All Comments on 'Natalia's Wolf Ch. 04'

I liked it but she is so so so..... one minute she rips into him and hurts him and runs to NY next she is saying "I'm so sorry Eric. I never wanted to hurt you. I was being selfish. Now you throw in a kidnapping for pets sake and she is wanting him to rescue her which wouldn't have been needed if she had stayed at his place in the first place!

Love it! Keep writing, I hope to see a new chapter soon.

There isn't a smooth flow with each thing that happens. Its like pieces of different stories that involves the same characters. Other then that I like the plot for the story but you just need to clean it up to bring it all together.

hey what happened to her moms head from end of chapter 3, did we miss something there, and the jump from 3 to 4 is weird what is happening.

the moms head was in the picture. you need to re read. it clearly makes that clear -_-

I can't read this story, I don't see how she fell madly in love with eric when she hasn't spoken to him yet in chapter 1, bits and pieces are missing everything is just moving too fast for my liking.

love it cant wait read more

We know your trying keep it up. However you need to decide on 1 personality for Nat, your making her out to be a crazy, moody and insane person.

Your plot is fine, so is the "voice" you illustrate via the main character. However, I would suggest that you slow down the pace of your story. In the span of one chapter, she started on a date, got beaten by vampires, discovered her mate and the werewolves, ran away, was found again, immediately gave in to the mate bond after strenuously rejecting it, was kidnapped again, and is now set up to be tortured. That's too much to happen even in one sentence.

I think it would help if you start adding a bit of description. Describe what's going through her head, what she observes Eric doing or how he's reacting as she interacts with him. Describe a bit more of their interactions, does he caress her? Hold her? What does it feel like when he kisses her? Adding these descriptions will automatically slow the pace down.

Of course, those are just a few suggestions. As you are the author, you can take them or leave them, it's entirely up to you.

Also, please explain how they were kidnapped right out from under Eric's nose.

Aside from all that, you've got a promising start. You've got a nice way of inserting your voice into the flow of the story, it's entertaining. Good job and good luck.

This started out with such promise in chapter 1. But its gone from bad to worse. Its way too fast and disjointed. The timeline is all over the place.... I really did start off liking this story.... :-(

LOVING THIS STORY BUT U JUMPED TO FAST TO NEW EVENTS IN THE STORY WITHOUT GIVING US ALL THE DETAILS. BUT STILL A GOOD STORY. LOVE IT

This es very confusing, I usually never give up on a story I read right to the end...but your jumps from one event to the other leaving huge gaps in between that make it very hard to follow.

what happened with her mom's head in the box? Why did you give the impression her father's death may be a mystery? At the beginning this story was interesting, showed promise... yes I've read the latest comments and have to agree with them. I'm not a Literotica editor, though as a teacher; I do teach writing. It's Friday night and I should be off the clock, but a word of advice. Plan your main idea and parts of the story that support it. Think of each idea as a Literotica chapter. Get an editor from the list here. I like your story idea, but you imply a whole lot but fail to back it up. You described the parents as Japanese and Mexican, but then later on you throw in African American; then the only clue you gave us readers that there was a little coffee in your cream, was when you briefly mentioned your skin tone. Stuff like that annoys your audience. I don't want to be annoyed, I want t kick back with some moscato and enjoy your story. Please keep writing, you have a lot of potential.

I think your story has made massive leaps all over the place but left out necessary information from the plot. It's a good effort but take time to smooth out the plot lines so it's less confusing. Good effort keep writing.

Seems to me and to most of your readers you are rushing the plot wayyyyy to much. Take it slow and build up some tension. Also char development is there but we can't really see it without the plot going haywire.

Hi there is there going to be a 5 chapter as it a great series ??

She has a car,drives,then tells a taxi to take her to a hotel,then when they find her,,they have her car shipped back to la???does she have a car or not,Is there going to be another chapter???? please,

I was going to write more but got discouraged . I would've loved to finish but I do not think I can .

So you are going to just give up! That sucks you get some neg feed back and you just chuck it in. This was your story and you should write it how you want and not give a s... what people think. You should have finished it. Ah well this is lit and you will just join the many other authors who are unable to finish what they started it is a shame.

Please don't be discouraged, I would really love to find out what happens next

PLEASE WRITE IT THE WAY YOU WANT. DO NOT LET IGNORANT ASSHOLES TELL YOU HOW TO WRITE. i ENJOYED IT AND WOULD LOVE TO READ THE REST...PLEASE ....PLEASE

MRS LAGOS

Hi I read a lot of these kinds of stories and this is great. Please don't let negativity stop you, first write for your pleasure and take the good feedback as encouragement. Those that don't like it is jealous, you notice they are reading your work, not writing. If they don't like this series then that is their choice, but please don't stop remember everyone has different tastes that is why there are so many different versions of the same basic thing. If they don't like your work either ignore them or politely tell them they are welcome to read from different authors. This is just one opinion but from what I have seen others feel the same way. Blessed Be...Kat

You are a good writer, let yourself go in your writing. Please continue writing. Any mistakes or errors will be forgiven and just so you know, you are way better than some other writers. PLEASE KEEP ON WRITING.