Needing Leah Ch. 06

"It's alright. Missed you, though." I said, honestly. It wasn't the sort of thing I would normally have admitted, certainly not as Liam.

"I know, girl." She drew out of the hug to get a proper look at me.

"I made a friend, I think. This is Kiara. Erm...Kiara, this is Ellie."

Ellie looked pleasantly surprised by this. "Oh, good. Hi! You've got beautiful hair."

Kiara smiled but waved a hand dismissively. "No, no. My hair's just plain and straight. I wish it were more wavy like yours. And red, there's much more of a colour contrast in red hair than my one-tone black."

"I like wavy hair." I said, just wanting to contribute to the conversation. "Mine's fairly straight though."

"Yours is beautiful." Ellie said and brushed a hand through it. "Shall we go and eat?"

As we collected our food and found our seats, Ellie told us about her morning with Miss Cooper as her teacher, who was old and described as being like "a librarian if librarians raised their voices." She said Jojo was in her class, too, who had been making fierce glances at Ellie all morning. "She was a dick to us the other day." Ellie explained to Kiara. "So I threatened to shove her head up her arse. I can never stand all the endless bitching and glaring, though. If it were boys, they'd just hit each other a few times and it'd be done with. I couldn't take her seriously whenever she spoke in class. I kept remembering what Jess told us, and started laughing."

I supposed I couldn't laugh about a wedgie fetish, not when my own enjoyment for women's clothes was probably much weirder.

"Why was she picking on you both?" Kiara asked. Ellie answered for me, as I was halfway through a mouthful of risotto

"Because Jojo's a bitch. Same with her sidekick, Anna. They picked on Leah because she's shy and cute, but you're not shy today, are you?" She said, patting me on the back. "Made a friend already. I haven't made friends in my class yet."

"Well..." I began. "I was sort of shy. Something happened. I had a panic attack."

Together, Kiara and I explained everything. It was strange to hear the events from Kiara's point of view. "I felt so sorry for her. She was just shaking and crying and struggling to breathe. If that's what panic attacks are, they look horrible."

I dropped my head down against the table. "Why does it have to happen to me? Told off by Miss Daphne, moved class, then a panic attack at the start of my first ever lesson. I couldn't have made myself look any more pathetic."

"Oh, sweetie." Ellie rubbed me on my back again. "You're not pathetic. There's nothing wrong in a panic attack."

"Can we talk about something else?" I asked.

Ellie nodded. "Of course. I'll tell you, I've got Miss Daphne for chemistry next. That won't be fun. Someone in my class was saying she uses the cane on people."

Kiara nodded. "She does. This is my fourth year at Bryner. She holds people back after class if they're bad and canes them. Don't mess around in her lessons, whatever you do."

Ellie scoffed at the idea, disbelieving. "Have you been caned by her, then?"

"Once." Kiara admitted. "I couldn't believe it. I can't remember what I did wrong, but she made me bend over her desk and hold up my skirt. I was caned on each cheek, can't remember how many times. She left me bleeding. Worst moment of my life."

Ellie's disbelief had turned to shock. "Isn't it illegal?"

"I think so. I tried talking to the headmistress about but she just told me it was rude to make up lies. That was the old headmistress, though. Mrs. Warren. Mrs. McIntyre might've had some effect because I've not heard of anyone being caned in a few years now...she still has the cane, though..."

Ellie looked crestfallen. "Guess we were lucky she didn't do more than just move you class, then."

I agreed. I couldn't imagine being caned to the point of bleeding. Ellie had already made my cheeks hurt more than enough. "Please don't do anything stupid in her class." I told her.

"I'll be fine. People only get punished when they break the rules." She said with a knowing stare. It made me go red. "You just focus on whatever you've got next. What have you got next?"

"Swimming." Kiara answered. I looked at her.

"S-swimming? I don't have a swimming costume."

"You won't do yet, not if this is your first year, here. Normally Miss Wicke hands them out when the uniforms are measured, but I think there was some problem with the orders this year. You'll be able to borrow some of the spare stock when we get there, though."

Kiara looked completely calm about it. I was panicked. I looked to Ellie, who was also panicked.

"What does the swimming costume look like?" I asked.

"Just an ordinary one piece. It's black."

"Not a swimdress?" Ellie cut in. She was thinking along the exact same lines as me. How could I hide my penis in a swimming costume? How could I make up for the lack of boobs?

"Is it padded?" I asked. Kiara shook her head to all three questions.

"No, it's just an ordinary swimsuit, I think. I might be wrong. That's ok, isn't it?" She looked between me and Ellie. We both remained speechless. "What's wrong?"

"Leah's um...Leah's a bit conscious about her body."

Having already witnessed a panic attack from me this morning, Kiara accepted this without question.

"Oh, Leah. Sorry, I didn't realise. Sorry. Do you not think you could wear it?"

I shook my head. I wondered again about tucking but I had never even tested that.

"What if we found Miss Anderton? She saw the panic attack, maybe she would explain to the swimming coach that you need a special costume?"

I shook my head again. "I know what Miss Anderton would say. She'd say what she said this morning: that Bryner is about helping us grow..." I dropped my head onto the table again. "This day is horrible."

The bell rang. I raised, then banged my head against the table twice.

"We'll think of something." Ellie said, then looking to Kiara. "Who is the swimming teacher?"

"Miss Roach, she's quite nice. She might listen."

"Then I'll come with you both. I'll explain it to Miss Roach."

"You can't!" I protested. "You'll be late for your own class."

"Only a few minutes."

"But you've got Miss Daphne. She'll cane you!" I tugged at her arm. "Please don't get in trouble because of me. I don't want you to be caned."

"It doesn't matter, Leah. This is much more important than me. Think how you'll be if you have to wear...revealing clothes? It's our first day anyway, I'll just pretend I got lost and couldn't find the room."

I continued trying to protest, all the way to the swimming pool, but Ellie wouldn't listen. She was headstrong. She kept repeating the same thing: "I made you a promise. I promised I'd look after you."

All three of us tried explaining to Miss Roach, a freckled Irish Lady who wore the exact sort of blue swimdress that would've been ideal for me. She listened as we practically barraged her with a babble of reasons and excuses to the point she struggled to keep up.

"Alright, alright!" She eventually exclaimed, irritated. "Leah, you can sit this lesson out, just this once! Next week, I expect you to have bought yourself a swimsuit that you'd feel comfortable in. You're not getting out of exercise, though. You'll have to run laps instead."

"I don't have any sports clothes on me, Miss." I said.

"I do." Kiara cut in. "I've got a sports locker with some clothes in. They're clean. You can borrow them."

Miss Roach nodded. "And...Miss Brooks. Ellie, is it? Where should you be right now?"

"Chemistry, miss."

"That'll be back at the main building. Well, you might as well stay here, if Leah is anxious. You can run laps with her. I'll notify to your chemistry teacher."

"It's Miss Daphne, miss."

"Oh...is it?" Miss Roach looked worried by that. "Uhh...yeah, it's still ok. It's the first day. I'll notify the office where you are, then explain it to her later. If you don't have your sports clothes on you, borrow some from the lost property over there." She said, pointing Ellie in the direction of an unlocked cupboard. "You two, though. Hurry up and get changed."

Suddenly, it seemed like what could have been a disaster had been averted. Or so I thought. The school pool was large enough that two classes came together to have swimming lessons at the same time. It was my class, 8A, alongside 8F.

I entered the changing room, immediately embarrassed by the sight before me. Girls undressing. More naked women than I had ever seen in my life. I averted my eyes, then felt that's probably what a boy would do in my situation. A girl would be more casual about it, so I tried not looking without making my aversion obvious. I tried to focus on following Kiara to her locker. She handed me her sport clothes. A white top and red shorts.

"I'm gonna change in the toilet, there." I said. "I don't wanna be seen."

When I emerged again, placing my school uniform down at the bench next to Kiara's uniforms, most of the girls were filing out in the black swimsuits. Kiara had already left. I turned to look for Ellie, who must have still been searching through the lost property, when I heard a voice behind me.

"How come Leah doesn't have to swim?"

Anna's voice. The sound of it made me tense up. I turned to see her, glaring at me. "How come, Leah? What excuse did you use?" She came towards me, alongside a dark-skinned girl from my class called Danielle.

SENSITIVE SCENE AHEAD

"I'm body conscious."

"So? Hardly an excuse."

"I still have to do running. I just don't have to swim this week until I can get a better costume." I said.

"Oh, so you'll get to wear a nice swimsuit and show the rest of us up?" Anna spat. "Shy little Leah getting special treatment again. You have the whole school wrapped round your finger."

"And she didn't have to take notes in class this morning." Danielle said. "She pretended to have a panic attack."

I tried turning to leave, but Anna grabbed me by the shoulder and pulled me back. "Running away?"

"Leave me alone, I haven't done anything to you!"

"Your friend did." Anna said. "Me and Jojo haven't forgotten what she said to us."

"She said it because you were picking on me."

"Not so tough without your lesbian friend protecting you, are you? She's not the only one who can make threats."

I tried walking away again, but she pulled me back and slapped me. I hadn't expected that. It left me dumbfounded, holding my cheek, almost laughing in disbelief.

"How would you like to be threatened with having your head shoved up your arse, Leah?"

"Fuck off."

That made Anna pause. She swept her braided pigtails back. "I bet you would like it. Let's see if that's possible."

She grabbed my head with two hands and yanked downwards. I fought back, shoving her away for a moment until the force caused me to slip on the wet floor, down onto my knees. Danielle came behind and grabbed my arms whilst Anna continued pushing my head down towards my waist.

"Get off me! Get off!"

"Doesn't go, does it? You're not flexible enough, Leah." I was stronger than Danielle and managed to wrestle my left arm free. I used it to push from the floor. Anna kicked at my legs as I rose, however. I slipped again, harder this time. My face hit the stone floor with a heavy thud. Immediately, my eyes watered and I felt dizzy. I tried getting up. There was a weight on my back. A foot. I felt my arms being pulled together behind me, then fabric wrapped tight around them by the elbows.

"What are you doing? Stop!"

"Yeah, what are you doing, Anna?" I heard Danielle say, worried.

"If we can't shove her head up her own arse, maybe up someone else's?" Anna laughed.

"What?"

"Poetic justice."

"That's not poetic." Danielle sounded scared. "That's fucked up."

"She's a lesbian, she'll like it."

"Nah, that's fucked up, Anna."

"Oh, well leave, then! Leah and her bully friend need teaching a lesson, though."

I thrashed. I wrestled to break free but I couldn't lever my arms against anything. Nor could I pull up. She was sitting on me. She tied my wrists now, too.

"Get the fuck off!" I screamed. She hit me in the back of the head, then flipped me onto my back. The weight of my body crushed down on my bound arms. Out the corner of my vision, I could see Danielle running off. "Help me!" I called. She glanced at me with a wide look of fear, confusion, guilt. Then she was gone. Anna was straddled over my stomach, staring down at me.

"Do you fancy that, Leah? Your head up my arse."

"Fuck off!" I screamed. "Fuck off, this is weird!"

She wagged a finger, tutting, then started taking off her swimsuit. Her small breasts exposed before me, then her stomach. She lifted herself off me just enough to remove it from her legs. She was lying on me completely naked, glancing over at the bench to my side.

"This should do." She said. Picking up my skirt and pulling it down over herself from above. "Your lesbian friend won't bully us anymore after this."

"Ellie didn't bully you! She was just protecting me, she didn't do anything!"

She pulled my skirt down to her waist. "Shut the fuck up. I know this makes you wet, alright? So shut the fuck up." She turned round and straddled me the other way, only moving backwards. The skirt dropped over my head. She lowered herself onto my face. I could see nothing. I heard her shout. "Lick, you bitch!"

I tried wrestling free again. She punched me hard in the stomach and the wind left my body.

"Stick your fucking tongue out."

I tried screaming. I was muffled. I tried turning and pulling my head away but she kept adjusting to follow my face. She punched me in the stomach again.

"Do it! I swear to God, I'll keep hitting until you do." She punched me again. I didn't have the breath to scream this time.

"Do it!"

I stuck my tongue out. With the very tip, I felt between her cheeks, then immediately pulled my tongue away. She punched me again.

"Lick it like you do your girlfriend! I want to see you enjoy it."

I stuck my tongue out. It didn't taste of anything but skin. She punched me again.

"Where's your passion, slut?"

I felt myself starting to cry. I was hard. My dick was throbbing, but I didn't want this. I did not want this. I struggled to keep my tongue out amid the urge to sob...but I licked. Against all my better instincts, I started moving my tongue. I heard her gasp in pleasure, then laugh mockingly.

"As if you're actually doing it! This is what makes you wet, then? I bet you do this all the time. Keep going, you bitch!"

I tried struggling again but she punched me. I couldn't take anymore punches. I moved my tongue faster. She was enjoying it. I could hear her pleasure.

"I hope you learn your lesson now, you and that friend of yours. You don't mess with us, ok? You're such a loser."

I screamed again. The muffled sound opened out as she raised herself off from me. The suddenness of the light made my eyes squint. She turned round and slapped me several times on the face.

"I've tried it now, haven't I? I've tried out all your disgusting games, you sick lezzie. Have you learned your lesson, Leah?"

I nodded. I was sobbing. I didn't want to speak.

"Good. Mess with us again and, I swear, you'll suffer way worse." She took off my skirt and threw it down on my face. By the time I'd shaken it off my eyes, I saw her, wearing her swimsuit again, walking out the changing rooms, laughing.

I waited till the door slammed behind her. I started trying wrestle the binds loose. They were tight. The tears were falling backwards against my face. My breath was ragged. I stopped sobbing, only to suddenly scream without meaning to, to thrash, to kick my feet against the bench. I kicked until my bare feet felt bruised and raw.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! Fuck! FUCK!"

I pulled with my arms. There was movement with the binds, I was gradually shuffling them down, over my hands. When they released, I saw they were binds of thick shoelace. I threw them down against the floor and ran to the toilet, running the tap at the sink and splashing water against my tongue. I felt like I was going to be sick, then suddenly I was screaming again, and crying. I dropped down against the edge of the sink and fell silent.

The changing room door opened. I gasped.

"Leah?" It was Ellie. I quickly splashed water against my face, then dried it with tissue in an attempt to hide the tears and fixed the spilled makeup. I came back out and she smiled.

"Oh, good. I thought you'd gone without me. There wasn't anything in lost property, not that I'd dare put on, so I ran all the way back to the room to get changed. Are you ready?"

"Yep." I said stiffly.

"You haven't done your shoes yet!"

"Oh. Right." I walked over to them, sitting down and putting them on.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"Fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know...just...you're sure?"

I tried to smile. I didn't like her asking. I felt as though my face would crack like a mirror. I couldn't tell her what happened. She'd want to protect me. She'd get angry and retaliate and makes things even worse. I couldn't tell her because it was her fault. She had threatened Anna. I wanted to hit Ellie. I wanted to hug her but I also wanted to hit her and scream. I couldn't do any of that, though. I felt hollow. I finished tying my shoes and rose to my feet.

"Let's go, then. Should we run to the chapel and back?"

"Ok." Ellie said, still looking unsure.

"Right. Let's go then."

I left the changing room.

Hard to know what to say about this chapter. Most of it is story-based/a run through of general life at Bryner...and then the ending...I don't know how people will feel about that section but I will say it'll be important to the story. It's not just there for the hell of it.

I'm also conscious this is a chapter of Leah mostly failing at things. I want to make clear that is not the direction of the story, either. She will triumph however this is still the first day and there is still so much to adjust to...even without the threat of Liam's dad appearing, and then Anna. There is a story plan, I feel really excited about where it goes, but I also get this isn't going to be anyone's favourite chapter. Most of it is just "a day at school." We meet four different teachers, and a new friend in Kiara. My hope is the more we establish of Bryner, the more real the world will feel later down the line. I technically have maps and things all about the school...not that I'm likely to post random things like that into the middle of chapters.

Leah also has a panic attack. I used to have them myself when I was younger. They are not nice but I think, realistically, Leah's anxiety would be spiking through the roof right now. It's easy to fantasize about the enjoyment of her situation...she definitely enjoys it on a level she doesn't like to admit, however that doesn't mean it wouldn't also be horrendously difficult. Navigating Bryner and managing a new identity are very big challenges for Leah to overcome. She will overcome then in a lot of ways, but I'd rather begin that journey with a realistic struggle.

I hope you still enjoyed this one. If you're feeling a lack of Ellie then, don't worry, she's back at the centre of things next chapter as her domineering and teasing but also safer presence.

Serra