Noah's Starship Ch. 02

Navid turned to look at me just as the blonde guy was firing up a lighter on a small, green, glass pipe he held to Navid's lips. He sucked in as his eyes registered my presence, and then he smiled and blew out. He took the pipe, handed it to the white guy and then jumped up happily. The guy turned and looked at me with jealous anger as Navid ran to greet me.

I dropped the wrapped paper package with the cookies and get well message. It landed with a smack against the cold tile floor and I started to back away as my heart thumped wildly against my chest. Navid froze then and it dawned on him that no, I was not happy to see him. I wasn't happy to see him not sick. I wasn't happy to see him smoking pot with his friends. I was least happy about seeing him cuddling up shirtless with some old dude who was still staring at me like his eyes held bullets.

I was struggling to breathe and my brain was screaming at me to get the hell out of there.

"Noah, you... drop something. Come here to me," Navid said with confusion. He bent down to pick up the package. I started to turn and walk back towards the door before he could reach me.

"Wait, no go. You are upset? Why? I explain to you." He was following me back towards the front door. I just needed to get out of there before I started crying like a five year old.

"I have to go. Just wanted to leave those," I said without looking back at him. I tried to sound like I didn't care. I tried to not sound like I was on the edge of crying. I hate cry voice. I put my hand on the doorknob and felt his hand grip my bicep. He pulled me back towards him roughly and squeezed my arm with too much force. I felt a shot of pain in my arm and my mouth made this weird pain sound I'd never done before. I wasn't even sure it came from me.

He let go of my arm and started to apologize, but then tried to pull me in for a hug or something comforting and I pushed him away. I saw the white guy creeping up behind Navid and looking at us with curiosity like I was some weird homeless guy who'd floated in. He didn't have even the smallest look of shame for what he had been doing with the guy I loved, the guy who had said he loved me. I felt my stomach flop around inside me angrily. It only fueled my need to get out of there.

"I need to go home! Please!" I yelled, but Navid was confused and kept trying to comfort me and look at where he'd hurt my arm. He was pushing me back towards the living room, maybe towards his bedroom.

It brought the attention of the other guys. They rushed over and Aram and some guy I didn't recognize pulled Navid back. They were saying things to him in Persian as he was trying to push past them. Other guys joined in to hold Navid back. His face looked pained and confused as he kept his eyes on me. I wanted to leave but had gotten turned around so that now Navid and the scuffle were between me and the front door.

They were arguing with Navid and trying to calm him down, but he kept his eyes on me and was saying something in Persian. His eyes were red with worry, or maybe shame, or maybe too much pot. He must have been trying to explain things to them, but they weren't giving in.

"You sure do know how to cause a scene, dude. We were all chill before you showed up with your problems," The older white guy said to me in a very gay voice as he rubbed a hand over his chest. I noted a tent in his shorts and he just shrugged with a carefree smile that made my skin crawl.

"I need to leave," I said to him.

"Yes, yes you do," he replied dryly.

Navid switched from Persian to English and I turned back to see he was looking at me with sadness and anger and confusion.

"No! Let me help him. Noah!, Look! He hurts himself! I need help him! He hurts himself!" Navid said to the guys as he sank down to his knees helplessly.

"Come Noah, I'll show you out this way. You go home and I take care of him." Aram put his hand on my shoulder and pushed me out to the kitchen and then through a side door. He walked me around to my bike and then asked if I was ok to bike home. I nodded and he gave my shoulder a squeeze before I took off.

It wasn't until I had stopped, waiting for the light to cross Burbank, that it sank in what Navid meant by "he hurts himself." My hands were bleeding where I'd made unintentional fists and dug my nails into my palms. I hadn't done that in so long. It was a welcome relief like the pain escaping my chest. I knew my father would be upset... disappointed.

I actually laughed then because I remembered I'd promised him I wouldn't do that anymore... as if I had any control over it. But he'd also promised that he loved me and he obviously wasn't interested in keeping up with that. I started to wonder what he and the white guy had done together and if he made him feel as good as I did.

My palms were sticky but the bleeding had stopped. I messed up my shorts trying to get my phone out and hoped Erik would be close by. I told him what had happened and he said he would head over right away.

+++

"I knew he was like that. They're all like that; those foreign closeted guys! Fucktards, all of them with their religions that only allow them to use their dicks and never their hearts. They have to hide so much of themselves and who they are. It fucks up any chance they have at having something real with another guy. They end up in really freaky shit and can't commit!" Erik never missed a chance to be right, but he was hugging me as we sat on my living room floor leaned up against the couch.

He had cleaned up my hands as he blamed Navid for everything wrong with the world.

"But I love him and I thought..." I started but didn't know how to finish that sentence.

"Of course you did. You weren't raised to be ashamed of yourself. You are a trusting, sweet guy. You deserve so much more, Noah. We know so many guys who would do anything to make you happy and you go after some unattainable Arab man." Erik was warming up for a long lecture as he rubbed my back.

"He's not Arab, he's Persian." I pointed out between sniffled tears.

"Whatever! Don't defend him! Navid is garbage, Noah. Garbage knows no culture. I've met plenty of openly gay Arab and Persian guys without all that baggage. He's in California now and needs to get used to it." Erik sneered.

"He's not garbage... I just thought he wanted more," I whispered.

"I know. I'm sorry. I don't mean to make you feel worse. You deserve better though," He whispered back to me.

We just sat there on the floor together for over an hour as he talked me through it. I got the lecture on dating closeted guys and then one about the fact that I will go on and thrive and be stronger and whatever other pop song lyric that floated into his head.

And then my dad came home.

"What is going on, Noah? I got a call from Navid saying you were very upset and he did something stupid and you had a misunderstanding." My dad rushed to kneel in front of me without greeting Erik.

Erik filled him in on what I had told him and then the two of them debated what to do with me. My dad thanked Erik for being there for me and told him he would stay with me. I think he wanted Erik to go and I know he wanted to bring down the drama level that Erik always carried. Erik gave me a hug, made me promise to attend the LGBT student group meeting to vote for him, and then he left.

"He said it was a misunderstanding, Noah... and I have to say that I'm very, very happy that you were upset about him smoking pot... but... but sometimes adults do that. I've done it. It's not any worse than having a drink, which is ALSO something you should NEVER do. Drinking is bad. Ugh... I just... I raised you to be a very straight and narrow path kind of kid. I wanted you to be better than me. I guess I should be happy that it worked." My dad said.

"He lied to me," I said flatly. I was staring ahead as my dad took Erik's place at my side and hugged me into his chest.

"I know. I'm not excusing what he did. It's bad. But I also know how he feels about you. I know how he tries to be a better man because he wants a future with you. People mess up, Noah. You can't just write them off forever." My dad was defending Navid. I couldn't believe it.

"You think he's good for me," I said.

"I don't think anyone will ever be good enough for my child. If you want to move on from him, I support you completely. I will always support you when you think for yourself. What I'm saying is don't be so quick to judge what you think you saw. I just can't see him sleeping around with someone else like that. I could be wrong... It just doesn't sound like him." He rubbed my shoulder and kissed the top of my head.

We just sat there for a long time on the floor until I heard his stomach rumble. It was past dinner time and I hadn't made anything. My dad's phone buzzed and he fished it out of his pocket.

"He's outside if you want to talk to him. I'm going to order a pizza if that's ok?" Dad was definitely hungry.

"Yeah, sounds good." I stood up and went to the front window. Navid was sitting in his car looking up at the apartment.

"It's ok if I go out there?" I asked and my dad nodded. He was already ordering the pizza.

I slipped on a pair of shoes and grabbed a hoodie. The sun was setting and the air was changing to a cool, breezy night. Navid's face lit up when he saw me open the front door. He hopped out of his car and came towards me. He was wearing a pair of black gym shorts and a red tank top with flip flops. His face looked blotchy and his eyes looked very tired. His black hair was messed up and pushed back. On him, it was still a hot look.

"You can talk to me?" He asked with a soft voice as he walked towards the steps to my place.

"Here?" I asked. He shook his head and came up the stairs for me.

He went inside and I heard him ask my dad if it was ok if he took me to talk somewhere. My dad agreed but told him I hadn't eaten yet.

"I will feed him. I am sorry he hurts," Navid said. My dad said something back in a low voice that I couldn't make out. Navid apologized again and then came back out for me.

He led me down to the car and we drove in silence down towards the hills. He knew some back roads I hadn't seen before and we zoomed up past beautiful houses until he found a little dirt side street. He led me up a steep little pathway to a clearing in the woods with a small bench and a view of the sunset.

"I am so sorry I hurt you. You are my everything, Noah. I never wish for anything but you," he began with a soft, humble voice. It didn't sound like him. He was never anything less than confident and seemed beat up by the day's events.

"I... I just got confused. It's ok. You never said you just wanted to be with me I guess. I just interpreted it that way. I just was shocked. That guy must be like 30 or something." I couldn't look him in the eye when I spoke. Instead I watched the cars back up along Ventura far below us. The endless stream of red pulsed in front of me as all of Los Angeles seemed to move from one end to the other in chaos.

"Wait, what? What old guy? What do you say, Noah!?" Navid's voice went up and there was anger in it.

"The guy. That blonde guy you were cuddling. I didn't know you were into older guys like that," I stammered shakily.

"Noah! Oh My God, Noah! You think I am dog or something? You think I am go with whoever has hole near to me?" Navid was taken aback by my accusation.

"You didn't play with him?" I asked.

"No! Oh yuck no! He is friend of Bashir. He bring over pot and alcohol sometimes and Bashir lets him... well, you are too young to know of that. But me? What you should think of me! I want nobody but my Noah. I tell you this! I..." Navid began to rant.

"Then why did you lie and say you were sick?" I interrupted.

"I... ah yes... For that I am apologize so much! I did make lie to you. I do not want you to see me like that in party time. I need to sometimes be with my friends and relax, but I know you are such a very good boy and do not like that things. I don't want for you to want to try those things. But I did lie. And look how it hurt you." Navid took my hand and rubbed lightly over the crescent cuts with a look of sorrow.

"You needed a night off. Ok that makes sense. I guess I did too. I got to catch up with Erik and he invited me to his gay thing next week." I felt my chest open up with the realization that it was going to be ok.

"Gay thing? What gay thing is this?" Navid asked and I explained about the student group and voting for Erik.

"No, Noah. Why you want to go to this? It is dangerous for you. People will know," He looked alarmed.

"People already know. I am a member and they're my friends." I was confused again.

"They aren't like you, Noah. My boy is so quiet and gentle. You should be at home with your father where you are protected," Navid put his arm around me and rubbed my shoulder. I was all set to tell him I was perfectly safe at lgbt student events. But then his hand touched my bicep where he had jerked my arm. The sudden shot of pain had me inhale sharply and pull away.

"What? That is where I grab you? Oh let me see. My friends did not let me check that you were ok." Navid turned on the flashlight on his phone and pushed up the sleeve of my shirt.

"Oh fuck, baby I bruise here. I am so sorry to you. I will never hurt you again. I... fuck. Noah, I am sorry." Navid looked pained and twisted all over again.

"It's ok, just don't touch there, please," I assured him.

It didn't calm him down and he went on apologizing for a few more minutes until I leaned over and put my lips to his. He stopped talking and slid his tongue into my mouth. He tasted like someone who needed to brush his teeth, but I didn't care. He slid his arms around me and pulled me into his chest.

I reached down and felt his lap. His thick snake was hard and laying over his thigh. I felt around and realized he had no underwear on.

"You're hard?" I asked as I pulled back from his lips.

"Always around you, Noah. It is all for you and only for your touch." Navid kissed my nose and I saw his old, familiar smile creep across his lips.

"Did you like my cookies? They were supposed to make you feel better." I looked at him with expectant eyes.

"Cookies?" He asked. "Oh... the package. I did not open it. I thought you are so upset and will want it back from me.... I just think of getting to you. I have them in trunk of car. You wait and I bring them?"

I nodded and he disappeared down the dark pathway. I was alone and realized just how quiet it was up here. Just me and the mountain lions and homeless people. He came running back up and flopped down next to me with excitement.

"You buy me cookies! I do not deserve," He said and kissed my cheek.

"I made those. Just me and a bunch of junk from the grocery store." I watched as he opened the wrapping and read the message I had written using the light from his phone. His face lit up and he kissed me again.

We sat there under the stars and over the city as we ate cookies in the cool night air. When it got too cold we drove to get tacos and then sat parked in front of my apartment until my dad texted to say it was time to come inside. Navid walked me up to my door. He came inside and talked to my dad for a few minutes while I went to pee.

"Noah," he said with a kiss when it was time for him to head home. "I promise you I will tell you truth. I promise I will take better care of your heart if you can return it to me. Can you, Noah?"

I nodded and kissed him. My dad had given us some privacy to say good night. He pushed me against the doorway and slid a hand up the back of my shirt and used the other one to squeeze my ass. My heart wasn't the only thing I'd put in his care.

I knew Erik would be upset and I knew we had a lot of things to work out. I didn't want to be anyone's princess and I definitely wasn't giving up the student group or my friends.

But being in his arms was the most alive I'd ever felt. I wasn't sure I had any semblance of control over anything anymore. I kind of felt ok with that.