I like the basic idea, but the story is too much focused on putting in as much action as possible as quickly as possible. Taking it slower would make the whole thing more enjoyable.
I love Literotica and love to share my fantasies with you. Your feedback is happily accepted. Please note: I write for my own and your enjoyment, like I relish other writers' stories. If you like my fantasies, please vote. If you don't like them, no problem, but please don'...