My Sister's a Witch!

"She crashed." Lily sighed heavily, "But it was after office hours so Ginger asked me to put her up for the night. That was the letter that pissed me off."

"So... Is everyone who works at the bakery, a witch?"

Lily blew her fringe in frustration, "No. Not even close. But... Maybe a few are. And maybe you were never supposed to find any of this out, because you were already in danger."

"Someone you wanted to protect... Was me?" Ryker asked her.

Fan swung onto the armrest of the couch, "What do you mean he's in danger?"

"My brother... My sweet older brother... Is basically an aphrodisiac for all the things that go bump in the night, you stupid bitch." Lily grumbled.

Ryker stared.

Lily shrugged, "Not my fault. I don't think there's a nicer way to say it. How would you put it, Estie?"

"I wouldn't."

Ryker spun, looking at the baker in confusion, and the closed door behind her. So they weren't even pretending not to be witches for his sake, anymore.

Estelle grabbed Fan by the wrist, "Don't be too hard on Lily, Ryker. She really did want to tell you. But you knowing paints a beacon on your head. Things will come crawling out of the woodwork, now."

"Got me to contend with." Lily said angrily.

Then... Then it was just the two of them.

He leaned on the counter, breathing hard, and then decided to take the plunge, "So... Magic is real."

Lily nodded, still staring at the ground.

"All those dreams recently... Fuck!" He cursed loudly, "They really were your dreams?"

She nodded again.

"You... You kissed me. Fuck, you jacked me off!" Ryker exploded, "Lils! Did you seriously make your brother... Cum?"

She went a sickly pale colour and shrugged sheepishly, "You were supposed to forget. But... I'd been making you forget, too often, lately. You stopped forgetting."

"You... Wait." He breathed uncertainly, feeling dizzy, "You kept... Your virginity... For me? The fuck, Lily!"

She cringed, lifting her knees and hiding her face behind it. "You weren't supposed to remember that!"

Ryker leaned on the bench, trying not to hyperventilate.

"Aliens are real. Magic is real. I'm a witch." Lily said grumpily, "And all you fucking remember is that your sister has a crush on you?"

"Little sister." He struggled to keep breathing, "Oh god. What would mum and dad think of me? Fuck, fuck. I don't know what to do."

She uncoiled slowly, looking at him with a tiny and weak smile, "You... You can't go outside, Ryker. Not until I work something out. Please. You get that much, right? It's dangerous."

"I'm... An aphrodisiac."

Lily gave a nervous laugh, "Kinda. Like... You make bad things feel good. So they'd follow you home. Or try and hurt you in a back alley when no one is looking. Stuff... Like that... I'm sorry. It's just the way you were born."

"I was born... To be monster bait." Ryker breathed heavily, "And you were born to be... A witch? Is that how it works?"

She drifted over, and pulled herself up onto the bench, touching his cheek warmly. "You're taking this surprisingly well. Um... No. I taught myself how to be a witch. Not everyone can, but no one is born talented. It takes real, actual effort and training."

"What's the White Witch?" He asked, half expecting the answer.

Lily kicked glumly, looking down, "I protect shit. Like you. I guess you can say I'm the something that goes bump in the night, for all the things that go bump in the night."

"The bogeyman's bogeyman?"

She nodded, "Something like that."

"You're... Baba Yaga?" Ryker stared at her.

Lily's face dropped, "Eugh. No. Baba Yaga is an ugly fucking witch. With a thing for eating people. Do you really think I'm that ugly, Ryker? Is that why it was so friggin' hard for you to kiss me back?"

"Holy shit, I kissed my sister."

"Only in a dream!" Lily protested, "I mean... I'd still let you... But... You haven't actually done anything. It's not your fault that your sister is psychic."

He glared at her, "You can read my thoughts, can't you?"

"Mmm. All witches can." She shrugged, "That's kinda why privacy means something different to witches. It's more or less clear depending on the witch, but... I am the White Witch."

Ryker shook his head.

Lily winced, "Please stop hating me. I... I wanted to tell you! I wanted you to know! I did this, all of this, for you! I just wanted to protect you. To stop the monsters that invade your dreams. That's why I even became a witch. To protect you."

"How many times, over the years, have you..."

"Given you a wet dream?" Lily offered hesitantly, reading his thoughts. She winced and bit her lip, "It... It's part of a spell. To help get rid of depression. Better than fucking seroquel or other mood stabilisers, Ryker."

He took another deep breath, "This is also why you got mad at me. Because you were doing things for me, and I wasn't noticing."

"... Yeah." She swallowed, "I... I'm sorry I got angry at you. It wasn't your fault... It's just... I did a lot of fucking work to keep you safe. You've got no clue."

"Clue me in." He demanded.

Lily rubbed her chin, "Okay... How do I not freak you out? Um... This week? Your nightmares have been bluebots. Things that kill you, in your dreams, and then you never wake up. Basically, they're serial killers that eat souls. I've been fucking them up, for you."

"That's supposed to not freak me out!?"

She winced, "Comparatively, they're small time. You attract the worst shit in the world, Ryker! You've attracted dark gods, and would-be-gods, and bastard gods, for fuck's sake!"

"What now?"

Lily looked away and shrugged, "It happened. I dealt with it."

"Gods... Exist?"

She shrugged, "Mostly they're stuck up bitches with way too much power. So I wouldn't say that they're really god-gods. More like... Assholes with magic... This isn't helping, is it?"

Ryker shook his head.

Lily looked down, "I am sorry, you know. That I always act like a stuck up bitch, to you. I just... Deal with a lot, because of you. To keep you safe."

"Like... Actual aliens?"

"That's unusual." Lily giggled, "Normally I don't have to deal with stuff like that. But the office was closed, and Ginger was already doing overtime, so she kinda just dumped it in my lap. Pissed me off."

Ryker glared, "How long have you known aliens are real?"

"Dunno. But Fan was the first one I've actually met." Lily smiled sheepishly, "And hey, at least she wasn't trying to fuck me, wearing your face."

He shivered, "Changelings aren't a common thing, right? They're an oddity, aren't they?"

"No one can get in the house without my say-so." Lily said fiercely, "Speaking of... I should also probably apologise about... That. Um... You ever bring a date home? Things going really well right up until you're at the door?"

"Once or twice..."

Lily shrugged, "No one can get in the house without my say-so."

Ryker burst out laughing, "You scared off my dates?"

"Not intentionally!" She said quickly, "It's... There's a fence around the house. Nothing in or out. That's why I always ask you to text me if you want to bring someone... Home. Not that... I want you... To."

"We're going there?"

Lily nodded, "You know, now. Know everything. I'm a witch. I'm a virgin. And both... Both are... For you."

He leaned on the bench, "I feel... Sick. I need some space. Some time. Can't I at least go to work?"

"I need to make you a charm." Lily bit her lip, "Something to carry with you every time you go out. It'll make it harder to notice you, and notice that you know magic exists. But... You'll start... Seeing things. Now. Stuff that you used to ignore."

"I know magic is real, so I can see it?" He asked her.

She nodded, and slid glumly off the bench, "I'll make you the charm. Um... Call work. Tell them you'll be late, but I'll have it done as soon as I can."

"That why you lock the door? Doing magic?"

Lily gave a half smile, "Or jilling. I'm still a grown woman. I might be a virgin, but I have my needs."

"Are you trying to make me think about you, naked?"

"Did it work?" Lily asked hopefully.

Ryker crossed his arms, "Space, Lils. Magic is real. Aliens are real. Gods are real. You want me to accept all of that, and that my own sister wants to fuck me?"

"Um... I need something for the charm." She said, looking away from him.

He frowned, "Something gross, right? Please tell me it isn't... You know. My stuff."

"Not cum." Lily giggled, before her smile vanished, "A pubic hair?"

"Seriously?"

She shrugged, "Sex magic is the strongest magic. Not my fault you attract all the shit in the 'verse."

It felt awkward, but Ryker managed to fish a hair our of his underwear for her. It also felt more awkward that he was pretty sure his sister knew exactly what he looked like, naked.

Lily took it, grinning, before turning and sprinting off to her room.

As he heard the bedroom door lock, he considered that he'd just given a pubic hair to someone he knew was a witch and had already confessed to trying to mess with his head.

He was the kid in the stories that ignored all the warnings and ate from the gingerbread house.

All of this was nuts... But he couldn't deny what he'd seen.

Shapeshifting, teleportation and whatever the fuck had happened with his sister when she'd sent him and Fan flying. His back still hurt from that one.

Ryker bent down, picking up his wallet and phone.

He should call his work, like Lily had told him to.

---

"Charm's done!" Lily bounded over to where he was busy doomscrolling on his phone and hung a golden necklace in front of him.

Ryker took it gently. Mostly it just looked like a piece of girl's jewellery. "I just need to wear this when I go out, right?"

"It's not called a Maiden's Knot for nothing." Lily giggled, dropping beside him onto the couch and tucking a foot underneath herself, "You seem... Better. Less like you hate me, anyway."

"That thing? About noticing magic everywhere?" He said cautiously, "I am. Even if I'm sure that I'm wrong about most of it... I feel like a conspiracy theorist. I have to consider that witches or monsters or something are behind stuff."

Lily gave a small smile, "There's not that many witches. Town like hours, of a few hundred thousand people? You're looking at about a dozen legitimate witches. Maybe a couple dozen more people who know that magic is real. Not that many."

"So... How do you know what's real and what's completely whack?"

She shrugged, "It's... A thing. Witches just sorta know it when they see it."

"Are monsters common?"

She frowned, "No, but yes. I mean, they're suuuuper uncommon. But you're here. So everything wants a piece of you. So there's like... Flocks. So... Like, Sydney probably has two monsters in the whole city. But there's anywhere up to a hundred, here. Most are harmless, but I have to make sure everyone keeps their distance from you."

"Most."

Lily nodded, "You bring home joyeaters and the like, all the time. Nightmare monsters like the bluebots. It seriously pisses me off. I just get the house all purified and you'll go and drag a new one in!"

"I thought nothing can get in, without your say-so?"

She shrugged, "Well, I was trying to introduce shit slowly. But... Maybe some stuff can sneak in, by being inside you. Which is when I have to act all maid and clean up your shit."

"Is that why you're anal about me cleaning dishes?"

Lily glared, "You let a motherfucking tooth faerie in, about six weeks ago. And when I find that bitch, I'm drowning her ass!"

Ryker could swear he heard a buzz of fly wings from the kitchen as Lily issued the threat.

She smiled nervously, "It's not all bad crap, Ryker. Like... I can fly. We could go flying over the top of the city, together, if you wanted. Have a picnic overlooking everything."

"Magic has rules, right?" He asked cautiously, "So... What can't you do?"

"Mmm... At this point, pretty much nothing." Lily shrugged, "I mean, I only got the hang of resurrecting pets about a year ago. But now I've got the nine lives thing down pat. I've been worldjumping since I could jump in puddles. So we could go see Fan's homeworld, if you wanted."

Ryker stared, "But magic is hard, isn't it? Takes hard work to master it?"

"Crazy hard work." She agreed, and then shrugged, "But... The White Witch is the master. I earned the title when only new magics, brand new, were outside what I could do. I really am a big deal, Ryker. It's hard not to brag."

He frowned, "So... You're like... Merlin, then?"

"Pompous ass. Merlin wishes he were me." Lily sneered, "Ooh! So high and mighty. We get it. You found Arthur and helped usher in the Golden Age of Magic. That was fifteen hundred years ago! Grow up."

"Merlin's... Real?"

Lily nodded, "And probably drinking and whining in some horseshit Welsh tavern. His name was Wyrrdin, but he's adopted his own legend. He's an ass. I spent three months as his apprentice. Didn't learn a fucking thing."

"Wow."

She grinned sheepishly, "Anyways... Have you thought any... About... You know. Us?"

"Do you always bug the shit out of the guys you have a crush on?" Ryker said sourly.

"Oh, for!" Lily exclaimed, "You're such a dolt, sometimes! What other guys, Ryker? You are it. The only one I have ever had a real crush on. I. Love. You. Nobody else, never."

He stared at her, wide-eyed, "Seriously?"

"Serious as a skunk in maid's milk." Lily nodded.

He blinked, and then scratched the back of his neck, "I don't... Know. I mean, obviously you know exactly what gets me going. And our shared... Wet dreams... Are mind-blowing. But you're my little sister. I'm supposed to be the one protecting you from the creeps. Not... Joining them."

"My magic is weak."

He cocked his head, "Didn't you just get done telling me you outclassed the Merlin? Stuff of legend?"

Lily nodded, "Aha. And that's me as a virgin. Magic is rooted, deep-rooted, in sex. Best I can do is jill to... Thoughts of... You. If you... Even once... Just... Did it with me... I'd be a hundred times stronger. A hundred times more able to protect you."

"Are you trying to convince me with the its-only-once arguments?" Ryker said in shock, "Convince me to fuck my baby sister?"

"I'm a grown fucking woman, jerk!" Lily yelled at him crossly, "You were thinking all kinds of sex shit when Fan was grabbing you! Why not me? I actually love you! And I'm actually even human!"

He winced, "I... Don't want that. I don't want to fuck you, Lils. I don't want to break your heart."

"You're breaking it." She looked down, glaring at the couch.

"No... I..." Ryker sighed in frustration, "If I was going to sleep with you, Lily, it couldn't be a one time thing. It couldn't be just about... Making your magic stronger. It would mean something. It would have to mean something."

She looked up excitedly, "Are you asking me out on a date!?"

"Sorta? Maybe?" Ryker said in surprise, "I'm saying that I need that before... You keep asking me to sleep with you."

Lily stood up, and as she did, a crazy big white broad-brim hat appeared on her head, with a gigantic pink bow on it. She held out a hand and a broom shot out of the kitchen and slapped into her hand.

Ryker stared, "Uh... What are you doing?"

"A date!" She said excitedly, "Aw, come on. Don't tell me that you're chickening out. Let me show you what I can actually do. Let me show off, and try and convince you that I'm worth dating."

He winced, "Are we seriously riding on a broomstick?"

"It's... More comfortable than it looks." Lily said in embarrassment. "Come on, Ryker! Let me show you a good time that nobody else could. Just... Pretend it's a blind date!"

"... With a witch."

She rolled her eyes, "Stick your girly necklace on, and stand up and deal with it, already!"

Ryker slipped the necklace on, and stood up, "I really, really, dislike that you can read my thoughts."

"I'd block 'em out if I could. You have no idea how often they make me want to punch you in the face." Lily glowered.

He shrugged, "So... What now?"

Lily turned the broom horizontal, and let go. As she did, it hovered in place, but she changed. Her hair turned white at the roots, flowing and running down to a deep red at the tips. Her eyes turned white.

She sat up onto the broom like she was sitting on the edge of the kitchen bench, and then patted beside her, "Come on. Move it."

Ryker awkwardly sat up beside her, feeling uncomfortable and like he was a moment from tipping off it in either direction.

He felt a gust of wind, and then Lily jumped down off the broom. "We're here! Welcome to the Rest Hat!"

"That's my line." A blonde-haired waitress, carrying a menu close to her chest, said as she stepped forward.

Ryker blinked, getting down off the broom gingerly and looking around. He recognised exactly not a friggin' thing about where the fuck they were.

The ground was made of some kind of polished stone he was pretty sure he'd never seen before. And instead of it being midday, the sky overhead was all black. Not even a single star to be seen.

They were standing outside something that could conceivably be called a restaurant, but the architecture looked straight out of a fantasy movie. Like someone had tried to grow a building.

"It is grown." Lily scoffed, "They plant the seed, and then a witch grows it. Old school architecture... Hmm... Fourteen hundreds? Something like that."

Ryker nodded slowly, "Um... Where are we?"

"The Rest Hat is the restaurant at the end of the universe." The waitress said proudly, "Reachable only by those who already know where it is. I can't say how many lightyears you are from home, but it's a number with a lot of zeroes."

Lily tucked an arm through his excitedly, "I've only been here twice, before. Both times it was different. They've got... Like... A theme."

The waitress nodded, "That's right. We serve whatever your heart desires, but our menu is selected from a random inhabited world. So, we can just make you burgers if that's what you want, but you can taste things here you've never tasted. Would you like to follow me?"

Ryker had to admit that Lily wasn't just going all out to impress. She was absolutely succeeding.

The inside of the restaurant was utterly astonishing. Just for starters, the inside was larger than the outside. Instead of one floor, it looked like at least a hundred.

"Imaginary space. Difficult to manage, but architectural showoffs love messing with it." Lily said with amusement.

The waitress glanced back at them, "I'm sorry if this sounds rude, but... You're the White Witch, aren't you?"

"Eugh. Yes." Lily's face fell, "This is... My date. He's not magic. So could we please not go there?"

The woman nodded her head, "Sorry. It's just really exciting to meet you. I have been hoping to get to Earth one of these days, to try and get a glimpse of you in action."

Ryker laughed and squeezed Lily's arm, "You did tell me that you were a big deal."

"Very big deal." The waitress nodded firmly, and snapped her fingers. The three of them appearing on the top floor of the restaurant. There was only one table in the middle of the room, with two chairs. "Our best seat in the house. We've got the ballet from Visti, or an opera from hellan, for your lunchtime entertainment."

"Ballet by a bunch of water elementals, or an opera by demons." Lily translated.

He sat down at the table and shrugged, "Eh... Which would you prefer?"

"I've seen both, before." Lily shrugged, "Opera isn't really my thing. Neither is ballet, truthfully, but it's slightly more interesting. Though... Please don't be checking out water elemental girls. I'm right here."

Ryker gave a weak laugh, "Eh... Are the demons less likely to make you jealous?"

"Nope." Lily shook her head, "Demon girls don't wear clothes. What with hellan being literally fire and brimstone, they never really developed them. Of course, they've got imports nowadays, but opera is all classics. So, traditional wear."