All Comments on 'New Girl in the Harem Ch. 01'

Not to be unkind, but you need an editor. The first paragraph is one long run on sentence that probably should have been punctuated properly into four or five sentences. The story line is not bad, but could have had some added verbiage to fill out the chapter, as it seems too rushed as it is written.

Anonymous you are right.

This was rushed and hastily written.

That’s not quite true as I have been working on the larger story and had submitted it several times only to be knocked back by the moderators. Not a problem.

So I cut out anything that could offend and re submitted thinking it was going to come back but it didn’t.

My bad. I have tried working with an editor but I have yet to find one that didn’t re write the story instead of working on the grammar with me. I am sure I will find one eventually.