All Comments on 'My Sexy Asian Neighbour'

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For an ESL writer, first time - potential is present; continue.

You are doing something which I could not do in another language.

At this point, though, I'd give the same advice as I'd give to any other wannabe writer:

Read some good - and by this, I mean, famous and non-erotic - English literature, try to work out what makes it great;

Then: read some great - by this, I mean: memorable! - stories - any language. Try to work out what makes those stories memorable.

Then: what turns you on? Write about that; incorporating what you've learned from those two actions above.

How do you get experienced? You start by being inexperienced.

Good start .... Hopefully there will be more to come !!

This is very readable. Your punctuation is not a major problem. I've read many, many native born Amrerican speaking writers in Literotica who haven't got an idea of the value or difference of properly placed commas, semicolons or periods. Writing for a reader is much more challenging than merely dictating drivel to a voice directed word processor. Many thanks for making the effort.

I'm very interested in where the story will go. Will Chloe dress sexily or covered in sweats? Does she shave or wax? Will they play a friendly video game or play for points or finally start a game of losing a piece of clothing for every 100K points? Strip video games? Or is Chloe a secret dominatrix? Will she whip him at the game, then whip his butt? Or will she invite her sister/GF/mother over to share the experience? Or perhaps she invites him to a secret erotica video game convention??? Happy Independence Day.

I've run into very few thin asian women who are c-cups.

A full A or small B would be more realistic.

I agree...thin with C cups is very unrealistic. I am Asian, 5'5 with C cups but I'm more of a dancer physique, not thin!!

For someone who did not grow up in English you do a very good job! Actually better than some (supposedly) native English speakers. The phrasing of Chloe sounds like someone learning English, which I believe is what you meant to do, so ... good job. While I do speak another language (Mandarin Chinese) I would not attempt to write a story in it. Way to go! Keep up the good work!

1) I look for more personal contact between them. More dialog, more common interests, even some physical contact. And warmth in all the contacts.

2) C-cups? And he can imagine this through her clothing worn while shoveling snow? Utterly out of context.

Keep at it I am sure you will be able to develop both the characters and intimacy going forward.