All Comments on 'Owning a Maid Harem Ch. 03'

The story is great but there are becoming more and more errors in the sex scene descriptions. He is fucking her pussy in the next line he is pounding her ass and in the next line he is slamming into her pussy? You are becoming confused in where the dick is and whose dick it is since twice you claimed his mother was fucking his dick and then her dick of which I am sure she has no dick. It is also becoming very repetitive in the descriptions and I mean exactly the same words with entire sentences being repeated. If you have someone possibly do the editing for you, the it should take care of the problem since writing something and then reading it yourself to edit it will usually end up with missing things since your mind knows what is supposed to be there and so it just scans and sees what it wants to see. It is still a great story and the roaming evil shadow critters are a spectacular idea.

Love this series so far! 5/5 Thanks!

A few questions about your plot.

1. What happened to Lance’s uncle? Obviously he died, but how? I ask because it seems like it would be relevant to Lance assuming his place.

2. And then what happened to his maids after he died? Did they die with him? If not, what happened to them when their master died? Do they die too? Is the spell binding them broken and so free with no memory of their past?

3. Cali obviously has a lot to explain to Lance. I’m guessing that she is bound by some rules regarding what she can and cannot say. So at what point does she really teach lance his job duties?

4. With his mom and sister now maids, Lance needs to find 3 more for the harem. I’m guessing that he is going to enslave his girlfriend, but who else? Not to mention that Cali just said that each of the harem maids can have more women under them to help fulfill their roles. So that opens many more possibilities. But where is he to find these other women who will fulfill these roles?

5. Sex stories are great, but they can be better if they have decent storylines, character development, and problems to overcome. I suggesting that you are at a point where you should work on these things so that you can advance the story.

Hey man I love the series looking forward to more can’t wait please keep us up-to-date when another one is coming out that would be great thanks thanks

Please tell me there’s more of this

Very nice story i hope its not the end

Nice plot, but there are too many sentences which say the same thing in different ways, so sounds repetitive.

Definitely needs an editor. Good story and will read the rest but definitely needs an editor.

I agree with what pacman_0020 said, way to repetitive. I basically skimmed the last page and a half and don't feel like I missed anything. Also you tend to forget who's point of view you're speaking from, and dropped something that hadn't been fully revealed in the story at the time. (Cali's true nature)

Since you have three enslavement collars, I suggest you take your time finding the perfect candidates for the remaining positions.

Then enslave them, changing their loathing to adoration.

Obviously, the younger sister is the perfect model going forward.

She went from disgust to passionate loyalty in one adrenaline filled panic attack.

What limits will you break?

Stealing married women?

Putting a Garter on a man and forcing him to transform into a female?

The safety of the world is at risk; if you find the perfect candidate, you’re hardly going to blink about breaking a few silly rules.

You’ve got your shapeshifting Demoness, your Healer, your Virgin Sacrifice...

You need a genius Scientist and a Martial Artist.

Who else?

A captive Angel, by any chance?

Presuming demonic Cali can’t get pregnant, you’ve got two more babies on the way.

Although I hope Cali CAN get pregnant and she discovers the Powers That Be decided to Breed her due to the Crisis coming in twenty years. No more leaving the Succession to chance, we saw what a disaster THAT was.

BTW, did the enemy Faction kill the Father trying to end the bloodline?

In one sentence he is in mom's pussy. The next sentence he is in her ass. The next paragraph he is in her pussy. What gives?

This was so bad it was good. Certainly not erotic, it was so repetitive it looped past annoying into hilarious territory by now. There's good bones here, but the need for editing is obvious.

Please have someone edit this story. So much potential here. Need to catch things like this. "He drew his cock then slammed back into my snatch. I loved that so much. It was rapturous to have him doing that. He buried his cock into my asshole over and over again. I loved that so much. I savored that wonderful passion."

Clumsy repetitive writing. Mainly skimming through it all to see who's knocked up first.