All Comments on 'Not What He Expected'

loved the story

I would change the name of the antagonist so the story doesn't get deleted. The author knows what im talking about here.

Weird revenge rape fantasy aside, its just terrible story telling. Doesn't read like something thats supposed to be hot at all.

This was so hot, more please

This is probably one of the worst stories I’ve ever read. The plot is basic which is ok. The scenario of a shemale luring a man up to her room and then having her way with him is a tried and trusted formula. In this case it just didn’t work.

The writing is very amateurish, even childlike. It’s a he said/she said story with no depth to it whatsoever. You need to read similar stories, generally with a red H, to see how it’s done. Think about getting yourself an author.

Go on the bulletin board and ask, in story feedback, for advice. You won’t like it but if you want to improve you need help.

Good story, i like it and hope you keep writing. I am not sure what Groverlang’s big issue is, if he doesnt like it then the solution is simple just dont read it. Besides he has never actually submitted any stories of his own so his critique should have little to no impact on you i hope.

Luke kicked, struggled, twisted and screamed - but never thought to just bite down, that would stop the assault right away. Why would you put you cock in someones mouth that was against it(stupid)

Just to clarify my previous comment and the anonymous comment about my critique being ignored. Just because someone hasn’t published any stories of their own doesn’t mean their critique is worthless.

As it happens I have had stories published on here, but under a different name, many more than yourself. The only ones which aren’t red are my first two which were written many moons ago.