All Comments on 'Over Here'

Hardly more than a 30 year old child with more money than sense

but from what I gather, the wife thought he was dead, although she didn't receive official. She fucks Karl and gets caught, from your normal style. She gets knocked and either the husband died, or he was your typical DeYaKen willing cuckold. Then the son from the tryst unknowingly falls for his half sister.

If it’s 1979, how did Oliver pull his phone out?

I read page 1. Then, after reading that improbable 'pile', I skipped to page 4 and skimmed it. That saved me from reading the long-winded pages 2 & 3. 1* for an un-erotic and depressing story.

An odd lack of emotion and energy, like it was a writing exercise. Hopefully its just me, but I found it flat and missing any real juice or enthusiasm. I think this is a good candidate for a rewrite. Great ingredients and substance, but no spice or seasoning? I don't get it myself, I just know its missing something.

Thanks for the effort.

Beautiful Story

Very nicely done. The plot was well-conceived and wonderfully developed. Thanks for sharing you 5* talent.

In the end Oliver committed incest anyway. Looks like his sister dodged a bullet. Lol

This story had the potential to be a really good story but it fizzled out like a wet firework. The chance that Karl fathered Oliver was always on the cards when the name was the same but that is where the author's imagination failed him. There was so much scope for a better and more satisfying conclusion but the story took a 'fork in the road' that caused it to fail rather than reach the fishing boat in Bilbao! If I were a writer the story would have threatened Oliver being Karl's son but would have taken a turn to allow Anne and Oliver to continue. The clumsy shot that removed the 'family jewels' would never have happened I would have preferred Karl taking a bullet somewhere non life-threatening... perhaps a limp or a large scar somewhere. It is storyland after all.!! I gave it 4**** for the plot and interesting but sparse 'back-story' but some imagination from the author would have earned it the crowning star! very disappointing.

Lincoln is a fascinating city. I spent the summer of 67 in Lincoln. Lincoln Cathedral sits on a hill and can be seen from almost anyplace in the city. The Cathedral is the home of one of the five copies of the Magna Carta signed by King John (the same John of Robin Hood fame) in 1215. It also contains the organs of Queen Eleanor of Castille wife of Edward I. The Queen died while attending the dedication ceremony of the Cathedral. The grieving king ordered a cross be erected at each place they stopped for the night on the way to ] Westminster the last cross being erected was at Charing Cross.

Lincolnshire is the original home of 617 Squadron (pronounced six one seven) the Dam Busters, they flew out of RAF Scranton.

But the poor execution of this paradox of lovers being brother and sister let the plot down. By the way, although the first cellular network was launched in Japan in 1979 and Northern Europe a year or two later, the first network in America was 13 October 1983 in the Chicago area.

Could have been a great story. Decent plot. Potential characters. Unfortunately it had all the emotional development of a rock. That made reading this like slogging through muck.

I’m sure it’s been pointed out, but there is no Mortimer in Granby house. Oliver is not a Mortimer is he? Perhaps Sophie is a Mortimer? Then there would just be the break between war hero Mortimer and Sophie’s child. Maybe that’s why he married his cousin.

He married his cousin? First cousin? Not much better than marrying your half sister is it?

Shit happens in war. Where is that British stiff upper lip?

Odd they didn’t immediately let his wife know he was alive.

Saw it coming early in the story. Need some misdirection to make it a surprise. There’s a movie in this story with some tweaking.

But the other critics are full of it.

Watch Casablanca if you want to see how real men handle a wartime situation. Wartime Granby looks like a puss compared to Laszlo.

Still a damn good story.

But I think this belonged in Non-Erotic. And you managed to take a reasonable story line and make it boring. There simply was no emotion in the story. When you were describing the fights in the British Tavern there was no "life" to the scene you described. When you wrote the confrontation between Karl/Peter and Oliver, there were no fireworks or emotional outbursts. You briefly mentioned that Peggy moved out of their home, but never went into any detail. Did they divorce? If she is upset about Peter's brief affair, that seems arbitrary. She can't be upset over Peter being Oliver's Father since even Peter didn't know that fact. That's why I don't think for one second that Peter would commit suicide. What happens when Peter, deserted by his wife and daughter, goes back to England and exposes to everyone that a bastard, rather than a Mortimer, was residing in Granby Hall? There are consequences for all actions. You skipped over a LOT of actions. And if you think the British weren't happy to see the Yanks take a look at the French. "Ungrateful Frogs" is a term that comes to mind. Thanks for the effort but this just wasn't well written.

2 stars

Thank you for sharing it.

No winners here. Clifford,Daphne, and Pete were all victims of the war they fought. Peg, Anne, and Olivier were victims of Karl's deceit and an improbable coincidence. I thought it was a good, probably to a point very common, story. Thanks.

I really enjoyed this story. WW2 has been a favorite study of mine and the scenes from '43 appear to be historically accurate. I didn't care for the ending; I thought the price paid by all was a bit too steep, but that's just me. Life is replete with examples of one-time mistakes that affect too many innocent and can never be fixed.

DeYaKen is one of my favorite authors and I only wish he would write more often. Thanks for posting. 5 stars.

On how Oliver turned out to be his son. Really disappointed in the ending after all of the crafty build-up.

Have really enjoyed all your past work, but this story felt rushed and did not flow as well as your usual work, where the characters are more developed.

I found the story line a bit contrived, not about fraternization between the US servicemen and British women, but the whole story line about him surviving the mission and showing up months later, unannounced in the middle of the night.

Implied, but not stated was that Karl, despite being a B-17 pilot was able to avoid combat duty because his dad was a General. That may be possible, but would have been improbable given the high demand for B-17 Pilots and the losses they suffered.

Putting that in the story would have made his character clearer, as well as if he was thankful or angry about the protection he received from his dad.

Karl is pissed off he gets sent off and dishonors his family reputation, and he seems to blame the Brits for that and is still bitter after 35 years?

Further, once Clifford reached London it's inconceivable that some word would have not reached his wife. The idea that the British did not trust him, is possible, but his intelligence about Pennemunde (vs. the film from the cameras that would have not survived the crash) would have been of little value given the time required for him to escape, and the Brits would just have sent another mission.

It would have been more interesting for Daphnie to have an affair, become pregnant and have his return and deal with the guilt and angst of having a child and not waiting for her husband.

There could have been a similar confrontation between the two over a child she did not abort and a conflict between Carl and Clifford could have ended up with the same result.

Did he used in the late 70's, because cellular phones didn't exit. Unless it's a MI6 spyphone in his shoe or something, you've destroyed your story with an anachronism.

You gave this one away really early on. It was oblivious when you connected the name and the affair. This was a sad ending. Didn’t know he had mad a son in england. A hero British fighter pilot who was wronged . Made it back home only to find hell.

Pulled out his phone in 1979?

I was surprised by how you handled the revelation, fully expecting a confession from Karl. Nicely done.

The epilogue diminished the story; it seemed forced.

I always enjoy your writing.

The story was up to your normal excellent standard until part way through page 3.

When he took the inebriated Lady to bed, that was a breach of his morals as laid out in the first pages of the story and the story deteriorated from there.

With your writing skills, the story could have gone in a number of different directions and had a well crafted ending. Instead the story feels contrived. I thought 'no, don't have her marrying her brother' early in the story. And you did something similar. The ending and the epilogue left me feeling let down.

I gave you a 4; 5 for the first part of the story and a 3 for the ending.

The USAAF (United States Army Air Force) was not formed as a separate service branch until 1947. During WW2 the USAAC (United States Army Air Corps) flew the B17s in the air war in Europe,

He pulled his phone out and called a cab.

?!? In 1979?

DeYaKen has an interesting plot. But I don't understand (I'm not a writer) what happens to it.

He took a story that is dramatic and full of emotions. Turns it into a mundane, boring, almost a chore to read story.

Terribly poor execution by DeYaKen👎❗

AMerryman

A better ending would have been for the mother to tell her daughter not to worry as her father wasn't her father (even American wives get lonely while their husbands are away) so she could marry the bloke . . . regards to the C&W song on the same format

Still a great story. TY DYK !!

wasn't there mention of 007 James Bond. Maybe 007 loaned him one.

Ok story. 4****.

Karma's a bitch. Well told and real.

detroitdave

I’d give it more stars if I could.

Thank you for sharing your stories with us. I hope this means we'll be seeing more of them soon.

The story was moving along quite well... then “...he pulled out his phone...” ? In 1979?

Then there’s Peg and Anne. They threw Karl away, over one event 36 years earlier, during a war. Nice people. Whatever he did for those 36 years counted for nothing.

Came back for a reread. Wondered why I gave this only 2*.

Now I know.

Took a while but piece of shit got his

"People Can Change" was the first story I favorited long ago. I came back and saw this 2019 submittal and decided if you had kept up your skills. Indeed, it is a 5 star piece.

It's too bad there couldn't have been a happier ending to this tale but I'm sure there are many tragic untold yet untold stories from this era.

Not surprisingly the British authors seem to put forward the most and best of these.

Kudos for yours.

Eh... if he ended up marrying his cousin, marrying his half-sister wouldn't have been that much of a stretch.

Then again, what do I know?

No cell phones in 1979

Jesus christ what a mess.

That was a good story with an inventive plot, very different from the usual tired LW stories. WW2 was life altering for so many people that this isn’t far fetched at all.

Only a university hospital with research lab would be able to do the work. And it would be experimental work, not something you could take to court. Od course that part of the country had plenty of university research hospitals, and they seem to have money and connections, so it’s not inconceivable.

Did NOT see that twist with Annie coming. Well done! 5*

Peggy kept anne birth a secret for all those years, while the SIL knew the whole story, there a huge difference in trust at that point. Saying he didn't the same as her is wrong.

Dreadful

Excellent last line

Sorry, but that didn't work for me.

I liked you to go on a sensitive and controversial subject.

On the other hand, even if I liked the return of baton concerning the paternity of his daughter, I did not like the end in the form of Disney World where everyone is nice, everyone is happy.

Creative plot. Thanks.

Fantastic twist at the end. I saw “possible outcome”, but never woulda guessed the end twist.

Bravo 5 stars!!

Regards

Stiixx

Quite a mess. War makes for strange bedfellows. Of course this occurred before reasonable forms of birth control. Karl was quite an asshole. He stepped up finally when Anne was born. He cheated on Peggy with Daphne, then multiple times at Randolf when he was depressed about losing Daphne, and then when he came back was drunk all the time and beat his wife. If anything Peggy having an affair andngetting pregnant saved their marriage. Sounds like without meeting Alan she would have left Karl to go back to her parents and sought a separation, maybe even a divorce while Karl drank himself to death. Karl only woke up when Peggy got pregnant, assuming it was his. I don't mind him being upset with Peggy when there was a reveal as the wound was fresh and it looks like he reconciled with Peggy. No one was blameless except the children and Clifford. Both Karl and Alan are assholes. The two women, Daphne and Peggy were under crazy or extenuating circumstances. I don't agree with comments below that want to rake Peggy over the coals. If Karl had not been such an asshole (at least not as fast on the make with Daphne) then none of this mess would have happened. He got into drinking because of his exile to Randolf and his losing Daphne all while Peggy was pining away for him at home. His behavior became nasty and he demanded her further by sleeping around there at Randolf base with other women. Even then she did not do anything physical, only really letting Alan court her after he hit her in a drunken rage. I am glad he shaped up but I don't blame Peggy. And telling him early would have just meant a broken marriage and her raising Annie as a single mom, which was super tough back then. Nah don't blame Peggy. Interesting that asshole never checked up on Daphne ever again. At least she got Clifford back. I like how as Clifford is wounded, Daphne tells him to not leave her, begging him, and dismisses Karl as meaning nothing to her. Glad they worked it out. Grief can do powerful things to people and Karl who lusted for Daphne as soon as her met her was a predator.

This is the definition of a clusterfuck 😂

Sauce for the goose and gander,great story 5 stars.Dalbydad

Karl Pete Brockman was just American trash, trailer park trash

Nah

This sort of DNA fingerprinting/testing wasn't developed until the '80s and then was used to identify individuals in criminal investigations. Surely the framing story is suppose to take place earlier than that or Oliver and Anne would be in their '40s. The story could still have worked if Anne's blood type was revealed to be incompatible with her supposed parents- for example a child born of two parents with type O blood would also have type O blood. Any other type and mum's been playing away.

Good story,the ending in no way was a surprise to any reader who paid attention and absorbed what they were reading, connecting the dots was automatic...4stars..JZk

Good story just think Pete/Karl should have made some effort to see what happened afterward. He was a scum that did redeem himself through the love of a forgiving and good woman. I know two wrongs, etc, but Peg was the glue in this story for me. Clifford the pure victim held his family together. Thus allowing the story. A little too sad for my taste but still well crafted. Thanks for sharing. John

Very good story. Thank you very much.

...

Two years after they were married, Annie and Oliver were informed that Clifford and Allan are identical twins.

Carl and Allan were predators. See no issues with Peggy. If she had not sought solace and comfort elsewhere, she would have had to divorce the monster that Carl became (abusive, disconnected, morose, angry, recidivist cheater and seducer, and alcoholic). Her getting pregnant via Allan, saved their marriage and brought Carl back to being a man again. At least somewhat close to what she originally married. Felt terrible for Clifford, given the reveal. But he was broken and guess could not live without Daohne, who was an absolute mess with all the deceit, seduction and disinformation. Again Carl was evil. He may have matured and gotten better over time as a good father to his non-biolohical daughter and finally became a better hsuband again, but he was the worst of the characters. His sins were great. Allan took advantage of a distraught battered woman. But if she had not found Allan, she woukd have left Carl anyways. Oliver and Annie were great. They did nothing wrong. Both were good characters. My heart still goes out for Clifford and the grievous imjury that Carl did to Clifford and Daphne's marriage. I like how when Clifford came back, suddenly Carl no longer existed to Daphne. He didn't rate anything in her life and she tossed him aside without a second look. Driving Carl into fury and self loathing, becoming an alcoholic and bedding a bunch of other women, such was his obsession with Daphne.

One criticism. In that time, there is certainly no reliable birth control, hence the events of the story. But ... DNA testing did not exist for decades. The DNA report was completely anachronistic. By like 20 years or more. 5 stars.

Inconceivable. War changes everything. Star crossed lovers, couples and nations... what God hath wrought together, let nothing render it asunder?