Nothing Else To Do Ch. 04

"Fine. Whatever. You're just being a dramatic baby anyway." Ian slammed his hand against the door and AJ jumped as if he'd been hit himself.

"Takes one to know one." God, could he just die now?

Ian slammed his hand against the door again, then stomped down the hall. He was back less than a minute later. "AJ, don't shut me out. Talk to me," he said, still very angry.

AJ's anger was suddenly gone, it had all turned into shame and regret, but it was too late for any of that now. But he still wasn't ready, was still too tied up in the tangled slinky that was all of his emotions. "Not right now."

Ian slammed his hand down again, it sounded open palmed this time. "Why're you being like this? What're you being a pissy little bitch about? Your job? The BJ's? If you don't wanna do it, all you had to do was say no. It's not my fault you're being a little bitch about it."

The thought of never looking up at Ian from between his legs was killing him. Of never touching him again. Never being close, losing the intimacy they shared. He could feel it all shattering like a mirror, each sharp shard seven years bad luck straight to his heart. "Go away, Ian," AJ growled, hating every word out of his mouth. "Just, go away. Leave me alone."

"Fine!" Ian half-yelled. "You wanna be alone, then be alone, fuckface. I'm out. Fuck you, AJ."

He heard Ian moving through the apartment angrily, then he heard the front door slam shut, every sound making him flinch. He fought back tears of frustration, of longing, of shame. It was better this way, he told himself, but he didn't believe it.

He lay in bed, stewing in his own misery for who knows how long. Long enough for Ian to come back. Ian was still pissed, he could hear it in every door he closed, in his steps around the apartment. AJ couldn't bring himself to move as he marinated in shame and regret. Eventually Ian went to bed.

That's when the true torture began. Ian started masturbating, not even bothering to start out quietly. He went straight for the jugular, knowing AJ was listening. "I'm so hard," he announced. "My dick is so hard, and look, a bit of precum for you to lick up. I know how much you like it, yeah, that's right, lick up my precum, cum slut."

AJ's instant boner was sore from the longest dry period of time since he and Ian started all this, and also self inflicted neglect from constantly blue-balling himself every day. He wanted to touch himself but he couldn't do it, already regressing back to where he'd started. He whined, then threw his hand over his mouth to quiet himself.

Ian laughed, he'd heard it. He knew what he was doing. What a cunt. "Shit, AJ, you lick balls like you were born to do it. That's right, lick my balls, yeah, you know how much you like my balls in your face."

He was whining wordlessly, he couldn't help it. His pent up frustration and need wouldn't let him stop.

"Yeah, lick my shaft, oh, you're so eager tonight. Don't worry, I have plenty of cum for you, I know how much you crave it."

What a fucking low blow. Still, his dick pulsed and he could feel his own precum oozing from his tip. He really was a bitch, trained to serve Ian's every whim. He should just give in, go over there and do all of the things Ian was imagining him doing.

He wanted to, and almost did, was just preparing himself to get out of bed when Ian came. "Yeah, fuck, suck it, bitch. Fuck, AJ. Gonna cum on your face today, deny you the cum you crave so much just so you need it even more tomorrow. Fuck, yes, hmm..." Ian moaned as he came. "You look so good covered in my cum AJ."

He was whining, he tried to stop himself and Ian laughed. "G'nite, AJ. Sweet dreams." The way he said it was cruel, and it shredded his heart. Ian tapped on the wall twice, then it got quiet on the other side of the wall.

He waited as long as he could hold it in. When he couldn't anymore he buried his face in his pillow and cried, trying his best to muffle his sounds.

There was a note on the fridge the next morning. 'AJ- We need to talk. Be home for lunch. -Ian'

Fuck that noise, his heart couldn't take any further cruelty, from Ian, or self-inflicted. He left the apartment, he didn't even make Ian anything to eat just to be petty, and because his loins ached like he'd never felt them before.

His phone buzzed in his pocket as he walked the neighborhood aimlessly and he ignored it. It rang and he silenced it.

When he was sure that Ian would've gone back to work he came home, only to find a very irritated Ian sitting on the couch, leg bouncing impatiently. Part of him was disappointed that Ian was fully dressed, and another part of him hated himself for thinking that way. He backpedaled, ready to run away.

"Wait, please?" Ian asked, sounding fragile. "I'm..."

He swallowed hard. "Why?" He crossed his arms over his chest, part of him still ready to run.

"I went too far last night, and I wanted, ah, to apologize," Ian said, his voice raspy.

"Aren't you supposed to be at work right now?"

"I took the rest of the day off, this's more important." Ian looked up at him. He looked tired.

"What's more important?" he asked, cause he didn't know what else to say.

"You. Us. I mean..." Ian sighed. "Can we talk? For real?"

He hesitated, his heart too full of hope that it made him sick. "What's there to talk about? Seemed like you told it how it is last night. How you really feel."

"Can you just shut up for a minute?" Ian snapped. "I wanna talk, and you're already picking a fight. I just wanna explain, wanna..."

AJ closed his eyes and took three full breaths before opening them again. "Fine." He threw himself into the ratty recliner.

"I'm, ah..." Ian sighed again, then swallowed hard, wringing his hands in his lap. He wasn't looking at AJ, but AJ wasn't looking at him, either. Not directly, at least. "I wasn't excited about your job because I was jealous, you were right. I'm, I'm sorry, okay? I'm a dick."

He blinked a few times, that was the last thing he expected Ian to say. "Jealous?"

"Yeah. Like, it's just us here, right? And, I mighta taken advantage of that, because, um, like, I thought we were both having fun, and, if, um." Ian picked up a glass from the table and threw it back like a shot. Next to the glass was a bottle of Wild Turkey.

"Are you drunk?"

"Not yet," Ian admitted. "Working on it."

"Why?"

Ian looked up at him, his eyes ringed with exhaustion. "Cause I can't just say it!"

"Can't just say what?" AJ needled after Ian didn't continue.

"I'm, if you, I mean, when you go to work you'll hang out with other people again. You won't be here when I get off of work. We won't do, um, hang out as much."

AJ barked out a harsh laugh. "You work!"

"Here!" Ian exclaimed, pointing to the ground. "I work here. I'm still here, I can hear you moving around the house and shit. I know you're here. But you won't be here, not once you start your job. You'll meet people and you'll hang out with them and, fuck. I sound like a fucking girl. Nevermind, this was a bad idea." Ian sagged, then reached for the bottle of Wild Turkey, bypassing the glass completely. He put it to his lips and threw his head back, chugging the cheap whiskey.

AJ was up, grabbing the bottle away from Ian before he could do damage to himself. Golden liquid spilled down Ian's lips and AJ had a nearly overwhelming urge to lick it up. Ian wiped his face angrily, reaching for the bottle. AJ jumped back, then threw himself back on the recliner, the bottle between him and the back of the chair.

"Not nevermind. I'm not leaving, I'm working. I'm gonna finally be making money, paying you back!" He tried not to yell, and didn't quite pull it off.

"I don't want you to!" Ian exclaimed. "I don't want to share, I don't want you to leave, I don't want you to go. I like that you're always here. I like that you owe me, cause it means that you can't leave!"

"You want... What? I don't, I mean, what the fuck, what the actual fuck, Ian?"

Ian turned away from him. "Nevermind, I told you it was a bad idea. Give me back my whiskey."

"Why don't you want me to leave, Ian?" AJ asked after a long stretch of silence between them, Ian looking wrecked on the couch and him feeling just the same. "I never said I wanted to leave."

"You would eventually," Ian whispered. "I liked having you all to myself."

His heart clamped onto those words. "What?"

Ian twisted on the couch so that his back was to him. "I feel like it's all falling apart, you know?"

"You're not making sense, Ian," AJ said. "What's falling apart?"

"I was happy, like, I thought you were, too. You said you didn't mind, seemed to enjoy it as much as I did, but I was wrong, and now I ruined everything. Cause I always do, it's what I do best."

"I don't understand, Ian," AJ said. "Nothing's falling apart."

Ian threw his hand up in the air and circled it over his head. "All of this. Falling apart."

"Just cause I got a job?" AJ said.

"No, yes, maybe." Ian grumbled. "Like, you were mine for a while. I knew it wasn't gonna last, not forever, but I hoped it would, like, a little more."

AJ's heart climbed into his throat, and he wondered if he'd regret what he said next. What he was gonna do. He pushed himself up and plopped down next to Ian, then scooted as close as he could, pressing his body against Ians back. Ian flinched and he wrapped his arms around him to keep him from leaving.

"I just wanted you to be proud of me," AJ said. "It killed me that you weren't, that I was just an easy release to you. You made it seem like-"

"I was jealous, okay?" Ian snapped, then sniffled. Was Ian crying?

He wrapped his arms around Ian's body and Ian trembled. "Can I tell you something personal? Like, really personal?"

"You can tell me anything. I didn't do any of that shit you said. It wasn't to shame you, it wasn't, I didn't put anything on the internet. I didn't tell anyone, what we did was special. Was, like, just for us."

He pulled Ian against his body, his anger quickly dissolving into something different. "Yeah. I know. I'm sorry I said it."

"Well, I'm sorry I masturbated and said all those things for you to hear. I wanted to hurt you, cause I'm a dick." Ian sniffled again, then wiped his face on the sleeve of his hoodie.

"I love you, Ian. I didn't, I mean, it wasn't supposed to happen, but I love you."

"That's gay," Ian said, half-sobbing.

AJ shrugged without letting him go. "I know."

"Are you gay?" Ian asked.

"I dunno," AJ admitted. "I do know that I love you. I thought it was, it broke something inside me thinking that you were done with me."

"You're the one who got all mad," Ian said, a tremble in his voice.

AJ sighed. "You're the most important to me, and you didn't seem happy for me that I got a job. Like, I felt that was you telling me how you viewed me. Like, that I was-"

"I don't wanna share," Ian interrupted. "I don't wanna share you with anyone else, don't want anyone else to know how cool you are. Don't wanna be jealous every time you hang out with a coworker or talk about your work friends."

AJ didn't know what to say. He just held Ian tight so he couldn't get away.

Ian's body shuddered and AJ hugged him tighter. Ian's hands wrapped around his chest and squeezed. "Do you mean it?"

"Mean what?" AJ asked, nuzzling his face against Ian's neck. Ian whined softly, squeezing his hands firmly.

"The part, you said. Um, the gay part."

AJ swallowed hard, afraid to put himself on the line. He exhaled slowly. Fuck it. "Yes. I love you in a more than platonic way. I'm sorry if that skeezes you out or something. Should I go?"

"You'd better not," Ian said, sounding slightly more like his usual, cocky self. "I really am sorry, about the stuff I said last night."

They sat in silence, with Ian's occasional lingering sob hitching his body. Ian slumped against him, but stayed still otherwise. "Did you, the other time you masturbated, the other day. Did you, um, you said, ah..."

"Huh?" Ian asked, inhaling a deep breath. It pushed his back more firmly against AJ's chest. "What'd I say? Did I say something else terrible?"

AJ shook his head on Ian's shoulder. "No. About, um." His face was on fire, he could feel his neck getting hot. "You, ah, inside me."

Ian tensed, his hands steel bars on AJ's to keep him from running. "You mean, like, sex?" Ian's body hitched. "Like, us, ah, having sex?"

AJ nodded, squeezing Ian firmly because he honestly didn't know what else to do. "I wanna," he whispered, his throat raw.

"What?" Ian asked. "Why? I'm an asshole." He slumped again.

AJ kissed his neck and Ian tensed up once more. "I want you. It was so hot, thinking about it. I'm fucked up, Ian."

"You're not fucked up," Ian growled. "I hate when you say shit like that."

"Sorry," he apologized. He kissed Ian's jaw just below his ear.

Ian trembled. "You, um, for real?"

AJ nodded, then kissed his earlobe before running his nose around the rim of his ear. "I touched myself, my ass, that night."

"You said you didn't cum," Ian argued, sounding tired.

"I didn't touch my dick," he agreed, lowering his hands down Ian's chest to his belly. "I touched my ass, wondered how it would feel to be filled with you."

"You wanna have sex with me?" Ian asked, sounding confused. "Why?"

AJ laughed, then released him. He used his hand on Ian's shoulder to rotate him. "Cause I love you. I don't wanna share you, either. I wanna be important to you. I wanna be more than important to you. I wanna make it so you can't live without me."

"Haven't you already?" Ian moaned.

"Not really. You're amazing, Ian. Smart, funny, fun to be with, fucking drop dead handsome, a perfect cock. Who wouldn't wanna be with you?" AJ said. "Look at me, please?"

Ian's face turned up slowly. "I'm an asshole. And, I'm petty, and I have a short temper and say things I don't mean."

AJ slid his hand over Ian's cheek. "I know. I don't care. That's what makes you you, right?"

Ian watched him carefully, looking for any signs that this was a trap. "You love me?"

He nodded. "How, um, what about me? Do you think you might even like me, you know, like that?"

"What?" Ian asked. "How can you even ask that?"

"I need to know, Ian. If not, then-"

"What are you even saying, AJ?" Ian interrupted. "This, the last few days tore me up. I don't wanna share you, I wanna keep you all to myself. You're ridiculously important to me. So, like, yeah. I like you like that."

AJ let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. "Shit. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So, like, um. Yeah."

A brief silence between them felt like an hour. Ian cleared his throat. "You, ah, wanna be with me? Like, sex doing, ah, doing the butt sex thing?"

AJ smiled, then snorted out a laugh. "The butt sex thing. God, you're ridiculous. Yes, that. Anything, just, like, I wanna be special to you."

Ian twisted in his arms. "I thought about it all last night, and this morning, too. What I could do to fix this, whatever this was. I ended up with the thought that you were pissed because I ah, never, you know. Reciprocated."

AJ shook his head. "I know there's something wrong with me. I'm fucked up, but I love sucking your cock, and that's not a thing I ever thought I would say, much less mean. I wasn't kidding, or being an asshole when I said I craved your cum. I feel like pavlov's dog, like, when you masturbated my mouth watered. How fucked up is that, Ian? I told you I'm fucked up."

"Fuck that shit, AJ. You're not fucked up. Everyone has kinks, it's what makes sex fun."

AJ snorted. "Sex is fun on it's own."

Ian shrugged, a smirk on his face. "Eventually just regular sex is boring. It's why there's all sorts of kinky shit, and people who cheat or have sex in public."

"I guess," AJ admitted, seeing Ian's point. "But still."

Ian pursed his lips to the side. "Does the thought of eating a rando's cum excite you?"

AJ's forehead crinkled up. "God no, that's gross."

Ian smiled that coy smile he had, sending a pulse of blood down to his nethers. He hoped it wasn't premature, because arguing with a stiffie didn't seem like a good idea. "So, it's just mine?"

"Ah, um..." AJ swallowed hard. His mouth was already watering just thinking about Ian's rod. "I guess so."

"Fuck," Ian exhaled. "I wasn't trying to train you, for the record. It was, like, um, it felt like you just knew what I wanted. Like, we didn't have to say it, because we both wanted it. It felt exclusive. I guess."

AJ swallowed again. "I did want it. Even if it felt like you were training me, I wanted it just as much."

The conversation paused for a few breaths before Ian spoke again. "So, ah, do you want me to?"

"Want you to do what?" AJ asked, confused. "Do the butt sex?"

"Nah, no man, that needs prep work. I don't want it to hurt, I want to make you addicted to my cock."

"I already am, dingus," AJ replied.

"I wanna make you melt, then. I wanna fuck you so good that I break you for a minute." AJ swallowed hard again, trying his best not to strip down naked right there and let Ian mount him. The thought was enough to make his dick hard enough that his pants pinched it uncomfortably. He didn't move, he was afraid that moving might shatter the moment.

Ian kissed him on the lips, a quick, chaste brushing of their lips before pulling away again. "Ian?"

"I meant, did you want me to reciprocate? I could blow you. I've never done it, so I probably won't be any good at it, but-"

"Yes, please. I wanna try. If, ah, I mean, if you don't think it's gross." He pulled away, smelling his dried sweat from his morning excursion and feeling funky. "I need to shower first, I should shower."

He pulled away but Ian caught his arms and prevented his escape. "No, don't run away from me," Ian begged. "I'll do whatever. I wanna make you feel good, I wanna, I mean, I thought I was, but, like, I took advantage of the situation, and I'm gonna make it right. Let me suck your dick, AJ."

"No, seriously, dude. I'm all sweaty and gross. I didn't shower yet today. Let me get clean, I wanna be clean." AJ tried to pull away again but Ian held him close.

Ian took his hand and lifted it to his lips, kissing it gently before releasing it. "Okay. Don't hide from me again. Don't shut me out. Please. If you really don't wanna do this just tell me, okay? Please?"

AJ nodded. "Yeah, okay." He stood up and Ian let him, though reluctantly.

"Shower and come to my room, yeah?" Ian asked. He was surprised at the nervousness he heard in Ian's voice. "Naked, don't get dressed. Just in your towel?"

"Yeah, okay," AJ said again, feeling like a broken record, but also feeling a little shell shocked. His mind was reeling with what had just happened as he tried to process everything.

It felt like a week had passed by the time he stood in the frame of Ian's door, but also like, seven minutes or something, which was the more accurate of the two. Probably. Ian was on his bed in just a pair of boxers, looking nervous as he watched something on his phone.

"Um, hey," AJ said, feeling ten times more shy than the first time he kissed a girl.

Ian bit his lip, his hungry eyes travelling up and down AJ's body. "Hey yourself. Shit, AJ. I was worried I'd never get to see you like this again. You look good."

AJ blushed, then dropped his towel and stepped into the room before he got too nervous. "Me too. I mean, you, not me, obviously, but, I thought, you know, when you, like, didn't need me anymore."

Ian got up, then wrapped his arms around AJ's neck, pulling him close. "I need you," he whispered. "Can we, I'd like to kiss you. If that's okay."

"It's okay," AJ whispered. "Shit, I should've just kissed you. I'm so dumb. That's what would've happened in a movie. Actually, maye not? I dunno, I've never seen positively portrayed gay couples in movies, so I don't know if that's how it happens or not."