All Comments on 'My Wife Plays Around'

What a stupid story. The Pleasuring Network? Really? Just the stupidest idea ever for a story. Reads like it was written by a third grader.

Hey Anonymous,

Can you link us to your stories so we can critique them?

but the people were so stupid it was hard to read

Just wondering when she will be the center for a gang bang winners tournament

He seems more then willing to be a cuckold

Did I just read that post by Rawdon_Crawley ? No! I did?!

Okay, hit me again. HARDER!

AMerryman

You've created a terrific and original premise here, but neglected to write an actual story around it. "My hot young wife had sex on a game show; the end" isn't much of a story.

I suppose you could have included more of a build-up: a little more character development of the husband and wife, a little debate over whether to do this or not, and some sort of ending that hints to the entire purpose of the story. And what was the purpose of the game itself? How do they decide the "winner?" Or was it just a way to show hot women having lesbian sex on TV?

Stephen King invented a brilliant idea for a game show and built a story around it called The Running Man. Imagine if he had only written about the game itself, and ended the game halfway through the novel, and that is how this story felt to me.

Thanks for your story. As another commenter noted, it just lacked depth. The original concept is sound but your simple treatment of it, along with the somewhat childish dialogue, had me picturing a conversation between Fred and Wilma Flintstone! ***

but what you call a story is shorter than some jokes. the idea has potential for even a several part story with chapters of 3 pages each. to bad you could not make it really sexy

The idea wasn't bad, but wasn't well developed, the characters of the couple weren't also developed, no feelings or doubts were showed in them, just lust...what kind of couple survives only with lust? How much would she be paid? a lot because cable shows win a lot of money...Only winning a lot of money could make her behave like a whore...Then the work of art of this narrative (not at all a story): "The director told us not to have any sexual activity this week until after the show!!!" How in hell would the director know that the women in the show had or hadn't have sex? So what could be a good story become a boring narrative, even ending with: "The audience applauded and shouted in praise for the performance"!!! 1*

Hey, it's only a story. Give constructive criticism. I appreciate the effort. Keep writing.

or the least bit sexy. Lesbian sex does nothing for me. Put a man or two in your next story.

But way too short & not taken where it could have went. Nowhere ner enough detail & tension about the actual show

but in the end I come away feeling a bad aftertaste.

Maybe if you hadn't thrown the plot you could have been somebody?

So it was short on details. Don't you have an imagination? Or does everything need to be spelled out for you? Four very sexy women nude on stage getting groped. If I were in the audience, my 70 year old cock would be tenting my pants. Watching Alice orgasm would be fun. One thing that could have made the story better was some oral sex by one of the contestants. But I guess that's another place we need to use some imagination. The story focused on Alice's experience during the show. Use your imagination to think about what happened after the show. Group sex? Homo and hetero? Thanks, I enjoyed your tale and gave it 5 stars.

....I wondered when they were going to bring out he studs to start gang-fucking the next girl that lost the spin. Yeah, spin the bottle on cable. Awesome...(you do read the sarcasm, right?)

So my question is, "what's your point?"

This doesn't cover enough ground to offer anything to go on. It's as shallow and obvious as the characters.

Sorry, I couldn't offer more, but it left me flat and disappointed. If you end up submitting anything else, I'd suggest you bite into a real story and commit yourself to telling a whole story. I suspect you may be pretty good at it, but for some reason you didn't put nearly as much effort into this notion as it might have otherwise deserved....but then upon delving into it that far, you may have seen it for what it was as well as what it was not and dropped it for something richer to dig up.

Thanks for taking the risk. It's never easy and can get quite traumatic hereabouts.

Just sillt, and extremely juvenile.