All Comments on 'One Night in Detroit'

A small gem. Your economy with words is excellent. The story is like a black and white photograph, subtle shades rather than too much colour.

Great dialogue... great scene-setting. An insightful vignette.

Great Characters, Sat staring at the last line far too long. 5.

You capture your characters AND Detroit perfectly! Nice work.

I was so excited to see how you would translate your knack for settings from bucolic Maine to urban Detroit. I enjoyed the way you painted the city as lively and vibrant. So much of the news we see out of Detroit makes it look dismal and bleak. I also really enjoyed the story. It reminded me of some of Exescort's gritty, urban stories before she left us. But did you accidentally call your heroine 'Mary' a couple of times on the first page? 😆

At the time of writing this story has a 4.50. My 5⭐️ only raised it to 4.51 so a lot of votes have been cast and I can’t believe the score is so low. Perhaps too many people were wanting a “fuck the shit out of me” tale and were disappointed they got a proper story. Anyway, that’s enough of that...as Clint Eastwood would say (just something thrown in for you to think about.)

The story was like the Antiques Roadshow. Bad, Better and Best. I like the way it worked up to a climax. (Sorry, but I couldn’t resist it.🙄)

I’ve never come across the term “civilian date” before. I’ll have to remember those words and maybe steal them sometime. The sex wasn’t crude. I liked that but perhaps others didn’t. I liked the Butterfield 8 but I’m of that generation that salivated over Elizabeth Taylor in that bedroom. Owen reminded me of a gay guy I knew for nearly fifty years. He passed away a few years ago but I saw him sitting on that bar stool. I’ve heard more than one horror story but many more about nice guys like Anthony. I know someone who can do sketches from memory. I can draw but I have to work at it. I wish I had a talent like that. People blessed with a natural ability, in any walk of life, make it look so easy. Back to the sex. Understated but good. I had a lady tell me that she could only come through cunnilingus. That it very rarely happened so naturally she faked it in both instances. She’s not on her own, of course, and it doesn’t just apply in the sex industry.

“It didn’t get much bigger, and she felt some relief at that.” I was once told “I’d give them their money back and point them to the door.” Obviously it wasn’t me. 😂. “She tried to remember the last time she’d fucked with her shoes off.” So true. Is it just because of porn or because bare feet aren’t sexy? “This is hooker tricks 101.” I still remember the first time I saw it. I laughed. Just my humour. Thankfully she laughed as well.

I know sex is a basic requirement for Lit but it’s nice to have a proper story to go with it. 👍

Well done 5* It's the kind of story that makes me want to see the next chapter. What happens between them?

Very well written. I particularly liked the drawing of the characters, the contrast of good client/bad client making it unnecessary to belabour the point, but mostly the Amanda/Elizabeth character(s). A lot of the Lit audience will not like this story much. They like to see their bad girls be thoroughly bad, and be thoroughly punished ( the LW syndrome! ) . But don't let any shortfall in popularity detract from the fact that this was a well told story.

Very well written and a strong POV. Really enjoyed the read!

I sensed something of a nervous, slow start in this story, but once Elizabeth was back on the streets and in the bars, this relaxed into your usual effortless story telling. I've never walked in snow-bound streets, but I could feel the cold in my bones.

There's a Last Exit to Brooklyn feel about this. Cudos.

This was an interesting look at the realities of life as a 'working girl'—neither overdone or underdone. Of the stories I've read so far, this one is a nice blend of both the location and the erotic. The descriptions of the various locations felt real and painted a clear image in my mind as I read along. All in all a solid piece of work. Like most of the stories entered into this event, this one seems like a great start to something more...I'm going to write in my version of that "more" to be a happy love story between the lady of the night and the artist.

Yep. 5 - all day long. Another Chapter. Please.

In all honesty, I cannot say this is my favorite story, MB. But...as always, you have nailed your niche, which is to say, no one writes better realism than you do. And when it comes to RL, you're just a breath of fresh air and an all-round kick in the pants!

Laid back with a lovely flair of authenticity.

Perhaps she could restart an old favourite of mine, Time Team. Love a good archaeologist.

You are a talented writer. Reading your stuff, I immediately feel drawn into the scene, enveloped by your words into the world you describe. You're a good story-teller and you're also good with words. There are a few places where you could have used an editor/proofreader to catch some minor errors, but they're mostly minor.

Your story rang true to me, and I think that was its strength. The weakness of the story, if you will, was not having a clear narrative focus. It was a slice in time rather than a clearly developed story with a beginning, middle, and end. I think AwkwardMD overstates her case somewhat, but I think she has a point. I'd love to see your very impressive writing and descriptive skills married to a more coherent story.

Grammatical point: On several occasions, you combine complete sentences with a comma and no conjunction. Example: "Ray had a delicate hand, there was a lightness and elegance to each drawing." These should be two separate sentences. You do this several times in this story.

Awkward cannot see what is not rolled out for them on a red carpet.

Details:

The character wears high heels for the job, but only for the job. They don't dress like that normally by their discomfort, same with the pantyhose. She is wearing her suit to the office, she is in character, but being a hooker is not her character and it shows in her willingness to dress the part with reveling in how good she looks when she all dressed up because she has a cock to suck.

She gets their early, but then she's bored. She's not nervous. She gets an espresso, she eats some nuts, she checks her appearance. She's neither excited or afraid. This is another day at the office where she expects to sit at her cubicle and work her 9 to 5, which makes her enjoying her John's company at the end more meaningful, because those details that you've provided LET US paint a picture of how she sees her job: with a lot of apathy.

Be wary of critics looking to prove to you their own 'genius."

Love me some gash for cash, them hoes always have broken in vajayjays.

It made me miss Detroit. I love a slice of life story. Great job

This story is very well written and gives a great atmosphere of Detroit at night. I love stories set in a specific time and geographic place. It gave me an insight into a lifestyle which I have never experienced. It was also just long enough, and left the reader wondering how the relationship would develop. Well deserved 5 stars.

A terrific read! A lady who knows her business! And how to take care of herself! Transactional with the moneyed class! In touch with the margins! Alive in the big city!

My first MelissaBaby story and I loved it.

Loved your slice of life and particularly young Elizabeth. Spunky, gutsy well developed character and the subcharacters she shares her life with. You may absolutely "rinse and repeat".

Thoroughly enjoyed your insight/depiction of an escort’s night. I like escort theme/storylines — not a fetish of some kind, rather well crafted pieces combine a real, relatable character with sometimes very erotic sex that reveals much about her and her way of making a living. Case in point: Contrast the 3 episodes in this short piece — the dangerous almost sex with frightening client, the vanilla but pleasant sex with harmless fellow, and finally something a bit more erotic and near romantic with artist friend and how we come to know her through these sexual episodes/encounters. Very well written and thoughtful.

Great story, well written

Predictable. Nothing exciting or erotic.

I grew up in Motown.... lots of familiar names and places.

I love your writing style, nothing extravagant but I'm 'there' wherever Liz is. Also love a woman's perspective.

Another great story. A window into another person’s world. You’re fantastic!

Thanks.

Nice job. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Another really well written story, plenty of tongue in cheek quips and clever dialogue. Thanks🙂

Early sixties in Lawton AlleyKat was the place to go.

LOVE slap-hapy-papy #9

Let’s just say I enjoyed you tail. I search this site to exit reality for a time.

LOVE slap-hapy-papy #9

From a life-long Detroiter, this was fantastic!