Noah

"Not all of'm, and that's a good way to tell if their blonde is real or not. So you cool?"

"As a cucumber," I lied, smiling at him.

He snorted. "I'll let that slip this time, but as soon as you feel up to talking about it, you're tellin' me the truth."

I gave him a real smile then, a grateful one, then reached over and squeezed his hand.

It didn't take long at the police station, showing them the texts, telling them what happened. They'd seen a lot of it on the news. Josiah stepped outside with two officers, and when he came back, they only nodded at the man behind the desk.

Heading back to Justins, I was happily eating my happy meal, a favorite joke of Josiahs, when he finally spoke again. "I'm serious, Sut. Say the word and he'll disappear from this world."

"I'm serious too, Jos. He hasn't really done anything to warrant that, he's just... obsessed and kind of a prick to other people, especially girls. As long as he leaves me in peace, I'm fine. I'll go back to forgetting he exists."

Josiah let out an annoyed breath, like he'd really wanted my permission.

Justin jumped up and looked excited when we came back, five faces looking at me curiously as Justin led me in.

"Later, Pickle!" Josiah called, his nickname for when we were going to talk later. For when I was not cool as a cucumber.

Justin shut the door as Josiah left, then leaned down and kissed me in front of his friends.

It was the first thing he'd done that I felt like was a douche move. Like he was showing off and bragging that he had a girlfriend, like he was claiming ownership.

Turning away, I gave him a tight smile, then let him lead me to the chair that was probably usually his. He had a dining chair next to it. Shaking my head, I motioned him to the recliner, then sat on his knee.

"So, this is Sutton. My girlfriend?" Justin offered hesitantly.

"Nice to meet you," I told them all quickly as they stared like they were waiting for the punchline.

"She plays. Umm... rolled you a character, beautiful, if you wanna play? Pixie Druid?"

"Sounds perfect," I smiled, taking the character sheet. "Next week? I'll watch today, I'm a little tired."

"Oh, yeah, duh. So, this is Gary, he's the healer..."

He introduced his friends who all looked wary, like they thought I was some paid prop to fool them. I could tell not one of them believed I wanted to play, or knew how. I didn't really care, I had nothing to prove to them. Halfway in, I finally sat up. "Cole, why do you use a dex weapon?"

He snorted. "Why shouldn't I?"

"You're a barbarian, you're going to lose rage bonus modifiers every time you level. You're already down a couple points."

"It's a magic weapon."

"Still losing your attack bonus when you rage," I yawned.

Gary leaned up, flipping through his phone. "She's right. You lose more and more every time you level up."

Cole turned red and shrugged. "I like what I have," he grumbled. "But maybe if I find something better I'll switch." The look he gave Justin wasn't pleasant, and Justin looked smug.

"He coach you?" Justin #2 asked. They all called him Justin #2 and I thought that was lame. They missed an opportunity for a nickname rather than just going by his name, which happened to be the same as the DM's, so he got #2 tacked on.

So lame.

"He didn't need to," I sighed, curling into Justin sleepily. "I've been playing since I was ten and I have a head for remembering stats and numbers and stuff."

"Tired, Beautiful? Need to lay down?"

"We boring you?" Justin #2 asked derisively.

"She has POTS, it makes her tired a lot," Justin offered, pulling a blanket over me and adjusting me so I could lay down on his lap.

"Pot makes me sleepy too," Gary offered. "You have more?"

"POTS. It's a sickness, she's sick. It's why she wasn't up to playing, she got... she has episodes and they make her tired when they happen. Not all the time, just sometimes and they can be triggered. She had an episode before you all got here."

"So who was that dude who brought you in?" Steven asked softly, blushing.

"He's only into BBBW's," I mumbled.

"BBBW?"

"Big beautiful black women," Justin filled in as I drifted off.

I woke again to Justin shaking me slightly and rubbing noses with me. "I'd let you keep sleeping, my beautiful little bear, but you have classes today I'm sure. Sorry it's so early, I have to get to work and that means I have to drop you off first. Say the word and you can stay here, sleep in and I'll take you back when I'm off work."

"Nnn," I managed, wincing. "I need to go to class."

"I figured. I have pain meds, but I want you to eat first, ok? Come on, I have a to go bag for the car. I let you sleep as long as I could."

Getting back to classes was cathartic. Justin and I texted when we could and he kept me smiling constantly.

Of Noah there was no sign.

I got a lot of looks and some people even took pics of me as I walked by. Cicely glared as I came in that evening and went up to my room, but said nothing.

As the week went on, I discovered, through Dee, that ION and POP had cut ties. ION had sent a dissolution of contract over via actual lawyer. Cicely had signed it without even reading it and now she was mad at the world over having been 'tricked'.

I stayed clear of her and her friends, focusing on my schoolwork and Justin.

We had fun, always laughing and I got to know his friends better too, and his sisters. I opted out of his Tuesday game, but played with him on Fridays and Sundays.

Eventually, things settled into a routine. I saw Noah a few times on the quad and he would always look away like he hadn't been watching me. He never came near me and I was happy with that. I learned not to look around. I didn't have to watch for him, he wouldn't come close.

Justin and I tried a few more times to have sex, but the issue was he couldn't get off unless he was going hard and it made me pass out every time. We fooled around still and did other things, but I knew he was getting frustrated.

Christmas came and I met all of his family, then he met mine. The month following seemed to get harder. He made a few comments about how his dad had said I was too young. His mom had mentioned kids and Justin had gone quiet and changed the subject. His sisters also began mentioning things like marriage and kids, telling Justin he was about to turn 30 and he wasn't getting younger.

It was stressful.

I canceled Friday night D&D via text, knowing I had to choose Friday or Sunday that week, I had a test coming.

'Sut, you know the rule? Three in a row and you're out?' he texted back.

Shit. 'Then I will have to skip Sunday, this test is important. Sorry.'

'It's ok. Go ahead and skip tonight, it's too much for as much as you study anyway. It's fine. The guys were already talking about how often you missed. Just focus on Sundays and that's good enough, ok? Good luck on your test.'

He'd seemed ok with it, but he hardly texted me back all weekend.

Sunday, I stumbled hurrying down the stairs and rolled the last four steps. I wasn't hurt, but it had jarred me and made me sick. He didn't answer my text at all when Dee texted him to say I wasn't coming.

It didn't surprise me, Monday evening, to see him waiting in the parking lot when I got out of my last class. Closing the distance, I knew it wasn't good. He gave me his sad, crooked smile.

"It's for the best," I told him quickly with a shrug and tight smile, trying hard not to cry in front of him.

"I didn't even say anything," he told me gently, an eyebrow going high.

"But I know. I'm too young, I can't have kids, we can't have sex, I have a lot of fucked up shit going on and I'm too busy right now."

"I wanted to wait... to when you were out of college and not so busy, but... I've gotten to know you Sutton. That's never going to change. You're... involved. You focus. And yeah... I want kids, but adopting is fine with me. The issue isn't that, or your illness. It's just..."

"I'll always be too busy," I nodded softly, knowing he was right. It was who I was. When i got out of school and started working, I would pour myself into that too.

"I thought... if... you know, I loved you enough, you would turn that focus on me. But you never did. You never have. You never will. I love you, Sutton, I love you a lot, but you'll never feel the same. You like me, sure, you even love me in a way, but... not like I need to be loved. I can't be second to a job or school and that's not fair to you right now, school's important to you. So, maybe... in a few years, if we find each other again and you're ready to settle down and love me?"

I smiled sadly. I adored Justin, I loved spending time with him, but I knew I didn't love him. Not like that. Josiah had been on me for a couple of months to end it, it wasn't going anywhere at all and it would end badly if I didn't.

A lump swelled in my throat. "Yeah," I managed in a hoarse whisper. "See you around I guess. Tell the crew I said bye."

Spinning, I hurried away. I know he took a few steps after me, but I started running, not wanting anyone to see me crying.

I cried all night, then didn't go to classes on Tuesday, feeling despondent. It was the right thing, I knew it was, but it still broke my heart. I felt like I had lost my best friend. Why couldn't I have loved him, he was perfect?

Wednesday was hard on me. Cicely sent me back up twice, saying my face wasn't good enough and my hair was a mess. She was always exacting, but usually I passed her strict vetting at the door every morning.

Thursday, she glared. "What is WRONG with you?" she demanded. "You have two different shoes on?"

Looking down, I did. Sighing, I went back up and Dee followed me, looking worried. We weren't close friends, but she was the closest I had here in the house.

"You ok?"

"As a cucumber," I mumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing. I'm fine."

"Is it your sickness?"

"No... Justin and I broke up. It just... sucks."

"Oh no! I'm sorry! He seemed nice, I guess," she offered, then hurried away as I changed my shoes.

Cicely was smiling when I came back down. "So you and the freak broke up?" she asked happily.

"Do I pass inspection or not?" I sighed, feeling grumpy at Dee now.

"You KNOW it's in the rules that you tell me your status," she pressed.

"My status is single. Do I pass?"

"No. Go do your hair."

Sighing, I went back up, then debated on just falling back into bed.

That evening, I got a text from Josiah out of nowhere. 'OMW'

Blinking at it, I wondered what was up, but went back to my homework.

It was Cicely who showed Josiah to my room, smiling up at him with every ounce of bubbling charm she had.

"Hey asshole, what's up? Come in and sit down?"

"Nah. Come on, let's take a ride."

"New boyfriend?" Cicely asked uncertainly.

"She wishes. No way. Brother. Ish. Let's go, ugly."

Smiling, I got up and let Josiah drag me down the stairs. At the bottom i pulled to halt and stared.

Noah was sitting in the dining room with a girl hanging on him, almost in his lap.

Pulling away from Josiah, I marched in and Noah looked up, watching me come to him. "You aren't supposed to be within 20 feet of me!"

He raised an eyebrow, looking me over. "I was sitting still, Sutton. You came to me."

"Why are you here?" I demanded.

"I'm here all the time. Why are YOU here? You're the one that's usually gone."

I considered that. I was usually either gone or holed up in my room. For all I knew, Noah Albright lived here.

Josiah caught my hand and pulled me away, leading me out to his car as I stressed. "Another new car?" I asked, looking it over.

"The porsche was getting old."

"What is this?"

"Bugatti."

"It's almost as ugly as you are," I told him as he got in. "So what's up?" I asked as he pulled away.

"You tell me. You and pencil dick really break up?"

"Who told you that?"

"He really dump you and you were missing classes?"

"Who told you that?!?" I demanded angrily. "It wasn't like that! Tell me who told you? And how!"

"I got an anonymous text, but the stupid fucker doesn't know who and what I am. I have people on it. Noah texted me and told me you needed me, you were here alone with no friends and Justin had broken your heart. Dumped you and you were sick over it. You don't look sick to me."

I let out a confused sigh. Noah had reached out to Josiah on my behalf?

"We broke up, and I am upset, but... it was sort of mutual. I knew it was going nowhere. He came to me to break up with me, but I wasn't mad or anything. I knew. I was upset because I lost a good friend and it hurt. It hurts, Jos. A lot. I didn't want to bother you with it, I know you're busy."

"Bullshit, Sut! If I'm your best friend, then I deserve to be treated like it! I tell you every single time my heart gets broken!"

"I'm sorry, Jos! I just... wanted to wallow a bit I guess. And... I didn't want to hear I told you so's and bad things about him. It wasn't a bad breakup, I think we're still friends mostly... I just... I don't know."

"So we're not best friends anymore? You're too afraid to tell me because you think I'm an asshole now?"

"You've always been an asshole," I smiled sadly.

"So what do you need to get out of this funk? A pity fuck? A little tongue action? I have this guy that says he can get any girl off with his mouth in less than three minutes, guaranteed. I sort of want to see if he's bullshitting me."

I laughed. "Not offering yourself up, I see."

"Gross. No. Shit, do you want that? To fuck me?"

"Not in your wildest dreams. Can we have pizza? That place with the arcade?"

"Fuck. A stuffed animal, really? That's what will help?"

"It will," I smiled, excited at the thought of an evening of ski ball and video games with a cheap prize at the end.

The giant giraffe I dragged into the dorm with me after midnight was a bit worse for wear after being folded into the small sports car on my side with me. There were still people up in the dining room, talking and laughing. Turning to look as I walked past, I met Noah's gaze. He said nothing as he looked me over, then the giraffe, then looked back down to the cards in his hand.

Hurrying on, I went up the stairs quickly. It was nice that he'd done that for me, contacted my friend, but I still wished he would stay out of my business and my life.

Two nights later when I came in, Cicely informed me I would be required to join in on a couple game nights per week now that I was single. It was a requirement and my medical waiver said nothing about games. Social interaction was a big part of the sisterhood and now that things were different, the sisters were focusing on each other more.

Looking around the room, I noted there were men, but none of them were Noah. I agreed to come in and join them and sat down next to Dee who grinned at me.

Not ten minutes later, just after everyone had decided on Pictionary, Noah was dragged in by one of the Senior sisters who was smiling at him. He looked bored until he sat down and his eyes scanned the room, stopping on me. He went stiff, his eyes going to the door, then back to me as if he were waiting for me to speak up and tell him he had to leave.

My face red, I refused to acknowledge him at all.

Teams were drawn and he ended on my team, though that wasn't a big deal. There were six others on our team besides us. I ignored him.

I'd never played the game before, but I caught on quickly... until it was my turn to draw. I looked at the card, drew the movie symbol in the corner, then waited on the timer as I thought about how to draw it out.

When it started, I drew a crosshairs, the chemical symbol for red dye, then a jack-o-lantern.

"Hunt For Red October," Noah stated calmly.

I put down the marker, showing the card to Cicely to show her he was right.

"What even IS that?" Gwen asked, nudging Noah.

"The chemical symbol for red dye," he told her softly.

"And you know that how?"

"She's not the smartest person in the room, she just thinks she is," he responded back, loud enough that I was supposed to hear.

After that it became a contest. Any time he or I were up, we went completely obscure and nerdy with it. Both of us guessed each other's every single time.

"I'm not sure you really understand how to play," Dee told me halfway through the game. "Literally no one can understand what you're drawing."

"It's been guessed correctly every time," I told her lightly, my eyes flitting across the room. Noah's eyes were lit up with a sort of competitive joy.

He was last up. A book. He drew a + sign next to an E, then a carrot, then a piece of pie.

"Anne of Green Gables," I guessed.

Laughing, he dropped the marker.

"How in the HELL is that Anne of Green Gables? There's no house with a green roof or anything!"

"She always notes that her name has an E on the end, Gilbert called her Carrots and they are on Prince Edward Island., the acronym an anagram of Pie," I spoke up.

"That's... ridiculous. How is anyone supposed to guess that?"

"She did," Noah shrugged.

"You tried hard to cheat," I informed him smugly.

"I just didn't make it easy."

"I guessed six, you only guessed five."

"You were only up five times."

"Give me another card," I demanded, getting up.

It was three in the morning before I went upstairs, grinning in victory. I'd beat him! Again! It felt good to have that push back, that drive and competition.

That Saturday when Cicely called me in to play again, I went eagerly. Cards wasn't my thing, especially not spades, but it was easy to learn. Switching tables every 100 points was a fun way to play with new people and talk to people I hadn't gotten a chance to know.

No men showed up until after ten, all of them coming from another function that I didn't ask about. Glancing around, Noah was with them. Gwen went to him and tried to hug him, but he just smiled at her and patted her arm before moving to sit down next to one of his friends. "We were invited over to play a game?" he asked loudly, looking at Cicely.

"Yes, but we haven't chosen yet," she announced, moving to sit across from him. "I was thinking a drinking game this time."

I stood up to leave.

"Not required for anyone who can't or doesn't want to!" Cicely called quickly. "JUST if you want to. And maybe some strip poker after the first few rounds?"

"What game? And what do non drinkers have to do if they lose?" Noah asked.

"Seven minutes in heaven?" she offered.

There were cheers and I leaned close to Dee, "I'll see you tomorrow."

When I turned, Noah was standing. "You all have fun. I don't want to ruin anyone's night by stressing them when they should be having fun," he offered, his eyes jumping to me, then away quickly.

"Don't go!" Gwen pouted.

"It's for the best anyway," he smiled. "I told you we could hang out and I would tutor you, but no more. You're getting the wrong idea. Goodnight."

He left, going out the front door quickly.

"That was weird?" Lena offered.

"Is it?" Mason asked, his eyes settling on me. "He wanted her to stay and have fun without worrying that they would get paired off somehow. Don't worry, I know how you feel about me too. I'm opting for alcohol, not the closet. Stay."

Blushing, I felt angry. I wanted to go, but I felt like if I did, he would have the satisfaction of having run me off. Anyway, it might be fun to kiss a stranger in a closet. Not that I would lose.

The game turned out to be spoons. Spoons was not my game. They ran two tables, one for drinkers and one for non drinkers and I was of course the first one out. I had to sit back and wait for my closet partner, looking around and hoping he wouldn't be awful. My eyes stopped on a shorter man, his eyes on me, smiling softly. He was cute in a bookish way, not normal ION material. Leaning up, I said as much.