Overnight Car with My Son

All characters are above the age of 18 unless otherwise specified.

*********

Fuck Europe.

Rarely did I use that word. It was reserved for very special occasions. I wasn't a prude or anything. I just tried to get more creative in my cursing, so that if I ever did use it, it carried more weight.

But fuck Europe.

I was sitting on an overnight train dashing from Milan to Prague. Taking in far more of Europe than I personally would have wanted.

Maybe I was uncultured. I could appreciate the history, the art, everything. But I was born in America, raised in America, lived in America. And there was a reason for that. I liked it there. I didn't want to deal with 17 different foreign languages, different currency, different customs, weird people, border crossing, everything.

Unfortunately I married a person who loved Europe and loved traveling. Unfortunate only for me, that is; my late husband Brian was a fantastically cultured and well-rounded man. I probably hadn't deserved him.

A drunk driver ripped him away from our family a year and a half earlier.

The shock and adjustment had worn away, to the extent that it ever can. The pain really hadn't. It left just me and our son Eli in the household.

And in my husband's will was his wish to have us travel Europe together in the event that he passed unexpectedly. To recreate the travels he had in his early 20's and scatter a small portion of his ashes in every city we went through. And to use it as a opportunity to come together closer as a mother and son.

Of course I was never going to shirk away from that. Being able to spend a few weeks with just my son was amazing. And I never in a million years wouldn't have upheld my Brian's final wish.

But did it really have to be in Europe??

It was 10 pm.

Eli and I had boarded our train a few hours earlier after a day in Milan. The city itself was undeniably very cool, if a bit touristy, and certainly a highlight of the trip.

We weren't set to arrive in Prague until the next day. I wasn't sure what I was thinking when I booked an overnight train instead of a flight in the planning process a few months earlier. But I must have figured the money savings was worth the trade-off.

I was questioning that now. The train was nice enough. Eli and I were splitting an overnight car, and the accommodations were good. Dinner had been fairly okay, and I was grateful that I'd been able to get a bottle of wine, now already half-empty.

Eli was happy too. He was 19, just finished up with his freshman year of college. Back home, he had just over a year before he could drink. Here though, he was freely allowed to be drinking the beers he had set down on the little table in our car.

We were 4 hours into the trip. We'd watched some TV together, and played a game of travel Scrabble that I'd bought from some street vendor in Rome. The instructions were in Italian but we remembered how to play.

I rifled through the small trinkets I'd picked up in Milan. Eli facetimed with one of his friends about the upcoming fantasy football season. We watched the countryside of Austria go by, the gorgeous sunset having faded down the horizon an hour or two ago.

There was only so much you could do in a train car though.

"I'm bored," I announced. Sounding a bit like a petulant child even though I was the 47-year-old.

"Well we've got...," Eli paused to check his watch. "10 hours before we're supposed to get into Prague. So, buckle up." He was sitting across from me, having changed into casual attire of a tight white t-shirt and gym shorts. He'd been hitting the gym a lot this summer and at school, I noticed. His arms were definitely bigger.

Eli got his father's height, about 6'2 (nearly a whole foot taller than me). He'd also gotten his slightly-curly brown hair and most of his dashing good looks. But he had my eyes. Bright blue. I was so proud of how he'd developed into a strapping young man.

With his grades and plans to go to business school, I couldn't have been a prouder mom. He was dating a wonderful girl in college too, although I'd only met her once.

We'd done a pretty good job with him as our only son. I was just sad Brian wasn't here to see it through.

My eyes darted over to our bags, on one end of the bench in the room. Inside Eli's backpack was a small container with the rest of my husband. Mostly emptied at this point in the trip, but still. It felt like he was here with us, in a way. That even if I hated where we were doing this trip, we were doing it together, as a family. And that was the important part.

"So we're gonna get in at like 8 am?" I asked.

Eli checked his phone again, pulling up the train's itinerary.

"Says 8:30. But yeah."

"Okay so in by 8:30 means fully dressed by 8 at the latest. My shower at 7:15, yours at 7, breakfast at 6:30, up by 6:15. Right?"

"You're the expert," Eli deferred to me.

"Well that sounds right. But if it's already 10, it means we should get to bed soon."

"Yeah I guess. You're bored anyway, so I doubt you'll be complaining."

"I mean, the wine's only half-empty," I pointed out. "I won't have the chance to finish it."

"There's always tomorrow."

"True."

I sat for a second with my glass, feeling the little bit of buzz that came with two healthy glasses. I quickly downed the remainder of my glass, and corked up the rest of the bottle.

"I'm changing first?" I inquired.

"I changed after dinner," Eli pointed out.

"Oh, yeah," I responded, feeling like a bit of an idiot. "Nevermind."

I ruffled through one of my bags, grabbing my usual sleeping attire of a tank top and gym shorts.

Well, usually my sleeping attire was nothing, but that's not really an option when you're splitting a bedroom with your son.

Although, that would be a healthy surprise to him! I snickered to myself.

I turned to enter the little bathroom our cabin had, before pausing.

"You've enjoyed this, right?" I asked Eli.

He finished his sip of beer and set it down. He looked over right at me, staring back at me with those blue eyes. With my blue eyes. It was like looking at a perfect hybrid of myself and my husband. He really had gotten the best of both of us.

"Yeah, of course," he responded. "Why?"

"Well I mean you're stuck traveling around with your old mom. I know this whole thing wasn't exactly your choice."

"I mean, it's what Dad wanted, so of course it was my choice. I never would've not done it."

Which is exactly what I had said. He may have gotten more of his dad's looks, but he definitely was closer to my personality.

"And besides, you're an awesome kickass mom. Every guy at school has always been jealous of me. There's no one else I'd rather spend a few weeks with."

Eli always knew exactly how to tug at my heartstrings. It made it a little annoying growing up, because his dad would always have to be the bad guy. I just couldn't say no to him.

But right now, it's what I needed to hear.

"Aww sweetie, thank you." I set my clothes down and came over to give Eli a hug. "Mama loves you baby."

"I know. And always will forever and ever," he stole my usual follow-up line. He pulled me close into a hug. His arms and chest felt a little harder, more built than normal. He had definitely been going to the gym more.

We broke our embrace, and I headed to the bathroom to change.

The sliding door locked behind me, and I stared at myself in the mirror.

I was wearing a yellow sundress that came down to just above my knees. I sighed. It was a young woman's dress. I'd bought it twenty years ago. I was too old to be wearing it. Mutton dressed as lamb.

After my husband had passed, I'd felt a little insecure about getting old. Maybe it was just a normal mid-life crisis. But suddenly I just felt much older. More run-down. Less desirable.

I hadn't been with anyone since. Not that I had tried. And I probably could have had opportunities. But still, I was feeling a little bit like an old maid, past my prime.

I slinked out of my sundress and panties. My C-cup boobs were saggier than I wanted. They were still pretty perky, but nothing like when I was younger.

My body was still pretty fit, just from how often I did yoga and spin. I mean, I did fit in dresses from my 20s still. But my skin was a little bit saggier, some flab on the underside of my arms. My thighs and bubble butt, which had always been my best attribute, had some cellulose on them.

And my face looked haggard. I'd been getting small amounts of filler and botox done for the past few years. Nothing drastic at all, no operations, I didn't want to look like a Kardashian. Just enough, small injections around the eyes, in the forehead, to hopefully ward off the wrinkles and keep me looking good for my age.

I didn't know if it worked. I could still see hints of crow's feet. Some frown lines. My cheeks drooped a little. Gray was starting to peek through the blonde in my hair. I had to dye my roots more frequently now than ever to hide it.

I sighed again. People told me I still looked good for my age. Guys still hit on me. But I didn't feel it. I looked at the person in the mirror, remembering how fit and great I looked in my 20s and 30s, and now questioning how the old hag in front of me could be there.

Maybe it was just a self-esteem thing. Maybe I needed to listen more to the good things other people said. Maybe it was just because it had been so long since I'd had someone actually appreciate my body, or any of the work that I put in to still try to look good. But I felt old. Matronly.

I slipped on my sleepwear. This wasn't any time to have a pity party, I reminded myself. This was a trip for Brian. He wouldn't want me feeling sad or pouty.

And I had to put on a good face for Eli. He may have been very mature for his age, and the man of the house now, but he was still just a kid. And as the sole parent now I always had to put on a strong front.

I came out of the bathroom and tucked away my sundress.

"We ready for bed?" Eli asked. He'd thrown away the trash and packed all his stuff up, ready to disembark quickly in the morning.

I smiled. All through his teenage years he'd been awful about cleaning up. It was a constant battle. But ever since the accident he'd grown up quickly.

That of course made me sad. The reason behind that maturation was awful. But the maturation itself was a good thing for him. I'd always said maturity and confidence were the sexiest things about a man.

"Yeah I think so," I answered. The bottle of wine was still on the table, but I'd pack that up maybe for lunch or cocktail hour tomorrow. "All your stuff set?"

"Course," he responded, heading into the bathroom to brush his teeth. "Prague should be fun."

"You think so?" I asked. I wasn't super looking forward to it. Mostly how early we had to get up. But still, my only memory of Prague was from the one Spider Man where the city got destroyed, and apparently one of my great-grandmothers was a Slovak who hated the Czechs. So minimal positive exposure personally.

But Brian had been to Prague twice, once in college and once traveling later in his 20's, and he loved it both times.

Hence its inclusion on our trip.

"There's some really cool things downtown," Eli responded, although only half-discernible through his toothbrush. "A whole bunch of old castles and cathedrals."

"And that famous bridge they destroyed in Spider Man," I added. I guess that whole area was really pretty from what I remembered in the movie.

God I sounded so uncultured. Only recognizing cityscapes from a Marvel movie. I did really appreciate, or try to appreciate, all the old art and architecture. And I guess that was better than not recognizing it at all?

Maybe I was just cranky tonight. Maybe tomorrow would be better.

"Yeah I forgot about that," Eli said, popping out of the bathroom. "Lots to look forward to, I guess."

"Right about that," I answered.

"Top or bottom bunk?" he asked, gesturing to our sleeping arrangement. Two twin beds were bunked on one side of the car.

I debated for a moment. "Top." I didn't want to make all 6'2 of Eli try to avoid fitting underneath the ceiling.

"Perfect." He started to clamber into the bottom bunk while I finished up my nightly routine in the bathroom.

I came back out when I finished. Eli was already in bed, looking at his phone. He was shirtless, the covers pulled up to his pecs.

"Love you baby," I said.

"Love you too Mom," he responded.

"And I always will, forever and ever," I finished.

I shut off the lights and climbed up to the top bunk. It was a little cramped, especially thinking back to the king-size at home that I had been away from for far too long.

But it could've been worse. It could've been Paris. God that setup was so nightmarish I didn't want to think about it.

I settled into bed, popping in my Airpods and putting on the most recent Bachelorette episode. I knew I had to go to bed soon. We had to get up early. But I couldn't really sleep. I hadn't tried, I just knew I wouldn't be able to.

I was a little too antsy. On edge. A little stressed, a little anxious, run-down. A little bit horny.

Being with Eli the entire trip had meant very little alone time. Something that I had to make good use of now that I was without a partner.

A dirty thought popped into my head. This was the first time we'd had a bunk situation the whole trip. If I waited until Eli went to sleep, I'd be able to have some alone time, effectively. Take care of business. And he'd never know.

I felt a little hotter. It could work. But no, that felt weird. Masturbating in the same room as my son. I mean, I supposed it was pretty natural. We'd spent the last few weeks in very close proximity the whole time. What else was I supposed to do?

But if I got caught? That would be awkward to try to explain.

To be honest though, I didn't really care. I felt like I should have, but if I got caught, so what? Eli knew I masturbated, presumably, and we were mother and son. Shared everything with each other, were extremely open with each other. He'd understand. It wouldn't be the end of the world.

And it would help me get to sleep better and start tomorrow off better.

I didn't know if it was just the wine or the nerves or what but this was starting to sound like a better and better idea. Until suddenly it wasn't an idea, it was a plan.

I waited, biding my time through the episode. I knew Eli would be going to sleep pretty quickly. I took a quick peak over the edge of the bunk, and couldn't see any light from a phone or anything. No sounds, no immediate movement.

Seemed like I was in the clear. I took a deep breath.

Go time.

As soon as the episode ended, I dimmed my brightness all the way and flipped over to private browsing. A couple internet searches later and I was in business. No one ever accused me of being as porn-knowledgeable as a teenage boy but I knew what I was looking for and easy ways to find it.

For whatever reason, lesbian porn really did the trick for me. I wasn't lesbian at all; not that there was anything wrong with it, just not my speed, beyond some handsy playing in the days of my youth. But lesbian porn just turned me on more than anything else. Maybe it was the softer, more romantic aspect of most videos compared to hardcore straight stuff. Or maybe it was the focus on a woman's pleasure, and not a man. Sensual touching, playing, teasing. A tongue languidly teasing over a beautiful slit.

The scene played out in front of me. The two naked girls were kissing and fondling each other. I kept my breathing still, trying to make as little noise as possible. My left hand slid underneath my commando shorts.

I tickled my fingers over the small strip of blonde hair above my slit, sliding beneath it to locate my clit. My fingers played over the hard nub gently, edging it out of its hood and starting to rev up my heart rate.

I wasn't really in a rush. I enjoyed the scene on my phone and circled my fingers over my clit, teasing myself further and further along. I'd have to fully finger myself when I wanted to finish - I needed internal stimulation to climax, but for now the teasing over my clit was building me up nicely.

With the tiny breeze from the cabin's air conditioner blowing over my chest and my clit appreciating the attention, my boobs were aching to be doted on as well. I only had so many hands though.

I picked my knees up to create a faux-prop for my phone, allowing me to rest it against the covers over my thighs and freeing up my other hand.

I cupped my left boob through my thin tank top and tugged on my nipple slightly with my thumb and forefinger. The thin fabric was clinging tightly to my skin, rubbing against my clearly-showing nipples.

Good thing no one was looking. I switched to the other boob, twisting and tugging gently on my nipple, kneading my skin. My boobs were almost a perfect handful.

Brian had loved them. When I was pregnant they were a cup or two bigger, and he especially adored them then. Now though they were starting to sag too much for my liking. Never would I consider a boob job or anything, but it was disheartening still having this vision of your 20-something body in your head, and the reality now looking like that 20-something's mom.

One of the girls on screen, a fake blonde with big fake boobs, was lying back, while the other, a Latina with a huge juicy butt, was starting to eat her out. My fingers played a little faster over my clit. My heart was beating faster, the fire starting to rise in my core.

The camera zoomed in on a close-up of the Latina's tongue, slowly lavishing a long lick along the other girl's pussy. I could see the wetness adorning her lips, getting lapped up by the eager beaver's tongue.

God, that was hot. A sharp twinge of electricity shot up my back from my clit. My hips involuntarily lifted off the mattress, trying to almost ground down against the fingers flitting over my clit.

As my hips lifted up, my phone started to slip. It felt like it was happening in slow-motion. I watched it happen; the unbalanced phone shifted from my sudden movement, sliding towards my right hip. It fell off my hip, bouncing right at the edge of the mattress. I hadn't had time to react but my hand shot out away from my chest, trying to snag the phone before it....

Slipped through my fingers. Clattered on the ground. Loud. My phone case wasn't super bulky, and the sound of my phone dropping 6 feet off the bed was louder than a gunshot in the complete silence of our cabin.

"Shit," I murmured to myself, closing my eyes for just a second. Hopefully that didn't wake Eli up. He tended to be a heavier sleeper. But now I had to get up, get my phone.

I craned my neck over the edge of the bed, trying to survey the situation. The audio was still playing in my Airpods so I couldn't hear anything.

What I saw though, was just about the last thing I wanted to see.

Eli, leaning out of bed, picking my phone up from the ground. With the screen still on, and face-up. Still playing.

Well, this certainly could have played out better, I chastised myself. Fuck! This was awkward. I mean, I supposed it could have been worse. It was just porn. Eli had to have known that I masturbated sometimes.

Getting caught doing it though? And in the same room as my son? That was certainly a first time, and very unideal.

"Uhhh, do you want your phone back Mom?" Eli called up to me. He was clearly trying to hold back a snicker, I could tell in his voice even if I couldn't make out his features in the dark.

"Um yeah sweetie," I responded, pulling my Airpods out. I slid off the top bunk, aware that my nipples were pressed hard against my tank top, and if Eli had enough light he'd be able to see them plainly.