All Comments on 'My Secret Desire Ch. 03'

You're a pretty good writer - descriptive, with good imagery. But...

Be very careful of writing in Second Person Singular, it's not only difficult to write in that grammatical tense, it should be perfectly obvious that you (as the writer or as the character), can't always know what that other person or character is doing or thinking or wanting to do. "You do this..." and "You do that..." is not good.

Please try to write in first person or in the Fly-on-the-Wall viewpoint, your writing will improve almost instantly and your stories will be easier and more fun to read.

Thank your for the compliment. I appreciate all suggestions. This story and most of my writings are written from my point of view. What I see, hear, and observe. I'm not sure i will change my writing style but will explore it should I write another story. Right now I don't have any more waiting to be published or even in the works. We shall see in time.

Thanks for reading :)