My Sister Made Me Ch. 12

"I'm awesome," he said. "I just got out of church, and boy it's gotten so much more fun there lately! I couldn't wait to tell you all about it!"

Sam smiled. "I'm happy for you," she said, a lot colder than she'd intended. "This is the asinine bullshit that he had to talk to me about?" she thought.

Still, she was his girlfriend and she knew she should try to appreciate what he was interested in. They went up to her room and got comfortable on the bed, and she tried to distract him by pulling him in for some kissing, but he seemed to want to talk instead.

"So... the service was great and everything, of course, but our new youth Pastor is awesome. I don't think you know him. He's the nicest guy ever! After the sermon, he goes out and plays volleyball with us in the courtyard and it's so much fun. But anyway, he asked me and a few others to help him with something, and we got to go and give some donations to the poor. It was pretty cool."

Sam felt like shaking him and asking why he didn't want to fool around but calmed herself down. "I'm glad you had fun," she said.

"I wish you'd come back. I know you'd love it," he said. "The pastor said that he could sit and talk with both of us about helping you come back."

She shook her head. "I'm sure that the old me would love it," she agreed. "I'm okay though. It's just not for me anymore, honey."

He sighed. "I just don't understand why. One day you're all about going to church and not swearing, and now you don't want to even drive by the place."

Sam ignored him, not wanting to go down that path. Fiddling with her fingernails, she pretended to be disinterested, but could feel the irritation growing. Keith just seemed to be determined to upset her.

"Look, I know that Pastor Dan leaving was sad, but you didn't have to stop being a Christian, you know babe?"

Taking a deep breath, Sam started to say something, but then fell silent. She started again, then fell silent again.

"I just don't get why you were so attached to him and what him moving away has to do with you not going to church anymore. You used to be so into that kind of stuff, and now you just seem done with it. I'm not trying to sound like I'm attacking you, I just... I'm worried about you. I miss us doing the good, Christian things together."

Sam silently counted to ten, closing her eyes and breathing slowly, wondering how the conversation had gone from 0 to 90 in just a few seconds. She felt like she could still hear the echo of the door closing on her bedroom walls.

"All I'm saying is that you're going to need to come back eventually, you know? I don't for a minute think that you aren't a believer anymore. Everyone has a crisis of faith at some point, you know?"

She stared down at her fingers, still fidgeting, begging him to stop talking.

"I don't know, babe..." he sighed. "I just feel like you left for the wrong reason, even though I know that you were really attached to Pastor Dan, but... he's gone now."

Sam was unable to completely contain herself anymore. Slipping out past her defenses, the word "motherfucker" escaped her lips, and she instantly covered her mouth, shocked at herself.

Keith looked at her in surprise and silence.

"Sorry," she said, turning away.

"Did you just call me a mothereffer?" he asked, sounding ridiculous.

Another surge of anger hit her, and she closed her eyes. "The lame-ass said fuck last night! Today its fucking mothereffer? Fucking candy-ass! she thought.

She sighed, shaking her head. "No. It just slipped out... can we plesae just change the subject?" She stood and turned, facing away from him.

"Okay... fine... I just... mothereffer?"

Another surge of anger hit her and she whirled on him, but then calmed as she started speaking. "Dammit, I wasn't calling you a motherfucker," she said, growing more impatient and trying desperately to calm down. Keith was persistent though, buzzing at her like a fly.

"Who's a mothereffer then?" he asked, growing more insistent. "Sam?"

She closed her eyes and started to count to ten again.

"I know it's not Pastor Dan that..."

"FUCK HIM!" she yelled, quickly slapping her hand over her mouth, her eyes wide in shock.

Keith's was dumbfounded, his jaw open like a cartoon character's might be.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm... just not feeling well."

The lie tasted bitter, and she could feel her anger boiling over inside of her. The desire to confess everything was boiling over inside of her. She felt foul thoughts enter her head and the overwhelming desire to let her anger explode all over her unsuspecting boyfriend.

"Say his name again, motherfucker, I fucking dare you! SAY IT! FUCKING SAY IT! FUCKING SAY IT!" she thought, over and over in her head, closing her eyes and feeling the heat of her fury behind her eyeballs.

"What did Pastor Dan ever do to deserve that?" Keith asked. "Why would you call him a mothereffer and say "eff" him?"

There was an almost imperceptible snap in the room as the air around her started to heat up. To say that Sam glared in hatred at Keith, was to say that the Sun is a little warm, or that space is a little big. She level her eyes directly at him, both rimmed with rage and her hands shaking. If he'd been made of ice, he would have turned to steam in a moment. She looked at him with a fury that she didn't know she was capable of, her entire body shaking with anger.

Keith must have realized that his life was in danger, as he slid off the bed and held his hands up defensively. "I... I'm sorry..."

Sam realized that she had to calm down, stomped off to the bathroom and slammed the door behind her. Turning the cold water on at the sink, she cupped her hands under it, closing her eyes and trying to get her chest-thumping heart from beating clear out of her body. Splashing the water over her face, she gasped in surprise, and half expected the water to turn to steam. Repeating the move a few more times, she began to feel her anger subside a bit.

Taking a deep breath, she knew that she was going to have to explain herself. Blowing it out slowly, she closed her eyes and forced back the coming tears. Opening them again a second later, she looked directly at the Sam in the mirror and steeled her resolve, the heat of her fury simmering just beneath the surface.

Opening the door, she saw Dane in the hallway, halfway down to her room. He turned, hearing her stomping toward him.

"Sam... are you..." he asked, obviously having been woken up.

"I'm fine. Go back to your room," she said hotly and with much more venom than she'd intended.

Unsurprisingly, he turned and went back to his room, wisely shutting the door behind him.

Going back to her own room, she opened the door and then shut it again behind her

"Babe, I'm..." he started to say.

"Shut the hell up," she barked, then immediately felt bad and closed her eyes, breathing deeply. "I'm sorry," she said after counting to ten again. Looking up, she reached for his hand and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry," she reiterated.

He didn't speak, only nodded.

"I won't yell at you like that again," she said. "You can speak, honey."

Keith didn't seem to want to say anything, as if he were pushing his luck. She reached up to touch his hand and he unwittingly erased the last barrier that was holding back the roiling tide of her confession.

His hand jerked back, and she looked up at him in shock. In that second, everything froze for her. She saw her world as a microcosm, and that moment as a pivotal point. She saw the naive weakness in him. She saw all the times that he'd disappointed her that she'd overlooked. She suddenly felt it coalesce into a single point; a single action between them. He jerked his hand back, as if she was the problem here.

"Motherfucker," she thought, feeling the will to hold back her secrets.

Irritated at his weakness, and wanting to finally be done with it, she had finally had enough. That was it. All of the pain, rage, and trauma that had been built up inside of her, boiled over and forced her hand. She was done. If he wanted to play that game, then she would tell him. She would tell him everything.

"That... asshole... is a vile piece of shit," she said, staring hard at him.

His expression was one of confusion, but the gates were open. The flood was coming.

"I didn't want to... burden you with this, but since you won't fucking let it go, I'll just have to tell you what happened," she said. "I've kept it from you because... besides being really humiliating and life changing, I didn't want you to blame yourself."

Keith still looked worried, almost scared, but now looked confused as well.

"Sit down," she said, pointing at the bed.

He did so immediately.

She started to talk but didn't look at him, as she quickly found that it was easier to detail the story when she didn't have to see his face. She told him about Pastor Dan lying to her, convincing her to kiss him, about sucking his dick, and learning to swallow. She spoke matter-of-factly, laying it all out nice and neat so that he would be able to understand, emphasizing that she was the naive one. She told him that she was convinced that it was okay, that this man she'd trusted had said it was okay and that she was helping him. She also told him about her rampaging sexuality, and how it was part of the trend for the women in their family, and how that had contributed.

She fought hard to keep her emotions in check but slipped at one point when she glanced over at him and saw the confusion and hurt in his eyes. Tears start to creep in, but so did all of the frustration and anger over what had happened.

"God... I thought I was doing him a favor! I didn't think I was being bad! I didn't think it was cheating, but I was a naive little idiot. That bastard lied to me, Keith," she said, feeling herself getting more and more angry. "That piece of shit used a silver tongue to coerce me instead of forcing me to... to..." she couldn't finish.

"He got me do things that I didn't want to do!" she cried out in anguish for a moment, covering her face and shaking her head before dropping them again and shaking her head in determination. "He... got me to do things that I wasn't ready to do! Before I was helping him with his "problems," I was a good Christian girl dammit! I wasn't ready to be sexual with you and you were my boyfriend! God, I barely even let you get to see my boobs, which, oh yeah was that asshole's idea!"

She shook her head, wiping her tears again and falling silent for a few moments before speaking again. "He even got me to swallow his cum and then go and kiss you on the mouth one day, Keith. He got me to go down on his lying bitch of a wife and eat her out! He tied me to a chair and fucked my mouth like it was my pussy!" she covered her face, lowering her head and weeping unabashedly, her shoulders shaking. Through her sobs, she continued telling him everything. "He even... even made me put on a blindfold and then pretended to cum three times in a row, when in reality, that asshole was letting strangers come in and get free blowjobs from this dumb, little, blonde moron!"

She was crying and wiping her face, her emotions going from flat-out rage and fury to desperate soul-crushing sadness.

"God, I'm so tired of having to deal with this. I'm so fucking tired. I'm tired of having to carry this burden. I'm tired of worrying when you'll put two and two together. I'm tired of wanting to forget all this. I'm tired of feeling like I betrayed you. If I betrayed you, then what the hell do you call what happened to me? I don't want to be worrying about what you would think or if you would blame yourself. I'm so goddamn tired of everything. I just want it all to be over and to move past it. I just... I'm done... I can't do it anymore. I'm tired of hurting and feeling ashamed."

Her shoulders dropped and she covered her face, sobbing unabashedly again. She had the sense that she was excreting this black ooze from her eyes, as if all of the sadness, anguish, and rage at herself, at Dan and Amanda, and at Keith, were flowing out of her. After a good five minutes of unbound weeping, she finally slowed. Finally, looking up for him, she realized that he hadn't come over to comfort her, and knew then that he was blaming himself.

Sighing, she wiped her face again, then stood up from where she was sitting, and turned, looking at him as he stood near to where he'd been sitting before.

"Keith... listen to me," she said, going over and reaching for his hand.

Keith yanked his hand back. "Don't talk to me," he spat.

Shocked, she turned and looked at him. "What?" she asked.

"I can't believe you'd make something like that up!" he said, his voice loud, unyielding.

"What?" she repeated. "Make what up?"

"ALL OF IT!" he yelled. "I don't believe a single word you said," he yelled. "LIAR!"

Sam was stunned. Never had she considered that he wouldn't believe her. "I... I don't... I didn't lie to you, Keith."

"You're telling me... one of the nicest, kindest men I've ever known... what... mentally raped you? But oh wait... he didn't actually rape you, he got you to suck his dick! You fucking liar!" he snarled.

"Keith... I'm not..."

"Shut up, you fucking liar!" he yelled again. "I know what you're doing, Sam. I know!" He stomped across the room, then back again, turning to face her. "Well... it's fucking working!"

"What...?" she stammered, unsure of how to respond or to even begin. "What am I doing?"

"You just want to fuck everyone else and don't want to hurt my feelings so you made up this pathetic fucking story up to get me to break up with you," he snapped. "Fucking sad. Fucking pathetic."

She felt the tears coming again, shaking her head and trying to get them to stop. "Keith... I didn't... it really happened..." she stammered.

"LIAR!" he yelled. "There's no way that could have happened. No one is that stupid to think that blowjobs don't count as cheating!WHAT, YOU COULDN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE THREE DIFFERENT DICKS IN YOUR MOUTH?"

She stopped trying to get him to calm down and sat back on the bed, looking down and softly crying as he raged at her.

"Fuck him? He did nothing to you! I don't buy it for a second!" he said, the tears in his eyes telling a different story.

She wiped her eyes again and tried to reach for him, but he slapped her hand away. Squeezing her eyes shut at the pain, both mental and physical, from the rejection he'd just given her, Sam's shoulder quaked with renewed sobs.

He shook his head, briefly brushing a hand across his eyes and then leaned in close, yelling, "I'm so done with you and your bullshit lies! Fuck you Samantha, you lying whore!"

Suddenly, the door slammed open and her very pissed off looking brother stepped inside. Keith was still angry, though, and unwisely tried to shove past him. Pushing his chest with his hand, Keith tried to step past, but was shoved by Dane, who grabbed his collar, his free hand balled into a meaty fist.

Seeing what was coming, Sam leapt to her feet, still crying, and tried to get between the two. Keith's arm came back as he got ready to punch at Dane, and inadvertently slammed into her nose with his elbow. Grunting in pain, she fell down to her butt and clutched at her nose as it started to bleed profusely. Grabbing a discarded bath towel, she clutched it to her face to stop the sudden flow.

The fury was obvious in her brother and she saw both sets of eyes wide as they looked down at her; Keith's in shock, Dane's in anger. Turning, he punched Keith hard in the face, three times in rapid succession. Yanking him forward, Dane pushed him out of her room, down the hall, and then walked him down the stairs. The front door opened, and she heard him yell something unintelligible, then it slammed closed.

"Mom!" she heard him yell a few seconds later. "DAD?" No reply from either was forthcoming, though, and she was relieved for that.

Dane's steps came pounding quickly up the stairs and he came immediately to her room. She held up a hand and let him help her up. Taking her to the bathroom, they closed the door and worked to get her nose to stop bleeding.

"You're lucky it didn't hit that hard," he said. "At least it's not broken." He sighed, wetting a washcloth and dabbing a spot on her face as he inspected her nose. "Sorry about all that."

She shook her head. "I was wondering if you were listening to us. I kinda wondered what took you so long when he started screaming at me," she said.

"I came as soon as I heard him yelling," he said. "I had my earbuds in because it looked like you two were going to have a serious conversation."

She nodded, holding tissue to her nose for a few minutes until the bleeding had stopped. Sighing, she pulled it away for the tenth time and waited, finally seeing that it had. Dane took her hand, holding her up as if she were injured in the leg or something as they started down the hall toward her room.

"I'm fine," she said, shaking him loose. "I'm not crippled."

He sighed, then stopped walking with her. "I'm sorry," he offered, turning away and heading to his room. "I was trying to help."

She immediately felt bad and stopped, tears returning. "Dane," she said, defeated. "I'm sorry. Please don't be mad at me. I can't handle any more."

Her brother turned, shaking his head and moving quickly up to catch her as she started to slide to her knees in defeat. Half-carrying her, he managed to get her to her room and set her down on the bed.

Silence engulfed the two, and only her sniffles punctuated the stillness. Dane sat down beside her, patiently enduring the deafening quiet as she cried softly next to him. Reaching around her back with one arm, he gently stroked her neck and shoulders.

"Damn," she thought.

Just when she thought the crying had stopped, he had to go and be sweet. Feeling the renewed crying, she leaned over and buried her face in his neck, sobs wracking her form. Turning toward him, she tried to hug him tighter, needing something substantial to comfort her, something strong and unyielding.

"Please don't let me go," she begged, the sobs making her difficult to understand. "I feel like I'll fade away if you do."

He wrapped both arms around her then, pausing to pull her leg over his other thigh and wrap her up in a full body hug. She had her face buried into his neck still, and the two sat there for nearly half an hour while she wept, Dane gently stroking her hair and back with his fingers the whole time.

Eventually, she was able to get control of herself and stop crying. It felt like she'd been drained and was exhausted. Climbing off of his lap, she kissed him on the cheek and went to wash her face. As she came back out of the bathroom, she saw that he was heading for his own room. Reaching for his hand, she shook her head and pulled him back to her room, not caring if he had stuff he had to do.

Pulling him into her room, she shut the door, then went and sat on her bed, looking down and picking at a fingernail.

"I... don't understand what happened," she said.

He didn't know what to say, so he sat down next to her. After twenty or so seconds of silence, he finally spoke. "Just start from the beginning."

She sighed, a long moment of sniffle filled silence passing between them.

"Keith was... pushing me," she said. "He kept... fucking... yammering on about church and how much I would enjoy it."

"That made you upset?"

She shook her head. "Not at first. He just kept babbling on about that stupid crap. It was maddening, but I was just annoyed. I guess he couldn't pick up on that. He just wouldn't shut up."

Dane nodded. "So, what happened then?"

"He said that I should come back to church, and that even though Pastor Dickhead was gone, that didn't mean I had to stop being Christian. He said that he knew that I was attached to him but that he wasn't coming back. I accidentally let "Motherfucker" slip out."