Not What I Expected - Extended

One month later, I was in court for a hearing brought by Dawn and her solicitor. I never looked at her. The solicitor asked the Sheriff to instruct counselling as Dawn wished to save her marriage. She had made a terrible mistake but still loved her husband. The Sheriff asked if I had legal representation. I said I didn't need any. He asked for my view on counselling.

"I have always been clear, adultery ends a marriage. There cannot be any trust after such an event. This wasn't a one off event but a string of dalliances aided by my former boss, a friend of Niven who put me all over the country and Europe so Niven and she could have their adulterous liaisons. The only thing I can say in her favour is that it appears they never used our home. They did use Niven's home. I had no idea she was involved with another person. I had arrived home early and intended to surprise her by taking her for lunch. It was me who was surprised when she left her office with Niven. I followed them to his home. I filmed them having sexual relations in the middle bedroom."

Her solicitor tried to interrupt saying that was inadmissible as I was trespassing. The Sheriff shot him down with a look. There is no law on trespass in Scotland.

I continued, "I haven't spoken with her since that day. She left multiple voicemails, texts until I blocked her number. Never once did she explain her actions or even say sorry for the pain she caused."

I continued, a steely determination in my voice, "Counselling won't change what happened nor my view on it. I just wish to move on with my life."

The Sheriff asked about the financial settlement. Her solicitor said I was being intransigent in not agreeing any alimony for Dawn.

I pointed out to the Sheriff, "The prenup insisted upon by Dawn and her parents sets out that in the event of the dissolution of the marriage due to adultery, the party committing adultery receives no alimony and is responsible for the costs. In addition, she failed to pay into our joint account to cover bills such as her car and associated costs. She used our joint credit card to pay for hotels when I was away which is why I believe, I may be wrong, she didn't commit adultery in our home. I gave her parents the amount she was due me, £2450 but that has not been paid. The house is owned by her parents. She earns a good salary and can have a comfortable lifestyle on it.

"Had she come to me and said she no longer loved me and wanted a divorce, I would have been heartbroken but given her, her freedom. I would have paid any alimony the court suggested but not in these circumstances."

I passed the prenup to the Sheriff Clerk.

The Sheriff retired to consider his judgement. He decided that counselling would not be suitable as there was no way I would change my mind. He deferred any decision on the divorce for four weeks to allow Dawn to pay the money owed to me. If she didn't, he would make it a court order. He found the prenup legally correct so would adhere to its agreed instructions and settlements.

Four weeks later he granted the divorce but it would not be final for six weeks as Dawn could raise a challenge to his findings during that time.

Since returning to my flat, I realised I didn't like living in an apartment block. The noise of people coming and going was bad enough but really, who would have a brass bed in such a block. It was the flat above and to the right. Their bedroom shared the dividing fire wall with mine. All I can say thankfully the bloke suffered from premature ejaculation.

My financial advisor managed to arrange a new mortgage for a house which was in a nice neighbourhood and closer to work. The rent from the students would cover the mortgage and bills for the flat. I had decorated it and it took no time to find new students. They were the original tenant John's brother and two friends so I didn't expect any problems.

I found my new job quite taxing at first. There were so many different aspects which I had ignored as I concentrated solely on what I needed to do my previous job. The staff were very supportive and helpful. It was clear they hadn't known anything, so I was happy to stay. I did things differently from Mick, delegated more and gave more freedom to them to offer their views. Many had solutions to areas which were proving difficult. It worked as they were involved more. As a result, the working environment was happier and the business grew.

John was very pleased. He thought he could retire in eighteen months not two years, maybe earlier.

I saw Niven's divorce in the paper.

I was wary of the dating scene so didn't look to find someone. I wasn't going to be a hermit but I didn't want female company other than a one night stand on occasion. I didn't trust them. I always checked their ring finger. If I saw any sign of a ring or if it looked like one should be there, I veered away.

I did frequent restaurants on a Saturday. My treat of the week. My own cooking was coming on, some of those recipe books were very helpful. I even entertained my parents and had a compliment from my mum!

It was at a restaurant as I was finishing my coffee, an apprehensive looking Dawn came up to me and asked, politely, if we could talk. It had been nine months since the incident. We hadn't exchanged one word. I thought for a few moments before nodding. It's a fairly small town and we could bump into each other occasionally.

Dawn was dressed fairly demurely for her. Her rich, brown hair was shining, her brown eyes were very sad and she had no lipstick on which was unusual. The green dress hugged her in all the right spots. It allowed a little glimpse of her outstanding breasts. She had on black tights (I couldn't see any suspender bumps) and sensible low-heeled shoes. She looked like she had lost some weight. She wasn't as confident as before.

She sat down opposite me. She was nervous. I waited for her to speak.

She took a few breaths, "Iain, how are you?"

I replied, carefully, "I'm doing okay and you?"

She looked down, "I'm not okay. I have needed to talk with you, to tell you everything but I didn't know how. You made it clear you didn't want to speak and I understand that. I hurt you so badly and there is no excuse for that.

"Mum and dad while they supported me, in public, made sure I knew how disappointed in me they were. You were the son they never had. When dad came back and said you had worked it all out, I wasn't surprised. You were always so insightful.

"Mum and dad were always asking why would I do this as I must have known the consequences. They do back you on that."

She sighed heavily.

"At the divorce you said I never explained why nor had I apologised. I couldn't. I was so ashamed of myself. Trite words wouldn't absolve me of what I did. You never once looked at me and I realised just a fraction of the hurt I had caused you.

"Iain, I am so sorry for the pain I caused you. You were the best thing in my life and I threw you away. You are handsome, intelligent, have a lovely sense of humour and treated me like I was the most important thing in your life. You made sure I enjoyed our love making. You drove me to wish to experience more joy with you. I became so much more adventurous because of that. In your arms, I felt safe but mostly loved. I loved you like I have never loved anyone before nor will again.

"All of this makes what I did so much worse. When you caught us, I didn't think about the hurt I had caused you at first. My conscience was busy scarifying my soul. It was like the moment Debbie called me to tell me you knew, my conscience broke free from the dungeon I had kept it in. I could only focus on what I had lost.

"I couldn't look at myself in the mirror, I so loathed what I had done to you, to us. I hated myself. I saw that in my reflection. We had talked about our plans, our future. We were looking at children, grandchildren. I fucked that all up but why? I couldn't answer that question. I still can't. It haunts me every day not knowing why!

"I was so down, I seriously contemplated suicide. It was only the grief it would cause my parents which stopped me. I had no reason to live otherwise. My parents arranged counselling for me. I found out a lot of truths about myself, many I didn't like. The only sense of why we found is, as far as I'm concerned tenuous but according to the counsellor, she believes it does help explain the unexplainable, even if only to shine a little light on how I could be nudged in that direction.

"During the sessions I was confronted by the fact I was a self-centred bitch at heart with low self-esteem which I covered up by being so outgoing. I admitted to the counsellor that I felt you deserved someone so much better than me. I proved that didn't I!"

She almost lost it then, I saw her holding back tears, her shoulders slumped.

"About four months before, I had been on Debbie's hen night and we bumped into Mick and Niven. You were away on business. Both suggested you would be playing around. I knew you never would but it preyed on my subconscious. My lack of belief in being worthy of you allowed them to play me. I didn't know until the court about Mick's involvement in making sure you weren't around.

"I seemed to bump into Niven often when you weren't around. I didn't realise I was being played by them. He knew the right words. You being too tired to have sex with me was because you were fucking around not because of the work and travel.

"I still don't understand why I allowed him to seduce me or worse, why I allowed it to continue. The sex was awful. Niven wasn't a good lover, he just fucked me and I allowed it because I was disgusted at myself. It was my penance. You were right, we never fucked in our home. Niven wanted to fuck me in our bed. I couldn't do that to you.

"I'm glad you found out as it enabled me to stop it. I needed that waterfall of cold water to break my mind free and realise what I had done.

"You did nothing to cause this, it was all on me. I allowed myself to be persuaded by them even as I knew you would never cheat on me. I'm so sorry for the pain I have put you through. You didn't deserve any of it.

"I hope you will find someone worthy of you, who won't feel inadequate and give you the family you deserve.

"I will never find someone like you again. I'm so sorry."

I looked at her. She was quite shattered but I could sense a feeling of relief in her.

"Dawn, thank you for being so candid. Had you spoken to me about your feelings about not being good enough for me, I would have told you I felt the same about you. You were everything I ever dreamed about in a wife. How could I be so lucky?"

She seemed astonished at that simple statement of fact.

"To keep you I tried to be everything you wanted in a husband. I loved our life together, our sex life and our plans for the future. I never envisioned you having an affair. To see you both shattered my self-respect and left me questioning who I thought I was. What did I do to justify receiving so little respect? What was wrong with me? I have never found the answers.

"My only surprise has been that instead of the anger I felt I would have, I only felt deep, deep sadness. All my dreams just vanished. I can taste that sadness when I see couples, obviously happy, playing with young children in the park.

"I don't know what the future holds but I'm not looking for anyone. I couldn't handle that hurt, the pain, the anguish that tore through me, ripping me apart again."

Dawn stood up, "Iain, don't allow me to destroy a happy future for you. You are every woman's dream husband. You care, you support, you make love to her, not think only of yourself. I'm a fool to have thrown what I had away. Find someone to love. You have too much love to give for your life to stop. Give yourself a chance."

There were tears in her eyes as she walked away. I could see her shoulders shudder as she sobbed.

I headed to the bar and had a double malt, Balvenie Double Wood before returning to my empty house.

Dawn's confession didn't change anything but I now knew how much effort Mick and Niven had expended to break up my marriage. My anger returned every time I thought about how they had schemed to fuck Dawn and me up. Did Mick suspect John wanted me to take over from him and so saw me as a threat? Niven I could understand; a woman like Dawn was a big reach for an arse like him.

The old saying revenge is best served cold is very true. I watched Mick and followed his routine. There was an area not seen by many and no CCTV cameras. I 'bumped' into him one night. He didn't like the outcome. He would be very tender for some time in a certain intimate location. He told me what had happened. My persuasive technique was very effective, if somewhat painful, for him!

He and Niven had been out at a club and saw Dawn with a group of women. Niven thought she was hot. Mick said her husband works for me. Niven suggested speaking to her which they did. Niven had fallen under her spell and was determined to have her. Mick knew it would never happen but agreed to help him. Mick moved me to keep me out of the way so Niven could charm her. He thought it was funny until I found out. He thought I would kill him in the office, John would have helped me if necessary. He had to leave. He wasn't given a reference. Everywhere he tries, they seem to find out about it and any job offers are withdrawn.

As he lay battered on the ground, he added, "for what's it worth, Niven had to drug Dawn the first few times and use the videos he made to make her continue. I didn't find that out until it was all over. If I'd known that I would have told you. He's no longer a friend because of that, that's disgusting. I never thought she would fall for his patter but I never thought that of him."

I stared at him. There was no doubt he was telling the truth. I just refrained from kicking his balls again. We spoke for around ten more minutes. He told me everything they had done, throwing the seed I was playing around. He'd only bumped into her three times, the rest was Niven. He detested what Niven had done to overcome Dawn's resistance. At the end I even helped him up.

My mind wouldn't settle. My brain would show me Dawn's face as she struggled to come to terms with why she did it. She was heartbroken and hurting badly.

I had to find Niven. It took a few weeks before I did. He now lived alone in a rough part of town. No one there looked out for anyone other than themselves.

If Mick wouldn't be able to play with himself without pain for weeks, Niven would be in a lot more pain for far longer. I caught him and beat the shit out of him as he came through the underpass. The red mist had come down and I let all my anger I had repressed out. He quickly had new tonsils.

I managed to get him to confirm Mick's story. It took a bit longer to have him admit he still had the videos. He recorded all their meetings so he could wank later. I knew he wouldn't have deleted them, the bastard. Perhaps it was my threat that he wouldn't have eyes to watch them made him tell me or the sound of the bones in his hands breaking. He wouldn't be able to wank for a while if he ever managed an erection again!

He still had the videos on his phone. I took the microSD card with the videos. He croaked he would call the Police. I told him to go ahead, they would learn of his raping my former wife. I left after another powerful kick to his genitals or what was left of them, which left him in even more pain.

I didn't know what to do.

The next day at work, John came by. He saw my battered and bloodied knuckles. He smiled, "Again! I think you should be more careful, employ professionals to build that gazebo in your garden. There must be a lot of your blood on it.

"I heard Mick fell and hurt himself a few weeks ago. Couldn't have happened to a nicer person. Wonder who fell yesterday?"

He laughed as he walked away. I watched amazed he had known. Did he really read minds?

The Saturday, I decided to drive to my parents for advice. The Police hadn't visited me but what do I do about what I have learned?

I was surprised to see Ted's car there as I arrived. To be fair, Ted, Nancy and my parents Bob and Maureen had gotten on well so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. I should have called to say I was coming.

My dad read my mind or really my face when I entered. They were all preparing the lunch.

"What's up? You only have that face when something is really troubling you."

I laughed nervously, "No how are you? You well son, just what's wrong. You wonder why no one plays poker with you!

"I need advice. I'm lost with what to do. It involves Dawn."

Her parents looked at each other.

Nancy said, "We'll leave if you wish."

I shook my head, "You have every right as well as need to know about this. It has affected all of us. Your insight into Dawn can help."

Mum said, "We'll have lunch first and then discuss whatever you have found. From your tone it is bad."

I looked surprised, "No wonder I never got away with anything. You can read spoken words and he reads bodies!"

After lunch and the plates were cleared, we adjourned to the sunroom. It was comfortable and intimate, so no one needed to speak loudly.

They looked at me.

I took a deep breath, "Dawn bumped into me a few months back. We spoke and she apologised for what she did and how it had hurt me. She couldn't tell me why as she didn't know why she had allowed Niven to seduce her or worse, why she had allowed it to continue. This was obviously hurting her badly. She looked haunted and so sad.

"I thought she found some relief, in that she had spoken with me, when she finished.

"When I said how it had affected me, she left crying. I couldn't go after her. How is she?"

Nancy answered, "She hasn't returned to your home since you found out. I had to pick up her things, she couldn't face going there, too many happy memories which she betrayed. She goes to work, she comes home, eats and goes to her room. Only very occasionally has she gone out to visit a friend.

"Helen, her counsellor said Dawn was verging on suicide for a long time and even now isn't clear of those thoughts. We watch her carefully.

"If I'm right, that night she had been out watching a friend's child as she was in labour until her mum could arrive to look after the child. She called to say she was on her way home but would collect a takeaway. She sounded a bit happier than she had been. Playing with kids always cheered her up for a little while.

"She was a lot longer than I expected. She didn't have a takeaway, she was sobbing and crying so hard. I held her for hours as she broke her heart. She wouldn't tell me what had happened.

"I think, in herself, she is actually a bit better since whatever caused that but she still has no life to speak off.

"If I bring that up, she will only say, I had the perfect man, marriage but I screwed it up. If I did it to him, what will stop me doing it again. No one will want me. I wouldn't want me."

From the body language of my parents, I knew they were aware of Dawn's state.

I took a breath and told them about my run ins with Mick and Niven. Dad smiled, Ted looked pleased but my mum wasn't amused fearing I could have been jailed. I raised my hand to quietened her. She looked at me, shocked, "What did you learn?" she almost screamed. My face had told her something really bad.

I looked at Ted and Nancy, "What I'm about to say, you need to tell Dawn's counsellor. I'm struggling with how we tell Dawn."

Everyone's eyes were on me, wide open.

"Mick revealed Niven had drugged Dawn the first few times they had fucked."

My mum drew in her breath sharply whether because of what I was implying or the fact I had sworn in front of her.

"Niven had videoed them and used the recordings to ensure Dawn didn't stop him fucking her. I took the microSD card out of his phone so he no longer has any recordings to blackmail her.