No Way Back

"What did you say to him? It must have been bad for him to punch you. Craig Miller came across as some kind of metrosexual. Hell Chris, I bet he had never thrown a punch in his whole life."

"Yeah, what I said was pretty bad. It was a few hours into the party and everyone had been drinking a bit when I finally found myself alone with him. He was asking some questions about how I met his daughter when I leaned in close to him and asked if he knew who I was.

Before he could answer, I began yelling at him that I was married to the woman that he fucked in Miami last February. I continued to tell him that I was just using his daughter like a disposable sex toy like he used you and that I planned to throw her away when I was finished with her.

That's when he punched me in the side of the head. He obviously didn't have a clue what he was doing because all he managed to do was break his hand and that's not good when you make your living as a surgeon.

So, I punched him in the face and stomped on his crotch while yelling at him that maybe he should think twice before he fucked another man's wife again and that was the end of it until the police showed up.

There were a couple of hundred witnesses that confirmed that he hit me first and that I was just defending myself. When they finished, the police asked if I wanted to press charges and I declined and left the party. Danielle called me the next day and said that all hell broke loose after I left when her mother lost it. She said that it took both her and her sister to pull her mother off of Craig."

When he finished with his story, neither of us knew what to say, so we just sat there quietly for a few minutes. It was Chris who finally broke the silence. "On a happier note, I have good news about my book."

"Really? Does that mean that you've finished it?"

"Yeah, I finished it a few months ago. But the good news is that my friend Holly works for a big publishing house in New York City and she agreed to read my book and give me some feedback. She loved it and gave me a few suggestions to make it better and when I was finished, she offered to present it to her boss. She really thinks I have a chance to get it published."

"That's great. But tell me, is this your friend Holly from Clemson?"

"Yeah, we've kept in touch on Facebook over the years and when I posted something about working on a book, she reached out and offered to help me."

I was really happy for Chris because I knew how much he had dreamed of writing a novel. But I have to admit, it broke my heart a little to hear that Holly was helping him. Chris had met Holly during our first year at Clemson and they hit it off immediately.

Chris was on a football scholarship and all of the scholarship players were required to participate in a mandatory tutoring program and Holly was assigned to Chris as his tutor. Chris was a straight A student and didn't need a tutor, but all of the players were required to meet with their tutor twice a week.

The two of them immediately hit it off over their love of reading and literature. They were also both English majors and knew a lot of the same people. I was instantly jealous. But, as far as I know, nothing inappropriate ever happened between them. In fact, the three of us had hung out together on a number of occasions.

We talked a little more about the book and what the next steps were in the publishing process before saying goodbye and promising to keep in contact before we left. I think we both intended to keep that promise, but life just seemed to move us in different directions and other than following each other on social media, we wouldn't actually see each other again for over ten years.

After the divorce, I buried myself in my teaching and tried to just move on. Then, about six months later, my sister Maddy called and asked, "have you seen Chris' book?"

"No. I looked a few months ago, but Amazon didn't have any books published by Chris Barton."

"That's because it's not published under his last name. He used his middle name. Look it up again, but this time search for Christopher Daniels."

I grabbed my iPad and did a quick search and there it was. "Oh my God Maddy! He's number one on the New York Times best sellers list."

"I know, isn't that crazy? By the way, I've read the book and it's really good. I've just finished it, so whenever you want, you can get it from me and read it yourself."

I did read it and Maddy was right, it was really good. In fact, over the next few years, Chris became one of the top thriller writers in the country. There were very few weeks that he didn't have a book on the best sellers list.

For me, I focused on teaching and learning how to be happy single. I completely avoided dating for the first year after the divorce, still hoping that maybe Chris would come back. I knew in my heart that he was gone forever, but I just wasn't ready to let him go. Over time though, I accepted that he was never coming back and tried to move on.

I dated occasionally over the years. I even had some long-term relationships, but anytime things began to get too serious, I would find a way to sabotage it. I often wondered if Chris had ever remarried, but information about his private life was almost nonexistent online.

It was a little over ten years after our divorce was final before I ran into him again. My parents had rented a house on a little island south of Charleston, SC at a place called Edisto Beach. I had come down with them along with my sister, her husband and their two kids.

The first night there, my Mom made a big low-country boil to introduce us to island life. It was a big pot of shrimp and crab legs with potatoes, corn on the cobb, and sausage. While we were eating, my parents told us the truth about why we were there.

They weren't renting this house they had bought it. They had been coming down here for the last five or six years and fell in love with the place. They decided a few months back that they wanted to move down here when they retire in a few years and when this house became available, they went ahead and bought it.

We were all really happy. Hell, who doesn't want to have parents with a beach house and an open invitation to visit whenever we want. It wasn't until after dinner when Maddy was putting the kids to bed that my mother dropped the other bomb on me while we were sitting on the deck listening to the waves.

"Honey, there's something else we should probably tell you about the house."

"What's that Mom?"

"Well, it has to do with how we found out about this place," she said before pausing for a few seconds to collect her thoughts. "Your Dad and I found out about this place when Chris invited us down for the weekend."

"I see. So, you're telling me that Chris just called you up after all of these years and invited you to spend the weekend with him at the beach?"

"Not exactly. The truth is that we've kept in touch with him after you guys divorced. We've even gone to several of his book signings when he came back to Raleigh. You have to understand that he was always like a son to us and we couldn't just walk away. Heck, we've watched him grow up and when you guys were dating, he was at our house more than he was at his own."

"So how many times have you been here with him?"

"I don't know. We come down every October for the island tour that the historical society organizes. Me, his mom, and Holly go on the tour and the guys go shrimping. When we get home, we do one of those low country boils like we had tonight and eat out on the deck."

"Holly? Is this the same Holly that helped him with his first book?"

"Yes dear. But their married now and have three of the cutest little babies that you've ever seen."

I just sat there stunned. All of those fears of Holly and Chris that I had back in college came flooding back. I knew that she was after him back then and I opened the door and threw them back together when I cheated.

"This is just a guess Mom, but I'm assuming that Chris has a house here on the island?"

"Yes, he does. In fact, he owns that big grey house next door with the pool. I'm sure we will run into him from time to time when we're here. That's why I wanted you to know all of this."

"Mom. He's not down here this week, is he? Please tell me that you haven't planned some big reunion between us."

"I don't know if he's here or not dear. But you're going to have to talk to him again sometime. He asks about you all the time and I think he and Holly would both welcome being friends with you again."

Several days went by and I was constantly watching Chris's house for any sign of activity. Then on Wednesday, Maddy and I were sitting on the beach watching her kids play when I spotted Holly. She was playing with her kids, building a big sand castle on the beach in front of her house.

She looked exactly like she did when we were in college. She even still had that fitness model body of hers. I couldn't help but think that there was no way that three kids had come out of that body. Suddenly, I was feeling really self-conscious about the fifteen pounds I had added over the years.

I watched them for a while and I had to admit that my mom was right. There kids were adorable. They looked like little stairsteps with probably about two years between them. The oldest two were boys who looked just like Chris, but the youngest was a cut little curly haired brunette that looked like Holly. She couldn't have been over two years old.

I was still staring at them when Holly looked up and noticed me. My worst fear came true when she obviously recognized me and waved before heading over our way. "Hey Mallory, I thought we may see you this week. You're looking great by the way."

"Hey Holly it's good to see you again too," I lied. "You don't look like you've changed a bit since college. I can't believe you look this great after having three kids who are, by the way, adorable."

"Well, you know what it's like to be married to a personal trainer. He may write books for a living now, but he still loves to train and he drags me with him every day. But that's not what I came over to talk about. I wanted to see if you would be available to come over for dinner tonight?"

"Uh, I guess so. Can I ask who else is going to be there?"

"No one else. It'll just be you, me, and the kids. Chris won't be down for a few more days and I thought this may give the two of us a chance to catch up. I know that it may be a little awkward for you and Chris, but with your parents living next door, you guys are going to run into each other occasionally so we may as well put that behind us now.

Besides, when Chris gets down on Friday, I've already invited your Mom to bring the whole gang over for a big party. So, I'll see you around 6:00." And with that, she walked back to her kids and helped them finish their sandcastle.

So, at 6:00, I showed up at her door with a bottle of wine, not really sure what to expect. I don't know what I was so worried about, because we had a really nice time. Before dinner, Holly introduced me to the kids. Dalton was the oldest and he was six. His brother Austin was four and little Callie was almost two.

It was fun listening to the kids talk about what they had done at the beach that day and fill me in about all the fun things that had planned when their dad got here on Friday. It was also a little sad, because this was the life Chris and I had always dreamed about when we were together.

After dinner, Holly got the kids settled in to watch a movie before she and I grabbed another glass of wine and headed out onto the deck to relax. We sat there listening to the waves break on the ocean for a while and it was so peaceful. I could sense that she wanted to talk about something, but I didn't push it. I just sat and enjoyed the ocean sounds and waited for her to speak.

Eventually, she got up her nerve and said, "Mallory, I want you to know that back when we were in college that there was never anything but friendship between me and Chris. I always wanted more, but he made it clear that he only had eyes for you."

"That's good to hear," I said. "You may not have known it, but I was always jealous of you. I would listen to you guys talk about books you were reading and I kind of felt left out. I was so scared that he was going to leave me for you even though he always reassured me that he didn't want to be with anyone but me."

"I can tell you now, that you never had anything to worry about. Hell, every conversation that we had ended up with him talking about his plans for when you guys graduated and got married and had children. Then, after I graduated, I only interacted with him on Facebook and it was always innocent.

We didn't really connect until I read on Facebook about him writing a book and reached out to him and offered to help him, I knew he had been dreaming about writing a book since college, so I humored him and told him to send me a draft and I would tell him what I thought. I figured I would read a few chapters and let him down gently, but I never expected that it would as good as it was.

I knew instantly that it was really good. In fact, it was better than any thriller book that I had read in years. I suggested a few minor changes and then convinced him to let me present it to my boss. She loved it as well and the rest is history.

I managed to get myself assigned to oversee his book promotion which led to us seeing a lot of each other. Being with him constantly during his book tour made a lot of those old feelings resurface for me, but I didn't push him. I knew that you guys were recently divorced and he just didn't seem ready for a new relationship, so I just tried to be his friend."

"So, how did you and Chris end up together?" I asked.

"After he signed his deal, he went back to Charlotte and I began working on the promotional campaign. Over the months while we were waiting, I made several trips to Charlotte to make preparations for the release.

He wasn't really keen on the idea, but I convinced him to change his look. My boss and I felt like if we gave him a makeover and gave him this James Bond kind of a look that it would help sell his novel."

"I guess that explains the new haircut. I almost didn't recognize him in the photo on the back of his book."

"Yeah, that was me. Anyway, we started spending a lot of time together and rekindled our friendship. It was almost like we were back at Clemson. But he wasn't ready for a romantic relationship. In fact, he kind of went crazy after you guys divorced.

I wasn't there 24/7, but I'm not naïve. You lived with him, so you now that he was a bit of a slob. Anyway, it seemed that every time I stopped by to see him in that apartment he was living in over the gym, I would find either a pair of women's panties or a bra and he must have been keeping a collection of broken condom wrappers because the pile on the table beside his bed kept growing bigger every time I was there.

I knew that what he was doing wasn't going to help him get over you, but his ego was bruised and I figured that maybe this would help him feel better about himself again. Then, it was like a perfect storm. His book was released and he had women throwing themselves at him."

"Wow, I knew that women did that with actors and singers, but I never imagined that it was that way with authors," I said.

"Well, let me tell you, it is exactly the same way with authors. He wrote this book that really appealed to both men and women, but when you go to these book signings, probably seventy-five percent of the people there are women. By the end of each book signing, he would probably have eight to ten phone numbers from different women.

So, for the next couple of months, we toured the country promoting his book and he only spent a couple of nights alone. It was always the same pattern, we would finish the signing, have an early dinner, and then he would excuse himself, telling me that he was going to his room to work on his second book.

But I knew the truth because this wasn't my first rodeo. I knew he was sneaking off to meet some woman that had left her number for him at the signing and that before the night was through that she would end up back in his room."

"Oh my God," I said, "I can't believe he did all of that. It's so unlike the Chris I know. I guess I knew that I had hurt him, but I never knew that it was that bad."

"Yeah, I was pretty angry at you back then. I just couldn't understand how you could have hurt him like you did. All I could think about was how much he loved you when we were back in school. I don't know if you knew it or not, but I really had a thing for him back then, but he never gave me any indication that he was interested in anything beyond friendship.

Hell, I was around a lot of football players back then and all of them were fucking a different girl every other night, but not Chris. He was too committed to his perfect Mallory. And then, I found out that you cheated on him and I was furious with you.

I get it now. I guess maybe I've matured a bit and understand that even really good people are capable of doing bad things. It doesn't make them a bad person, it just makes them human. Hell, I've fucked up as much as anyone and I don't think I'm a bad person."

"So, how did he finally put it all behind him?" I asked.

"So, we had a two week break during the tour and on our last night before heading home, he told me that he really liked me and asked if I would go out with him on a real date some time. I turned him down, because there was no way that I was going to be another one of his one-night-stands.

He was quiet for a while and I knew that I had probably hurt his feelings. So, I worked up my nerve and asked him if he knew why I wouldn't go out with him. I'm pretty sure that he knew, but he wouldn't say it, so I did. I told him that I had been attracted to him since we were in college and that I really liked him, but that I would never go out with him as long as he was sleeping around with all of these women.

That was the end of it for a while and we didn't talk about it again for about a month. We both spent two weeks at home and the next time I saw him was when I picked him up at the airport in Chicago for the next leg of the book tour."

"That sounds like Chris. When he got his feelings hurt, he would pout and ignore me for a while, but eventually, he would come around."

"Well, when we started on the next leg of the tour, he continued to go to dinner with me, but instead of excusing himself to go meet some groupie, he would spend the rest of the evening with me.

On the last night, he made his move. He told me that he had been thinking about what I said and that he hadn't been with anyone since we talked a month earlier. Then, he asked me if it had been long enough for me to know that he was serious and that he really wanted me to go out with him.

I couldn't help but think that he was such a typical man, and by typical man, I mean clueless. He didn't even realize that we had been dating for the past two weeks. We went to dinner together every night and then out for drinks. We even went dancing a few times. The only thing we didn't do was have sex. And the rest is, as they say history."

By this time, I was crying. For the first time, I realized how much I had damaged him with my affair. After that day when I came home from Miami and spilled my guts, I always thought that he would get over it if I just gave him time. I just thought that it was as simple as him forgiving me and remembering the great life that we had built together over the years.

You know, we all understand on some level that the choices we make all have consequences, but what we rarely think about is how sometimes our choices also have consequences for the people we love most.