Paisley The Birth of a Star

"Paisley, nobody is ever getting copies of those. They are my property. I wrote the songs, and I paid for their production."

She slipped down onto her knees, her head resting in my lap. "Jake, please, babe, we are really making an impression. We need those CD's."

"Sorry, but my mind is made up. Christ, all you had to do was ask. Then it may have been different."

"Okay, I'm asking now. I thought I was doing something nice for you."

"Bullshit. I've heard the shitty songs Steve and the other drop kicks wrote. They're shit. You stole mine because you didn't have any others and you didn't want to pay royalties to already recorded song writers."

She peered up into my eyes lovingly. "No, babe, that's not true. The studio suggested we needed to have our own songs. It had nothing to do with royalties."

"Then why didn't you list me as the songwriter?"

"Like I said. We didn't want to confuse people."

That fight was the worst we ever had. It was frosty around the house for days. It was a week later when she slipped a CD cover into my hand. "Is this what you wanted?"

I glanced down, The artwork was the same, but my name had been added to the tracks I wrote. Now it said written and arranged by the band and Jake.

I sniggered. "Like fuck. That should say. Written By Jake Mellows, and murdered by the band."

She gave me a very dirty glare. "Okay then, you tell me. What do you want to see?"

"Written by Jake Mellows. Nothing else. That's a ten song EP, and six of the songs are mine. All of them must have my name listed as the sole song writer."

"If we do that, will you let us use them?"

"Yeah, I suppose so. But, I'm telling you, Paisley. I hate what you've done with them. They sound like shit."

"Yeah, well people love them."

That sort of got us to where we were today. Me waiting for her to call me. The band actually took off after the release of that album. They played all the major festivals. They played at least three nights a week, all over town and surrounding areas.

Now they were on this nation wide tour which had been dragging on for weeks. I was sick of it. I had enough. I wanted my wife back. It was twelve months of hell.

It was no surprise when she didn't call. These days, it seemed she was always too busy to talk to me.

I went to bed frustrated, and anger oozing from every pore.

She finally got home the next week. She looked exhausted. The rock star lifestyle was starting to show. Her complexion was sallow, and pale. Her eyes drawn and empty.

She was on the sofa, the girls clambering all over her when I waked in. She looked up with a thin smile. "Hey, babe. God, it's good to see you."

"Good to see you as well, Paisley."

I leaned down and gave her a kiss. It was a sweet kiss, one that sucked and spat out the anger from me. The caress of her soft lips was all it took.

"What's for dinner?" I asked.

She sighed. "Couldn't we do takeaways or something? Ring out for pizza? I'm worn out. It was a long day."

With that single off-hand remark, all the anger flowed back, the kiss a mere memory. "Yeah, but I think after the girls go to bed, we better have a talk."

She frowned. "Really, what about?"

"Life, work, the usual."

With the kids in bed and asleep, we sat together, her leaning against me, my arm around her shoulder, holding her tight. It felt so good to have her back in my arms. I didn't want to break the mood, but it had been building for too long.

"Paisley, what are the plans for the band now?"

I felt her flinch, her whole body tensed. "We have been offered a couple of gigs. One of them is a five-city tour."

I wilted. "Fuck, I was hoping that we could spend some time together. Reconnect as a family. The girls have missed having their mum around."

"Babe, I want to, I really do, but this next tour is huge. There's a new recording deal there, as well."

"I don't want to sound like a whiner, but here goes. I would prefer you didn't do it. We need to spend time together. This family needs you."

"Babe, please, don't turn this into a guilt trip. We have worked so hard. We are finally making headway. This Australian tour will really catapult us."

"What, did you just say Australia?"

Her eyes quickly dropped. "Yes, I was going to tell you, but you got all bitchy."

"Like hell, Paisley. You have spent enough time on the road this year. You are a mother. When you set out on this adventure. You promised me it wouldn't get in the way."

"Come on Jake. This has always been my dream. You know that. The tour is only for a month."

"Yeah, and who's going to pay for it?"

She grimaced. "All I have to pay for is the airfare. The accommodation, travel, food and drinks is all paid for."

"Sorry, but, I've had enough, Paisley. This has gone far enough. I want my wife back."

"I'm still here, all I'm asking for is a month. Just give me a month. Then when I get back, we can do like you say and reconnect. Take the girls away for a few days, relax."

"No, I'm sorry, but I've had enough. I'm working my arse off here. Looking after the kids, doing all the housework, working and I'm sorry, but I've had it up to here." I snarled waving my hands by my head.

She sat back on her haunches. "So what happens now then?"

"Now I want you to tell the guys in the band, that you need some time with your family. The tour's off."

She shook her head. "Sorry, I can't do that. We all signed contracts with the promoter. I'm sorry Jake. It's a done deal."

"Without even talking to me, without even giving me the courtesy of a phone call? Jesus, Paisley. Does this family not mean a damn thing to you?"

"Don't be daft. Nothing's changed. I love you, I love the girls, but this is my chance to live out a dream I have had my whole life. You knew that when you met me."

"When I met you, we shared that dream. I have also had the same dream. I put mine aside when we had the girls. Once I realised I had a family depending on me, I accepted that, I put my dreams on hold."

"Me too," she cried. "I did as well, but now, I have the chance to do it. Babe, it's so close I can taste it. We could make money from this. If what people are saying is true, we could really make it."

"Okay, Paisley, let's talk money. I paid for the recordings, The albums, I have been paying for your accommodation on tour, the new guitar you needed so badly. Where's the money you made from the tour? If this is such a wonderful money making opportunity, why is our bank balance racing towards zero?"

"Honey, you know how the industry works. We have to do the hard yards. That's where we are. Once we push through to the next level, that's when we will see some money come in."

With a shake of my head I sighed. "You must be getting at least a grand to fifteen hundred bucks a night for gigs. You sold out the CD's, which I paid for. Even at five bucks a pop, that's twenty grand. When are you going to pay me back?"

She stood, letting my hand slide from her grasp. "You know what it's like on tour. We have to pay for accommodation, petrol, food. It's expensive."

"I know exactly how much it costs, because I've been paying for it. I've seen the bank card balances. How come I had to pay for the whole band's hotel rooms at the Mount?"

"The guys didn't have their cards. I didn't see it as a big deal. God, it was only three hundred bucks."

"Yeah, that money comes out of our account. When you blow that money on those fucking losers, it takes money away from your family. I work for that fucking money. I work six days a week. I pay for everything."

"Babe, please don't make a big deal out of this now. All I wanted was to come home, hold you in my arms and make love with my husband. I didn't come home to fight. God, I'll be gone in a week. If we fight every night it's going to be a long week. Come on, babe. Let's go to bed, make love, enjoy my time at home."

"Not getting enough from Steve and Terry then?"

"Oh fuck off, Jake. I have never given you cause to say that. I have done nothing. Is this what this is all about? Petty jealousy?" With a deep sigh she said. "Jake, I promise. I have never cheated. We are like siblings, they do nothing for me."

"Then why are they in your room at four in the morning?"

"We were drunk, having a few laughs. It was totally innocent."

"Yeah, well I've had it, Paisley. If you go on that tour, don't bother coming home. You may as well stay in Aussie."

"What? Christ, Jake. I thought you'd be proud, supportive. Not this mean-spirited bastard."

"Mean, huh? you ain't seen nothing yet. I warn you, Paisley. If you go, then things are going to get very difficult. I'm not living like this. I want you to accomplish your dreams, but it can't be at our expense."

"Fuck you, Jake. I wanted to come home, share my experiences and stories, hold you in my arms and say thank you. I know I couldn't do any of this without you. But I'm not going to listen to you make a martyr out of yourself, lay all the blame at my feet."

Silence pervaded our space, until she said. "I'm going to bed. It would be nice if my husband came with me."

She walked off to the bedroom. I grabbed a beer from the fridge and reclined back on the sofa. "Fuck." I grumbled silently. Why did everything have to be so hard. I wanted nothing more than to go in and jump into her arms. If I did, I was accepting everything; nothing I said here would mean a thing.

I finished my beer, damn it. Why should I suffer. I strode purposefully into the bedroom, stripped without words. The smirk on her face said, "Hah, I won."

The lovemaking, if you can call it that was powerful, frenetic and full of passion. The first time was over in seconds, the passion exploding quickly. The second, took longer, it was gentler, but no less torrid, and there was love.

The next couple of day's calmed down, most of the vitriol erupted on that first night. Paisley picked up all the housework. She cooked every night, and it was like we rewound the clock, back to happier times. It couldn't last, we still had to go back and finish the argument.

It was a terrible fight. The worst ever. I threatened her: if she went on that damn tour, our marriage would be over. The next day, I cancelled her credit card, and transferred all of the money from our joint account into a separate account, in my name only.

It took a couple of days for her to find out. When I got home from work, I found her waiting to pounce. "What happened to my credit card?"

"I cancelled it."

"How the hell am I going to pay for my airfare?"

I shrugged. "Don't care. I'm sick of paying for that band's existence."

"Oh you selfish fucking prick. You miserable fucking bastard. Are you that jealous of my success?"

"Your success, fuck off. Let's not forget, without my songs, you have no fucking success. You have nothing."

"Bastard. Selfish, malicious bastard."

I found the girls curled up in their bedroom, crying their eyes out. "Daddy, we're scared," Leah sobbed.

"It's going to be okay, sweets. Everything will work out."

"But you and Mummy fight all the time; she will get angry and never come home."

Just at that moment Paisley walked in. She had tears streaming down her face. "Honey, that's not going to happen. I love you, Daddy loves you."

"Please don't leave us, Mummy." Hannah sobbed. "Please, we miss you, it's lonely without you."

"I know sweetheart. I miss you as well."

"Then don't go, stay with us, we need you."

"I need you as well, baby. I won't be gone long. Then I'll be back again and we can go away together for a holiday."

Hannah brightened. "Yay, can we go and see Gran?"

"Yes darling, we can."

With the kids in bed, our fight restarted, except this time it was carried out in whispered hisses, snarling, barking, venomous whispers.

A couple of days later, the tour only days away. I came home to find Paisley packing. "So you're going then, huh?"

"Yes, I sold my guitar to pay for my ticket. Now I don't have one, but you don't care, do you."

"No, I don't," I hissed caustically.

She gave me a smirk, "I could take yours. Let's face it, you don't use it."

"Maybe not, but it's mine. So the answer's no."

"Fuck you." She snapped back. "What about money, can you take some out for me? I still have to pay for stuff while I'm there."

"I'll take out what you've put in over the last twelve months. Remind me, how much was that?"

With a dark snarl she hissed. "Forget it. I'll borrow some from the guys."

"Good luck with that. Those fucking losers haven't got ten cents to rub together. Bet they were hoping to sponge off me."

"Fuck, you have turned into a spiteful nasty little shit. Why are you being such an arsehole?"

"Because that band has taken over your life. You heard those girls the other night. They want you here. I want you here. If you're not going to even try to make this work, then I really don't want you back. Stay in Aussie."

She was gone without even a goodbye. I arrived home from work to find Mum babysitting.

I decided to take some action. I found a solicitor who dealt with entertainment claims. I wanted to file against the band, because they never paid me any royalties. A couple of my songs that they recorded were getting plenty of air time on student radio, even the odd play on mainstream radio.

He agreed that I had a case. He filed a suit. He said it would cost more to sue them than I could expect to get back. The case would cost thousands, and I would probably be lucky to get a couple of hundred, at most.

I accepted that. I just wanted the word to get out. They had been promoting the songs as theirs, and that bugged me. I included in the lawsuit the money I invested.

I had all the invoices, all the credit card withdrawals and invoices.

I packed up all Paisleys clothes and stuff and stacked it in a corner in the shed.

I prepared myself for her return and the fight of my life.

It only took a couple of days and she rang from Aussie. It was short and not very sweet. "Jake, I need some money. Things haven't worked out the way they said. I have no money."

"Sorry, Paisley. I don't have any spare. I just spent the last money I had on a divorce solicitor."

"What? Don't be ridiculous. I'm serious, Jake. I need some cash. Just enough for food until we get to Melbourne."

"Borrow it from the guys, like you said."

"They don't have any money, you know that. Jesus, Jake. I didn't think you would leave me without any money."

"I'm not. We can settle our finances in court when you get back." With tears streaming down my face I disconnected the call.

I found out she borrowed some money from her parents. That must have hurt. I had heard her telling them on the phone about her big tour, and how well the band was doing.

Her return was as bad as I expected. She walked in fuming quietly. She put on a brave face for the girls sakes, but the moment they were in bed she exploded. By then, she found out all her personal belongings were in the shed.

"Paisley, I warned you before you left. You weren't going to be welcome here."

"Christ, Jake, don't be like this. I'm sorry the way things have gone. The tour's over. We can go back to the way they were before. We are going to be spending the next month or so in the studio anyway."

"I don't care. The moment you get another offer, you will be gone again and the girls and I will be left here to our own devices. Bloody hell, Paisley, you were gone a month, and you called the girls five or six times max."

"That's because I didn't want to fight with you. Not because I didn't want to talk to them."

"Paisley, I think our marriage is done. I can't live like this. I love you, I always have and probably always will, but I'm not living like this."

"So, you were serious, you want to get divorced?"

"Yes, I am deadly serious."

"Well, what happens? How could that even work?"

"It's simple. I want you to move out. I am seeking full custody of the children. In all honesty, you don't want them."

"How can you say that? They are my kids, as well. I'm not giving them up."

"Good luck with that. If you ask them who they want to live with, what do you think they will say? You've all but abandoned them over the last year."

"I have done no such thing. I have been trying to build a career and give us all a better future."

"A better future, okay then. How much did you make from your month away? Where's all that money?"

"We didn't make a lot from the tour," she said shakily, the conviction not quite so evident in her voice.

"As I figured. I suggest you find a solicitor, get some advice, real advice. For the time being, I want you to move out."

"Where the hell am I supposed to go?"

"Go and stay with Steve, he has been busting to get into your panties, if he hasn't already been there."

"Fuck, you dip shit. I told you a hundred times, there's nothing going on between us. But if I have to go and ask him for somewhere to stay, then that will probably change."

"Who cares, it's what you want anyway. May as well make it official."

"Oh for the love of god, Jake. You are carrying on like a pork chop. There's never been anything between Steve and me, apart from some flirting and shit."

"Just go, I want you out of here. I want you gone tonight."

"Fuck you, Jake. You're spoiling everything," she hissed desperately.

"It's only just begun, Paisley. It's going to get worse."

She walked out that night, and it hurt. It hurt so much I cried.

It did get worse. When they found out about my lawsuit, they freaked. Steve and Jerry came pounding on my door and it was a vicious argument. It got so loud the cops were called by the neighbours. Because of their death threats in front of my children, they were issued with court orders to stay away.

Paisley was madder than hell, but she soon found out that for once, things weren't going her way. She had been in to Work and Income NZ and she talked to staff. She was now aware that she was unlikely to be granted custody.

We did go and see a family counsellor as a family. Paisley looked completely distraught when the counsellor asked the girls who they would prefer to live with, and they both said me. Paisley withered visibly. It was a slap in the face she wasn't expecting.

We drove to the counsellor together, and on the trip back home, Paisley was so shaken she barely spoke. She sat immersed in her own thoughts. As we drove she started to sob softly. "What do we do Jake, I don't want a divorce, I never did. What can I do to make it right?"

Glancing at her I said. "The only way I can see us getting past this is for you to take a break from the band for a while. Give us time to see if there is anything left."

"If I did would you stop that stupid lawsuit?"

"No, that's not against you, that's the band. Those other morons all made me a promise that day at our house, if I funded the recording, they would pay me back as soon as they could."

"Babe, they have all committed to giving you the money. Once this record deal is signed, we will have money."

"How are you going to record an album while you and I are trying to make a go of it?"

"Surely there's room for both. The album changes everything."

"Bullshit, if you sign a deal, they will want you to tour with it. That's going to be part of it. They will want to promote it as hard as they can. They will want their pound of flesh."

"So how can we make this work?"

"We can't, not until you are prepared to make your family your main priority. Don't you understand? That's why I am doing this. We have slipped down your priority list, and we can't make it work until we are number one again."

"Christ, that is ridiculous. You have always been number one."

"Sure doesn't feel that way. Where were you when Hannah had whooping cough? Where were you when Leah fell of the jungle gym at school and sprained her wrist?"