All Comments on 'My Sisters Ch. 03'

Progressing nicely...but incredibly short. At this rate you're going to have a story that's 20 chapters. Spend some time and put more into it. Good work though.

I appreciate all the build up you are giving, but you are posting WAY too little of the story at a time. If people come here looking for erotic fiction, they expect it in ONE story, not 3 chapters of buildup and no KA-BOOM yet. My advice is to wait until you have a STORY before you post anymore. Just my 2 cents.

In_love_with_Angel

The story line and writing is good, but you need to pick up the pace. Those three chapters could be one. Someone needs to get poked!

..."Then it's a date," I said. The look on her face told me I had probably overstepped with that last comment so I added "Just joking, Sis" I smiled at her and hoped that she could not read my mind as I was replaying her diary entry in my head.

@@@ ...and why in the world would it be overstepping for a brother to say that? Its perfectly normal and brothers say that all the time! Whatever is in her head is HERS so quit acting like you know what shes thinking, dingy!M @@@

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"That's the spirit," I replied. "I got an idea, let's go hit a bar and have a few drinks, we can catch up on stuff."

"Sure" she replied. "Give me a second to get ready" "I'll be in the car." I said and went downstairs.

A few minutes later Lauren came down and got in the car. "Where to?" I asked.

"Your choice." she answered. We drove along, seemingly without a destination until I saw the club where I had dropped Nicole.

@@@ Oh, THATS not going to be obvious AT ALL!! Rofl! That should take he, what, one day to figure out in her head?? Lol. @@@

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I was proud of Lauren, as she said nothing as she walked up to Joe and slapped him soundly across the face. It was then that she spoke, "I never want to see you again, you are such an asshole."

"Please Lauren," he begged, "It is not what it looks like."

@@@ riiiiight, its ..uh... Yer cousin visiting from Detroit! Yah, thats it! And you just reeeealy missed her! Hehe @@@

All in all a pretty good chapter though! Wasn't too sure when the story started, but so far glad I hung around! Lots of fun stuff to pick at too, hehehe ;). Waaaay better than the last story I read though! ...the authors writing was soooo bad that you cringed reading just a single paragraph!

Garrett, your story and your writing gets better with each chapter. The more you write, the better the story and the storytelling both get. So you've had a several year hiatus to think of where and how Don is going to make a move on Kayla and not compromise a developing relationship with Cassie and a very conflicted one with Lauren. Will Cassie ever brag to her sisters about Don's talents at the snatch bar? Will any of the ladies discover any of the cameras or find a lost thumbdrive?