Orchestrated Payback

"Thanks, team. Um, brass, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I need it up half a notch from bar 256, c'mon, it's the huge swell that we know the audience is going to love. Let's take it from bar 240." I raised my baton, and the orchestra followed my lead, "That's it, that's it, now, boom, and, excellent! Thanks again, everyone. We'll leave it there for today, please note I am giving you a five-minute early mark! Honestly though, what a start. I really am looking forward to working with you all and thanks again for your warm welcome, I think there's still some muffins in the break room, take them home for whoever."

Placing my baton in its case, I scribbled some more notes on the music before gathering my scores and placing them safely in my satchel. I looked around the rehearsal space and smiled. Never would I have imagined I would be the conductor of a major state symphony orchestra in my early 30s.

Mum still told everyone that at my school orientation day when I was 5, I would not keep quiet when the violin teacher gave a brief performance, disclosing to everyone in a not too hushed voice, that I was going to play the violin too. Mum had played the piano a little when she was younger, however, she was mainly a singer who had never pursued anything professionally, but still liked performing in amateur musicals. Dad sang in the shower, but that was the extent of his musical ability. Juliet, my younger sister took up the flute and moved across to saxophone when she hit high school. My baby brother, Toby played the piano, and even though he was now almost finished with medical school he still found time to play keyboards in a cover band.

"Maestro, that was phenomenal! I forgot how much you get into things as I haven't played under you since, what, third year at the Con! Some of us were going to grab a drink at the pub next door and we'd love you to join us."

"Thanks, Lucy, I will, but only if you stop calling me maestro!"

"Sorry, Katie, oops, you do still go by that?" She asked with a sly grin on her face.

"I do. It's only my parents who call me Katherine, well them and my bosses, although I did get Donnie to concede that I will be called Katie Ainsworth on all orchestra materials, even if he won't call me Katie himself."

Lucy and I went to the same high school that had a specialist music program and were both accepted into the Conservatorium at the same time, Lucy majoring in cello and me in violin. It wasn't until I was in my second year that I plucked up the courage to promote myself as a conductor. The boys club were not that impressed, but I graduated with honours and received a Fulbright Scholarship to head to New York to complete my PhD and gain experience conducting various orchestras in the United States.

Music had been my life for so long now and I was content. I had stayed in the States for a while and put together an all-female orchestra that did some tours and produced a couple of recordings, but when Mum was diagnosed with breast cancer a little over a year ago, I chose to head home. There were still very few female conductors in Australia, but my old conservatorium gave me a gig and friends and colleagues like Lucy had fought hard for me to be considered as lead conductor at the state's symphony orchestra.

"You're not back living at home?" Lucy had placed a pot of beer in front of me.

"No. Mum and Dad sold the house a few years ago and moved into a townhouse after Toby moved out. I've been renting in the inner north but am looking to buy something soon. Not having a beer yourself?"

Lucy looked at Mark, another friend from university days, who played bassoon in the orchestra and the pair smiled.

"I can't keep it in any longer anyway! Mark and I are expecting. I'm 13 weeks on Friday!"

Everyone congratulated them. It was a nice get-together, and I was able to get to know some of the musicians better. A few I knew vaguely from my time at the conservatorium, but many were new faces.

The first few weeks in the job flew by. We had a couple of concerts that were well received by critics, many who had questioned my abilities as a conductor noting my relative youth and being an unknown quantity in the local arts scene. There were the regional concerts where we'd travel for an hour or two and play to local school kids which I loved doing especially as most kids had never seen a female conductor before.

A few of the players in the orchestra had tried flirting with me, both male and female musicians, but I made it clear I was not there for romance, despite being known as a conductor of romantic works. It's not that I didn't want the attention, but I knew I could never mix work and pleasure being the conductor of the show. I had seen it go pear-shaped too many times overseas.

I'd had a few relationships along the way, but I knew I needed to focus on my goals and aspirations and until now professional ambitions had overtaken personal ones. Juliet had married in the previous spring, both her and her husband Vlad were teachers and they seemed happy enough. My thoughts drifted back to Martin, the man I met a few months into my time in New York and who I thought I'd be spending my life with, but I drew them back to the present and hoped no one in front of me had seen the tears form in my eyes.

"OK, team, let's move onto the Rachmaninoff Symphony number 2," I sighed, taking a deep breath, and again tried to put Martin to the back of my mind. This was his favourite. He loved the slow and quiet start, "Now we are doing the full uncut version as you may have noticed..."

I gave my thoughts to the orchestra and was amazed at their first run through. There was silence as I lowered my baton at the end of the first movement. It was an almost spiritual moment. To my embarrassment, I was so overcome with emotion that I jumped down from the podium, sat down and burst into tears.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's just... Wow, you folk sure can play. This, um, this symphony was the favourite of a dear friend of mine who's no longer with us and it's been ages since I've conducted it and it brought back some memories. Shall we move straight onto the second movement?"

I was embarrassed by my outburst. I had never seen a male conductor break down like that, but as another female conductor from Europe had reminded me, I was simply there to ensure the composer's vision was brought to life and no matter what I had between my legs I could do this just as well as anyone else.

At morning tea Lucy sought me out.

"You ok, hon?" She asked as she hugged me.

"Yeah, I'd been thinking about Martin and how this was his favourite."

"I can't imagine how hard it is."

"It's not hard, it's not, it's, well, it's... I woke up to an email from his mother this morning. They found some more investments he'd made and want to throw more money at me. I don't want the fucking money."

"It's been, what, 4 years?"

"Yep, 5 this July. Make sure for this one's sake you have things sorted." I said looking at Lucy's tummy.

"There you are Katherine," Donnie had sought me out, "Bad news I'm afraid. Catherina Castellano has come down with appendicitis and won't be able to fly so I'm looking around for an Australian pianist who can pick up the Rachmaninoff for next week."

"Have you tried Suzette Collins?" I knew Suzette from conservatorium days.

"She's in New Zealand on tour. Also tried Antonia Salkowski however she's about to have a baby."

"I told you when I started Donnie that I wanted an equal number of male and female soloists with the orchestra."

"I know, I know, but this is an emergency. Nancy is putting in a call to a few more managers to see who else might be available."

"What about Simon?" Lucy asked innocently.

"Simon Fordham? You know I won't work with him after that prank he pulled at uni, plus he never got the romanticism right with the Rach, he was more into Mozart."

"It's been almost 15 years, Katie!"

Poor Donnie received a look of death from me and told me he and his secretary, Nancy were onto it and to leave it with them.

The rest of the day's rehearsal went smoothly and by the end of the day, we had run through the entire symphony we were performing that Saturday night. It was one of the big weeks with the orchestra in that there was a matinée performance on Saturday of some lighter classics which I was also conducting but did not require the full ensemble. I knew we'd run through these on Friday, and they were almost the bread and butter of most of the ensemble-, an operatic overture, some Tchaikovsky ballet music and a Beethoven symphony.

Donnie came to me after the rehearsal and said that Simon Fordham was the only available soloist, and I would have to just be able to work with him.

"Simon asked me to pass on his number and suggested you get in contact with him to discuss things." Donnie almost smirked.

~*~*~*~*~

"It's been a day, drink, girlfriend?" Nigel was a percussionist with the orchestra and another person I met back in my conservatorium days.

"Get me a bottle of gin with a straw, please. Fucking Simon Fordham is going to be the fucking soloist next week for the Rach 2."

"You still haven't forgiven him?"

"Fucken oath I haven't. He fucking humiliated me. I was only a fucking first year and he fucking set out to embarrass me."

"Um, you handled it beautifully and in the end, the joke really was on him because of your poise and professionalism. I do love it when I get to witness a Katie-spray!"

I did have to remember that it was that incident that not only saw me get a name for myself as someone who coped well under pressure but also gave me a voice to the academics and allowed me to ask to transfer to major in conducting.

"You know I had the biggest crush on him before that concert, but I was just a fucking naïve 18-year-old. I'm pretty sure he bats for your side anyway, Nige, you know me, my gaydar has always been way off."

"Poppycock! He never took any note of my advances when we went out drinking. I lost track of him and knew he went to Europe for a while. I know he won a competition or something."

A drink with Nigel was just what I needed. He had me laughing as we reminisced about lecturers and guests we had when we were undergraduates.

"Thanks so much, Nige for a good reminisce. I still can't believe I lost it this morning."

"Sweetie, it's music. It affects us all. I think everyone had tears in their eyes after that run through, I know it spoke to me. Anyway, Tom's messaged asking where I am. His last student of the day cancelled so he's free already."

"Think he could learn the Rach 2 by next week?"

"Honey, he hasn't played professionally for many years and now he just teaches kids to play French Folk Tune and other such crap!"

"That's BS and you know it- he's an amazing musician in his own right."

"Don't tell him that, his head will swell too much!"

Once home I decided I had better message Simon.

"Simon, Katie Ainsworth here. Let me know any requests you have for the Rach 2. I take it you honestly think you can do this?"

I didn't want to come across as bitchy, but I knew I had.

"Katie, Katie! It's been too long! I'm fairly confident in my abilities. Played it last year with the Perth Symphony. Bringing my niece and nephew to the concert Saturday arvo- catch up afterwards for a drink maybe?"

"I'd rather avoid that to be honest. Last I heard you were living up north. Didn't realise you'd come back. Anyway, let me know the tempos and such. I could meet before the rehearsal on Monday."

"Donnie warned me you were a primadonna still. My niece wants to meet you so I will make sure we catch up after the concert on Saturday. Ciao Bella. S"

Saturday afternoon's concert went off well and the audience seemed to love it. There was a jovial mood and I had forgotten Simon's threat to catch up until one of the crew knocked on my dressing room door telling me Simon was asking for me. Still in a great mood from the concert, I had them ushered in.

"Katie Ainsworth! Wow, you have not changed at all!" Simon drew me in for a hug much to my surprise, "Sorry, Maddy, Luca, this is the amazingly talented Katie Ainsworth who I can claim I studied with for a year and a bit at the conservatorium, but wow, you look great, Katie."

"Maddy, Luca, hi, lovely to meet you. I hope you don't take after your uncle. He humiliated me at an end of year recital."

"Ah, no, I tried to, but you were too talented for me. Maddy's been playing the violin and was in the first violins at Youth Orchestra camp last Summer. She's hoping to go to the Con too and dreams of being a conductor, so I had to introduce you. Luca plays drums in a rock band but agreed to come along today to humour me."

"It wasn't that bad," the scruffy teenager smiled from behind a mop of blonde curls. It was clear he was related to Simon.

"Are you two coming to see your uncle next Saturday night?"

"You're conducting, right?" Maddy looked almost confused.

"Yeah, I am, unless I've killed him, or he's killed me beforehand. Honestly, you'd get more out of tonight's performance I think, it's a personal favourite of mine."

"Can we stay Uncle Si? Please?" Maddy was begging her uncle, but I could see Luca was not convinced.

"How about we take Luca home and come back for it? We'll see if your Mum wants to come too, maybe?"

We had tickets to hand out for each performance and I reluctantly gave Simon three for him and his family. I could see why I had a crush on him all those years before. He was tall and could have passed for a rugby front-liner with his broad shoulders and thick neck. He looked like a ball of muscle and he was still sweeping his curly blonde hair behind his ears as he talked.

Those of us who were performing in both concerts had a light meal delivered to the backstage area between performances. Lucy knocked on my door delivering mine and I asked her to stay so we could eat together.

"Was that Simon Fordham leaving your dressing room earlier with his kids?" Lucy asked as she shovelled pasta into her mouth.

"Yeah, with his niece and nephew. His niece is a violinist who wants to be a conductor. I gave them tickets to come back tonight."

"I see he's still as gorgeous as ever."

"I suppose so. But if your personality is shit then you can look a million dollars and I still won't like you."

"He was always nice to me."

The concert that evening went better than I could have hoped for and I openly dabbed my eyes with a handkerchief at the end. I told myself Martin would have loved it and looked skywards as I brought my baton down after the last notes died away.

I looked towards the area where I had given Simon tickets for and noticed empty seats, so I figured they had not come after all, however, I was surprised when again Simon knocked at my dressing room door as I was gathering my things. This time he pushed a woman in a wheelchair and was again accompanied by Maddy.

"Celeste, this is the amazing Katie Ainsworth who I am so looking forward to working with next week. Katie, this is my sister, Celeste Fordham, Maddy and Luca's mum."

"Hi, I'm sorry, I didn't realise... I would have arranged tickets that were more accessible if I'd known."

"It's fine, Katie, thank you. Simon did it himself before we arrived. I have Multiple Sclerosis and it's easier for me to be in the chair amongst crowds. I can see why he's so taken with you, what with your talent and beauty."

Simon's eyes shot daggers at his sister as he went beet red.

"Celeste, don't worry, he played a nasty prank on me at uni and I don't think I'll ever forgive him for it."

"He told us on the way in. What was it you said, Mads?"

"If he did it to me, I would have just walked off stage and refused to work with him."

"I'm still here!" Simon had his hand in the air.

"Well at least you found someone who knows the concerto for next week, Katie, you might have had to cancel."

"Don't worry, Celeste, I did offer that. I'm meant to have a female soloist for this concert anyway."

"I'm sure I could pretend I'm a lady for the week, what, wear a frock and red lipstick and gossip!" Simon was smiling and yet Maddy, Celeste and I were just looking at each other with our jaws hanging open.

"He doesn't get it, my boofish baby brother, but don't stress, Katie, I'll try and explain it to him on the way home."

"And I get why you might kill him, Katie." Maddy leant in for a hug.

"You almost ready, Maestro?" Lucy and Mark had offered me a lift home and she was again knocking at my door.

"Looks like I'm killing everyone tonight, but yes, Simon was leaving."

"Lucy Clarke! Wow, another blast from the past. I thought it was you up there leading the cellos."

"Hey, Simon. Looking forward to next week, I'll make sure I have popcorn standing by."

~*~*~*~*~

I arrived at my parents for Sunday lunch being the third Sunday of the month. Juliet had worked out that three of the five of us had birthdays in the second half of the months so a regular engagement would fit with most celebrations. I went along with it, even though I had moved away for 10 years.

"You're looking so much brighter, Mum, and you've got real hair for eyebrows again!"

"Oh, Kitty, I'm feeling great. I have my final PET scan this week and I'm pretty convinced it's all gone. Your father's still in the shed, you're the first to arrive for once! I read the review of last week's concert. I know it's safer for me to be out now, but I still get scared in big crowds and my immune system is not what it once was."

"It's all good, Mum. Last night's concert was recorded and will be on the radio in a few weeks. I'll let you know when. Of course, I know you aren't the greatest fan of Rachmaninoff so you don't have to listen."

"All month featuring Rachmaninoff? I can't believe you are still standing."

"Yeah, just one week to go, but to be honest I'm almost dreading it. The soloist who was meant to be performing the piano concerto got appendicitis and couldn't travel and they got fucking Simon Fordham, that prick who tried to embarrass me at my recital at the end of my first year to play in her place."

"Language, Katherine!"

"Sorry, Mum, it's still a sore spot."

"He's rather good looking from what I remember."

"Forget it, Mum. He could be a centrefold who rescued kittens and I'd still have the same acerbic thoughts towards him."

I was saved by the arrival of Toby. Lunch went well. Toby let slip that he was seeing another medical student and Mum insisted we meet her at our next month's lunch. It was sweet seeing Toby's cheeks redden and hearing his stammer when he talked about her. It seemed as though it might be serious.

Juliet and Vlad were still hopelessly in love after six months of marriage. They used their pet names for each other throughout lunch and Juliet was so keen to hear more about Yui, Toby's new girlfriend.

"Just leaves you, Kit!" Toby was trying to deflect the conversation away from him, however realised what he had said, "Shit, I'm sorry, Fuck. Forget I opened my mouth."

"Language Toby, language! Between you and your oldest sister, your mouths need a jolly good wash out." Mum had always hated swearing.

"I'm happy with my career. What Martin and I had was special and memories of our time together will suffice, thank you."

I did not know if I believed this. I was appalled that I had had a sex dream the night before involving Simon. Although I could not remember all the details, I had climaxed in my sleep and woken up shortly after desperately wanting to recreate the feeling of satisfaction.

This had been lacking in my world for almost 5 years. Martin was an incredibly sensitive lover. He aimed to pleasure me in as many ways as he could. He was as adept with his tongue and fingers as he was with his cock. I had put those thoughts of Martin aside for so long and it surprised me that they had resurfaced when Simon did.