by Lovebuldge
Shit that was hard to read. Having to stop & reread the line because words were missing. Sorry, no interest in continuing reading.
...but you really really need to improve your writing and/or get a proof reader to help. Very tough read, do some polishing up and it will be a much better story.
Not great could use some work, you write like a kid, was that on purpose?
Hot, where's Chapter 2 ?! Love the way you bring lingerie into it, let's have more description of what she is wearing. Keep writing, I'll keep reading.