by Seattlebreeze
Stupid B.T.B lovers get up early to attack any story that does not beat up and harm women.
Story was probably a little short of a four, but gave you a five just to offset some of the anony's who infect the site. There were a few too many cliché's to my liking, as in black man with 9" cock, but all in all pretty well written.
Overall I enjoyed the story, but, .... You tend to use "I" for "me" frequently. You also state the obvious - Crystal was a cheerleader on the cheer squad. Where else would she be a cheerleader? Also at the bottom of page 1 "Dan looked at me and silently mouthed an "I love you" towards me. Of course it was towards you since he was looking at you.
I know, minor things, but minor things differentiate a 4 or 5 rated story from a fairly enjoyable 3.
when Dan watches Kate take Dave's 9-inch cock the first time and realizes that before Dave, she's never really been fucked before. Kate just needs to hope the Crystal doesn't express her amazement when she reminds Kate that it took Crystal some time to get used to Dave's monster cock. Everyone will be surprised how Kate takes Dave' huge dick, like she's been getting it that size for years. Yeah, Dan will have all kinds of things to enjoy about his wife fucking a bigger, better, and obviously smarter man. What a great idea.
Love these situations, freeing up the emotional baggage and bringing another couple to a higher level in their relationship. Outstanding xoxoxoxox Annette
Love this story
My wife and I often talk about this as your characters did and I could see something like this helping us decide which way we would go.
Thank you. Look forward to reading more of the story q
The 1st step...But what is really important is the aftermath of the 2nd and 3rd steps...For now it was just the talking...Let's see what happens...2* for now
Readers know in advance the topic of this story.. And still throw rocks.. I adventure to say "these readers" do not realize this happen some time between social friends. From my side of the screen this is very life like. thanks for the story
This is a fiction, not a documentary on swinging. As such it is there to be enjoyed as such. I enjoyed it.
We started sharing 35 years ago with my best friend. Over the years it evolved in to a little swinging and then back to mostly mfm sharing. We are now in our late 60s and slowing down but still have my best friend in our bed from time to time!! it's been a fun ride with several avenues in to each relationship!!!
There are too many grammatical errors; had to reread several paragraphs to figure out what was actually being said. Some of it doesn't make sense unless the reader adds words. 2nd to last paragraph, 3rd sentence is a glaring example: Was it their 1st time together or are the words "like that" missing from the middle of the sentence?
If the reader has to fill in too many blanks or mentally correct too many errors; what's the point of the author?
My husband was first to contemplate swinging, and I was reluctant but willing to consider it. I told my best friend and she admitted she and her husband were interested. Three weeks later we spent Saturday night and all day Sunday fucking each other's spouses. It was wonderful and we continued for three years, until they moved away. I think swapping with friends is the best way to start swinging; safe, discreet and healthy. Good story!
To a interesting relationship. The feedback you have gotten so far is sound in regards to style and grammar. This story flows well despite the little redundacies. Looking forward to part 2. 4*
Insignia is right; take his comments to heart.
Maybe find an editor or proof reader.
Whatever you do don’t stop writing
Try and put a little less clinical conversation in and build up the tension, it all seemed a bit matter of fact, especially the first conversation with crystal, can you really see the boss suddenly announcing that she swings. More likely she would as k them for dinner and then tell. But nonetheless it reads well, forget the pickiness . The trick is to write it, leave it a day or two then print it and read it. The errors leap off the page when you revisit the story.
Some of the constructive comments are worth paying attention to,
Ignore the negative anonymous comments completely.
I am ready for the weekend at the lake
keep going!
It is an ideal setting and I will be sharing this with my wife tonight, hopefully she will agree to start something softly like this.
This a story but any couple contemplating swapping should be aware that it is not something to use to solve already existing problems in the relationship. Each should be confident in their love for the other and to view swapping as purely recreational. Avoid frequent swapping with the same people, emotional entanglements are a natural progression of a physical act. Do not let a situation develop where having sex outside of the relationship is more frequent than within, never ask the question "is he/she better than me" because you may see hesitation or hear an answer you do not like. Good story,,i like the writing and hope it continues.
Were is your constructive statement? All you did is whine. Fuck off. ONE STAR
Situations are each one different. Socializing (with benefits) on a regular
basis depends on the dedication between and among the friends. We can count
On at least 30 couples we've meet and 'socialized' with decades. We trust and depend on our friends. It's mindsets and your choices
GREAT STORY, great writing, better approach with new friends; intimate friends
OMG, this is a hot story! I can't wait to get to the next chapter, hopefully to the lake.
I enjoyed the story, found it easy to read. I realize it's fantasy because it all went so smoothly. No conflicts what so ever as in real life. Plus, as usual, everyone is perfect.
Lots of sexual tension building here! Will they? Won't they? I bet they will. Some great erotic storytelling. Looking forward to reading the next chapters.
I didn't want this to end...I just hope Dan gets his wish to be able to watch his wife get fucked by the BBC...so many authors take the couples to separate rooms then the erotic pleasure of watching your spouse is lost.....let me know if and when there is a next chapter
So Kinky, Gentle and Sweet ............
"I'm going to go shower and get ready for dinner." I said. "Tell Dan that he better get his ass in gear and get cleaned up too, once he finishes playing with Dave's toys!"
Twenty minutes later Dan wandered into the bathroom and found me in a lacy white push up bra and matching panties, applying my make-up in front of the mirror. After a few minutes of watching me, I felt his arms snake around me searching for my breasts.
Laughing and fighting him off, I said "Nuh huh, Dan. These aren't for you this evening. You'll just have to wait until after dinner to see whether Crystal might let you have a feel of her boobs!"
[...]
"Shall we take a stroll down to the lake, Kate?"