Pairs of Pumpkins #09: A Heroine Again

"Naturally," Portia said, resting her cheek on her fist, an immodest smile at the corner of it.

"Everyone talks about you in Brummel. All the little boys want to grow up and marry you and all the little girls in town want to be you. I've never seen so many girls with a thirst for adventure as I did there."

The smile melted and her gaze averted. "So, you passed through Brummel. Where did you come from?"

"Hokdale," Varda paused a moment before continuing. "You don't know it. No one does. Hokdale is a middle-of-nowhere, farming village in the Eastern Plains, off the highways, where they worship Ferridor the Father as much as they abhor unwed mothers."

Portia nodded slowly. "So this isn't just about the school for..."

"Bernhard," Varda repeated. "No, we would have left there regardless. The school is why we have somewhere to go."

"Well, I can understand needing to leave a home that won't accept you but traveling with a child? You're brave."

"You have children?" Varda sounded surprised and Portia shook her head.

"I've escorted some before. Recently." Portia averted her eyes and chuckled. "No. I don't imagine many parents are in my line of work."

"You don't think some adventurers are supporting a family?"

"Perhaps but it seems unlikely. I knew some married couple adventurers but not well. The wives tend not to want me around." She grinned crookedly. "They've never mentioned families though. I think most adventurers would consider it a sort of either-or situation."

"Parents can't be adventurers and adventurers can't be parents?"

"Not can't. Maybe, shouldn't be?"

Varda cocked her head aside, narrowing her eyes but Portia didn't back down.

"Adventuring is basically sixty percent walking, twenty percent finding jobs, ten percent fighting for your life, five percent drinking, four percent fucking and one percent actually getting paid. Most of those things, children aren't good to have around for."

Bernhard's eyes were wide and conspicuous, trying to look like he wasn't listening.

"What if that's the only thing you know?"

Portia took a drink. "I guess I never considered it. Great adventurers become famous and good adventurers still earn some fortune. Bad adventurers meet early ends. I can't think of any who are so competent to survive yet so mediocre not to profit."

She paused and looked to the ceiling, considering her statement. "That's not true at all. Well, it is true but plenty of successful adventurers have expensive habits, vices or tastes. So I suppose they have to keep going, especially if they're supporting a family. But why would someone want to be a parent, when they knew their work was so dangerous, or required so much travel?"

"A lot of us didn't choose to be parents, Portia. Sometimes, being a parent chooses you."

Portia tilted her head aside. "Well, it doesn't just happen."

"Okay." Varda's mouth was thoughtfully crooked. Her straight posture showed her effort to compose herself. " If you believe love or even lust is entirely a choice we make, sure. I'm surprised to hear such a puritanical perspective from a well-traveled, unattached vixen who, well frankly, looks the way that you do."

Portia stifled a laugh. "I don't have a puritan bone in my body. There have been some but they were just visiting." She was proud of her joke until she looked at Bernhard, who didn't get it. She cleared her throat and continued. "It is a risk, when engaging in certain activities, with many ways to prevent it."

"I know now about herbal, magical and alchemical means of contraception to those with the means and access but I'm from a conservative village. Nobody taught us horny teenagers about all the ways we could get away with premarital sex."

"Not even the Interspecies Exception? 'Lay with the Others and you'll stay not a Mother? Lay with your own for a child to be sown?' I thought every kid in the land knew some version of that one."

"Sure, but they don't get into all the details, and we were mostly alpacas. Besides, it sounds nice but not how desire works. In all your years, you've just stayed away from all the handsome, charming foxes, wolves and dogs out there?"

"Foxes can only breed with other foxes."

Varda furrowed her brow. "Lucky for you and your fancy education."

"But no. I quite like foxes. In and out of bed and I wasn't trying to chastise or judge you. I've never had to think much about it. I've never had any close friends who were women and I can't have children myself." That part was still technically true. "I've never had to worry about those kinds of accidents. Lucky, I guess."

"I guess?" Varda shrugged and took a sip of her mead. "You're this amazing hero who travels the world and beats up men. I bet you have boyfriends in every village." Portia raised a brow and her ears before cracking a smile. "Some of those little girls in Brummel? They want that too. When I was a little girl, it would sound amazing. Now, I can't imagine being anything but a mother."

Portia tensed and hunched in a huff but stopped herself before a laugh escaped.

"No judgment against you or your decisions. I'm just a farm girl who knows how to do farm stuff from a village that doesn't show up on most maps. Then I had this incredible little boy, and he's so wonderful. What greater purpose could I have, than to make sure he is everything he can be?"

Portia's potential laugh was gone. She rested her face on her fist again, taking another drink.

"I know. Every mother thinks her child is special but Bernhard actually is." She leaned in and spoke more softly, as if they weren't the only ones in the small tavern. "I think there's magic in his blood. He can sense things, others cannot."

"Has he ever been evaluated for it?"

"A magic scout from one of the Academies out west came through Hokdale last year. She tested him and said it was possible but inconclusive. I know those fancy academies only want wealthy, educated students whose parents can pay. They only come to the villages to find the obvious prodigies and put them on scholarships, because that makes them look good. They don't want an uneducated, poor boy from an unwed mother unless he's up to his eyeballs in potential. No matter, because there is an Academy in the Central Islands that takes in children from all walks of life and helps them develop."

"What if he's not magically inclined?"

"Then he's not but at least I gave him every opportunity. That's my responsibility. Whatever the cost."

"Like finishing off wounded bandits?"

Varda gave a resolute nod and Portia took a deep pull of her drink.

"What about all the awful parents out there? The ability to reproduce isn't the most compelling case for such authority or influence."

"Do you think awful people come from awful parents? Or lack of parents?"

Portia shifted in her seat, narrowing one eye more than the other. "I haven't thought about it much. Both?"

"Were your parents awful?"

"My mother was. My father was cold but kind. Everyone's cold where I'm from."

"Yet here you are. A hero despite all the odds errrr... stacked against you." Varda huffed with a flutter of her eyes, amused with herself.

Portia grimaced. "There's a lot you don't know about me."

"Sure, sure. Of course there is. I know you're proud of your appearance and you're humble about your accomplishments so you must have some amount of self-loathing, over something. Would you be the hero you became, if not for your upbringing?"

Portia mused, digging her fingertips into her face. "Maybe not. Maybe so. They certainly didn't make me into what I am today."

"Maybe you didn't feel loved by them. I have a hard time believing parents couldn't love their children but even if so, you had their support, when you needed it most. Before you could help yourself."

Portia straightened her spine. "Perhaps my parents weren't the most terrible anyone could have. They could've done better."

"This is true of everyone. In everything!"

"I might have been what they wanted me to be if they'd given me a little more space to be myself."

Varda laughed and gave her son a squeeze, pulling him against her. "Parents are people too, flaws and all. The worst mistake a parent can make is to plan out exactly who their child is going to grow up to be. Bernhard and I would love for this magic thing to work out but if it doesn't, we are both perfectly fine with that."

"What about the really horrible parents? The abusive and exploitative ones?"

Varda shrugged and took a sip from her mug. "Those people will always exist, with or without offspring. There are evil people who are also parents. But far more common are good people who don't realize how evil it is to abandon their children." Varda was staring into space by the time she finished. Portia was lost into her drink.

"I barely knew Bernhard's father. It was a fling. The kind that happens when a bunch of strapping, handsome men march through a tiny village. He was a soldier, among many on a training mission. Bulls, raccoons, rabbits and horses but this one llama was just so charming."

Portia held her face tight, with an attentive nod, trying to recall a single llama she'd ever found attractive.

"Remember, they didn't teach us the details of the Interspecies Exception. Not when they're preaching abstinence. They didn't tell us tigers can mate with lions or foxes can't with wolves so when this handsome soldier told me we were safe, I didn't know any better. I'm not sure he did either.

"Religious, little villages are different worlds, Miss Pridemoon. We were all alpacas and travelers were kept a close eye on. We even had one priest claim that any species can get any other species pregnant, trying to scare us out of having sex before marriage."

"I've been through those types of places. For some reason, they don't make me feel very welcome."

"I've no doubt a parade of eager men greet you, wherever you appear. The rest of us take what we can."

Varda laughed and Portia tried not to smile, eventually failing. "You talk like that in front of your son?"

"Keeping him sheltered isn't high on my list of priorities. Maybe the only good thing about coming from somewhere repressed is that you learn all the rules which didn't matter and which ones did."

Portia looked to the ceiling and chuckled. "So Bernhard is half-llama and his father abandoned you both?"

"The father was long gone before either of us could know. Bernhard is technically a huarizo. A mule of a llama and alpaca. Biologically, he's totally normal and healthy but it means he's probably infertile."

"Lucky for him."

Varda canted her head aside, her smile fading. "It would have been unlucky for me if his father was infertile. He's the best thing to ever happen to me."

A knock on the door interrupted the silence that followed. "It's Zhang. Good news!"

Varda and Portia exchanged glances before looking back. Portia slid off her bar stool and to the door, where light bled in through a peephole. She used it to make certain he was alone before unlocking it.

"Miss Varda, I have great news!" He burst in. "Captain Chin and his crew leave tonight. Soon. He's one of the most honorable Captains. I would trust him to move my own daughter. He will take you as far as the Isle of Qedoe." His smile softened, and he added: "His price is fifty gold. Perhaps you can negotiate down in person. I recommend... candy."

Varda erupted in joy, tugging Bernhard against her so suddenly, he had to stop himself from falling off his stool.

Zhang looked to Portia, who had slouched back into her seat and shrugged with a chuckle. Varda composed herself quickly enough. "I think we can make that work."

"Excellent. Be at Pier 70 before sundown. The ship is called The Sea Dragon. Captain Chin is a red panda in a tricorn and gold jacket. He is expecting you shortly. This is very fortuitous. Do not be late."

"We won't miss it." Varda pushed her drink away and stood.

"I'll escort you," Portia scooted back to stand but Varda shook her head and placed a hand on her shoulder. "I appreciate that, Miss Pridemoon."

"Portia."

"Portia. I've spent a lot of time in these parts. We'll be more inconspicuous, if you don't come with us."

Portia looked to Zhang, who nodded. "She's right."

The vixen frowned. "Well, I was enjoying our conversation."

Varda grinned and sat back down, placing her hand over the vixen's. "If you don't want children, I respect that. But if I were to guess, it's not so much that you do or don't want to be a mother but you're afraid to be."

"I'd be a terrible mother."

"You saved so many people in Brummel, they built a statue to you. I bet you killed a lot of slavers that day, all to save complete strangers."

"So?"

Varda smiled. "If you'll kill for the strangers in some random village, I shudder to think what you would do for your own flesh and blood. I think you'd make an excellent mother."

Portia snorted and took a deep drink of her mug. Varda started to slip away but stopped herself.

"Have you ever heard the tale of Isabella the Immortal?"

"The vampire?"

Varda grinned and nodded. "I thought you might have. Isabella of course, wasn't always a vampire. Isabella was once a simple, mink farm girl, not so different from me. Except she had a natural beauty that would eventually become legendary."

"Varda," Portia frowned, canting her head aside while placing her hand on top of the alpaca's, sandwiching it.

Varda laughed. "A suitor came to town, not unlike my soldier. My beauty brought me a llama. Hers brought a God. Tidum, the Disobedient took the guise of a jackal and seduced her. She thought she was safe because he wasn't a mustelid like her, but she wound up pregnant because Gods get away with whatever they want. She had triplets: three, beautiful, demigod children."

"Sounds like something a god would do."

"Right? Well, unlike Bernhard's absentee father, Tidum was entertained by the idea of being a parent except, by most standards, he IS one of those awful, awful people. He wanted to raise his children to be mischievous and cruel like him. All for his own amusement and ego. An immortal isn't as concerned about a legacy as the rest of us. They were more toys for Tidum and Tidum had a reputation for breaking his toys."

"Isabella was a mortal mother with demigod children, which meant they aged slower than her. She knew she would grow old and die before they were adults and without her, they'd be entirely in their father's hands. She had to protect them from him. They had good hearts, like all children do, and she needed to be around long enough to make certain it stayed that way.

"I'm sure it's possible to prolong your appearance and even your lifespan through magic, if you have the means or the money."

"It is."

"Well, for a poor farm girl like Isabella or myself, options are limited. Isabella sought out and consented to the kiss of a vampire, in order that she might live to see her children grow up well. And they did, according to the stories from so many years ago. Their names are unknown because she helped them to have somewhat normal lives. Only those who've heard the legend know why no adventurer or hunter has ever managed to kill her. She's protected by three demigods!"

"Quite a story, Varda."

The alpaca chuckled and leaned in. "Don't you get it, Miss Pridemoon? She became a monster to protect them from a far-worse monster. Any mother would do the same." She stepped over to Bernhard's stool and lifted him off it, down to the ground. Portia watched, with her brow frozen crooked, ears flattened back.

"It's not how bad you are, Portia. It's about how good they become."

Varda walked past her, patting her shoulder before standing by the door. Bernhard stood by his stool for a long moment before rushing Portia for a hug, throwing his arms around the vixen's waist in a clumsy, innocent way, that an adult might be stealing a grope.

Portia softened and squeezed back, ruffling his headfur. "Have fun in magic school. Knock 'em dead. Not literally." He kept squeezing for longer than she expected, so she moved her hand down to pat his back. When he slipped away, he stopped in front of her, revealing his toothy grin, and she tapped the tip of his nose with her finger. "Don't forget: fireballs are overrated. So much collateral damage. Watch out for Life Wizards. They're weird."

Bernhard nodded quickly then rushed to his mother.

"Thanks for saving us," Varda said, squeezing her son. "Stop being so hard on yourself." She opened the door and peeked out.

"Get to Qedoe safely. Beware of charming llamas."

Varda chuckled before ducking down to pick up Bernhard. She gave a small nod, while he waved until they'd gone out the door and closed it behind them.

Portia brought her attention to Zhang. He ducked under the bar to resume his post behind it then reached out to check the weight of her mug. His brow raised and she gave a nod. He only spoke halfway through the pour.

"Captain Chin is an honorable man. He'll get them to their destination unharmed."

"Thank you, Zhang." She reached behind her and fetched the heavy book slung across her lower back. She dropped it on the table with a thud. It caught his curiosity and kept it as he brought her back the refilled drink. She took a deep swig and opened the book.

"Odd thing for someone like you to be carrying around."

"Like me?" She didn't mean it to sound as defensive as it did.

Zhang smiled, ducking his muzzle into his shoulder to cough before speaking. "An adventurer, who carries all her possessions on her back. That book must be heavy."

She flipped pages from the beginning, searching for something. "It is heavy but whether I like it or not, it's my burden to bear."

The End