All Comments on 'Our Throuple Pt. 01'

Good premise for a story but completely ruined by the constant shift from 1st person to third and back again.

Usually I read the stories on here, so fast I just want it done with. Very rarely do I find a story I can relate to, this is one I can. The very best read I have had for some time, and I am hoping for a follow up. No harm in asking for a part two , to the best story I have yet to find. Thank you

Nice idea but needs a good editor

Nice story but the writing was so confusing. Who was the first person here, who there? No wait, it’s a third person narrative. I finally gave up. To shift around like that is hard for even the best writers. Keep it simple and get a good editor to help you with the writing.

But I felt the story was promising and I would strongly encourage you to keep on writing.

Very much liked the story. I agree with the 1st person/3rd person comments. Would love to see you take it further. Look forward to a second installment.

I won’t repeat all the same comments, other than to say the storyline was good, and the characters were believable. Try to remember that your readers have just fallen on your story for the first time and don’t know the characters or where you’re going with them - you have to help them to understand. We are simple people and like a story which flows smoothly and logically, so stick to the well trusted past tense with a single point of view. First or third person work, second person doesn’t, and switching definitely is a no no. Keep writing - you’re going to be good.

And you switched point of view from one paragraph to the next. Gagh! Had to quit reading due to the vertigo I got trying to figure out what was happening.

A great threesome. Yes, the narrative got jumbled in places but the overall story is wonderful.

Syntax and point of view could use some work, but a good story

Altogether a great story with a couple of issues.

1. What happened to the panties? In one paragraph the women are in bras and panties, in the next paragraph the bras are removed, and in the next paragraph Pete is snacking on a naked pussy.

2. Swapping from POV to a narrator is basically in bad form. The idea of having POV is that you have multiple narrators, making the third person perspective unnecessary. The idea behind the POV is that we see how the different characters feel about or react to what is happening in the story. The part where Betty starts licking both Pete and Sally at the same time is a perfect example of how the POV method works.

Nitpicking aside, the story was fantastic and I can't wait for part 2 to drop.