No Way Back

When I walked in the door, Chris was waiting for me and greeted me with a big kiss. "God I've missed you," he said as he pulled me close to him and squeezed me tight. "I love you so much."

"I love you too baby," I said. "You don't know how good it feels to have you hold me in those big strong arms of yours."

When he let me go, he helped me carry my suitcase upstairs and sat on the bed talking with me about my trip and his new gym as I unpacked. When I finished, we went out to a nice dinner and then headed back home to "reconnect."

As soon as we were home, I dragged Chris up to the bedroom and literally ripped his clothes off. I needed to feel his naked body next to mine and I couldn't wait any longer. With him naked, I pushed him back onto the bed and quickly stripped out of my own clothes before crawling into bed with him.

We kissed and explored each other with our hands until I just couldn't take it any longer. The need to reclaim my marriage and purge the guilt from Miami overtook me and I rolled him onto his back and straddled him, using my hand to guide his cock to my waiting pussy. As soon as the tip was inside of me, I sank down hard on him, taking his entire cock in one stroke.

Normally, it took me a while to take all of him inside of me due to the size of his cock, but not tonight. I was soaking wet and I needed him badly. Before he could say anything, I began riding him as hard as I could, bouncing on his cock like a woman possessed. This was not making love like we normally do because tonight, what I needed was for him to just fuck me.

"Woe baby, what's gotten into you?" he asked.

"You're what's gotten into me silly. Now, just shut up and fuck me." Chris was a pleaser, so he did exactly as I demanded. I rode him to two earth shattering orgasms as he showed tremendous self-control by fucking me through both orgasms before finally cumming himself.

When he was finished, I immediately climbed off and turned to take his sticky cock into my mouth, sucking him until he was hard as diamonds again before rolling onto my back beside him and pulling him on top of me for another round. We repeated this cycle several more times, both of us coming multiple times before we ended up back where we started with him on his back and me riding his cock until both of us came one last time.

Exhausted from my efforts, I rolled off of him and curled up beside him, pulling him to me as tightly as I could. As I laid there next to him, I couldn't hold it together any longer. It started with a few tears and before I knew it, my entire body was shaking as I sobbed into his shoulder.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong?" he asked as he pulled back to look at me. "Did I hurt you?"

"No," I sobbed. "You didn't hurt me. You're the best husband ever and I just love you so much."

"I love you too babe," he said. "But what's with the tears?"

At that point, all of my plans went out the window and the whole ugly story came spilling out. A wise person once said, "never miss a good opportunity to shut up," but I just couldn't help myself as I spilled my guts, giving him all of the gory details.

When I was finished, Chris just laid there looking at me with a shocked look on his face as he tried to process what I had just told him. As I watched him, I saw the shock on his face fade and the anger begin to build. "You fucking whore!" he yelled suddenly as he scrambled to get out of the bed. "So, I guess you thought that you could just come home and give me a pity fuck and everything would be okay."

"No baby, it's not like that. I know what I did was wrong and I'm sorry. I fucked up. It's been killing me since it happened. I know it was selfish, but I also know that we both love each other and I just wanted to show you how much I love you."

I sat there crying as he grabbed his suitcase from the closet and started packing. "Where are you going?" I asked. "Please don't leave. I'll go to the guest room and you can stay here. I promise I won't bother you any more tonight and we can talk about this in the morning."

"No one's going to the goddamn guest room!" he yelled. "I'm going to stay in the spare office at the gym for a while. I can't be in this house with you right now." As he started to leave, he paused and turned back, "not that it matters, but who the fuck was the son of a bitch?"

"Baby that's not important right now. This didn't have anything to do with him. This was all my fault."

"That's not what I asked you," he growled. "Now, you have one last chance to tell me if you ever want a chance to work this out. So, I'm going to ask you one last time. Who the fuck was the son of a bitch that fucked you in Miami?"

"It was Dr. Miller, I said reluctantly. "He's one of my customers at work."

"So, this is someone you were seeing regularly before the show. But you want me to believe that this was the first time? Why don't you just skip the bullshit and tell me the whole truth? How long have you really been fucking this asshole?"

"I swear Chris, this was the only time."

"And why would I believe that? An hour ago, I thought you were a faithful wife, but that was a lie. Now, I just have to assume that if you're lips are moving, you're spewing lies. To make it worse, now I have to worry that every time you go to call on his practice, that this motherfucker will bend you over his desk and fuck you senseless again."

"Baby you have to believe me, I promise I will never do anything like this again. If you'll just give me a chance, I'll prove to you that you can trust me again."

"Mallory, at this point I don't think I'll ever be able to trust you again. But, right now, it hurts too much to think about it. So, I'm going to stay at the gym for a while. Please don't call me or text me or try to see me. I promise I'll talk to you about all of this later, but right now, I just need to be alone."

"Okay, if that's what you think you need. But please remember that I love you more than anything in this world. I may not have acted like it in Miami, but I do."

"I love you too and I probably always will, but I don't know how I can ever trust you again and if I can't trust you, how can I stay married to you?" he asked, as he walked out of the bedroom and left.

The rest of the weekend was miserable. I cried and I worried and I tried to figure out what I was going to do. Unfortunately, the more I thought about what I had done, the more I hated myself. By the end of the weekend, I was pretty sure that if I were in his shoes that I wouldn't take me back, so how could I expect anything different from Chris.

By Sunday, my parents were calling to see what was going on. My sister Maddy had apparently run into Chris's brother Matt at the gym and he told her that Chris had moved out but he didn't know all of the details. So, I spent an hour trying to explain everything to my mother.

I wanted to just tell her to mind her own business, but I had to start facing what I did at some point, so I broke down and told her the whole ugly truth. She and my Dad came over later that evening and brought me some dinner and we had a really good talk.

I could see the disappointment in their eyes as we talked and they tried to help me figure out what I was going to do now. Before they left, they helped me formulate a plan to move forward and gave me some good advice about what I needed to do to try and win my husband back.

For the next week, I tried my best to go about my daily routine, but I was miserable. I hated work. I hated going home to an empty house. To be honest, I just pretty much hated life itself. But, by Thursday, I had come to some big decisions about my future. If nothing else, this mess was forcing me to deal with some things that had been weighing on me for some time.

The first was my job. I came to realize just how much I hated my job and I had for a long time. I had originally wanted to be a high school biology teacher, but when I graduated college, I got an offer from the company that I still worked for that was almost double the starting salary for a teacher, so I followed the money.

I also realized that Chris was right. How could he ever trust me if I was constantly coming into contact with my affair partner? So, I decided to kill two birds with one stone and quit my job. I agreed to work a two week notice as long as I didn't have to service Craig Miller's practice. I explained to my boss why and she agreed that it would be best if someone else took his account until my replacement could be hired.

I also went to the school district office and put in an application for a teaching position for the following school year. I had minored in education in college, so all I had to do to get my teaching certificate was pass the certification exam. They were very encouraging and offered to let me do some substitute teaching for the remainder of the school year while I arranged to take the certification exams.

By the end of the week, I was beginning to feel a little better about my situation. I not only had a plan, but I was taking action on it. Certainly, Chris would see that I was serious about doing whatever it took to save our marriage. But I was getting a little worried because I had still not heard from him since he left the house.

That Saturday, a strange woman knocked on my door and when I opened it, I was served with legal separation papers. In North Carolina, you have to be legally separated for a year before you can file for divorce. The actual divorce only takes a few weeks, but you can only file for divorce after the year-long separation is over.

After another week with no word from Chris, I decided to stop by the gym one evening and see if I could convince him to talk to me. Before I got out of my car, I tried my best to collect myself, "Okay Mallory, you've got this," I told myself. "Just be honest and let him say what he needs to say even if it hurts." I finally worked up my nerve and headed into the gym.

When I walked in the door, I thought it was odd that neither Chris nor Matt were anywhere to be found. Both of their cars were parked out front and normally, one of them was always either at the front desk or on the fitness floor.

After waiting for a few minutes, I decided to go back to the office and see if they were back there. On my way down the hall, this sexy redhead came rushing past me with a nervous look on her face. I thought that was odd, but I only paused for a second before continuing back to the office.

As I neared the door, I could hear Matt's voice and he was not happy, at all. "What the fuck are you doing?" he yelled. "That's the third one this week."

"What I do is none of your goddamn business!" Chris yelled back at him.

"It is my goddamn business when it happens in this gym! God Chris, I know she hurt you, but I don't see how you fucking every woman in Raleigh is going to help anyone."

"Well, it's helping me," Chris said. "Do you have any idea what it feels like to love someone and be faithful to them since you were fifteen years old and then find out that she's been spreading her legs for some asshole doctor behind your back?

Well let me tell you what it feels like. It feels like shit. I've sat here for almost two weeks trying to figure out why I wasn't good enough for her. So, you may not think it helps, but trust me, it helps me to know that I'm still man enough to please a woman."

"I get it Chris," Matt said. "But, take it from me, this isn't you. This isn't the Chris Barton that I've known my whole life. I know you're hurt and you're angry, but you can't fuck enough women to make you feel better and fucking that Jessica girl who works with Mallory was a really bad idea."

"You're right," Chris said. "That was not one of my finer moments. I don't know what's gotten into me, but I just can't seem to stop myself. Hell, Matt, I've had women hitting on me every day since we opened this place and I always turned them down because I loved Mallory and I thought she loved me. Now, since I've found out that she doesn't love me enough to say no to some other man, I guess I just don't see the point anymore."

"The point is that you're better than that little brother. Now get your act together and call your wife," Matt said as he opened the door and started down the hall, running into me on his way out.

I stood there frozen for a second before I looked into the office to see Chris sitting on the sofa. I didn't know what to say or what to do, so I just ran. I ran out of the gym and across the parking lot to my car and sped off.

It was a couple of days later then I received a text from Chris. 'Hey Mal, I'm sorry you had to hear all of that shit at the gym the other day. I'm also sorry for the way I've been acting. Do you think that maybe we could get together and talk sometime?"

"Well, it sounds like we both have some things to be sorry about," I texted back. "But to answer your question, I would love to get together and talk about everything that's happened. I'm substitute teaching at the high school this week, so how about if you come by after work on Friday."

That Friday, he picked me up at the house at 6:00 and we went out to dinner and had a really good talk. We didn't really solve anything, but we got a lot of our feelings out on the table. After dinner, we went to a club for some drinks and dancing. It was so much fun just being with him again that I didn't want the night to end. When we got back to the house, I talked him into coming in for a nightcap and we ended up spending the rest of the evening in bed.

It wasn't lovemaking, but it felt really good. Just the feeling of his body against mine, skin on skin, was amazing. I wanted more than anything for him to look into my eyes like he did before all of this and slowly make love to me again. But at this point, I was willing to take anything I could get.

Over the next two months, we went on four more dates. All of them were similar to the first in that we went out and had some really good talks. They all ended the same too, with us back at the house having sex. But, as soon as we finished, he would immediately get dressed and leave. I kept telling myself to just be patient, but it was hard. I wanted my old Chris back, but I was beginning to think that I had damaged him too much for that to ever happen.

It wasn't just me, Chris felt it too. After our last date, he came by the house one Sunday so we could talk some more. We both agreed that the dates weren't really helping. Chris still couldn't get past my betrayal and suggested that maybe it would be best if we took a little break and tried dating again in a few months.

I didn't see him much after that Sunday. He began spending a lot more time in Charlotte trying to work out some problems at the new gym he and his brother had opened down there a few months before we separated. Before I knew it, it was August and I was really busy getting ready to start my new job as a high school biology teacher. Chris had also decided to finally write the book he had been dreaming about writing since we were in college.

We did go on a few other dates that fall when Chris was in town for work, but they all ended the same as the others. I never gave up on us, always hoping that Chris would find a way in his heart to give me another chance. But that never happened.

So, on a warm April day, I walked into a courtroom to finalize our divorce. It was amazing how quickly it all went. We had already agreed to split our joint savings 50/50 and that Chris would keep his part of the gym and I would keep the house. So, the judge simply asked if we were both in agreement with the terms and when we said yes, he declared us divorced.

On my way out of the courthouse, I saw Chris on the sidewalk shaking hands with his attorney and heading towards the parking lot. Before he reached his car, I caught up with him and asked if he had time to talk for a bit. He looked a little puzzled, but agreed to humor me and found us a bench to sit on.

"So, I guess this is it," I said.

"Yeah, I guess it is," he answered. "So, what did you want to talk about?"

"I just wanted to say that I was sorry for all of this again. I know how much I hurt you and I'll regret that for the rest of my life. But I hope that someday you can forgive me and that we can be friends again."

"Yeah, in a perfect world, we could put all this behind us and be friends and maybe someday we can. But right now, it still hurts too much. Besides, there's still a part of me that hopes you find someone else and that you fall head over heels in love with him and just when you think life is perfect again, you find out that he's cheating on you.

I know that sounds really shallow, but it's how I feel. I just keep thinking that the only way you will ever really understand what you did is if it happens to you. Maybe those feelings will fade over time and we can be friends again, but now is not that time, sorry."

"I understand, really I do," I said. We sat there in silence for a while before I finally worked up my nerve to ask him about something else that had been bothering me for a few months. "Chris, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, ask away."

"A friend of mine from my old job called a few days after Christmas and told me that you showed up at Craig Miller's company Christmas party and beat him up bad enough to put him in the hospital. Is that true?"

"Well, sort of, but he hit me first so it was kind of self-defense. If you don't believe me, I can show you the police report."

"I just don't understand. Why would Craig Miller hit you and why the hell were you at his company Christmas party?"

"It's, uh, a long story. Are you sure that you want to hear it?"

"Yeah, I think I need to know."

"Well, it all started last fall. I kept thinking about how Craig Miller had fucked up my life and your life and somehow that son of a bitch was getting off without suffering at all. So, I decided that he needed to feel the same pain that I was feeling.

My first thought was to seduce his wife and give him a taste of his own medicine. But I knew that wouldn't work because he obviously didn't love his wife like I loved you or he wouldn't be able to repeatedly cheat on her. Then I was searching through Facebook one day and I saw a post he had made congratulating his daughter, Danielle, on starting her freshman year at NC State.

Suddenly, I knew exactly what I was going to do. I was going to find his daughter and seduce her. I figured that if we got close enough that she would eventually take me home to meet her parents. The plan was to confront him in front of his entire family and let him see the pain he caused by watching his daughter suffer when she realized that I had been using her."

"Oh God Chris, please tell me that you didn't actually hurt an innocent girl for something that her father and I did to you."

"No, I couldn't do it. I did find her on campus and arranged to constantly run into her for a few weeks. Eventually, I asked her out and we started dating. Everything was going to plan until I began to have feelings for her, not romantic feelings, but I really liked her. At that point, I didn't know what to do. But I finally decided to just sit her down and tell her the truth."

"So, if you told her about your plan, how did you end up at Craig's Christmas party?"

"Well, when I told her about that you and her dad had done down in Miami, she was really pissed, but not at me. I figured she would scream at me and hate me, but she completely surprised me by getting furious at her father and begging me to let her help me teach him a lesson.

The Christmas party was actually her idea. She was going to introduce me as her new boyfriend and at some point, during the evening I was going to create a scene by publicly confronting her Dad about fucking my wife. We never dreamed that he would punch me."