All Comments on 'Myfanwy'

U need an editor. The stream of consciousness dialog cannot be followed. I have not a clue why he would talk to her let alone stay married.

I really wanted to like this story. I just can’t get past how screwed up all of the characters are. I think the only character I liked was Sarah.

Myfanwy (Welch? how is that pronounced?) did not deserve the RAAC. Despite all the psychobabble Alex's mom laid on him trying to justify her actions, she was an adult with a job that required intelligence to perform. She made bad decisions with bad people and disrespected her husband greatly. Alex was a wimp and a doormat. She wiped her dirty feet on him and expected he would just move on with her. He should have walked away from her the day he caught them together and washed his hands of her. Leave her on that island with her disgusting friends and return home to find a better woman.

A train wreck from the car barn to the end. I read it all in awe. This author writes very well and brings the actors to life but I have NO idea why this story was ever allowed the light of day.

I liked this story.

Immediately after he tells her she needs to get checked for STDs he dives right in! No sane man on the planet could be that desperate to get shagged. She is seriously mentally ill and more in need of a psychiatrist than couples counselling. How messed up does he want his life to be?

The story is too long with too much extraneous material. The characters are not believable.

If I comment on a story it's about the content and not about the form most of the time. But what a horrible mess this is.

Probably could be condensed to two pages. The story descended to absurd levels of ridiculous. Still, lots of effort put forth.

You've posted quite a few stories lately, all of which turned out poorly. You're in too big a rush. This tomb needed to be, maybe, 3 pages. You've got so much extraneous material in here it's laughable. And confusing. Try giving some thought into what you post.

1 star

Sorry but this is a really poor story. It's very long story and the author has obviously put a lot of work into it but it just doesn't work as a story.

It wasn't in any sense close to reality. I persevered and read it all the way through hoping it would get better but it didn't.

Considering the number, and length of your stories, and the relatively short time you’ve been posting, I think you’ve been writing them for a long time. You write well, but as other commenters have said, you are a little wordy. Tightening the stories up a little, and making them a little easier to read would be helpful. My complaint on other works and this one too is that there are no likable characters . I haven’t cared much for the endings, but that’s my problem.

Not Well_Thought Out or Reviewed

I agree with the comments of others that have pointed out that the story was too long for its actual content, with too many digressions.

There is also a gap that is disquieting. The story says that Myfanwy returned and announced her abortion "about four months into my self-imposed banishment." It is unclear, however, when Myfanwy had the abortion. If she had the abortion shortly before coming over, that would have been 5 months or more into the term. That would have been a terrible decision on Myfanwy's part.

It just seems the author did not think through some issues.

Verbose with several inconsistencies but more importantly, a completely unrelatable protagonist who comes across as a spineless incel

I gave up on page 5.

Usually I plough on to the bitter end, but I was finding this hard work.

Plus, I didn't care any more how it ended.

Somebody consoling the person who abused them just looks sad and desperate, not loving and romantic. Also blackmail stories never really work, because you are expected to believe they treated their spouse like dirt because they loved them so much. Too much of a contradiction.

Love the kiwi setting but he should have got her checked out for diseases before he shagged her. She was a fruit loop. Good story tho..

I have read a couple of your stories and find it almost impossible to read to the finish, usually I like a story with some background and information on the protagonists involved, but you just wear me down . . . to the extent that I hated it . . . one star to drag your average down

For me, the central issue with this story was the over-focus on interpersonal communication between the major characters. There was a lot of words exchanged but only a little of substance with respect to the plot. I mean just how many times did the main male character keep repeating the mantra about not accepting the baby?! From reading the comments made by others this probably contributed to the overly long drawn out submission. I also have reservations over the character of Fanny who seems incredibly naive in terms of her fucking whoever happens to be around. Hell pregancy was the least potentially serious aftermath of her countless hours of barebacking.

Sorry couldn’t get past the start of page four.

He finds out his loving wife is at least three months into an affair and pregnant to boot, but is contemplating the possibility of staying together with a few conditions thrown in. W.T.F.

I am well aware that antipodeans don’t measure very high on the IQ scale but I’m pretty sure even Lenny would be shaking his head at that.

Backstory can be important if it’s relative to the present situation but nearly two pages that had no bearing on current events made for painful reading.

This is the second story I’ve tried to digest, both failed because of irrelevant background nonsense.

Making a story longer is not necessarily making it better. If the reader can’t get involved with the characters why invest the time?

And no amount of polish will change shit.

You are noooot bad, ok, you good. A little mo‘ fine tuning and keep goin‘.

...story. 8 long pages of garbage. *

Different story that held my interest. It could have been a great story with a bit more emotion and tighter editing.

Relationships in New Zealand may be different than in the US, but Myfanwy started an affair with a known drug user, and cut her husband from sex under the excuse of having vaginal infections. Then, she gets pregnant by a guy, who doesn't care at all for her or her baby, while the cuckolded husband is questioning himself how to tell the cheater, he won't raise another man's baby, and is desperate trying to find a way to live with his horns and how to forgive her. Any marriage needs love and commitment, but there is also respect, integrity, and sexual attraction. Sorry, but Myfanwy was not committed to the marriage, and her actions greatly questions her love for her husband. Myfanwy comes across as self-centered, impulsive, immature and even naïve. The author gave it a sort of a happy ending, since they reconciliate, but I don't see it happening in real life.

Seriously! An one moment he was telling her she should have herself tested for STD and the next he was fucking her without protection!

This was a tough read as anything longer than 5 pages probably should be split into 2. I have read a lot worse and it was reasonably interesting and showed how single women will try to make sure their friends are single. I can't really picture Myfanwy wanting to get back together unless it was for financial security. From observation when women have sex with other men it is usually because they will always do so and would thrive in an open marriage or it is because they have emotionally moved on. I can think of only one case where one has had a fling and stayed with her husband and even then he is regarded as a loser and possibly still doesn't know. A couple of things looked a bit odd, would New Zealanders regard circumcision as normal? The age of consent is 16 so why the ramble about everyone being 18? Even allowing for the current law the Friel case shows that Madelaine would not have been convicted at the time of the acts even if the narrator was under the AOC. Finally, why would having a male boss prevent a claim of sexual harassment? From observation men are more likely to believe that another man has sexually harassed a woman than a female boss would. Sadly men often think they are perfect individuals and judge other men unfairly

So many things....

She is pregnant, yet he tells her to drink up.

They're married and he has no clue she has been cheating, then he catches her... and they spend a week or so apart... and SUDDENLY her vagina is stretched out and he can't feel her???? Why had he not noticed???

Regarding "stretched out". That's nonsense. A hot. wet pussy is a hot, wet pussy. You would feel it. Vaginas recover well...

What about her lying about cysts and cutting him off... they never resolved that.

But. he JUST told her to get tested for STDs then tries to fuck her.

Feels like you didn't have the story planned and it wandered from idea to idea.

Writers here have a script they follow. Start to tell a story and then go into pages of back story and crap of no interest. I take it you are circumcised and think its the only option. Take her back after what she did? hahaha not a chance if it were me

While I agree with many of the comments, nevertheless there was something about this that caught me and I was anxious to keep reading. You have a talent that is worth honing, please keep writing

Some of your stories drift terribly into the cuckold scene. That is not my style. A woman who cheats and conceives another's child is not a person for a common future. But the most incomprehensible nonsense in my eyes is that the husband should look for mistakes that may have led to their cheating. This is the typical legal culture in our time and society. The first thing to look for is what could excuse the perpetrator's act. Then we look for what the other did wrong that led the perpetrator to act. And last but not least, when everything is used up, you try to be lenient towards the perpetrator.

Nonsense. I know people who come from a Kaothic family, who struggled with alcoholics and junkies and still became great people. And I know people who were born with the golden spoon and who have become the greatest crooks. Look for the guilt where it is to be found, with the perpetrator !!

I've read this story a number of times and have concluded that it just drifts and is hard to read. Your male character seems to be a unhealthy defendant personality and the wife seems lucky to know how to keep breathing.

However I think your writing has promise and suggest that perhaps some consistent character development in your stories could well assist in your writing. Writing is not easy or everyone would do it so don't lose your determination to continue and to improve no matter what critics like us here say.

Great concept , the premise was very good , it had an interesting plot, (in conceptual terms), but the execution was erratic and, at times, forced, for lack of a better term . It seemed as though you had the stories beginning and end well planned, and even parts of the center structure, but between these strong points you rushed to fill in the holes with buffer that reduced the potency, and would lose the flow as a result! I think you have enormous talent and imagination and are on the verge of greatness! I’m no writer but I do read a lot, and it’s my humble opinion that a bit of practice working on structuring so your story flows smoothly and builds in intensity will take you over that edge into greatness! I truly think you’ve got the talent just need to formulate the stories structure! Here’s to you 🥂

"And Myfanwy; I don't know where our marriage will be after this but whatever, I want you know I will look after you. I will not let you down. OK?"

She cheated for months, participated in fake rape allegations, and he isnt sure if wants to divorce?

when you write a cuck tory use the cuck tag

I think you are mistaking the point of essentially all of this typist's texts. They are fantasies for the bottom of the barrel pieces of shit of the society; that normal people would like them and trust them, rather than what they experience in the actual established reality, where their actions have predictable consequences, and they are forced to mainly socialize with other losers, addicts, and pieces of shit.

Will there ever be a story where you allow the male any respect or the ability to extract physical revenge on either the other man or his wife?? Your men are totally spineless wimps. I have lost a lot of respect for New Zealanders. Nothing but submissive cucks and clueless out of touch sissies. Yes, writers should write to please themselves, but maybe that is the only person you're pleasing.

I did find this story sadly compelling with several deeply unattractive characters. I felt there was far too much unnecessary detail, also it needs editing, there were missing words and spelling errors in a number of places. I could have done without the stretcher out vagina and vaginaplasty. Our third child was 23" long and weighed 10 pounds and was a natural home birth but I never noticed any difference between before and after.

Nem tetszett,mert nem életszerű,egy igazi férfi soha nem fogadna el egy ilyen alacsony életű nőt ,mint feleséget ,Myfanwy! Talán két csillag ez nálam!

Bit weird with the whole vaginaplasty stuff. That's not how any of that works.

Other than that, a compelling story, good work!