Nugget Ch. 01

"[Cough, spits bits of feather, cough] tee he, Peacock Penny, tee he, not to mimic Gale Storms of TV3 News or anything, but is it true that you hooked up the Lil Timid Tomboys with the Lil Alaskan Frozen Frosty Lil Ladies for all that personal grooming before the promo show, tee he, go ahead, tee he?"

"Oh, that three days in the 5-Star hotel damn near put a dent in the big bag of money with all those razor kits and cremes and lotions and other assorted equipment and all that Champagne, but it was nice to see Lil Tomboy Tammy so flushed and Lil Tomboy Tonya actually gushed and Lil Tomboy Tina is still much like mush, so, yay, Lil Tomboys! One of my better finds, ahem."

"[Cough, spits bits of feather, cough] oh, weren't they a find of that Trap who jumped ship and ended up on a cargo ship..."

"[Waves right hand overhead from left to right with bits of feather as the starburst trails] you are under my charms now, Nugget, under my charms."

"[Cough, spits bits of feather, cough] oh, what was I saying then? Oh, Peacock Penny, I have a trash take out date with, um, what's his name, oh, Carter in a few minutes and, wow, I'm feeling woozy, but listen, can our full partnership and big bag of money support a couple of petite squads of, um, ooh, I just had it on the tip of my tongue, so..."

"[Waves right hand overhead from left to right with bits of feather as the starburst trails] Lil French Felines or Lil Dutch Dames, Lil French Felines or Lil Dutch Dames."

"[Cough, spits bits of feather, cough] I mean, a squad of Lil French Felines or Dutch Dames, maybe, I don't know, I think I have a rebound date in the alley, so, well, what? Is it a rebound date or a second time date? Did I ask you if Lil Alaskan Andrea is, ooh, what did I say then, Peacock Penny?"

"[Waves right hand overhead from left to right with bits of feather as the starburst trails] OMG, all of my suckers, I mean, all of my sponsors just babble on and babble on and on while I'm so busy busting my tail feathers! But since the Lil French Felines and Lil Dutch Dames were your idea and your idea alone, I mean, it's my job to keep the promo petites squads coming in globally and the big bag of money full, so, as you wish, Nugget! But if things go south with your idea, well, there are cargo ships head to the south Atlantic every day, tee he."

It's nice when your friends support you and your ideas, right?

Anyways, there was Carter, in the alley and he was taking out the trash just like we, um, maybe we texted about it or something, um, I don't even know why I there, but there I was, right on time, I think.

"Ahem! [shakes body from being woozy]"

"Nugget, I promise, that will never happen so quick again! I mean, it's everybody else's fault, I mean, with you flirting back and talking dirty and with all these 33 promo Lil Ladies running around and..."

[Shush presses fingertip to lips]

"Carter, I'll lay down for you and I'll lay down with you and we'll do that very soon, if you promise me that it will be over that quick, so?"

"Wait, wait, write that down, wait, when, wait, when, when, what, say that again, Nugget, when..."

[A whimsical noise, indicating a mystical hand wave from left to right with bits of feathers for the trailing starbursts]

"I mean, that's cool, Nugget, I'll text you when I get off of work after this madhouse promo. Although, if I'm your true secret crush, I mean, we're in the alley and all, Nugget and we're basically alone except for the usual 150 people having sex back here, so, a little quick kiss, kiss, back maybe, hmm?"

"Oh, [smooch, smack] Carter, I put my mouth on you once already tonight, so I don't think..."

[A whimsical noise, indicating a mystical hand wave from left to right with bits of feathers for the trailing starbursts]

"Well, Carter, I'll be damned if it's going to be my secret crush who has to test the mythical theory that a normal guy has to have a blow job every 48 hours or risk dying, so."

[Oomph, slush, oomph, gasp, suck, slurp, slide, gasp, suck, oomph, gasp, gag, ooh, gag, ooh]

"Let it go, Carter, I'm in position and ready for your release and you're kind of my boyfriend now, so."

[Spew, splat, squirt, ooze, drizzle, oomph, ooze, oomph, suck, oomph, drizzle, gulp]

Wait, what? What just happened? And why is Carter so happy? And why is there pebbly stuff on my knees? What?

[Whoop]

"Monsieur Nugget???"

[Weep]

"Oui? Monsieur Nugget here."

[Whoop]

"Lil French Felines a Lil little on top."

[Whoop]

"But Felines bring sass & French Riviera beach ass!"

[Weep]

"Hired! Beach booty hired!"

[Whoop]

"Oui? U tell Mademoiselle cock of Penny???"

[Weep]

"Oui, me tell Mademoiselle Peacock Penny."

[Weep]

"How you say big bag of money in French?"

[Whoop]

"Duh, Monsieur Sugar Daddy, Monsieur Nugget."

[Weep]

"Monsieur Nugget pick French Lil Ladies names?"

[Whoop]

"Oh no, no, Monsieur Nugget..."

[Whoop]

"Make Mademoiselle cock of Penny feathers all in a tizzy!"

Well, wait, what just happened? And why does my mouth hurt? Did you guys see Peacock Penny slapping me across the face? Again? And why am I in the alley where the horn dawgs live? And where are the guy boxer brief shorts that I was wearing earlier. And was I actually wearing guy underwear? Wait, what?

"Excuse me, coming through, excuse me, coming through, excuse me!"

[Pieces of peacock feathers fly and flay about in the air]

"Nugget, how dare you [gentle face slap] spend time sharing love with your Frozen Icy Frosty shop behind the counter boyfriend, Carter, again while I have to assign all these Lil French Felines proper promo names [slap across the jaw]. Also, you should call it a night since you promised your new boyfriend smash face sex tonight with essential oils and six pillows, so, go get with then, Nugget, I mean, do you all agree, Lil French Feline Freda and Lil French Feline Faye and Lil French Feline Fabienne, hmm?"

[Turns cell phone boom zoom call screen]

"Oui, Mademoiselle cock of Penny! Monsieur Nugget get it all "ugh, ugh, ugh" tonight."

"Oui, Mademoiselle cock of Penny! Monsieur Nugget go all "ooh, ooh, ooh" tonight!"

"Oui, Mademoiselle cock of Penny! Monsieur Nugget push back all "argh, argh, argh" tonight!"

"Ahem and you Lil French Feline Lil Ladies will find me a Lil French Franny promo Lil Lady special because of personal reasons that we don't need to let everyone on the Strip know about, ahem, right?"

"Oui, Mademoiselle cock of Penny! Lil French Felines find and hire a sexy Lil French Feline Franny for Mademoiselle cock of Penny's personal ooh la, la reasons, Mademoiselle cock of Penny!"

Well, whatever it takes to keep the big bag of money overflowing, I guess. Also, smash face sex? When did I ever say or agree to that, huh? That's face down, right?

"Nugget, how dare you [gentle face slap] day dream about our new petite promo squad when I haven't finished letting you know that the Greek Yogurt Shop on Strip suggested that we allow Middleton's own Quinn, who is also Greek Goddess, although taller than petite, act as my assistant manager to help secure their request for a promo squad of Lil Greek Goddesses [slaps face, gently]!"

"[Cough, spits bits of feather, cough] Peacock Penny, I'm just calling it a night tonight without Carter. I mean, I'm still woozy and my jaws hurt for some reason and I'm not up for smash face..."

"[Waves right hand overhead from left to right with bits of feather as the starburst trails]"

"[Cough, spits bits of feather, cough] Peacock Penny, I'm late for my after-hours date with Carter, so, can't you just handle all of this by yourself, then? Also, do you have any condoms on you because for some reason, my mouth feels worn out, so?"

[Beep, beep, beep]

"Hop in, Nugget. My engine is running hot."

"Coming, Carter."

[SUV door opens and closes, hot engine SUV vrooms away]

End Nugget 01