My Sister's a Vampire!

``Skulls and bones come tumbling,

vampires are coming!

Zombies! Witches! We all fall down!''

The woman stroked him quickly, with a sureness and confidence that made him harder in her palm. Her breath came in quick and shallow motions, as if she was just as excited by what was happening as he was. The cold from her mouth tickling at the edge of his ear.

There was something about her voice, that Scott recognised. She sounded so very confident, so very sexy, but... His mind rebelled, refusing to finish the thought.

``Light and dark are combining,

eating cupcakes!

Blood! Darkness! We all jump up!''

Scott grunted as he unexpectedly became somehow even harder. Her teeth brushed against the edge of his neck and she emitted a little growl. He felt her nipples stiffen against his back, and she kissed at his neck. Each peck was hesitant, caring, and yet they also felt... Hungry. Not just lustful, but something animal.

He'd never had any woman handle him as expertly as this. Whatever kind of dream this was, blew away every experience he'd ever had in the real world. It was slightly embarrassing to still be having wet dreams at his age, but it wasn't like anybody else was going to find out about it.

His dream woman, whoever she was, he knew that she was simply... Perfect.

``The sluts are in the field,

eating cummy cunts!

Sex! Fuck! We all jack off!''

With that last, odd, verse of her song, Scott grunted and found himself suddenly drenched. He erupted inside his pants, the largest orgasm of his life. He felt his entire state of being elevate, rather than just a spark or two of ecstasy, as he completely snowglobed himself.

The woman kissed his cheek, and released his now-sensitive dick. "I love you."

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The first thing that Scott was aware of was a pounding headache. The second thing, was the too-familiar voices of his sister's favourite TV drama. A horrifying experience of near-constant miscommunication that kept any romance from staying stable for more than half an episode.

He groaned, opening an eye to find a pair of feet floating in his face, as Ellie lay on her stomach beside him on the bed. The feet were inside a pair of white stockings, only lightly stained from running around without shoes on. The bed, however, wasn't one that Scott recognised.

It was a four-poster, and the mattress was at least two metres wide. The posts were draped with some black silk, and the gothic touches didn't end there - the posts themselves were carved with images of werewolves and knights engaged in some kind of battle.

"Where the hell?" Scott said tiredly, trying to sit up, before he found a needle in his arm, leading to a nearby hanging bag of what he guessed was saline.

Ellie waved a hand at him, "Shush. Five minutes to ad break."

He rolled his eyes and dropped onto the bed, wondering. His sister had said something about another job, that he hadn't been aware of. Then he'd had a series of... Fever dreams? He wasn't sure what was real, and what was not. And now he found himself in a creepy space that might possibly be a palliative care place or something.

Despite the ancient age of the furniture, the room did look fairly modern. The wardrobe was like the bed. All carvings and antique, in a way a layman like him couldn't really appreciate. However the TV that Ellie was watching was a huge flat screen. It was at least twice the size of the one at home, and he could tell that the room was wired for full surround sound, even with the crap stereo mix of the cheap drama.

The nearby heavy curtains were blackout curtains, and he could see a motor and chain for controlling them. They were closed, presumably to make the TV feel a little bit more cinematic.

"No. Another reason, which I'll explain, but shut up!" Ellie complained, "Just a few more minutes, Scott. You know Larmore doesn't stream. I don't wanna miss it."

"Was I breathing too hard?" He muttered a complaint.

She scooted backwards, momentarily lifting her butt as she kept her eyes fixed on the TV, before raising herself into a sitting position. Ellie patted blindly, mostly just tapping him on the face, rather than anything reassuring.

Scott realised that he was topless, finally. The room was warm enough that he hadn't noticed it, but his clothes had changed since... Since falling asleep with his sister in a tent? Had he got bitten by a spider or something? There was a clinical scent in the background of the room. It didn't just feel like a hospital space, it smelled like one.

"Not quite." Ellie said, still watching, "Something a bit... Bigger."

His hand flew to the right side of his neck, and sure enough, he found two small marks there. Deep circular wounds that felt a little gummy, as if they were trying to heal. Each was about half as thick as his pinky finger, and about an inch apart.

So, the fever had come from... Something. But right now he could only think how most poisonous spiders, like the redback or funnelweb, were way too small to blame for whatever the hell this was. Even a tigersnake felt a little small, but they were rare in this part of the country.

The TV dropped some bombshell, and then went to ads.

Ellie turned to him, giving a nervous smile, "So... How you feeling?"

"Confused. Where the fuck are we?"

She scratched her jaw nervously, "Um... My ex-boyfriend's place?"

"Okay... Not what I was expecting. First... Why? Secondly... You have an ex?" Scott replied.

Ellie nodded nervously, "Mmm... I'm going to rip the bandaid off. Don't... Don't freakout? Please?"

"Okay?" Scott raised an eyebrow.

His sister gave another timid smile, but this time she showed her teeth. As she did, his eyes widened. Ellie's top canines stayed beneath her lower lip, long and pointed. It didn't give him the impression that they were fake, which made his confused head spin a bit more.

She flinched, "No, not fake. Unfortunately. Umm... My ex? He kinda, maybe, accidentally... Killed me... Don't freakout!"

"What the fuck!?"

"I bit you." She said guiltily, looking down in shame, "I didn't really mean it... But I've kinda been starving... And you... You're special. Hard to resist. So... I fucked up?"

"You... Bit me?"

She nodded sadly, and when she looked up at him, he found himself falling out of the bed in a scramble. The whites of her eyes were gone, replaced with red. Like she'd had a blood vessel burst. Except she also had the fangs.

"This isn't funny, Ellie!"

She glared at him, "No shit! I'm fucking dead, Scott! You think I'd fucking joke about something like that!? Look, I get that it's... Weird... But I'm not that callous a bitch! This is not a joke. I died. I hated it. I'm trying to learn to... Well... Live with it."

He stood there, scarcely daring to breath as he noticed that she... Wasn't. His sister's chest was completely still. Her nose wasn't flaring with little movements. Her skin even looked more pale than normal.

Ellie smiled sheepishly, "I've picked up enough magic to... Hide it? Most of the time. But... I don't wanna hide it. Not from you."

"Magic." Scott said dubiously.

She rolled her eyes, "Ooh, yeah. Fuckin' Witches Council spent my first month threatening me everyday. Even met the bloody White Witch a couple times. She really has a strong prejudice against vampires... Though... I did sorta break all the consent laws by feeding off you, without you knowing... But... I didn't... I didn't really want you to know? Because you'd hate me. Like you are, right now."

"I... Don't..." He trailed off and rubbed his face, "Let's jump backwards a bit. Vampires are real? And like living in Bram Stoker's novel?"

"Eugh." Ellie shook her head, "No, Vlad's just an old prick. A traditionalist. This is his place. I hate it, almost as much as I hate him. I like our place. I wanna live with my brother, in a normal house. Though... Now you know... Can we get some heavier curtains? I'm not going to go turning to ash in the sun, not so long as I'm not fasting, but I do kinda burn easy."

"Vlad?" Scott's eye twitched, feeling like she was pulling his leg.

Ellie winced, "Yeeaah... Um... I doubt you're going to buy it... But um... My ex? The guy who turned me? Vladislav the Third. The exact Vlad you're thinking off. So... Yup. Dracula. Though he does fucking hate that name."

"I'm out." Scott stated, pulling the needle from his arm and looking for his t-shirt.

She jumped across the bed lithely, landing in front of him and grabbing him tightly in a hug, "Please! Just... Hear me out!"

"El, you sound nuts. I'm going home." Scott tried to free himself from her grip, but found her as immovable as a marble statue.

His sister pushed her head into his chest, sending goosebumps across his skin as she let out a freezing breath. "Please."

"Apparently I don't have a choice." He looked down at her, "What with my vampiric sister being stronger than I am."

She flinched, "I didn't... What happened to me was an accident, Scott. Neither Vlad nor I, meant it. It... I was out drinking with Ginger. Do you remember her?"

"One of your friends. Baker or something, right?"

Ellie gave a bitter laugh, "That's what she pretends. Turns out, Ginger is... A witch. So when she and I kinda got plastered, someone decided to try and hurt her. A bloody little werewolf mutt. I... Got caught in the crossfire."

"I thought your ex, hurt you?"

She nodded, "Crossfire. Between a witch, a werewolf dickhole, and the vampire hunting said dickhole. Vlad kinda got to... Taste me, when I was dying. And apparently he'd been fasting for nearly a hundred years, so he kinda went apeshit and turned me. He didn't mean it."

"Aha."

Ellie looked up at him anxiously, "He tried to do right by me, Scott. Really. Just look at the bedroom he gave me. But... Dying kinda gives you perspective, you know? I wanted... I wanted to be closer to you. I regretted pretty much losing you. That's why I wanted to move in. To be with my brother."

"My sister... Is dead. And talking to me." He said slowly.

She sighed and kissed his chest delicately, "I'm a vampire. Sorry."

His brain instantly lit on fire as she said it, and he grabbed her arms, leaning back, "What... The fuck!?"

Ellie's cheeks went a little red, "Oh. You weren't... Supposed to remember that. I need to... Work on my hypnosis, a bit."

"Ellie!"

She winced, "Can we talk about that one, another day?"

"You actually jacked me off, didn't you?" He said in disbelief.

She cringed, "I really, really don't want to talk about it, yet. Soon. If I have to. It's... Just call it part of the biting thing? I... I'll try not to bite you, anymore."

"Wait." Scott winced, hating himself for noticing, "Doesn't... Feeding? Make your life easier?"

"Mmm." She nodded.

He groaned, "And... There's no substitute or anything?"

"Well, I can't starve to death. I'm already dead." She said slowly, "But without... The bite... I don't really heal. None of that cellular regeneration stuff you take for granted. And that makes my hormones fairly... Whack. Like the world's moodiest period. But... Yeah. I only really eat... People."

"Donation centres?"

She shook her head, "Has to be... Fresh? I uh... I don't really know the science, Scott. Not a sciency gal. Vlad tried to explain, but all I heard was that it only works fresh."

"I don't think we can get away from a sex conversation. I'm not comfortable knowing any of this, but we need to have a consent talk. So... Were you trying to make up for... Feeding... Off me?" He said, feeling frustrated.

"Yes, no, sort of, not at all." Ellie said glumly, still hugging onto him. "I... Did it... Because I wanted to. Eesh. I thought you'd freak at my teeth... Uhm... So. Back to the night I died? I... Eh... I died a virgin, Scott."

"Oof. No boyfriend, worth it?"

She nodded, "Pretty much. But... It means that now, every time I heal, which is every time I drink you, that uhm... Downstairs? That heals, too. Permanent virginity. Break it with toys or whatever, it comes back."

"That sounds like it seriously sucks. Why are you telling me?"

Ellie took a nervous breath, seemingly a habit rather than a need, "I... Biting is a sex thing. Like... I like it. Liked it before I died. Apparently, I still... Do. So... Uhm... When I..."

"You... Get wet." He finished for her.

She nodded, "... Yeah. So... Getting off... And feeding on you... It's partly guilt, giving back to you. And partly because... I... I... I want more."

"Oh."

Ellie flinched, "Yup. You hate me."

"Pretty sure I have zero right to judge a dead girl for trying to cope with being dead." Scott said weakly, "I mean, I don't really like it, especially the hypnotising me part... But we... Can start over."

She looked up at him with wide red eyes, "What?"

"We go back to our place. And we put down some ground rules." Scott said firmly, "But then... Then we work out how to get through things, together. I'll need to get a blood test kit. Like, for diabetes. And something to measure blood pressure. Can't have you draining me dry, again. But we're not living with fucking Dracula."

"You... You're not running away." Ellie said in awe.

He shrugged, "I'm still pissed at you. But... I get it. So, let's start over. Together."

She hugged him tightly, making his hips audibly squeak as she lifted him off the ground, "Fuck! I don't deserve you, Scott!"

"Breathe! I still need... Breathe!"

Ellie laughed and dropped him, rubbing at her cheeks as she started to cry, "Sorry. Yeah, I got a wee bit stronger. Still learning how to keep a handle on that one. Um... Before we go... He wants to meet you. And he did save your life after I... Fucked up."

"Dracula?" Scott said in surprise and fear.

She shivered, "If you wanna stay alive, don't call him that. Either stick with Vlad, or the master. Everyone around here is kinda sworn to his service or whatever. He was a prince. Really damn popular with his people. Because of Stoker we tend to think of him as basically the devil incarnate, but he's a national icon. More like... Alexander the Great or maybe... Ned Kelly? Yeah, Kelly fits. A rebel, but a fucking awesome one."

Ellie took his hand, and led Scott, still topless, out and into one of the hallways of what had to be a huge mansion. Every single doorway was a work of art. Unique sculptures, made by hand, telling myths about werewolves and knights. Which was a little odd, considering it was a vampire's house.

His sister stifled a giggle, "Well, duh. Wolves and vamps have got a thing. That's not just a Hollywood invention. Um... Vamps can talk to wolves? Werewolves aren't what you think. They're not men that can become monsters during the full moon. It's the other way. Werewolves were wolves, first. They learned to become men, because of people like Vlad. It was actually a shit deal. A hundred generations of slavery. The moon kinda just... Shows them how they really are."

"The dog that bit you..."

Ellie groaned loudly, "Yes. Eugh. Werewolf. Fucking jerk. He heard that I was Vlad's ex, and so because Vlad enslaved his ancestors, he thought he'd make me pay for it or something. It really hurt!"

"He has since been reprimanded." A deep, but smooth, voice spoke.

Scott had expected that he'd feel some kind of chill and terror when he finally met her ex. However, the man with a bloody impressive beard in front of him didn't inspire fear. He did feel like he carried authority, for he felt...

"Charming." Ellie rolled her eyes, "God damn it. Can you not hypnotise my brother, Vlad? He's still human, thanks to you. You don't have to be a show off."

The man crossed his hands behind his back, and smiled. Scott had to admit that he felt odd. Something about his head didn't feel quite right, but he couldn't place it. Maybe the man was messing with his head, but he doubted he'd be able to understand it, until it stopped.

"But I have every reason to be jealous of this mortal, don't I, my bride?" Vlad stated quietly.

Ellie's cheeks pinkened, "I haven't told him that! So don't you fucking dare!"

The lord laughed, shaking his head, "Oh, but were you born just a few generations ago. You might have had your heart's desire, without the need to hide from it. I would never disgrace you, my dear Eloise. I continue to adore you, now and forever. Do you require any further assistance?"

"It's. Ellie." She snapped, "And from you? No. Thanks for helping, I was fucking desperate."

Scott felt a little left out of the conversation, but he wasn't sure what exactly he could say. What do you say when you find yourself in the presence of a living legend? Swearing to follow them all of your life felt a little Hollywood.

His sister jerked, and grabbed his chin, "Scott. Look at my eyes. Before I kill you for being freaking dumb."

He winced, "What did I do, this time?"

"That's better. You're thinking for yourself, again. Any more inspiration to join Vlad's fucked up clan?" Ellie said sweetly.

His stomach clenched, "Oh. Uh... No. Can we go home, now? Apparently I'm... Defenceless."

"Pretty much." She nodded, and then glared over at the other vampire, "But, my ex should know that I wouldn't take it very well if he attempted to take what belonged to me."

"I belong to you?" Scott asked.

Ellie winced, "Yes, I get it. I violated your trust. You can scream at me when we get home. But as far as Vlad's concerned? Yeah. I own you. He doesn't... Doesn't really see humans as worth much. Call him prejudiced, if you want. Happens when you're as old as him."

"I had thought you wished him healed, as you did not believe him yet worthy of our gift." The man said slowly, stroking the end of his beard thoughtfully, "Yet... I am left in confusion, my bride."

"Gross!" Ellie announced, and turned, dragged Scott with her. Storming out on her ex. He was left more than a little confused about their relationship. It looked as if the one who had turned her into a vampire was a tad on the fixated side, rather than the opposite.

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Ellie had refused to talk the entire way home, still fuming about her ex. The vampire of legend, Dracula. Who had accidentally turned her.

Scott felt his wrist jerk on the doorstep, and his sister sullenly looked up at him, "Can I come in?"

"You really have to ask, every time?" He said in confusion.

She stamped a foot, "Yes! Scott!"

"You can come in." He said very quickly, and shrugged, "I'm just... Trying to understand the rules and things. So I can be with you, as much as I can, Ellie. I don't understand it. I didn't know vampires actually damn existed, this morning."

She sighed, walking over the threshold, "You can get in, without permission. It's just... It kinda... Hurts? You burn if you're in a house that belongs to someone. Hotels and stuff don't count. Rentals do. Don't ask me what the fuck the difference is. I don't get it."

"Larmore might still be on TV, if you want to catch the ending." He gave a peace offering.

Ellie grinned, leaning up on her tippy-toes and kissed his cheek, "Ta. I'm not mad at you. It's Vlad. I hate him. Buuut... Larmore!"

She ran and dove into the tent that was still set up in the lounge, and flicked on the TV. Scott made his way to the kitchen, not really wanting to sit through that particular mess. He really didn't know how she could stand it, let alone actually like it.

Scott opened the fridge, looking over what he had. He grabbed a few tomatoes, and a couple other things, before putting a pot onto the stove top and beginning to boil some water.

"You making dinner?" Ellie called.

He smiled in amusement, "Sorta. Can you try and not read my mind? I want to try and surprise you."

"Can't, unless I can see your eyes!"

Scott gave a small chuckle. If he was her, he wouldn't have given that one away so easily. Though, he might have eventually guessed it. Eyes seemed to be a big thing for vampires. One look in his, and he could be putty in their hands. The eyes weren't just windows to the soul.