Orphaned

This includes lesbian sex as well as nonconsensual sex. If either bothers you please skip this.

"One must learn to love, and go through a good deal of suffering to get to it."

— D.H. Lawrence

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I guess it all started about midway through my senior year of high school when my parents both died in a horrible car wreck. I am Lori and turned 18 shortly after it happened - not exactly the kind of birthday I was hoping for. I was devastated and only barely made it through the rest of the school year. The only way I made it at all was the support of my older sister, Paula.

Paula had been going to college in town while living at home. She ended up dropping out for a semester to be my emotional support and to try to take care of everything that had to be done in the aftermath of my parents' death. I was no help whatsoever. If I came out of my shell at all, it was to weep uncontrollably. Everything was on Paula, which was a cruel thing to do to a 20 year old.

Neither of my parents had any siblings and both sets of grandparents had passed. I guess both of my parents had cousins, but we had never been close to any of them, so Paula and I were on our own. My parents did have insurance policies, so we had some financial security. Still we had to wind our way through wills and courts to work it out, or at least Paula did.

She decided that even if we could afford the house, and that was a stretch, that it held too many memories that we needed to shed. As soon as possible, and honestly it took months, she sold the house and we moved to an apartment near the college campus. We saved a few things to remember our parents by, and just sold off or donated the rest.

I had never exactly been a social lion - much closer to a wallflower, and it only got worse after my parents died. I had been a runner and used that to help me work out my grief and frustration, perhaps going overboard. I was slender before but ran so much and so hard I was borderline emaciated. I had no boobs, no ass, and in jeans, which was my preferred attire, I was regularly mistaken for a boy.

My hair was kind of short, and my features were almost androgynous, besides which I never wore makeup. It was good in a sense, since people didn't harass a 'boy' out running alone. Had I looked more feminine, I'm sure I'd have gotten more grief. Basically, I thought I was unattractive as a woman, so I never made any effort to look more attractive.

When you add my self-image to the shock of having both my parents suddenly die, I wanted no attention from men. None of them seems to have any interest in me anyhow. That only served to reinforce my belief that I was singularly unattractive. Paula tried to give me emotional support throughout all this, but a lot was strictly in my own head.

I finished my senior year of high school. Forget prom or any end of year celebrations. I had no interest in celebrating and none of the guys I knew had any interest in me. Paula indicated that it might have been partly because I was sending out signals to leave me alone. If so, it wasn't conscious, though I wasn't really interested in going out with any of them anyhow.

Though the apartment was in another school district, they let me do the last month or so of school where I'd been. Paula said it was unfair to uproot me though I wasn't sure I cared at all. So we had a two bedroom, two bath place of our own, along with enough money to cover us both until we got college degrees. The apartment didn't feel like home, but neither had the house after my parents died.

Paula had a group of friends that she used to hang with, but she pulled back from that to stay with me. I tried telling her not to put her life on hold for me, but she wouldn't hear of it. A few of her friends came by the house before we moved and the apartment after. Paula always insisted on me being a part of whatever happened. That irritated a few of her friends, but she didn't seem to care.

I almost was sleepwalking through the rest of my senior year. It just seemed less painful than the alternatives. I skipped my graduation, though Paula begged me to go. We got to the summer and I just vegged out. After a couple weeks of this, Paula sat me down for a talk.

"Lori, I know you're bummed about our parents. So am I, but we're still here and have a life to live."

"It's easier for you because you're older and had already started college."

"And now you're ready to start college. You should be spreading your wings, not sitting around depressed."

"How do I deal with not having them here anymore?"

"By starting to enjoy life."

"What's to enjoy?"

"Are there any guys you like?"

"Guys never have any interest in me."

"I could help you get them interested."

"I've got no boobs and no ass. I look like a 13 year old boy. Only gay guys have any interest."

"I could help you change that."

"I've seen most of the guys around here and they don't appeal to me."

"What about women?"

"What... what do you mean?"

"It's pretty simple. Are there any women who appeal to you?"

I found myself squirming in my seat. "I've... never really... thought of women... that way."

"Maybe you should."

"What would people think? What would you think?"

"Like the song goes, I kissed a girl, and I liked it. Actually, I did a lot more than kiss."

"I wouldn't even know what to do."

"What makes you feel good?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean when you touch yourself."

I could feel my face turn bright red and feel the heat from the blush radiating from me. "I've never really done that."

"You've never?"

I shook my head furiously and looked at the floor, embarrassed by it all.

"And you never let a boy...?"

I shook my head again.

"At least now I know why you're depressed. It isn't just over our parents' death. It's sexual frustration too."

"Please don't."

"Don't what? Don't try to get you laid? Don't tell anyone you're a virgin?"

"Any of it. Please."

Paula hugged me and we rocked back and forth together for a while as I wept some of the tears that I'd been holding back for far too long. Paula held me and wiped my tears until I was all cried out. We sat together silently for a long time. I finally separated from Paula, and she smiled at me and kissed my forehead, then got up to make us some dinner.

I kind of hoped that was that, but of course it wasn't. The next evening Paula told me we were going out. Needless to say I was less than enthusiastic about that idea.

"You go ahead. I'd rather just stay home."

"You're going too."

I was in baggy jeans, a sports bra that flattened what little I had in the way of boobs, a heavy loose t-shirt, and a flannel shirt over that, along with some old running shoes.

"I'm not dressed to go out, and I don't really have anything suitable."

"What you're wearing is fine."

"Come on. Please, let me just stay here at home."

"Get your skinny little butt up. We're going out - period."

I reluctantly followed her to her car. I had a car also, but she insisted I go with her so I couldn't skip out early. She wouldn't tell me where we were going. She drove and parked by a club.

"Paula, I can't drink."

"We're both just having sodas."

I followed her inside full of misgivings. They put wrist bands on us so the staff would know that I couldn't drink. Paula had turned 21 not much before, but she told them to put an under 21 band on her as well. There was dance music playing and people dancing, but as I looked, it was mostly guys with guys, and women with women, though sometimes it was hard to be sure.

We each got a soda and were quickly joined by two women, Alanna and Brittany. Brittany was closer to Paula's age, while Alanna was a year older than me. I kept trying to melt into the background and disappear, but Alanna kept trying to chat with me. When I got too uncommunicative, Paula would pipe up with some information about me.

Paula was in slacks and a long sleeve shirt with some flats. Brittany was in a short skirt, that only barely covered the necessities and wore a low cut top, apparently with no bra. She was almost platinum blonde with what I thought was way too much makeup. Alanna wore a skirt that came down to her knees with a more modest top and she did seem to be wearing a bra. Alanna had medium brown hair that came down to her shoulders, and while I was sure she wore makeup, it was far more subtle. Brittany had super high heels while Alanna had mid-level heels.

After a while, Alanna asked me to dance. I tried to decline, but Paula insisted that I dance. We did a couple of fast dances, then a slow number came on, I tried to head back to the table, but Alanna grabbed me and pulled me close. I'd never really done a slow dance with anyone holding me like that. When we were younger Paula and I had slow danced, but holding each other more loosely.

We were about the same height and Alanna was much more feminine than I was, but somehow it felt right with her in charge. I certainly knew nothing about lesbian relationships, and was reticent to even have a relationship with another woman. Still, as we danced, I rested my head against hers and somehow that felt so right.

As we danced, Alanna began to talk. "You're kind of a baby butch, but kind of shy and sweet."

"What do you mean?"

"You're so quiet, it's hard to tell much, but you don't have an attitude."

"I've never..."

"You've never been here before, I'm pretty sure of that. I'm guessing either you're just out or maybe even not out yet."

"I've never been any place like this before."

"How many women have you been with?"

I wanted to get away, but Alanna had a tight hold on me, so instead I held her tighter and tried to bury my face in her hair. I could hear her chuckle softly as we continued to dance.

"Don't answer that."

The weird thing was that I didn't think I wanted to be intimate with another woman, but somehow dancing with Alanna and having her hold me tight felt more right than I'd ever have imagined. I was of two minds - part of me wanted to get out of there and hide by myself in my room. The other part wanted to keep holding Alanna this way as long as I could.

After a bit, I realized that they were back to playing fast songs, but Alanna and I kept holding each other and dancing slowly. I was only there because Paula made me come, and I only danced with Alanna because my sister pushed me to. I was nervous and uncertain, and yet it still felt so very right to be like this with Alanna.

As we danced and I waltzed with my own insecurities, Alanna spoke again. "Would it be okay if I kissed you?"

"I don't... I haven't... I'm not... I guess so."

Alanna delicately touched her lips to mine. It was gentle and sweet, and I kissed her back. She opened her lips slightly and I opened mine. I could feel her tongue slightly teasing my lips as we kissed and after my initial apprehension, I really loved kissing her and kept kissing her until she pulled slightly away. In a way, I was disappointed and I looked into her eyes and saw a fire.

"Well, Lori, once we break through that shell, you really get into it, don't you?"

"I'm kind of afraid of it all."

"I don't want to do anything to you that you don't want."

"I don't know what I want."

"I'd like to spend a lot more time kissing you, and maybe we could see where it goes from there."

"I'd like to kiss you some more."

"Let's dance and hang out a bit more then maybe we can go somewhere quieter."

"My sister is my ride."

"I am Brittany's ride and she and your sister seem to be hitting it off."

I looked over to see Paula and Brittany snuggling and kissing, though Brittany was far more aggressive than Alanna had been. Alanna and I danced together a little longer before breaking to rejoin Paula and Brittany. At first Paula looked a little chagrinned until she saw that Alanna and I had arms around each other.

"I'm glad to see you finally loosened up a bit."

"Dancing helped."

"Not to mention the kissing."

I couldn't believe Paula had said that. I know I turned bright red again. I wanted to flee, but Alanna had enough of a hold on me that I couldn't. Besides that, I wasn't sure I wanted to get away from Alanna. Then again, I had to get back home and Paula was my ride. This was going to make for an awfully awkward ride. About that time, Alanna spoke up.

"I know that you're Lori's ride and I'm Brittany's ride. I can give Lori a lift home if you can take Brittany."

Paula looked between Alanna and I with a huge grin. Brittany almost wrapped herself around Paula, kissing her cheek and stroking her. Then Brittany started nibbling on Paula's ear, tugging gently on the earlobe as Paula kept her wide grin.

"That sounds like a good deal to me."

Alanna turned and gave me another sweet kiss, before turning back to Paula. "We may see you later then."

Brittany stopped nibbling on Paula's ear long enough to speak. "I certainly hope so."

Alanna kissed me again and I still felt uncertain. I enjoyed kissing her, but wasn't sure I wanted anything else. Hell, I didn't even know what else I could do with her. Okay, I know with a guy that he could stick his dick in me, not that I wanted any guy to do that, but wasn't sure how two women could have sex. I was apprehensive as we walked from the club.

"Look, Lori, we'll kiss some. Whether we do anything more is strictly up to you."

I still felt nervous as we walked to her car. I wanted to spend some time kissing her, but also felt like maybe I should go back inside and just let Paula drive me home when she was ready. Then again, the way things seemed to be progressing, I suspected Paula might be getting awfully close to Brittany before the night was over.

Alanna opened the car door for me, which seemed kind of ironic. Here I was the one who looked like a boy, while she looked far more feminine. Still she was doing things more typical of a male while I was more passive. I sat down and she closed my door and came around to sit in the driver's seat. I gave her my address, but she was not familiar with that area, so I had to give directions along the way.

We got to the apartment that I shared with Paula and my nervousness went up a few more notches. Now we were actually going to do that kissing, and though I wanted to, I was kind of scared by it. Alanna was only about a year older than me, yet she seemed cool and very much in control. How far would that control go? Did I really have that much power to say, no?"

As we walked to the apartment door, I guess she could sense my nervousness. She stroked my head, kissed me on the cheek and told me again that it was going to be okay. We went in and after locking the door, I went over to the couch and sat down at one far end.

"Lori, can you put on some music?"

"I guess so. Why?"

"I'd kind of like to dance with you some more."

I got up and put on some fast dance music, but Alanna asked if we could have some slow jams. I changed the music, and Alanna wrapped her arms around me and began slow dancing. At first I was uptight, but soon got into it, much as I had when we were at the club. She didn't kiss me for a while, which puzzled me and when she finally did kiss me, it was almost a relief.

Once she kissed me, I kissed her back and really got into the kissing as we danced slowly around the room. Alanna mostly had her hand on my back, but occasionally let it slip down over my ass. The first time she did, I giggled and squirmed, pressing my body to hers just a little harder. She didn't really push it, mostly stroking my back, and never touching me in front. At one point, she stopped kissing me, though she still held me tight.

"Whatever we do, whether it's a few kisses or something more, there's no need to hurry at all."

"I still don't know how I feel about being with a woman."

"But you have no desire to be with a guy?"

"No, not really."

"I suppose you could be ace, though you really don't act that way."

"What's ace?"

"Asexual - not interested in sex with anyone. You strike me as more shy and virginal,"

I know I squirmed a bit more when she said that. I knew guys had never shown much interest in me. Besides that, I was pretty sure I didn't want a guy sticking a dick in me, nor did I want to suck a guy's dick. I wasn't sure what sex with a woman would entail, and was frankly a little afraid to find out. But I knew that I enjoyed dancing with Alanna and kissing her, even if I'd been reluctant to start.

"You know, I think Brittany was planning on coming back here with your sister."

"What... were they...?"

"Probably more than just kissing. We might be better moving to your room, unless you don't trust me."

"I don't know if I'm ready for..."

"We don't have to do anything you're not ready for."

"Okay."

I pointed toward my bedroom. Alanna smiled, kissed me, then held me tight as we walked to the bedroom and went in. She shut the door behind us. She turned me toward her and we kissed a bit before she seemed to try to move me toward the bed.

"As much as I like dancing with you and kissing you standing up, I think we should sit down. Can we sit on your bed?"

I know I bit my lip and looked a little pained and didn't look her in the eyes. I guess I should have expected that but it still came as a bit of a surprise. As I looked away, Alanna kissed me on the cheek. It was sweet and tender and my mind was a swirl of conflicting emotions, but I finally turned back to her and nodded very subtly.

"I swear, I'll try not to push too far or too fast."

Alanna let go of me, but took my hand and led me over to the bed. She sat on the edge of the bed. I sat down, but only very gingerly, almost as though I were afraid of what was to come. She smiled at me, brushed my hair away from my face, though I'm not sure it really needed it, then leaned forward and kissed me.

We turned toward each other and kept kissing. After a while, it felt a little awkward being turned that way, so I kind if squirmed a bit. Alanna figured out my problem, grabbed my legs and put them across her lap. It took a little of the pressure off my back, but it felt like another step toward greater intimacy and I felt a little funny. We resumed kissing and soon it just felt natural.

I was starting to feel comfortable, when I heard the front door open. I stiffened and pulled out of the kiss and Alanna smiled at me and we listened to some giggles and shrieks before we heard the other bedroom door close and the sounds get muffled. I looked at Alanna and know I must have seemed hesitant.

"I told you that your sister was likely to bring Brittany back here."

"Should we..."

"They'll be far too busy with each other to pay any attention to us."

Alanna gently pulled me back toward her and gave me a sweet kiss. I'd never known Paula to bring anyone either to the apartment or to the house, whether male or female, so this was kind of a shock, though she said she'd kissed a girl and done a lot more than that. Clearly she was no virgin, unlike me, but still it kind of blew my mind a bit.

We resumed kissing and I forgot all about Paula and Brittany, at least until we heard some loud moans and shrieks from the other bedroom. Something told me that was Brittany, not Paula, but it still seemed a little embarrassing. Alanna rubbed her head against mine before giving me another kiss.

"Brittany is very demonstrative and feels like she hasn't really enjoyed herself unless she disturbs a few other people."

"You aren't like that, are you?"

"No, and I can't imagine you are either, Lori."

I was still wearing my long sleeve flannel shirt over my t-shirt. Alanna began to edge that back off my shoulders.

"How about we get a little more comfortable and shed this."

I know I must have had a pained look, but I nodded and she smiled at me and eased the flannel shirt off me, then threw it on a chair not too far away. We resumed kissing and after a little while Alanna leaned back to lie on the bed, pulling me with her. I felt a little weird, but we resumed kissing and I really enjoyed kissing Alanna.