Neighborhood Wives: The Aftermath

She reached into her purse and handed him an envelope. "I'm going to bed. The offer I made still stands." She stood up, surprised that her nipples were still poking through the satin. She had never felt so drained or so low in her life. Well she belonged in the sewer not the gutter for what she had done.

After she left, Jay looked at the envelope. He was trying to organize his thoughts. He had heard her pain and anguish and knew she was not lying to him. What had gone on while clubbing, he suspected but still distressed him. All the set up and subsequent events in the sex club devastated him. How could Jacqui do that to Maddie? He was seething. He almost wanted to take Jacqui up on her offer but knew he would have to beat Maddie as well and he didn't want to do that. He loved her but couldn't say the words. He knew if he did, she would be in his arms and they would make love all night until they were spent. He both wanted that and didn't want it. He didn't know if he could stay with her, but he didn't want to be apart either.

It dawned on him the other emotions he had felt from her, she was deeply ashamed of herself and what she had done to him. Her self-belief was gone. She believed he could no longer love her which was her fault and hers alone.

Slowly he opened the envelope to find two others inside. One was marked to be opened after reading the other one so that's what he did, predictable Jay, he smiled.

The first letter was handwritten by Maddie. He could see the tear stains on the paper. She explained that she knew her shoogly peg was very shoogly but initially had hoped it would be possible to salvage her marriage. When she heard what had gone on in the sex club, she knew she had gone far too far to hope for any reconciliation. She would always love Jay and the girls. She hoped he would allow her to see them as often as possible. The three of you are innocent in this I am the only one to blame. I will not contest the divorce, nor do I wish any money from you. I don't deserve anything. She didn't have the words to say how sorry she was. The page was well tear stained there.

I can only hope that at some time in the future you can look at me without disgust. If he wished, he could use her until she found herself an apartment if she could stay here. She would be waiting for him.

He was crying as he read her letter. When he finished the letter, he looked at the other one and couldn't think what it could be. She had said everything in her 'confession' and her letter. When he opened it, he began sobbing from his soul. "What have I done?"

Maddie had gone to her room; had removed the dress but left the lingerie on in the highly unlikely event Jay came to her room.

Jay's crying alerted Maddie and she was in two minds what to do. If she approached him, put her arms around him and hold him he was likely to tell her to leave there and then. Her conscience told her "he is hurting, try to help him, you both need to help each other."

She couldn't decide what to do but Jay's sobs were really getting to her. She was responsible for his pain.

Finally, her conscience won. "This mess was because you didn't listen to me, listen to me now. Go to him if he doesn't reject your help there may be some hope after all. Go to him."

"I need to dress" --

"NOW" said her conscience so in just her lingerie she went downstairs.

Jay never heard her. The first he was aware was Maddie holding him like she did her children. He wanted to fling her off, but his conscience said "don't; let her help you." It did help that she was cradling his head on her breasts and her nipples were by his mouth. After a long time, they moved to the settee but hugged all through the night. Both cried until they ran out of tears.

The Aftermath - Wednesday Day 4

Maddie woke first, aware of a need to use the bathroom. She slowly disentangled herself from Jay sleeping awkwardly on the settee. She put the kettle on and went to do what she needed. She needed a shower as her breasts were all sticky from Jay's tears and drool. She would wait till he was awake. Maybe they could shower together like old times, but that happy thought was crushed immediately.

After her confession he couldn't love her anymore. She would try to be there for him and do whatever he wanted. He deserved that.

She made the coffee and went through. The smell was beginning to percolate into Jay's nostrils, and he awoke. He was shocked that Maddie was sitting by him in her lingerie. He had to admit it was a favorite of his, he loved the way that quarter cup bra made her nipples stick out and when like now they were hard, he loved to watch the reaction of others to them. Maddie watched and smiled. She thought she knew what he was thinking. She used to tease him by coming downstairs after she had put the girls to bed in just her lingerie. Sometimes she would go further and give him a lap dance. He complained when she wanted paid.

When she started going out with Jacqui these nights happened less and less. Why? She had always loved them. She knew that when she wore this bra out, he was desperate for her by the end of the night, sometimes even earlier. She thought his love of exposing her meant he would be happy at the club. If only she had stuck to watching they would probably be alright.

Jay took the coffee and found himself aware that a certain rogue part of his anatomy was delighted to see the vision in front of him and if Jay had no objections, he would like to do something to Maddie at least until he was sick and possibly a couple of times more just to get rid of anything which was making him sick.

Maddie was surprised to see that Jay's other half was standing to attention. She decided to flirt with him especially given what she was wearing.

"Are you happy to see me big boy?"

Jay blushed like a teenager caught by his mum, but he smiled.

"If you need a hand, I can help you take care of it," Maddie told him, looking him squarely in the eyes though it was tempting to check him out again.

Jay wanted to say "Yes" but he knew after last night, he had to talk to Maddie about how he felt. She needed to know that. With a deep breath, he told her, "Maddie, I need to tell you everything from my perspective, especially after what you said last night. I must overrule my friend. Let us shower and have breakfast first."

Maddie thought to offer to wash his back, but his eyes told her he was focused on what he had to say. She went to her room and showered making sure she was smooth for him should he want her. As she thought about what she would wear, she looked out her window at the yard. The pile of logs was gone so the girls would be able to run around and even have their pool out. She saw the small area they had talked about a vegetable garden for the girls. It needed dug. Perhaps, they could dig that together, leaving just a little bit for the girls to finish so they could say they did it too. She smiled at that thought and said, "Yes."

She went to her lingerie drawer. She wanted something which said she wanted to please him but not as in his face as the outfit last night. As she settled on a blue satin and lace bra and pantie set, she recalled the day she bought it. Jay was with her. She knew he loved lingerie and often teased him about it. As she looked through the bras but especially the panties, she could see their influence on him. Out of the blue, it came to her. She knew his size, so she got her sets and found a couple of pairs in Jay's size.

He started to protest but she grabbed him and said, "I know you'll love it. I'll love those panties on you." Later when they played with him wearing them, she was proved right. As she fastened her bra, she thought, I wonder if Jay would feel the same as I do when he lifts my bra and caresses my breasts. Next time, we'll buy him some bras as well! Maybe a garter belt and stockings?

She went down to make pancakes for breakfast. Jay came into the kitchen and said they smelled nice, but then there was again that awkward silence. Maddie decided to tell him her thoughts about the garden and to her delight he said he thought that was a good idea (her conscience chimed in "careful don't jump the gun").

After breakfast, Jay told Maddie he needed a few minutes to collect his thoughts.

Maddie sat and looked at him. She could tell he was stuck in his thoughts, having a problem knowing where to start. She was surprised that she could still read him after all the events of the past days. "Jay", I struggled with how to tell you. I had to start at the beginning before I could move forward. Perhaps, that would help you."

Jay looked at her and couldn't believe that she knew how he was struggling. It shouldn't have been a surprise. They couldn't play ordinary poker as she could always see through him and seemed to be able to read his cards. Strip poker wasn't so bad as no matter who lost, everyone won.

Jay looked at Maddie and saw the concern on her face. She expected him to tell her the marriage was over. He still didn't know. He could see the tears start in her eyes as she braced herself to listen to what he had to say.

"Maddie from the very first moment I saw you, I was in love with you. When we went to the cove, I so wanted to make love to you, but I didn't want to ruin any chance of a future with you by coming across as only being interested in being laid. That night, holding you, staring up at the stars was one of the happiest nights of my life. You didn't blow me off for being a sky nerd. You laughed at my stupid jokes. Every night I saw you, I fell deeper and deeper in love with you. Until I met you, I never knew what true love was."

Maddie looked deflated as she felt she had undoubtedly destroyed this.

"The night we finally made love I had told myself not to go too far but your kisses turned the heat up in me. I felt so connected, it was like we were the only two people in the galaxy. When my hand brushed your breast and you stopped kissing me, I thought I had blown it. Then you began kissing me even more passionately. I began exploring you, taking my time trying to ensure that you knew I cared for you and wanted you to experience joy not just me having a good time. I loved how your breasts reacted to me and without any thought my hand made it way up your smooth thigh. When you stopped me and put me on my back, I knew I had gone too far."

Maddie was beginning to feel wet as she warmly recalled her first time. How could she have forgotten that and lost him!

"I was surprised by what you said to me but delighted that not only were you wanting to continue but that I was the special one you chose to give up her virginity to. The sex we had was something I had never experienced before. It seemed our minds and bodies were linked in a mysterious way.

"When you recovered and went into the water, one reason I was so slow in following you was that this was the first occasion that I can remember hoping that someone else would see you, be captivated by you, knowing that you were mine and only mine. This sensual woman, the most beautiful woman on the planet. Later I was ashamed of that feeling. Often when we were at parties or dinners and I saw you dance, flirt, and sometimes expose yourself, I found myself both extraordinaryly hard but very jealous. It's a conflict I have never reconciled.

"The dress and outfit you wore last night, whenever we were out with you wearing that I knew both men and women would see your dancing nipples and want to play with them. As you know many a time, we never even made it to the car before we were fucking. The possibility of being caught just seemed to heighten the experience for both of us.

"When I asked you to wear more provocative clothes you didn't wish to. Looking back, I think you sensed a need to expose yourself and didn't know how you could control the situation if I wasn't there. Then along came Jacqui and her games."

Maddie was nodding her agreement. His tone felt so sad, so lost. Was there any hope for her?

"I learned from some friends what was going on. I didn't believe them at first, ignored the warnings my conscience was giving me. I was so enthralled by your hyper sex drive when you came home. I knew something was turning you on but chose to ignore it for my own benefit.

"You told me last night about being groped, pawed, having given hand jobs but not having sex with anyone. Several times I noticed your breasts were tender, like they had been mauled but you put that down to the time of the month. I now know the truth."

Maddie flinched at that comment.

"I never saw a used pussy just a wet one, so I accept that you didn't fuck anyone.

"I knew Jacqui was behind the increase in your libido, not that you needed any. I was happy to profit from you coming back to me randy as hell. Despite that, I was worried, and I should have made you fully aware of that instead of skirting around it. When Jacqui deliberately told me about seeing the photos we had taken, I realized she had set that up as well. I was bloody angry, I wanted to take down her panties and spank her so hard she wouldn't be sitting down now!

"The gloating in her eyes, she knew that if I were angry to you, she would have proved that I controlled you. To avoid that I said I agreed with Dan's choice of photo.

"How would you have felt if I had shown them to my friends? They were private!

"I'm sure you knew I was mad but when I tried to tell you, you just said she's your best friend. It was like pick on her, lose me."

Maddie thought 'how could he have had thought that' and recalled her words, 'Jay, she's my best friend now and I really enjoy spending time with her. I trust her and she'd never ever deliberately hurt either one of us. You know that.' How wrong was she? She had stopped that conversation probably because she knew Jay was right. She winced knowing that this was all her fault.

She realized that his tone had been loving though sad when speaking about their courtship but became more strident and angrier as he spoke about Jacqui and her manipulation of them.

"I now have my suspicions confirmed that Cindy, Jacqui and you orchestrated us going to the sex club -- only to watch -- right! My conscience told me that this was a setup, don't believe them - somethings wrong. I tried to speak with you during the week, but you never managed to make time to do that. If only we had and been honest with each other maybe what happened would not have happened or happened in a better way.

"I wasn't happy you went off with Kirk, Mike, and Cindy. When you didn't return, I was even more annoyed, worried about you. Yes, going through the sex rooms aroused me and I wanted to find you, fuck you in front of everyone if necessary. When Jamie saw you, she was shocked, so I presume Jacqui had gone further than the agreed plan.

"When I heard you say that's a nice cock, I barged in. If it had been a male between your legs, I would have killed him. It was gloating Jacqui. She had you and she knew I couldn't say anything because whatever I said would be wrong.

"When you asked me if I wanted you to get dressed and leave, I knew if I said that, you would stay and that would be the end for us. Jacqui was triumphant. She had won.

"When you turned to Kirk and told him to fuck you, I have never been so conflicted. I had my hardest cock ever, but I was so angry and jealous. When Kirk entered you, I could hardly breathe. When you came a second time, I started to go to you to stop it, but Jamie held me back -- she knew it was too late. I wanted to watch, I wanted to join you and I wanted to kill him!

"When Kirk mounted you, doggy style, I thought you were going to ask me to join you. I probably would have despite my turmoil. But you just started going on about how it felt, your face told me that you liked what had happened, but more, that I wasn't needed nor wanted anymore. It wasn't a light look but it came from deep within you. It screamed FUCK OFF!

"This was now your fantasy, not mine. In fact, it was never mine. I stayed watching till it was over, feeling more alone, more conflicted, getting even more angry, at you, at me but mostly Jacqui! I was so confused by my emotions I didn't know what to think."

Maddie heard all the anger and turmoil in his voice but also loathing at himself. He deserved none of that, it was her fault.

"When I left, I was so angry, I almost flattened some men who were saying how lucky I was to be married to such a great fuck. They probably fucked you later.

"Jacqui was near the front door and it took me all my resolve not to throw her through the big picture window. Instead I did something which disgusts me when I think about it. I came over her face. That is the most disrespectful thing I think you can do to a woman.

"After that I sat in the car, shaking. I don't know for how long, but then Jamie tapped on the window. She knew I was struggling to process everything to say the least. She said she would look after you, but she didn't.

"I took the country roads back home to try and give myself a chance to work out my feelings and for you to be home when I returned, so I wasn't there when you called. Your tone said everything. You were happy, you were going to do it again. Again, I wasn't to be given any say in the matter."

Maddie put her face in her hands. She realized that all through this, unlike Jay, she had never considered him. He always considered her. Why did she do that? His voice was really angry now, there was no doubt the orchestration of that evening was playing heavily on him.

"Last night, when you said what Jacqui had put you through, I was so mad, beyond mad, at her and at myself for not being there to protect you. Everything we had ever done was together until Jacqui interfered.

"On Saturday night, you decided by yourself, to go beyond our boundaries even although you knew where I stood on them. You knew I wasn't happy going but you chose your friends over me.

"I was so conflicted and still am. On one hand I cannot deny that I enjoy you exposing yourself and seeing others react to you. I was highly aroused by what I saw, but when you said you were doing it for me you were wrong. By then this was your fantasy only, your face told me I wasn't needed or wanted.

"If we had openly and honestly spoken during the last week and discussed our fantasies, we could possibly have found some truths, some common grounds, which would have helped us. Understood we were not perverts because of those. Every time we played 'around' we played together. If others saw us, then so be it but it was just us. We planned and did it together, acting out some of our fantasies. Remember at the beginning when we drew up our rules, it was to be honest with each other, not involve others as that was dangerous.

"If we had talked, if I had admitted my delight in your exhibitionism, if you told me fully about wanting to watch others, we could have discussed how far that could lead us. Perhaps we would have gone with a mindset that involving others may happen but we both would have been prepared. Would I have joined you and Kirk, would I have fucked Jamie and Cindy, I don't know? I was never given that option. Had I been I don't know what I would have said or done.

"I do know that we would have explored together and together made the decision to just watch, to fuck each other or others or not.

"Maddie, Jacqui was right, I often fantasized about you being fucked in front of me. I never said or wanted that to happen as I feared it would damage what we had. If we had discussed it, I could have been honest with you.

"That morning, after I got up, I was mad, the longer you were away the more I dwelt on what had happened. Once I put the sexual conflict away, what was more hurtful was that you and those I had chosen to call my friends, had lied to me, deceived me, humiliated me and betrayed me in a way I never thought possible. That is far more hurtful than the sex. Jacqui's train excepted!