All Comments on 'Nancy's Night Out'

The author has made serious mistakes and needs an editor. The most glaring is the use of "come" when it should be "cum" for and orgasm/etc.

Regarding anonymous' comment on an editor: Before another person harps on Jerry about “misspelling” come, as opposed to cum, the author's usage is more in line with the original etymology. For further reading, see this link: http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=cum

Translation: come and cum are both acceptable terms indicative of sexual climax.

I like the concise and efficient writing style Jerry has here. As a fan of literary minimalism I wish we saw more of it here on Literotica. That being said, Jerry could have gone into some greater detail. Lack of information really takes away from the flow and eroticism that could have made this a more engaging story.

I can't disagree with the first anonymous writer's comment that the story was a bit scattered. I was confused by the time spent describing Charley's profession and subsequent success. The jump to Nancy's exit from the club felt like a totally different narrative. Further speed bumps ensue when Nancy and Charley begin asking questions about Mary and Cathy (there's no other mention of these two females, which only confuses me why they were worth naming to begin with).

“... He looked twenty five but Nancy knew he was thirty something. …”

I immediately want to know how Nancy knew.

The emotionless dialogue from there on feels awkward, at best. Empty generalizations enhance the estranged feel of this story with lines like the following:

“... At age twenty seven she knew what men liked. ...”

How did she know? Had she been a slut since the ripe age of 14? If Nancy was raised in a convent it can't easily be asserted that she knew what men liked. Lack of detail is trying to sell me something here, and I'm not buying it.

“... They went out a few times and made love but the sex was never as good as that first night. ...”

If this was the extent of their passionate lovemaking it's no wonder they only went out a few times.

An editor may help clean up the writing but I would be more concerned about improving weaknesses in the plot, strengthening the vapid characters. With a bit more creativity in the details, Jerry could have an interesting tale.