Pain, Anguish - Reconciliation?

"Yes, Thomas is my husband and I want him to remain my husband, to keep any chance of that happening alive I have to willingly tell him whatever he wants to know." Rachel says.

"Okay, Thomas, ask your questions, but I implore you to choose your words carefully." Angela says.

"I will. Rachel, how long have we been friends?" Thomas asks.

"Since fourth grade." Rachel says.

"What kind of friends were we? Would you say that we were close or were we simple acquaintances?" Thomas asks.

"Thomas, you know that we've been the best of friends since fourth grade." Rachel says.

"So we were best friends. Were we the kind of friends that entrusted secrets to one another?" Thomas asks.

"Yes of course we were, we told each other all of our secrets." Rachel says.

"All of our secrets? Funny, I don't remember hearing about any bisexual feelings you had at any point during our friendship." Thomas says.

"I couldn't tell you those things. At the time homosexuality was looked down upon even more than it is today. Besides, I wasn't sure of my own feelings on the matter for a long time." Rachel says.

"But eventually you were able to sort out how you felt and you made a decision, what decision did you make and when did you make it?" Thomas asks.

"I made the decision during my second year of college that I was bisexual. At the time you were off at your college. Had you been close at hand at the time I would have probably told you. By the time you came back into my life I had decided that I was going to live as a heterosexual and only explore my attraction to women privately. When you asked me to marry you I thought about telling you, but I decided it wasn't necessary as I would never act on my urges." Rachel says.

"So what happened to change that?" Thomas asks.

"Well, as you know our first house was next door to where Rebecca was living. You were working so hard to make a name for yourself that there were weeks at a time where I was unsure if you had come home at night or not because you'd get home after I was asleep and you'd be gone again before I got up. I started spending more and more time with Rebecca to fill those lonely hours. Well we spent most of the first two months just talking. We talked about sex quite a bit and she revealed to me that she was bisexual and asked me if I'd ever been with a woman or if I'd thought about it. I told her that I'd never thought about it, but apparently I wasn't very convincing because she called me a liar. Eventually she got me to admit that I'd thought about it. She tried to reassure me saying that many women have that kind of feelings and that they were nothing to be embarrassed by or ashamed of. It felt good to finally talk about it with someone. I'd been struggling with my feelings internally it felt wonderful to just let them out. Then she kissed me. I wasn't expecting it so I was quite shocked and at first I tried to push her away, but after a few seconds I found that not only was I enjoying it, I found that I was close to having an orgasm just from talking about it and from that one kiss. Much as it was with Kyle later on my desire got the best of me that first time and I allowed Rebecca to teach me the pleasures provided by lesbian sex. It was incredible, a completely different kind of sexual experience. It wasn't any better than sex with men, but it definitely provided a different set of sensations and emotions. When that first experience was over I told Rebecca that I shouldn't have let her do that to me and she said that after I'd let it sink in for a few days I wouldn't have any regrets about what we had done and that I could call her any time I was ready to do it again. Well she was wrong; I did still have regrets more than a week later. I had cheated on you, I had betrayed your trust, I had risked everything, but even that couldn't keep me from calling her. I made Rebecca agree to keep our affair secret so that I could continue to explore my bisexuality without risking losing you. It was a mistake, I never should have done it, and when the kids became old enough that being discovered would have been unpreventable I ended it. I haven't been with Rebecca or any other woman ever since." Rachel says.

"But the desire still remains?" Thomas asks.

"Yes." Rachel says.

"Which is stronger your desire for men or your desire for women?" Thomas asks.

"I don't...what do you mean?" Rachel asks.

"Well, let's say that we end up getting divorced, which gender would you be more likely to have sex with first if you found yourself suddenly single?" Thomas asks.

"I really don't know. It's been over 15 months since I've had sex with anybody, I might be apt to have sex with whoever showed interest first." Rachel says.

"Yes, perhaps that was a bad example. Say you go to the mall, which gender do you tend to notice more?" Thomas asks.

"I don't know." Rachel says.

"Think, you're walking through the mall, there are people all around you, which gender do you notice more?" Thomas asks.

"The women I suppose, but that's an unfair example because most of the people at the mall are typically women." Rachel says.

"You've been masturbating for relief over the past 15 months, do you use visual stimulus to inspire you?" Thomas asks.

"Sometimes." Rachel says.

"What do you use?" Thomas asks.

"Well I've never bought pornography in my life so I use what's available to me." Rachel says.

"Which is?" Thomas asks.

"I've used your Playboys a few times, but mainly I've been using things I've found on the internet." Rachel says.

"What kind of sites do you visit on the internet?" Thomas asks.

"Where are you going with these questions?" Rachel asks.

"I'm trying to determine whether you are a lesbian that is claiming to be bisexual to keep her family or a bisexual that is trying to get her husband to understand her sexuality. Now what kind of sites do you visit?" Thomas asks.

"I've found that I prefer the amateur sites that show videos of real couples that have been posted. The picture quality usually isn't that great, and the camera stays in one place most of the time, but it's real, it's raw, it's much more believable than those sites featuring actors and actresses pretending to do things like picking a girl up at a bus stop or whatever." Rachel says.

"So are all of these amateur videos of a man and a woman?" Thomas asks.

"Not all of them, some are of two women, some are of two men, some are of two women and a man, some are of two men and a woman, and some are homemade orgies." Rachel says.

"Which particular group do you view the most frequently?" Thomas asks.

"I find the ones involving three people to be stimulating." Rachel says.

"Okay, do you watch the videos of a man with two women or a woman with two men?" Thomas asks.

"One man with two women." Rachel says.

"God damn it." Thomas says.

"What?" Angela asks, injecting herself back into the conversation.

"That doesn't tell me anything. If there are two women and one man she's being inspired by the thought of having both men and women." Thomas says.

"I don't understand, you know she's a bisexual, she's admitted as much, what is it that you were trying to determine?" Angela asks.

"Well Doc, let me let you in on a little secret. Rachel is attracted to you, I wasn't sure for a long time, but now that I'm aware of her bisexuality I am absolutely certain that she's attracted to you. See, look at her blush, she probably thought she'd kept it hidden, but I picked up on it. What I'm trying to determine Doc is given the choice which one of us would Rachel choose to have sex with right now. Taking all other things aside, forget the fact that she and I are married and have four kids together. What I want to know is assuming that she had never met either of us, which one of us she would choose to take home with her." Thomas says.

"Thomas, that's not fair. You can't expect her to be able to answer that." Angela says.

"Sure I can, she can either tell the truth or she can lie. Doc, I've got to know this. I've decided that this is going to be my last session of this crap one way or the other. It's time for Rachel to make a choice. If she chooses me the two of us can go home and work out what's left of our problems together, if she chooses you I'll file divorce papers tomorrow." Thomas says.

"What do you mean if she chooses me?" Angela asks.

"Rachel is going to have sex with one of us tonight Doc. Have you told her that you too are bisexual? Judging by the look on her face I'd say not. Rachel, you hurt me bad and I hurt you just as bad. I'm willing to take you back, but there are going to be changes that you and I will have to work out, I think you'll agree that we can't go back to the way things were. Before I'll even discuss the changes though I need to know that you want to be with me. I know it will be tough for you to put everything else aside and just choose between me and Angela based on who you'd rather have sex with, but I'm giving you an ultimatum, if you don't make your choice within the next five minutes I'll file for divorce tomorrow. If you choose Angela I will file for divorce tomorrow, if you choose me we will go home make love, and tomorrow we will discuss the changes that will have to be made in our lives for our relationship to survive. Even by choosing me you are not ensuring that we stay married, only after we both agree to the changes will our marriage be out of danger, until that time divorce is a distinct possibility. Now, so that I don't have to see it if you choose her I am going to blindfold myself. Make your choice and kiss whoever you choose, you have five minutes beginning now." Thomas says.

Thomas uses his tie as a blindfold and he sets the alarm on his watch for five minutes. Rachel stands up and looks from Thomas to Angela and back and forth, her eyes are filled with tears.

After five minutes the alarm goes off.

"Time's up, goodbye Rachel." Thomas says.

"Thomas wait, I've made my choice, please grant me a few more seconds of your time." Rachel says.

"Very well." Thomas says.

"Angela, Thomas is right, I am attracted to you. I thought I'd been able to keep it hidden, but he knows me so well, I can only assume that it was the revelation that I was bisexual that allowed him to realize that I was attracted to you. I failed to mention this earlier, but I have also masturbated while thinking of you." Rachel says.

She kisses the winner.

Thomas removes his blindfold surprised that she has chosen him.

"What made you pick me?" Thomas asks.

"In truth I was unable to put everything out of my head. Oh I was able to look at you both as purely sexual objects and not people that I knew and had history with, but male or female you are by far the best lover I've ever had, and I couldn't put that out of my mind." Rachel says.

"Things are going to have to change you understand." Thomas says.

"Yes, I realize that, and once we've agreed on what those changes are we'll be able to settle into our new life together. For now however let's go home and make love." Rachel says.

"I thought you'd never ask." Thomas says.

"So that's it? Your sessions with me are over?" Angela asks.

"Oh we might come back once a month just to let you know how things are progressing, but you can't help us with what we've got to do now Doc." Thomas says.

"We will be eternally grateful for everything you've done for us though." Rachel says.

Thomas and Rachel go home and make love the way they used to, but with the full release of over a year's worth of pent up sexual energy. It is the first night that Thomas spends in the house since the night before he caught Rachel with Kyle.

The next morning Rachel has the kids off to school or at daycare before Thomas gets up, they had agreed before going to sleep that they would take the day off to begin working on defining their new relationship.

When Thomas walks into the kitchen Rachel pulls the chair out for him to sit down and eat a big breakfast of eggs, bacon, sausage, toast, fruit, orange juice, and coffee. Rachel sits across the table from Thomas as he eats and they just look at one another silently. Thomas finishes his breakfast, clears his dishes off the table, and then retakes his seat across the table from Rachel.

"Well, now we can get started. It's going to be a struggle to make this work Rachel, I think you know that. Right now I don't know that I'll ever be able to trust you completely, the way I used to." Thomas says.

"I know Thomas; I don't deserve that kind of complete trust. I betrayed your trust and had two affairs for my own selfish reasons. I'd like to think that it wouldn't happen again, but I shouldn't have allowed it to happen either of the first two times so I can't say that I won't do something like that again. I hope I don't, but it is possible." Rachel says.

"I understand that. Surprisingly I have accepted the likelihood that you will stray again. I won't stay with you if I find out you're having another affair behind my back. So, though it would hurt me to know that you would be having sex with someone else I insist that if you have the desire or urge to have sex with someone else you tell me. I'm not saying that you have to have my approval because I do not approve, I just couldn't stand having another secret like that being kept from me. If you just have to fuck somebody do it, but fess up to it. I won't be happy about it, but I'd rather know than not know. Can you understand that?" Thomas asks.

"Yes, I understand. It is my hope and goal that no such situation will occur, but if one does you'll be the first person to know." Rachel says.

"I'm also going to make it a condition of taking you back that you willingly open yourself to me more sexually." Thomas says.

"What does that mean?" Rachel asks.

"It means that I will not beg for oral sex anymore. I understand the situation with Neil and the fear you have of it, but that will not happen with me. You are not opposed to the act of oral sex and with my assurance that it will not become as it was with Neil I expect you to be open to it." Thomas says.

"I suppose that's acceptable." Rachel says.

"Would you agree that I have been a tender and gentle lover throughout our relationship?" Thomas asks.

"Yes of course, why?" Rachel asks.

"Because I would like you to willingly allow us to experience anal sex together. I am aware that your one and only anal experience was very bad, but that experience was with a man that you have described as a clumsy and rough lover. I would never force you to do it, but it is my hope that you would trust me enough to take a chance." Thomas says.

"I must say that the thought of having anal sex again is a bit frightening, but you make a good point, you are a very tender and gentle lover, normal sex is so much better with you that it seems reasonable that anal sex would also be better. I am not overly enthusiastic about doing it, but I will not refuse us the chance to see if we enjoy having anal sex together." Rachel says.

"Very good, I assure you that when it happens we will take things nice and slow and use plenty of lube to make things as easy for you as possible." Thomas says.

"I'm sure you will change my mind about anal sex. Since we're setting terms, I have one of my own. I know you have to run your company and all, but you were missing a lot of the kids' lives before you moved out for over a year, and you've missed almost everything since. They have missed you and they need you, you have always been a wonderful father, but now I will expect you to be a more involved father. One who is around more often." Rachel says.

"That's a very reasonable request. I think that I've brought David along far enough where he can handle running things and I can have more time for the family. I never liked spending so much time away from you and the kids, but it was a necessary sacrifice that I had to make to provide the kind of lifestyle that we wanted for our family." Thomas says.

Thomas and Rachel talk through more and more things that they want to change about their relationship. Most things they both readily agree to, there is some give and take on certain things like letting Rachel's parents stay in the house when they come to visit.

They compose a list of the changes and both sign their acknowledgement of the new terms for their marriage. Thomas throws out one more thing that surprises Rachel.

"Okay, the last thing that I think we should do to kind of kick off our new relationship is an official renewal of our wedding vows. I would consider it not just a renewal, but an all new wedding as this would be our second marriage following the death of our first marriage." Thomas says.

"Wow, so are you talking about an official ceremony, with family, friends, a preacher, flowers, the whole deal?" Rachel asks.

"Yes, as I said it would be a second wedding. I think it should be done fairly soon and we would celebrate that date as well as our current anniversary in the years ahead." Thomas says.

"Well, okay, I think I could put together something that would be tasteful and appropriate." Rachel says.

"I want you to understand how seriously I take this ceremony; I would want us to get new wedding rings and everything." Thomas says.

"You want me to give up the ring that you designed for me?" Rachel asks.

"No, we don't have to get rid of them, you can wear your current ring on your other hand, but the new ring goes on the traditional finger." Thomas says.

"Okay, I can live with that, as long as the new ring is nice." Rachel says.

"I'll design you a ring that will make all of your friends jealous." Thomas says.

"Okay, so you think it should be done soon, what date should we pick for our new anniversary?" Rachel asks.

"How about one month from Saturday? That would give plenty of time for a simple ceremony to be planned and for guests to make arrangements to be here." Thomas says.

One month later, on a beautiful Saturday Thomas and Rachel renew their wedding vows in front of their family and friends. Following the ceremony there is a reception where Thomas and Rachel are approached by a person that they owe a hell of a lot to.

"Angela, glad you could make it." Thomas says.

"I wouldn't miss it. I had to see it for myself. Considering that the first time the two of you walked into my office you couldn't stand to look at Rachel or have her touch you it is absolutely remarkable to me that here you are with Rachel sitting on your lap with her arms wrapped around you." Angela says.

"Well, whether you believe it or not we owe any semblance of a relationship we have now to you." Rachel says.

"Well, I'm not sure I can take any credit for it, I've reviewed the notes I kept during our sessions and I'm even more confused by your case now than I was at the time. But I guess things worked out okay. Tell me, how'd you finally work it out?" Angela asks.

"We worked out an agreement. Here, I've got a copy of it for you; I was hoping you'd be here so I could give it to you." Thomas says.

Angela quickly reads through the terms of the agreement.

"I'd say that you've both been very generous in this agreement. That shows me that you both really want this marriage to work." Angela says.

"Yes we do. Not once during that whole time did my love for Thomas ever waiver, in fact I love him more now after being through that very trying experience with him." Rachel says.

"Well congratulations, I'd like you to come see me in a few months just so we can be sure that things are still going well." Angela says.

"We'll be sure to do that." Thomas says.

"How are the children holding up?" Angela asks.

"Surprisingly well. They're all very happy to have Thomas back home, and they did treat me differently at first after they found out, but I deserved it. They seem to be back to normal now, but we've talked to them a few times about what happened to help them better understand. I think they're going to be fine." Rachel says.