All Comments on 'No Cake'

Very good first story. You opened a can of worms here, and there really needs to be a part 2. If I understand correctly, Kurt's daughter with Mary really is Michael's 3rd daughter, and sister to Kim and Mary - 2 Mary's that are daughters and the horrible mother is also a Mary - that will be confusing. Looks like Mary passed off Michael's 3rd daughter as Kurt's daughter. I wonder if/when Mary got divorced from Michael and when she married Kurt. Her marriage to Kurt may be invalid and she may be guilty of bigamy. Also, unless Kurt is extremely dumb he should have figured out his daughter Mary is not his biological daughter. You've got a potential custody issue since Mary kept her 3rd daughter away from her father. What about the older sisters wanting to get to know their younger sister? And of course Mary's marriage to Kurt is going to have some very tough issues to deal with, and may not survive. Please write the 2nd chapter and close all the loose ends. As far as Mary the horrible mother - I do believe Karma is giving her a lesson and boy does she deserve it!

Please keep writing. We desperately need more good authors who can deal with the unpleasant tropes of LW stories. This is a deceptively tense and powerful story of a woman caught in a web of her own making.

Devastating! I think that the story is complete. 5 stars.

She wore a white dress to someone else's wedding. Mary has issues.

An excellent story and an auspicious start on Lit. I look forward to your next story.

What a gut-shot!

5

I saw much of what SwordWielder mentioned plus the obvious fact that she was 2+ months pregnant when she left with Kurt believing he was the father which would clearly imply that she was cheating before she left and didn’t know who the father of the third child was. Good story and definitely needs a part 2.

5/5

Anything original deserves high praise.

Of late there have been too many cut & paste stories.

Superb story telling.

Could do with an epilogue or a follow up.

A few loose ends remained to be tied up.

I agree with SwordWeilder. A part 2 would be welcomed. I say that because the story and writing is very good and it would be great to hear Mary's story.

4 stars

Well written, a nice, albeit short story all wrapped up, I look forward to your future works.

Liked this

Well written especially given it was published here in the LW lions den. Really tough audience here my friend

The tension in this story was great, you knew what was happening from almost the start, everyone dancing around Kurt was so well written.

Bravo, such a great entry for your first story!

Nice first story. Congratulations. I hope there are more. 5* from me.

You did an excellent job of getting all of the characters feelings shown in a limited time. An moving story. Please keep writing. 5 Stars

This was great!!!! but it leaves me wanting more! wanting to know how he deals with it! what happens next.

Excellent story. You fully deserve 5 stars for this story. A subtle BTB eleven years in the making and totally unplanned. And this was indeed a BTB.

Looking forward to your future stories.

Brutal! Outstanding

Very well written first story. Has the perfect amount of tension. I look forward to more writings from you.

Yes! Excellent! 5***** all the way! Even when you see the backstory coming half way through, it still remains compelling especially with the daughter coming to the table. Very well told! Please keep writing.

Very well written. What, an opening scene for a longer story?

Great job 5*. It makes me want to know what comes next.

Well done!!

wow well done.. that u for sharing

Outstanding job! I have nothing but praise, and that's almost unheard of for me - LOL! 5.0*

Great story!

Good story.

Alil fuzzy on details but hope there's another chapter

A well-written text, where personality definitions are believable and adjusted.

There didn't seem to be any exaggerations and the conversation weighed heavily on the lighthearted wife's conscience. It is not explicit that the bitch was cheating on her husband and daughters, but that possibility remains up in the air.

The description and the conversation between the ex-husband and the current one, is composed of a subliminal drama and as it progressed, it made guilt reverberate in the traitor's soul.

The fact that today, the man with steel gray eyes, is in an infinitely better condition of life, helped in deepening the metaphorical knife, in the chest of the ex-wife.

Her cowardice, in running away and leaving the family and still carrying the couple's third daughter in her womb and passing her off as the new husband's, was a trap in the plot, which only fuels more hatred for the conniving bitch.

Mike has fueled the new husband, telling the whole truth, to purge the rancor from his heart, or perhaps to take revenge... turns out to be a benefit to the husband, even if he had his share of guilt in the process.

I put it as a favorite and gave it five stars. I hadn't read it yet, nothing like that. Keep going... hoping for more of the same level... But think about a chapter two, just for closures.

The unanswered question: how did the bitch find out about the wedding??? I think Mike, played a little more, so that everything would converge to this.

But that's just my opinion.

Good story. As follow up should be written. What to do about two sisters with the same name? That’s the least of the issues.

Great story. I can see this done as a comedy if tweaked a bit. The former wife and husband throw lines back and forth. Trying to not be so blatant about the situation but failing. And the new husband is completely clueless saying "HAHA I have no idea what's going on" after their long emotional conversation.

Powerful tale!

Loved it!

Simply outstanding. Thank you. I have added you to the writers I follow and hope to read more of your work soon.

Totally predictable. It was pretty obvious what was happening after the first few paragraphs. Despite that it was a decent effort. Though I do wonder why, after deserting her family, and eleven years of absolutely no contact, she would invite herself and her clueless husband to the wedding? Makes no sense. Also, in true loving wives BTB tradition, ensure that the wife is depicted as the world's worst person, and the wronged husband a complete saint.

Grammatically well written but rather depressing for every character .

Good first story! Enjoyed it. Thanks

WOW!

5 Stars.

Terrific story. An uninvited guest causes quite a stir. If there is a second part I would be really interested in how the author handles the anger and angst of the children as well as Michael's efforts to find his wayward wife, mother of their third child (if he knew she was pregnant). There a lot of avenues to explore if the plot line is carried forward.

Very good, and not just for a first story. Sure, the core was pretty predictable but your dialog was so good that it carried the day. I especially like the fact that you don't't hit the reader over the head that Mary was cheating with Kurt before she left her family (as Kurt has apparently never questioned "their" daughter's paternity). Puts a new spin on Kurt, who otherwise seems nice - then again, it also seems he never new Mary's history, so maybe he didn't even know she was married.

.

Again, very nice, and the story ends just where it should.

Missed opportunity for high drama as it turns out that the vengeful younger sister learned to use online searches, tracked down the mother who deserted the family and slipped an invitation to her into the pile.

Yes a bit predictable, but very well written. 5*

So she gatecrashed the wedding with her second husband why? It’s obvious she would be outed, so why go?

Well done! Thank you!

Good story. I'll bet Karma was invited, too. The Bear approves. %s stars. More, please.

This is well told, with very few spare words. D

An interesting tale, and heartbreaking in a way. A good start, I shall look out for more stories, hopefully longer next time. 🙂

Very well done. Please keep them coming!

Great story very well written 5⭐️

WOW! Another new author coming into the LW pond and fishing with DYNAMITE! Well done! *5 (because there is no 6)

Very good 5*, please keep writing for us.

Great job!

Impressive debut. Please keep on writing

So why would she keep the third child? and why would she show up uninvited to the wedding? and how did they get a rife across the water to a venue nor being on the list? and how big IS the truck we can drive thru all these plot holes?

Wonderful first story. I agree with Swordwielder in that you’ve left a lot of questions that need answers. You’ve hooked me good with this one already. If this is your first published work then you have set a very high bar for yourself. Looking forward to the next one.

Should of been longer not really a story

***** Hard to believe she would just show up like that. What the hell did she expect?

The twist is in the timeline and fact that she was 2 months pregnant when she left. She couldn't have met Kurt and become pregnant soon after she left, so Kurt must have been sleeping with her before she left and probably didn't know she was already married. Since Kurt didn't know about Michael and was sleeping with her before the day she left her family, he accepted that the child was his and married her. The divorce/bigamy aspect is just not clear tho.

Damn fine story.

A mild BTB every 100 cuck-tales is always a good welcome. Just a bit too much short. But, anyway, a smart one. Keep going on this line of writing.

Wow! Great story and a different storyline to what usually appears here. A part 2 with what Kurt finds out and how he deals with the knowledge would be great. Keep writing!

So tense you could cut the air with a knife. Totally brutal in a quiet restrained manner.

Why would she turn up, uninvited, with her new husband, to a wedding hosted by her ex husband who obviously hated the way she abandoned her family. She was either fucking her new man before she left the old one, or Kurt is a complete moron when it comes to the paternity of her /their daughter. The old tired ‘she left me when we were poor because she wanted more’ trope, but now I’m rich as shit so I can spend $15k on fucking butterflies. Get a grip.

Echoing others, well done and more please!

Good Job

Exceptional story. One confusing point. Wads Michael saying to Lurt that his haughtier Mary was really his daughter? If yes then would Kurt be surprised to learn this? Again story is a 5 regardless if you’re 1st or ….

So not only does the mother crash the wedding of the daughter and family she abandoned, but she wears a WHITE DRESS to her daughter’s wedding?

That last part is just unforgivable.

Congratulations, you've got a real gem! And that as your first story, you did that very well.

Your fine pen has created impressive scenes and revealed a clear picture of this cruel spectacle. And yet you did an excellent job of resolving this spectacle!

Good start, short and right to the point. More non-fetish-cuck tales like this one, and maybe a bit longer. Keep going.

Another marriasage destroyed. Hope it make him happy.

Three solid stars. I really have no idea why the effusive praise, except as attaboys for a new author. The story had tension for sure, and dribbled out information well. However, it was filled with illogic and some plot holes.

Why would a woman go, uninvited, to a wedding wherein there was every likelihood that she would be met with hostility, and even more so, airing of dirty laundry? Her new husband was apparently clueless, and she jeopardized her relationship with him in the aftermath. Also, her new daughter's age didn't line up. She was two months pregnant with the child. Unless she was cheating, how did she get a new hubby so fast, and how could she convince him the baby was his?

Sorry, a decent effort, but worth no more than three stars for this vignette (not an actual story.)

JPB

This was a great read, and I liked the rising tension at the table as the scene played out.

One line did make me laugh though: "Do you think she'll have a hard time, because of the gender bias?"

-

A hard time choosing between all the affirmative action job offers from engineering companies panting for more diversity hires? Is that the kind of gender bias you're talking about?

Man, for a moment I felt the pain of abandon the girls must have felt.

Nice job @Wandering_Mongol.

Got a heartache for a moment there.

One of the best on this site. Very powerful.

Why would the mother have named both her second and third daughter "Mary", after herself? Even though she had left, and her new husband didn't know about her first family, I would think she would have named the third daughter ANYTHING but either Kim or Mary, since she already had daughters named Kim and Mary.

Very. Well. Done.

5 stars is just the beginning.

I'm also confused with the timing of the birth of Kurt's Mary. If he met Mary after the divorce, the pregnancy would have been too far along for him to believe that baby Mary was his, so he must have been fucking Mary while she was married. It doesn't seem like he was the type to be fucking a married woman, did she lie to him? A second chapter would be nice, but the aftermath should have been included here.

That was a 5 no doubt. She had a lot of nerve showing up to her daughters wedding uninvited. Did she expect to be welcomed with open arms? foolish bitch.

Well damn, this was fantastic, full of tension and drama. You nailed it.

Okay, so you gave us the merest hint of a beginning. Would you care fo flesh it out and actually tell us the story now?

would have been a 5* but for the drop off cliff ending

A great story, so well written I felt that I was there watching the whole thing. *****

Nice story, well written. It looks like the apartment was not the reason she left. She was screwing around when she left and thought her baby was her lovers. I would love to see how that worked out.

Great job

I hope you keep writing

So good. I really came to feel massive compassion for Kurt. Just holy cow is his life about to implode!

.

5 *****

PLEASE......FTDS!

I’m use to these abrupt endings and I guess it could end there but please FTDS.

Heartbreaking and outstanding story telling.

That said, how could Mary the mother ever dare to come to the wedding of her eldest daughter, uninvited, even bringing her unknowing husband along? That's an incredibly stupid act of desperation, nearly suicidal - metaphorically speaking. She really must be hurting deep down from what she did to her first two daughters. She even named her third daughter the same as her second one. Acting incredibly selfish both times, by abandoning her family back then and now disturbing the wedding, but torn and desperate at the same time.

Yes, the story is complete as it is, and extremely well composed. Nontheless I would like to have a look into the lost soul of the mother.

Oh, this one so needs a followup.

Nicely done, would have liked more. A few questions, but then they're always are.

Well done first tale!

Brutal!!!

LOVE slat-hapy-papy #9

Unique, wrenching. The author did a great job of slowly leading readers to understand what was going in: not too quickly and yet not leaving readers perplexed. That’s not easy to do. Here, it shows skill. Thanks.

Interesting story. Good job.

Nicely done. Have to question why Mary would want to turn up at her daughter's wedding, whom she abandoned, and risk EVERYTHING? Well played.

Different, which is to your credit, but man, it could have been cut by a third. The inane dialogue at the beginning was completely unnecessary.

Gender bias against girls? Do you live under a rock or in the synthetic reality manufactured by the left? For nearly two generations outrageous gender bias has been directed toward men. Women have been routinely given positions they don't merit and cannot perform well in police and fire departments, the military, STEM disciplines, business, and government. As for engineering, very few women have the aptitude to be adequate engineers, and many of those that do don't the drive necessary for the job. Their priorities are simply different. Forcing women into professions based on a ridiculous assumption that men and women are basically the same, except for plumbing, has caused the deterioration of professional standards in every profession. If, for example, women cannot meet Ranger standards, we simply declare the standards obsolete and lower the standards, and ,voila, we get the " Mommy Rangers". Don't have enough women in engineering, lower the standards and celebrate "diversity" by forming all women design teams, and you get simple structures like sky bridges that collapse. Not enough women judges? Just lower the standards and you get third raters like I'm-not-a-biologist Jackson and Wise-Latina Sotomayor and second raters like O'Connor, Kagan, and Barrett. Sometimes the incompetence of women shoved into high places is even too much for leftards. Kamala Harris is the only reason President Depends hasn't been removed for incapacity pursuant to the25th Amendment.

How did Mary and Kurt get to be at the wedding? Weddings like that have security:- no invite, no entry.

Kurt hadn't seen an invite. So Mary MUST have intercepted the invite. Surely the very last thing she'd want in her life would be for her two husbands to meet? She would have dumped it. BUT, then there would be no story. So, I'm afraid we're left with the assumption that she's irrational. Spoils it a bit for me.

I still enjoyed the story, nicely paced, good English. Gave it 4.

Robinhod

Good start but you need to finish this story.

Really, really well done. Thank you.

Great story. Altho his first story here under Wandering Mongol, the story is too good to be a first effort. I, for one, would like to where else this author has posted!!

Don't pay any attention to Karnevil. He thinks the world evolves around his usual petty comments.