No Memory, No Regrets

"Jeremy, no" she whispered as she moved my hand slowly up to the hem of her shirt. "I'm okay with this, not that."

"Okay," I whispered.

"Thank you, baby," she whispered back without looking at me.

I slithered my hand up her shirt slowly as she wriggled her hand into the hole of my boxers and wrapped her hand around my cock. I was still moving my hand up her shirt until the tips of my finger contacted the underside of her tit. I quickly withdrew my hand.

"Baby, I want you to," she said as she freed my cock from the confines of my shorts.

I pushed my hand all the way up and covered her tit with my hand and squeezed. She gasped quickly just before wrapping her lips around my cock. I could feel her hard nipple pressing into the palm of my hand and squeezed harder when her tongue touched my shaft as she gently began to pull her head up. I put my other hand on the back of her head and pet her hair and she bobbed up and down my cock.

I began to feel bad about always being on the receiving end of our special bonding. I wanted to taste Mom.

"Is this all you want, Mom? Can I do something for you?" I asked in a shallow voice. I regretted asking the question as soon as I asked it.

Mom kept sucking me in and out of her mouth. I didn't bother to ask her again. Instead, I focused on her skill. She was slow and deliberate with her motions. Her mouth didn't travel fully up and down my cock, but her tongue worked laboriously in her mouth to bring pleasure to every inch of my cock that was in there. She sometimes worked just the tip with her tongue and then took a couple inches into her mouth. I knew I was missing a lot by not being able to have her in every other way I came to desire.

My hand traveled across her chest and squeezed her other tit tightly before my fingers found her nipple and manipulated it. I wished I could have been doing that as she lay still so I could read every reaction, but the grip she had on the base of my cock told me she enjoyed me playing with her nipple, especially squeezing it tightly. I was starting to lose control and my little head began to think for me.

"Mom, I want more of you," I stupidly said. I should have been happy with the little progress that had been made that night.

She pulled my cock out of her mouth and her hand began to fly up and down quickly on my cock.

"Tell me when you're going to cum, Jeremy," she said in a dull tone.

"Damnit!" I thought to myself. "I fucked it all up!"

I remained silent until I felt like I was about to cum.

"I'm almost there, Mom," I announced.

She yanked my hand out of her shirt and moved to the floor, on her knees between my legs. She gripped my cock tightly in her hand and moved it up the shaft at a painfully slow pace.

"You should be happy with what you get, Jeremy," she said as she studied my cock.

"I'm sorry, Mom, I just..." I started before she interrupted.

"Mom knows best," she said before lowering her mouth over my cock and resumed the blowjob she started earlier. Her head bobbed up and down quickly a few times before she released me.

"I know you want to fuck me, but you can't," she said as she continued sucking my dick.

"Well, this is new," I thought to myself. The sensation of my pending orgasm did not return, and I was glad. I wanted to see where this was going.

After a few more head bobs, she pulled my cock out of her mouth with a pop like the girls in porn do.

"I can't even do this without a significant amount of alcohol for now, so you're going to have to be happy with what you get," she repeated.

"I am so happy with this, Mom, I think I'm going to cum soon," I informed her as that feeling came back to me.

She released my dick and stood up, quickly dropping her pajama bottoms but leaving her panties on. She straddled my waist and rubbed her panty covered pussy against my cock.

"You're going to cum on my panties," she informed me as she pressed my cock against her pussy with her open hand and began to gyrate her hips against me. "I want this so bad but I'm so embarrassed!" she whispered in my ear. "We can't fuck, baby!" she announced as she began to go wild with her movements.

It felt like she was trying to put up passive resistance in case she lost the battle and gave in to what it seemed she really did want. I dared to touch her without her permission by placing both hands on her ass and helping her grind against me.

"We're not fucking, Mom. It's okay, we're not fucking!" I reminded her in a calm voice.

"Jeremy! I'm going to cum! Cum on my pussy!" she said in a deep, grunting whisper.

I was so close; she didn't need to tell me twice.

"I am, Mom!"

I pulled her tightly to me and began to move my hips. In my mind I was shoving my cock deep inside her pussy and filling her up with cum. In reality, the head of my cock was teasing her clit and she was joining me in a mutual orgasm for the first time. I felt her shake against my chest as the first rope of cum left my dick.

"UGH!" I grunted loudly.

She pulled back and grabbed my cock, coaxing the final shots of cum from my balls and pointing them to her panty covered mound.

When I was done, I fell back onto the couch trying to catch my breath. When I finally looked at Mom, she had a hand over her nose and mouth and her eyes were bloodshot.

"Fuck!" I thought to myself, "She's going to remember this and never forgive me for it!"

She jumped off me and dropped her panties on the floor and quickly pulled her pajama bottoms up before running to her room and slamming the door. I shoved my cock back into my shorts and in a fit of rage, found the first object to take my anger out on and swung my fist at it.

That was a mistake.

I instantly heard a bone snap and fell to my knees in pain. I looked around in a panic trying to figure out what to do. I went into the kitchen to get a Ziploc bag and filled it with ice. I went to my room and grabbed my keys and left the house with a slam of the door. When I got to the car, I took my phone out of my pocket and slid it into the drink holder and awkwardly started the car with my left hand. I managed to get to the nearest Doc-in-a-Box before they closed.

There was a surprising number of people in the waiting room. After I registered and sat down, I got a text from Mom.

"Where did you go? I heard a loud noise and then the front door slam. I'm sorry if I made you mad," she said.

I looked around to see if anyone was able to see what I was writing.

"It's not you, Mom. I was angry at myself for upsetting you like that. It's my fault and I should not have pushed everything so far," I admitted.

"Where did you go?" she asked.

"The doctor, I think I broke my hand or something. I'm sorry," I said.

"Jeremy! I could have taken you!" she scolded.

I kind of snickered at her motherly instincts taking over considering all that happened.

"I didn't think about that at all, Mom. But now that I'm here, I think it would look weird if I showed up with a broken hand and you showed up looking devastatingly upset."

There was a long pause before she replied.

"You're probably right. Wake me up when you get home, I wanted to talk to you," she requested.

"Okay, Mom, I love you."

She sent me a red heart as she always done. I knew she wasn't hurt deeply but I needed to know what she was thinking and what hurt her heart. It would have destroyed me if anything we had before was lost for good.

They finally called me back and after a cast application and a prescription for pain killers, I was on my way home after midnight. I thought about what Mom asked me to do and I wasn't prepared to wake her up. With it being Saturday, we could talk in the morning.

When I made my way into the house significantly quieter than when I left, I saw a single light on in the living room. I tip toed into the room and saw Mom's face dimly lit from the fake candlelight in the room. She was sleeping soundly. I reached under the couch and pulled out Mom's favorite blanket and covered her with it before turning off the candles. I noted the panties on the floor were missing as I walked past the couch on my way to my room.

I took one of my pain killers and drifted off to sleep as I considered everything that took place that evening.

Four

When I woke up, I realized I had been in a hard, dreamless sleep all night. Little could have woken me including the fact that Mom had climbed into bed with me. I turned to face her and watched her dream. Was she dreaming of me? Was she having nightmares of what we did the night before?

I wanted to be the son she knew before all this happened. I also wanted to take her clothes off in that bed and wake her up the way I thought she wanted. I was torn, but I knew what the right thing was to do. I smiled and kissed the tip of her nose before quietly slipping out of bed.

I went to the kitchen wearing only a t-shirt and boxers with the intent to make breakfast for Mom.

"Okay," I sighed, standing in the middle of the kitchen, "eggs, bacon, and toast," I said as I pointed to where I knew the items to be.

I pulled each one out and stared at them.

"I have no idea what I'm doing," I reminded myself.

I didn't know how to cook the bacon or how long it would take so, I was going to wing it and hope she liked the result. Not too chewy, but also not too crispy is what she would say. I put several strips onto the griddle and began to cook the eggs. Once I was done, I was mildly impressed with my effort. I had just gotten my product onto a plate when Mom came up behind me and wrapped her arms around me.

"You didn't wake me up, love," she reminded me as she laid her head against my back.

Her word choice wasn't lost on me at all. She had always been affectionate with her children, but that term of endearment was new to the house, including her own husband. I put my hand over both of hers and felt a flutter in my heart. I felt like we were both flying down a rabbit hole uncontrollably. It was an adventure I was willing to go on even if I didn't have any control of it.

What is happening? I thought to myself.

"I have breakfast for you, Mom," I informed her without either of us moving.

"I know, baby, I could smell the bacon."

"From my room?" I asked knowing full well that's where she was.

"Mmhmm," she moaned happily. She put her hand on my cast. "What did you do to yourself?"

"I'll explain later," I told her as I motioned with my head toward the table.

She released me and went to the table. I was quickly behind her and noticed she was wearing the T-shirt she had on the night before but also a pair of my boxers. The dirty mind in me wondered if she had panties on underneath. I dismissed the thought, but the consequences of those thoughts were already taking place between my legs. I caught Mom stealing a glance before looking up at me like she was caught.

We both sat at the table eating in an awkward silence until she brought up the elephant in the room.

"Why were you angry last night?" she asked without looking at me.

I looked at her in obvious confusion, though she was eating and not looking at me.

"Well, it was probably because you were upset and got up and ran away without saying a word to me. I was sure we went too far and that it was my fault," I admitted.

She continued eating and not looking at me.

"Why do you think it was your fault?" she asked between bites.

It seemed she had that line of questions already planned out. That thought led me to believe she intended to drive this conversation to a predetermined outcome.

"I feel like after the first time, I kind of..." I paused trying to think of how I could word what I wanted to say, "wanted it to happen enough that maybe I ensured all the conditions were met for another encounter?"

"Did you purposefully instigate the first one?" she asked, finally looking at me.

"No, I had nothing in my mind about it. It wasn't something I thought I wanted at that time, only after it had already begun," I responded.

"You want it now, though?" she inquired.

I felt heat begin to build in my cheeks at the fact that I had to openly admit I wanted to fuck my mother.

"Yes," I said plainly.

"What exactly do you want?" she asked, staring intently at me.

It was my turn not to look at her.

"Jeremy, you're asking me to take part in something but I'm not sure what exactly it is you're wanting me to take part in," she said in her motherly tone.

It became clear to her that I was unimaginably uncomfortable. It was an odd feeling for me that I was able to commit all the acts we'd done to that point without a second thought but talking about it in conversation with Mom was seemingly out of the question.

Mom sighed lightly.

"You seem okay with me touching you, performing oral sex on you, and you touching me. Is that all you want or is there more?" she asked.

"More," I blurted out.

"Can you tell me?" she asked, reaching across the table and putting her hand on my only good wrist, preventing me from eating.

I looked up at her in thought.

"I want to see you naked," I admitted softly.

"Anything else?" she asked.

"I want to have sex with you," I said quietly, but proudly.

"I see. And why did you think I was upset last night?" she asked, her hand still preventing me from eating.

"Because I think you did something against your will," I said, unsure if that was what I meant.

"What do you mean?"

I was becoming irate with all her questions.

"I was getting worked up and maybe crossed the line," I said vaguely.

"Now, you're going to have to excuse my bluntness and perhaps my language as I try and paint a picture for you, okay?"

I nodded.

"As I recall the events that have transpired between us, I don't recall you restraining me. I don't recall you forcing your pen... dick into my mouth. I also don't recall me telling you to," she paused to dredge up the ability to use sexual language with me, "cum anywhere but in my mouth. I also don't recall you forcing me to very nearly have sex with you. Understand what I'm saying?"

"Okay, so you're saying I didn't cause you to be upset. If I didn't do it, why were you crying?" I asked.

"That, son, is what we need to explore this morning. I want to discuss it somewhere more comfortable, though. Let's do the dishes and get comfortable, alright?"

I smiled, nodded, and gathered up the plates. Mom helped me rinse the dishes and fill the dishwasher. She hummed happily the entire time. Her happiness made me happy. It didn't matter what the outcome of the pending discussion was going to be. I was glad that she was happy. We wiped everything down before going to the infamous living room to talk.

She sat playfully at the end of the couch and tapped the seat next to her. When I sat, she turned to face me and took one of my hands in both of hers.

"Parents instill in their children lessons and behaviors that they exhibit. What they often leave out are some of the personal things they've learned throughout life. I suppose we do that because they're personal to us or maybe because sometimes the lesson learned is more valuable when you learn it on your own. In this case, I find it important that you know because of what happened. I assure you, I never sat with your other brothers or sisters and discussed these things," she said, finishing the mini speech in almost a laugh.

She paused to ensure I was following her.

"Women cry at nearly the drop of a hat, not always when bad things happen to them or when they're upset. We sometimes cry when we're overwhelmingly happy or, in this case, when an exciting thing happens to us that brings about a new level of happiness and pleasure. You said you got worked up, but you didn't stop to consider that maybe I did too?" she asked.

"No, I guess I didn't. I didn't think you wanted any of this," I admitted.

"Jeremy, I told you that I knew you didn't force anything on me."

"No, Mom, I know. I just meant at that time, that's what I was thinking."

"Oh, right," she said in a breath of relief. "So, you understand what you were feeling, I was also feeling," she asked.

"I guess. Then what exactly got you emotional like that?" I asked.

"Well, I think it was because I had an orgasm with the least likely person imaginable at the time. It wasn't only that, but it was more intense than usual."

I smiled proudly that I could help her achieve that.

"Does that mean you want more?" I asked cautiously.

She stared blankly at me for a long time. I knew she was thinking about how to answer me.

"Baby, I want that every minute of every day. There are too many things to consider, though. For one, what we're doing is wrong. So wrong! When you told me that you didn't mind it, I didn't understand but I'm starting to see what you mean."

"What else?" I asked.

"Well, your father. He hasn't given me any reason to seek the attention from another man," she said.

"Anything else?"

"Are you dismissing my reasons?" she asked in a frustrated tone.

"Absolutely not. I want to understand!" I informed her truthfully. "So far, though, I'm getting you want what happened last night, but not with me. Correct?"

She let out an exhaustive sigh and slumped a little as if she felt defeated.

"Baby, I just don't know. All I can tell you right now is that I'm not ready to give my body to you. Nor am I ready to allow you to see me in my most vulnerable state."

I was disappointed to say the least. At first, I wanted to make Mom a conquest of mine, but by the time that discussion was being had, I wanted more.

"Baby don't be upset with me. You have to understand where my fears come from," she said in a pleading tone.

"What are you afraid of? Do you think I'll want to change your relationship with Dad or want to enter into some relationship with you?"

She furled her brow a little, "Don't you?"

"Mom, no! Listen, there's very little I can think of that would ever make me not love you as I should. I also cannot think of any reason why I would want to break up your marriage. Granted, I think you could be happier, but I doubt you're lonely or uncared for. I just..."

I must have paused a little longer than her liking.

"You just what?" she asked.

"I've come to find you attractive, which I'm aware would make Freud proud, and even though you're my mom, I get horny when I see you in certain stages of undress. I imagine things. Above all else, I have imagined different ways we would have sex and how I could please you. So, that's the deal. I'm attracted to you, and I want you."

I put it all out on the table and waited impatiently for her response.

"Well, like I told you, you'll have to be happy with what you get when and if you get it. You must let a girl have her secrets and, in time, she may reveal them. That time won't be today, though."

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked, though I had my suspicions about what she meant.

"It means I don't always share everything with you! That's what it means," she said deviously.

"What do we do now?" I asked, feeling a little rejected.

She got up off the couch, stood in front of me and shoved me back hard, forcing me to lay on the couch. She quickly straddled my knees and pulled off her top. I'd never seen Mom's tits, but they were glorious. They were large, natural globes that sagged only slightly. Given her age, she was the image of perfection to me.

"I'm not at the brick wall yet, babe. I'm willing to show you things and do things with you until then. I don't know where that wall is, but it's not here. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to suck on you until you cum in my mouth again."

I was initially shocked at the sudden step she took to re-engage in those acts with me. That was by far the most direct Mom had been with me. It turned me on so much when she talked to me like that. She was a desirable woman and that made me want her even more. I could only imagine that she spent the significant amount of time between our first and second encounters thinking about the ramifications of what happened. I felt as if she had justified to herself all the actions that had transpired.