat. Sam hesitated, but started to turn back to her friends.

As I was waiting for Sam, I sent a text message to Nita letting her know that Sam pitched an amazing game. I told her I was taking Sam home to my house so we could spend some time. I also asked her to stop by once she got off from work.

Sam gathered her stuff and walked over to my truck. I gave her another hug and told her how amazing she was today.

"I knew I needed to pitch like that for you to stay. If the coach pulled me; you would have left. You gave me no choice but to finish the game."

Sam smiled as she said it, but I knew she was speaking the truth. I felt sad and elated at the same time. Sad she had to use my leaving as the reason to pitch well, but elated that she was able to perform at this high of a level.

We drove to the house and ordered a pizza for us to eat. I told her that her mom would be stopping by when she finished work. I explained that the three of us would talk about our situation when she got here. I was still unsure of what I would say, but agreed with Sam that it has gone on too long.

Nita showed up just after 8:00 when her shift ended. I could tell she was apprehensive as she walked in the door. Nita sat down in the living room with Sam and I.

"Sam, tell your mom about your game today. She was amazing."

Sam explained everything to Nita and that seemed to calm everyone down. It was amazing to hear it from Sam's perspective. Sam ran over to her stuff and grab the game ball the coach game her. She handed it to me and thanked me for being her rock. It choked me up.

"That is amazing Sam. I'm sad I missed it." Nita looked at me when she said that. I started to feel bad, but then remembered how we got into this whole mess.

"I'm sorry you missed it too Nita. I'm sure Sam would have loved to have you there. Nita, I wanted you to come over tonight so that the three of us could talk about our situation. Sam needs to be a part of this just as much as you and I. Sam expressed to me that we need to fix this now, so that is what we need to do."

"Okay, Brian, what do you have in mind?"

"I don't know, but this isn't working for Sam. She feels like we are punishing her for our issues."

"Oh Sam, I'm sorry that you feel that way. It isn't your fault. I take full responsibility for this mess. I did this and I am to blame. I would do anything to go back in time to change what happened, but I can't. I want nothing more than to resolve this with Brian. I feel trapped by my stupid mistake and worse how I tried to explain it afterward."

We continued to go around and around with no resolution. I asked Sam to go upstairs and go to bed as it was getting pretty late. I gave her one of my t-shirts to sleep in just like I did the first night she stayed here. It wasn't going to be nearly as long on her, but it was quite nostalgic to remember back to when she was little. Those were some great memories.

I needed to determine what to do about my marriage. It still hurt to think about what Nita did. But I also still loved her. Somehow, we needed to fix this. I knew what we needed to do.

"Nita, I need to have my girls here with me, at least until we either can move forward or move on. I don't see a clear path for us right now, but not talking to you about it isn't going to fix this. I want you to move back here. I also want you to see a therapist to work through the comfortable uncomfortable issue. I can't get my head wrapped around that, but it is obviously an issue for you. I also think you need to continue to work to keep you engaged in having to contribute to the family expenses. We can work out how much that is as we move forward. You will sleep in the spare bedroom until we work this out. I hope you agree with this."

"Brian, I can live with all of that. Can I stay here tonight? I don't want to go back to the apartment and be there by myself. I'll sleep in the spare bedroom, but please let me stay."

And she stayed. I gave her one of my t-shirts to sleep in as well. The next morning I was up drinking my coffee when Sam came down stairs. She still had on my t-shirt, but put on some shorts from her gym bag. Not more than 10 minutes later, Nita came down with only the t-shirt and panties. Just like the first time she stayed years ago. The impact was the same as it was then. It caused me to stare. Sam smirked and started to laugh. That broke me out of the spell Nita had over me. I guess some things never change.

Nita spent the next couple of months with her therapist. I went a few times as well. The result was that Nita felt trapped in "my world" and that things changed away from her comfort levels without her adjusting. She had no real direction. The pressure to support her and Sam from early on was replaced too quickly for her to adjust. When she quit her bartending job, there wasn't anything important for her to do. Those were her words; not mine. I always felt that Nita was important in our family, but Nita didn't always feel the same way. I told her that I would support her in any career choice she wanted to make and I would help her achieve her goals. Her goals were just as important to me as mine were. Nita asked if I would help her with a couple of her ideas. First, she wanted to work with all of my bars to find the entertainment that they needed for the next few months. She felt that would provide some direction. She also wanted to work with our marketing team to promote those acts leading up to the event. I thought those were great ideas. I was more than supportive of the ideas.

Sam was about through with her summer team. There were a couple of recruiters in the crowd for her perfect game. Due to her height, she wouldn't be pitching for a top division college team, but there were some options for the 2nd and 3rd tiers. We will be making some campus visits in the very near term. Sam also asked to have me adopt her. I admit I cried when she asked. Actually, all three of us cried. Of course, I said yes. Since Mike had never paid a dime for his kid, he quickly agreed and signed off on the paperwork. Sam was officially my princess.

Things between Nita and I were a bit more complicated. I still loved her and she loved me. I am supporting her the best that I know how. I am a strong willed individual, but Nita parading around in my t-shirt and panties eventually wore me down. Actually, it has worn me down a few times. We aren't back to where we were, but we are working on it. There are more positive days compared to where we were, so I guess that is progress. We will continue to work with the therapist towards a resolution.

About a week ago, Nita showed up with another tattoo. This one was of a heart with my name on it. Just below my name was my nickname for Sam and my name for her. She had it placed on her shoulder. I liked the idea and got a similar tattoo over my heart. Within the heart shape I placed Nita and Princess with the words "My Rocks" right below it. I have my rocks. I think we will survive.