All Comments on 'Owning a Maid Harem Ch. 05'

I like the story line and look forward to where it is going.

The repetition in sex scenes is distracting and off putting. Try fleshing out the emotions, using different words or terms.

Next Chapter?

Good story but repeats the feeling of the actions to much

You used “hilt of snatch” 11 times in one scene… you used the word snatch more than 50 times in this chapter alone. You have a story to tell, but your refusal to realize that your chosen grammar is doing damage, is unfortunate. There is a lot of potential here.

So so so damn damn damn repetitive repetitive repetitive.

We're here for a sex story, but you have far too many sex scenes compared to the actual story. It kills any sense f forward movement through the story and makes it a slog to get through, especially with all the repitition in both actions and dialogue.

One line: "Yes, yes, yes," I gasped. "Oh, god, Master-Husband! I love you!"

8 sentences later: "Yes, yes, yes," I groaned, my body bucking. "Oh, Master-Husband!"

Surely you can do better.

This reads like something you wrote at a fairly young age. From reading some of your other postings I infer you’ve gotten better. Might be worth reworking this series, as the story line is interesting but the character development and sex scenes are sadly lacking.

With Jack506 comments..