All Comments on 'Nervous Tension Ch. 02'

Wow Amateurscribe, what an intense, horny journey! Lucky, lucky girl!... you've left me with very wet panties.

So glad you joined the scene. Looking forward to loads more from you! Keep 'em cummin'....

Just keeps getting better and better! Chapter 2 is a fitting conclusion! You certainly get right into what you're writing about. Very hot indeed!

This is nothing like Ch. 01. I wonder if it is written by the same person. Although Ch 1 was very good, this chapter is lousy.

Did your ex do this to you, cause nobody would stay married to this slut.

And you sir, are not the greatest author. Why is he telling her all this? She was in the bar, in the elevator, and in the hotel room with him!

What sense does it make to tell her what she already knows?

Now if you wanted to add a chapter about one of their spouses putting a "2" x 4" upside of her head", causing a fractured skull, a concussion, brain swelling, requiring the docs put her into a coma until her brain swelling and concussion are resolved; and then the docs bring her out of her coma. Only her husband has left and gone off the grid (since he probably can't get a judge to grant him a divorce while she's incompetent). (Or maybe her husband whacked her?) So he's gone and what may be worse, she now has amnesia, and can't remember her lover. The male lover's wife has divorced him and took him to the cleaners, and so the two lovers are left with nothing but living in a skid row shelter. So, that's when he tells her the story of their assignation.

That could be one way to make second person narrative work. Of course, you'd have to figure out a bit of an introduction with my suggestion, before your chapter 1 starts .

You are worse than an amatuer. Why would you tell her what happened? Amateur mistake.