Oggbashan Stew Pt. 01

The women's skirts would be provided by the organisers. Waist and hip size and leg length of the woman must be provided at least a week beforehand. I suppose that stopped one form of cheating. The women must wear cotton panties, there was a recommended make, Sloggi Maxis, and nylon pantyhose. The men must wear cotton T-shirts. What the men wore below the waist and what the women wore above the waist was left to personal choice BUT old clothes would be preferable. The woman must bring a headscarf at least 36 inches square.

The woman must not make any sound that could be interpreted as guiding her mount. The man must not make any sound that was a signal to his rider. The audience must remain completely silent until the course had been completed. Instead of the competitors competing simultaneously, the race would be run singly against the clock. Points would be deducted for displacing the obstacles, for dropping the egg and for falls. The points lost would add to the recorded time and the fastest after adjustment would be the winner. There were prizes for second and third places.

This year the prizes were magnificent. The winning couple won:

-Hire of bride's gown and gowns for up to six bridesmaids

-Hire of bridegroom's suit and suits for up to six ushers

-Hire of limousines

-Photography and video record of the wedding

-Discount on wedding reception with choice of three venues

-Bridal flowers

-Wedding cake and favours

-Discount on honeymoon vacation or a fully paid week in the Bridal Suite at our best local hotel

-Five hundred pounds spending money for wedding or honeymoon

The second prize was the same except four bridesmaids, four ushers and two hundred and fifty pounds.

The third prize was the same except for two bridesmaids, two ushers and one hundred pounds.

Winning any of them meant that John and I could get married this year and still have a deposit for a house. Not winning meant either a very basic Registry Office wedding or saving for two or three more years.

John had proposed. I had accepted - for a wedding date in the indefinite future. If we could win one of the prizes for the Egg and Spoon obstacle race then we could get married NOW.

Even with those prizes there would be only a handful of entrants. Competitors had to be members of the Young Farmers, not yet married and willing to face the embarrassment of performing as a couple to a large audience, many of whom would be well intoxicated. I thought there might be no more than six couples so our chances to win an prize were one out of two. Actually our chance was better than that. John and I are fit footballers in constant training. We should do better than most couples.

The new requirements introduced this year were a surprise. The man would have his face between the woman's legs facing her pussy. They didn't actually put in those words but that's what they meant. He would have to run backwards or she would have to screw her head round to look over her shoulder. Either way would be awkward. The woman's legs would be hooked around his arms and crossed over his chest. Her ankles would be tied there and her legs lashed to his chest. His wrists would be fastened together and lashed to the small of her back.

I couldn't see how John was going to breathe in that position. We would have to try it as soon as possible and practise. Where - that was the question? The gymnasium was barred to potential contestants.

The only place I could think of, that was large enough and private, was Lisa's dressmaking workroom. It would take some organisation to clear it and to put it back afterwards but it would be worth it if we could learn how to move when tied together. I flipped open my mobile and rang Lisa.

"Hello?" she said.

"Sheila here, Lisa."

"I know it is. I've got caller-display. What can I do for Sheila? Do you want another dress or running repairs after dancing too hard?"

"Nothing like that, Lisa. I've entered us, John and I, for the Young Farmers' Egg and Spoon race."

"You have? Great! You need someone as strong as John for that."

"Don't rub it in Lisa. Anyway, you're larger and heavier than me, aren't you?"

"Ouch! Just a little, perhaps. There isn't much between us for size."

"Sorry. I shouldn't have retorted like that. We well-built women should stick together."

I heard Lisa sigh softly.

"OK," she said, "What can I do for the Vixen's second largest woman?"

"We need to practise for the race. They've changed the rules this year."

I explained the changes and that we wanted somewhere to practise. Her workroom...

"OK, Sheila. I know it means a lot to you and John. Can you come over this evening and have a look. We'll see what we can do. Seven o'clock OK?"

"Yes. Thank you Lisa. We'll be there."

End of Part 01