Oz Beach Boy's Summer Resort Fun

"I've got boob-sweat," Meredith said with a giggle, "even though I've hardly got any boobs!"

While enjoying the sights of Medika Island throughout the morning, Meredith and Mona had also been keeping an eye on the tourist isle's male staff members, literally and figuratively. Like dick detectives, the two ladies were eliminating suspects in their search for Medika Island's famous male appendage.

In her online review of Medika Island, the enthusiastic Ebony Princess had described the well-hung staffer as a "white boy", while the other commenters had variously tagged him as being "young" and "handsome" with a "hot rig", as well as being a "nice guy" who liked "all kinds of women" and was good at eating pussy. All of this helped Meredith and Mona -- the Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson of dick discovery -- to narrow the field.

The guy driving their tour buggy was very sweet and funny, but he was in his forties, so he was out. Also eliminated were the various cute young Indian and Asian guys that Meredith and Mona had seen on the housekeeping staff, and working in the restaurant kitchen. Both women had become momentarily besotted with a trio of Polynesian guys on the maintenance team, but they were obviously out too.

The various paunchy, balding, thirty-years-plus men who seemed to take up most of the more senior positions on staff were also easily scratched off Meredith and Mona's mental list of the staffers who may have possessed the famously dangling dong of Medika Island. Also scratched were the two very handsome young waiters Mona caught slyly kissing when they thought nobody was watching.

Meredith and Mona had closely watched a very cute twenty-something staffer instructing a group of Japanese tourists on how to play beach volleyball, but when the strapping stud stripped down to his Speedos to then guide the group into the nearby crystal waters for a cooling swim, it was instantly obvious there was one muscle this very fit, extremely well-built young guy had no control over when it came to size.

"Darn it," Meredith scowled with disappointment when she saw that the beach volleyball instructor was a little lacking when it came to his own balls. "He's so cute...I was really hoping it was him."

"Yeah, me too," Mona said. "He's got a really great ass...too bad he's MIA upfront. Fuck it, why did those bitches online have to treat ol' horse cock's name like a freakin' state secret? Those fuckers haven't made this easy on us."

"I know," Meredith sneered and giggled at the same time. "Darn those ladies! What happened to the sisterhood? Sharing is caring, for pete's sake! Darn it...help a girl out, huh?"

"Let's stay positive, Merry," Mona said, and wiped the sweat from her furrowed brow. "He's here...and we'll find him. I can feel it right in my clitoris. Ol' horse cock is gonna be ours! I'll wrap my lips around that love wand if it's the last thing I do!"

"You can sense things with your clitoris?" Meredith asked inquisitively. "You never told me that. That's quite the secret power, Mac."

"Yeah, it can sense when it's gonna get some attention," Mona replied with a smile. "It starts to tingle."

Ten minutes later, the mid-size boat finally pulled up to the pier, and Meredith and Mona filed on with all the other tourists, ecstatic to finally be out of the hot Australian summer sun. The two ladies flopped down onto a couple of cushioned seats by a window, and breathed a sigh of relief, looking out at the wonderfully clear water.

"Thank you for joining us for this tour of The Great Barrier Reef," came a voice from the front of the boat over its quietly roaring engine. "I'm Grant, your tour guide. We're about to head out. There's a forecast for a minor storm today, but we think we can be there and back before it rolls in. Enjoy the trip!"

Meredith and Mona shifted their gaze from the window to the tour guide doing the talking at the front of the boat. Both women instantly smiled. In his early twenties, and clearly muscular with close-cropped blonde hair, Grant was a very handsome young specimen indeed.

"That could be ol' horse cock right there," Mona whispered. "He certainly meets all the criteria."

"Darn it," Meredith whispered back. "His shorts aren't tight enough to get a proper read on his popsicle."

"I'll keep an eye on him," Mona whispered. "I'll keep my peepers locked on his goodie bag region."

"Take a break to look at The Great Barrier Reef though," Meredith said with a giggle. "You don't want to miss that, Mac."

Meredith and Mona took in the glorious sights of The Great Barrier Reef and the surrounding ocean, moving to the outer deck to get a better look while chatting with the other tourists. The longtime friends really loved Australia, and they'd never seen anything like this incredible oceanic natural wonder before. The ladies from Climax, Michigan were having a wonderful time.

Unfortunately, Meredith and Mona also gradually discovered that their handsome tour guide, Grant, was a complete and utter dick. His commentary was lacklustre and uninspired, and his whole attitude sucked, like he didn't even want to be there. Grant obviously thought he was too good for this gig, and his response was to treat everyone with contempt.

Whenever an interested passenger politely piped in with a valid, thoughtful question for Grant, this primo douche would act like they'd ruined his day. Arrogant and superior, Grant treated everyone on the boat like he was doing them a favour just by being there. Yes, Grant was very, very cute, but he was also an arrogant fucking asshole.

"Holy shit-heels, Batman, I wish we could throw this dickwad overboard," Mona whispered with a giggle. "What a jerk-off! I actually kinda hope this prick ain't ol' horse cock...he's a total fuck-head! Sure, I'd eat him up like a Christmas dinner, but according to those reviews, The Medika Monster Dick is supposed to belong to someone a bit nicer."

"Yeah, god darn it, he's a mean one," Meredith said, narrowing her eyes. "He was so rude to those Japanese women when he had trouble understanding their accents. And did you see him roll his eyes and then just move on when I asked him why it was called The Great Barrier Reef? What a schmuck!"

"Maybe he's just having a bad day," Mona said hopefully. "He's really cute...he's got a nice body too. Look at his ass, Merry...it's like a peach!"

"Well, what use is a great ass if it belongs to an asshole?" Meredith responded firmly.

A short time after the boat pulled away from The Great Barrier Reef and headed back toward Medika Island, the wind began to blow heavily, and a big, rolling set of clouds heaved in over the horizon. The waves soon began to hammer away too, and the mid-size tour boat rocked wildly from side to side on the steadily worsening seas. The storm had arrived early...and it had arrived with a vengeance.

As the passengers started to noisily complain of serious seasickness, smug, superior Grant ran around as if he was doing the world a favour, practically throwing vomit bags at the passengers, many of whom were starting to get disturbingly pallid and drowsy, their shocked faces slickly and horribly covered in sweat.

"Sweet Lord Jesus," Mona wailed, her pallid skin turning a bizarre shade of grey-green, "this boat is shaking worse than Barney Amspoker's Cadillac Catera on the night of our high school reunion!"

"You cheated on Mike? You diddled Barney Amspoker?" the far more composed Meredith screamed over the crashing waves, and looked at her friend in shock. "You never told me! In his Cadillac Catera for god's sake?"

"No, no...Mindy Cornfoot fucked him, not me," the very seasick Mona replied, her eyes wide in shock and fear as the boat banged hard from side to side. "I walked past Barney's Catera when they were doing it. I could hear Mindy screaming, 'Oh, Barney Rubble, we're gonna be in trouble!' That bitch is crazy."

"She sure is," Meredith said, and then gave Mona a very concerned look. "Mac, are you okay? You don't look too well. You're going green."

"Oh, Merry, I feel like shit," Mona grumbled, unpleasantly pained like she had a washing machine spinning in her guts. "I think I'm gonna hurl...I'm so seasick...I'm gonna yak...I can taste it...it's burning the back of my throat...it's like battery acid!"

Though she never knew it, Meredith obviously didn't suffer from seasickness. She helped the very worse-for-wear Mona up out of her seat, and the two women staggered down the aisle and toward the toilets at the back of the boat. Meredith and Mac were hurled from side to side as the boat moved wildly in the storm, its outside decks now splashed with water.

Everyone around them looked green and sick, half of them holding vomit bags and doubled over in discomfort. Meredith, meanwhile, was taking it all in her stride, only very slightly woozy from the torrid motion of the boat, and keeping it together like a real trooper. What a gal!

When Meredith and Mona finally made it to the toilet, they were met with a firmly closed door, and the ghostly-white, utterly terrified faces of two Japanese women already lined up for the toilet, presumably with the intention of releasing their lunch to hopefully quell their rampaging, seasickness-induced nausea.

"Holy shit, Merry," Mona said through gritted teeth, her face now even more grey in tone. "I don't know if I can hold it! I'm gonna blow chunks! I'm gonna hork! Clear the fucking decks!"

Just as Mona loudly proclaimed her need to evacuate the contents of her stomach, Grant the dickhead tour guide appeared from below deck, carrying an armful of towels and vomit bags, and still sporting a smug, arrogant look on his face despite the obvious desperation of the situation. The boat clearly wasn't going to sink, but everyone on board was green with seasickness. Grant saw Meredith and Mona, and practically sneered.

"What are you ladies doing back here?" Grant asked imperiously. "You were provided with vomit bags and told to remain seated. What part of that don't you understand? For god's sake..."

"I think I might need something substantially bigger than a vomit bag," the green, profusely sweating Mona slurred. "We went to the breakfast buffet, pal. I've got a lot on board and it wants to get out. I really need to drive the porcelain bus, big guy!"

"Go back to your seats now," Grant bellowed. "Deal with it! Do as you're told! Bloody fools!"

Meredith scowled as Grant pointed rudely at both her, and also the two shocked fifty-something Japanese women waiting to get into the toilet, their faces twisted in discomfort and fear. Grant had already treated these Japanese women with pure contempt during his tour narration, and now his lack of sympathy and patience was absolutely appalling.

"Hey, there's no need to be so rude, fella," Meredith snarled at Grant, who merely narrowed his eyes and shook his head.

"Bloody Americans!" Grant sneered. "Pathetic! Haven't you been on a boat before? It's not even that bad! You're a bunch of babies! Useless!"

"We're from Michigan!" Meredith screamed in response. "We don't have waves, pal!"

"Yeah, buddy," Mona mumbled, her eyes half-closed and her pallid face covered in sweat. "You're being a real asshole. It ain't nice. People are dying here, pal. It's a disaster...it's like the Titanic! That prick with the beard's gonna make a movie about it!"

"Oh, for god's sake, nobody is dying," Grant said with a superior sneer. "You're ridiculous! Grow up!"

The increasingly green and dazed Mona staggered and swayed, her eyes closed, and then with no real warning, the bawdy brunette proceeded to vomit with surprising force and power, sending a volcanic stream of puke through the air and then all over the stunned Grant.

Foul and chunky, the thick, fetid barf soon covered the tour guide's previously crisp white button-up shirt, and then quickly dripped down all over his white shorts. Grant's handsome face froze in shock and disgust.

"Oh, shit," Mona mumbled, and then puked again, another bilious streak of vomit landing all over Grant, his once clean white uniform now a Technicolor mess of hot, steaming intestinal upchuck.

"You fucking bitch!" Grant screamed, looking down in horror at his vomit-covered shirt and shorts, which were now also leaking puke onto his once-sparkling white slip-ons. "You stupid, fat, fucking bitch! You cow! Look what you've done to me!"

With the smell of Mona's vomit pungent and sickeningly sweet in the air, Meredith, Mona and the two Japanese women all looked at Grant in shock, surprised not just by the fact that he was now completely covered in puke, but also by his highly offensive response to being spewed on. Vomit or no vomit, this guy really was an asshole...a fucking asshole, actually.

Though Mona was still confused, shocked and horribly seasick, Meredith was far more in control, the torrid motion of the boat having far less of an effect on her than it did on her best friend. The feisty Meredith was also wholly and burningly indignant about what Grant had said to Mona, and also about his horrible behaviour on the whole tour.

With malice in her heart, but a look of pure concern on her face, and a tone of innocent helpfulness in her voice, Meredith moved quickly toward the shocked and disgusted Grant, who stood with his arms raised upwards at his sides, globules of vomit dribbling down his body in thick, meaty clumps.

"Oh, my goodness, Grant," Meredith said with a wholly manufactured sense of sympathy. "You're covered in vomit! We'll have to get those disgusting clothes off you! You can't just stand there like that!"

"Oh, no, that's okay," Grant stuttered, and Meredith was on him like a viper.

Reaching her hands right into the mess of vomit all over Grant, Meredith grabbed and ripped at the buttons of his once clean, white shirt. Obviously stunned and not wanting to touch the vomit himself, prissy Grant stood stupidly still with his arms still upraised by his sides.

As Mona watched with a slack, confused smile on her plump, sweaty face, Meredith pulled all of the buttons on Grant's shirt apart, her fingers now liberally coated with puke. With a flourish, Meredith then pulled Grant's shirt apart, and whipped it back off his arms in one smooth motion. As Grant staggered with the lurching of the boat, Meredith got behind the hunky tour guide and then removed his shirt completely, ripping it right off his body.

Her face curled in disgust, Meredith held the vomit-caked shirt up in front of her, and looked it up and down, apparently assessing whether it was worth saving or not...even though she'd already made up her mind.

"No," Meredith said with a wince. "Even a wash won't fix this...it's gotta go. It's totally ruined! I've washed a lot of shirts in my day, and this one is a goner!"

With a firm nod of her head, Meredith partially rolled the shirt up and then threw it out of one of the boat's side doors, the puke-addled garment quickly lost to the wind, rain and wild seas. Grant stood in shock, his lean, muscled torso now exposed to Meredith and Mona, as well as the two Japanese women, who were now smiling slightly through their extreme seasickness.

"His shorts are covered in my gut junk too," Mona said with a naughty smile, traces of vomit still clinging to the corners of her mouth and parts of her curly hair. "You better get those off too. He'll get puke everywhere. Take off his pants, Merry. They've gotta go."

"No way," Grant protested, but Meredith was already on him, her vomit covered hands now ripping and tugging at the top button of his once white shorts.

"Ladies," Meredith said to the two Japanese women, and pointed to Grant's feet, "would you like to help Grant with his shoes, so we can get his dirty shorts off more easily?"

"Hai, hai," said one of the seasick Japanese women with a wicked smile. "We help, hai!"

"I'll be okay," Grant protested. "I can sort this out."

"Don't be silly, young man," Meredith chided. "You're covered in Mona's vomit. You'll get it all over yourself and everyone else if you keep these clothes on. You can't run around the boat doing your duty covered in vomit, Grant!"

The two Japanese women got down on their knees, and while pulling at Grant's shoes, one of them vomited too, a thick wad of puke hurling from her mouth and right onto Grant's left foot, thoroughly coating his slip-on in puke.

"Oh, fucking gross!" Grant howled. "You've probably been eating sushi too! Fuck!"

"Oh, so sorry," the Japanese woman said, and then ripped the barf-covered shoe right off Grant's foot. "So sorry, so sorry!"

After his last comment, Meredith clocked Grant as some kind of racist asshole too, and she worked even harder and quicker on his shorts, ripping them apart, and then wrenching their zipper down, almost hoping Grant's wiener would get caught in it.

"Now, let's get these disgusting shorts off," Meredith said, and dragged them down the legs of mildly protesting Grant, who may have actually still believed the women were trying to help him rather than humiliate him.

As the other Japanese woman got Grant's remaining shoe off and promptly threw the pair of them out the door and into the unforgiving elements outside, Meredith got his vomit-covered shorts down to his ankles, and then pulled them off over his bare feet. With a quick toss, they were then out the door too, immediately caught in a gust of wind and dragged off into the dark sky above.

"Okay, okay...thank you, ladies," Grant said, standing stupidly in just a pair of white, fitted boxer shorts. "I can take it from here. I really don't know why you had to throw my clothes out the door though. I'm sure they could have been saved. I'll go downstairs and get a clean towel."

All the while dickhead Grant was blabbing away, Meredith and Mona fixed their eyes right on his crotch, gazing at the bulge between his legs, and trying to discern what kind of cut of meat he was carrying. Though the contour of Grant's underwear indicated a decent sized tube-steak, it wasn't exactly huge.

While attempting to discern the size of his trouser-snake, Meredith noticed something else: the vomit that had covered Grant's shirt and shorts had also seeped down to his underpants, with big, thick streaks of Mona's puke all over the thin white cotton. There was a pause as the four women all seemed to realise the same thing at the same time.

"Oh, my goodness," Meredith said with hilarious mock concern. "Grant, you've got vomit all over your under-panties too. You can't put a clean towel over all that puke. Let's get those drawers off you too, huh?"

"Yeah, yeah," the highly dazed Mona mumbled, "your panties are next."

"No...no...no way," said the wildly protesting Grant as Meredith, Mona and the two Japanese women approached him. "You can't take my underpants too. I'll be naked...I can't be on the boat naked! No!"

"Oh, we'll get you a towel from downstairs, honey," Meredith said with a giggle. "We won't leave you naked...only us four will see you in your cute little birthday suit, okay?"

"Oh, no...no...please don't strip me naked!" Grant pleaded. "This is humiliating!"

"Come now, Grant," Meredith said with a wicked smile. "We're just trying to help. Your panties are covered in vomit."

"Oh, my god...alright then," Grant said weakly, and the laughing women were on him, four sets of quickly vomit-covered hands pulling his puke-stained underpants right down his legs and then off his feet, leaving the handsome hunk completely naked. "I can't believe you're doing this!"

As his underwear came down, Meredith and Mona's eyes went right to Grant's manhood, which they instantly clocked as cute and relatively impressive, but not the sort of joystick that any woman would reasonably describe as huge. Grant the douchebag tour guide was definitely not the owner of The Mega Dick Of Medika Island, and Meredith and Mona both breathed a sigh of relief.