Paisley The Birth of a Star

Paisley jumped up, rushed over and jumped into my sweaty arms. "Jake, you've done an amazing job. The girls are wonderful. Could I see them again tomorrow?"

"Yeah, no probs. This is still your home as well, Paisley. I will never get between you and the girls. I don't want them to become a weapon."

"Thank you, babe, maybe we could all go to the zoo, or something? Ride the cable car the way we used to?"

"Sorry, I would, but I have commitments tomorrow."

She pouted sadly. "Oh, I see. Are you seeing somebody?"

I sneered. "Nope, but I do have friends."

"That's okay, I wasn't prying. You don't have to tell me."

"Paisley, I was being honest. If I was seeing somebody, I would tell you."

She nodded sullenly. "Okay, I get it, you don't want to come. No big deal."

The girls interrupted before it became awkward. "Can we go to the zoo, Dad?"

"Definitely, sweetheart. Mum can pick you up about ten, and then you can spend the day together."

Leah, yelled out. "Yay, we're going to the zoo. Can Anna come, as well?"

Paisley gave me a look. "Who's Anna?"

"She's my friend." Leah sighed as if to say, why don't you know?

"Well, if Anna's going, can Becca come, as well?" Hannah pleaded.

I could see Paisley sagging under the pressure. I jumped in. "What say you just go with Mum, have a fun day and then next time take your friends."

They sulked, but agreed. Paisley gave me a thankful glance before she left. It was a mixture of emotions, watching her walk away. She looked amazing, and she still managed to make my heart flutter. Oh well.

Sunday morning was a mad house as the girls ran around trying on lots of different outfits from the ones Paisley brought for them, breakfast and a quick tidy up before Paisley turned up to pick them up.

Then it was a mad rush to get the gear packed in the car for our Gig at the Junction. Thankfully, Daisy and Sabrina turned up to help.

The first set was awesome, the crowd was into it, and we gave a couple of new songs I wrote a trial run. This was their first public airing, and they went down a treat. We had a few drinks during our break, sold a couple of CD's. It was a fun atmosphere.

It was towards the end of the second set when Hannah and Leah ran up and started jumping up and down in front of the stage. They had their faces painted and had on little fairy costumes.

I glanced up to see Paisley leaning against the garden bar door. She looked stunned as we finished performing. Hannah and Leah clambered up on stage as they often did when Mum brought them down to watch. Daisy leaned down and gave them a big kiss and cuddle, before Sabrina helped them down and they jumped into her arms.

I watched as Paisley just glared at Daisy and then Sabrina. She moved slowly down to the front. As she reached for Hannah's hand, Leah grabbed her and dragged her out into the small crowd of mostly women who were dancing in front of the stage.

Paisley played along and danced with her as Hannah dragged Sabrina out to dance with them. I expected Paisley to be uncomfortable, but she played along with the girls and they danced around holding hands.

At the end of the set, I was busily signing and selling a few CD's when Paisley walked up. "Well, well, well. That sounded great." She reached down and picked up one of the CD's. "Wow, the way they were meant to sound. That's a bit harsh."

I shrugged. "People like it."

She laughed at my jibe. "Fair enough. When did you do all this?" she asked as she gazed across at Daisy.

"Oh, the recording is a few months old now."

Daisy, who had been rolling up cables came over. "Hi, I'm Daisy. I'm a big fan by the way."

They shook hands, and it was forced and curt. "How long have you two been together?" Paisley asked.

"About six months or so," Daisy replied. "Have you finished your tour?"

"Yeah," Paisley snapped sharply. "Just got back yesterday." She glared at me with more than a hint of animosity. "You could have been honest with me, Jake."

"About what?"

She leaned in closer. "You said you weren't seeing anybody." I saw a little tear in her eye as she snorted. "I'll leave the girls with you." She stormed off before I could say anything.

"Wow," Daisy spluttered, "what crawled up her arse and died?"

"I don't know. All I can think is. She thinks there's something going on between you and me."

"You and me, really?" she snorted derisively.

"Wow, steady on, I'm not that bad."

"Sorry," She giggled playfully. "I didn't mean it like that. Didn't you tell her about us?"

"She only arrived out of the blue yesterday."

Sabrina brought the girls over with ice creams.

It was Monday night before Paisley turned up. "I brought the girls stuff that they left in my car."

"Do you want to stay for dinner?" I asked.

"Won't Daisy be here?" she snapped curtly.

"Daisy and I are friends, nothing more. She will be here tomorrow night for rehearsal."

"Just friends, huh? Christ Jake, I saw you yesterday, don't tell me nothing's going on."

"Are you telling me you sleep with Steve and Jerry?"

"What? No. Why bring that shit up again?"

"Well, it's what you just accused me of."

"Jesus, Jake, I don't even Like Steve, or Jerry for that matter. There's never been anything between us."

"I guess it's different for Daisy and me. We like each other, but I don't think her girlfriend Sabrina would be very happy if there was anything going on."

"Girlfriend?"

"Yeah, Daisy is gay. The girl Hannah was dancing with is Daisy's partner."

She wilted a little. "Oh shit, I'm sorry. I jumped to conclusions, I guess. You guys looked so close, and you played up to each other like lovers."

"Like friends. We are great friends, and the girls love her and Sabrina."

The girls came in and Paisley was dragged away to their room to watch as they put on a little fashion show.

After dinner, Paisley and I sat together in the lounge with glasses of wine. "How come you started playing again?"

"I don't know, I'm no different to you, Paisley. I had dreams and aspirations. I wanted to conquer the world, as well. I met Daisy and we clicked. The rest, they say, is history."

"Why did you call your album 'The Way They Were Meant To Sound'?"

"Because, as I said to you many times, I hated what you did with them. They were never meant to be pop songs."

"But we both know you have to make them commercial, or they never sell."

"Who cares? I would rather have a poor selling record, and still have my integrity, than be a sell out and have a hit."

"So, you think I sold out."

"Yeah, in a way. You got sucked into the popularity."

"But that's what it's about. If you don't give the audience what they want, you end up playing at little pubs for nothing."

"So, who cares? I think if the songs are good enough, then you don't have to sell out."

It got a bit tense after that. The conversation dried up until she asked. "Have you had many girlfriends since I've been gone?"

With a curt shake of my head, I said. "No, I've been too busy. What about you?"

She shook her head. "No, I got a lot of offers, but no."

"Why was that?"

"Jake, I love you. I know I made my share of mistakes. I completely stuffed up over the songs. You're right. I knew you would hate the idea of the band using them. That's why I never said anything."

She took a large gulp of her Merlot before she added. "I stupidly hoped once you heard them, you would be amazed, and would see it as a good thing. When I first heard the recordings I loved them. I thought you would as well."

"Paisley, I got uptight because of the way you did it. I might have gone along with it, if you had asked."

"I know, god, I kicked myself a hundred times. It was stupid and selfish. I just got caught up in the possibility of what might happen. Stardom, and all that."

"I could see that. You fell into Steve's bullshit. They would still be living on a benefit in Kelburn if it wasn't for your talent and my songs."

She nodded. "Yeah, they're idiots. Good musos, but idiots. All they think about is drugs and booze."

"Did you get into the drugs?"

She flinched a little, a shiver running over her. "Yeah, a bit. Nothing heavy, but, yeah. I dabbled. Everybody does, don't they?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, I guess. Are you clean now?"

"Yeah, I haven't used for a while. It was only Coke, and speed, mostly just pot. Smoked a lot of hash."

She saw my frown. "Don't judge me, Jake. You used to play around, as well."

"I wasn't judging. Just worrying."

As I topped up the glasses, I asked, "So what are you and the band doing now?"

"We have a couple of shows up in Auckland next week. One in Christchurch the week after. That one's in doubt, unless we can get something else down there to make it worth the trouble."

"What then?"

"Mushroom want us to go back into the studio. We were contracted for two albums."

"Do you have the songs?"

"Nah, we've got nothing. Steve and the guys are hopeless."

"What about some of your old songs?" I asked.

"I dunno, there's a couple that might be okay, but I would have to rewrite them, try and make them fit the band, make them a little more contemporary."

She gave me a questioning look. "What about you, any new ones?"

"Why, you going to steal them, as well?"

She giggled snidely. "No, smart arse, I was just interested." She smirked teasingly. "Although, now you mention it. Maybe we will."

As we drank our wine she said, "Go on, play them for me."

"Come over tomorrow. Daisy will be here, you can hear them for real. They sound better with her singing."

"Yeah, she definitely has a nice voice. Works great with yours."

We finished the wine, she leaned against me, snuggled and wriggled. "I could always stay tonight. You must be as horny as I am."

I gave her a harsh disbelieving glare. "Paisley, don't tell me, or expect me to believe you didn't sleep with anybody while you were off on tour."

She glared back angrily. "Did you Jake? There are plenty of solo mum's around here. Been banging them all I suppose."

"No I fucking haven't. Call me stupid, but until our marriage is dissolved properly. I kept my promise.

A thin sneer curled the corners of her lips. "If I believe you. Why won't you believe me? Jake, I promise you. I never had sex with anyone. I foolishly held out a hope that we would eventually work our way through this."

"All right, your point is good. Doesn't change anything. At the moment, I would prefer not to build up the girls hopes. They have only just got used to having you around again. You'll probably be gone again in a week. Then they'll be broken arsed again."

"Jake, I'm not here just for the girls. I realised while I was away, I love you. I need you in my life."

"I don't know, Paisley. I do love you, as well, but I can't live the way we were."

"I don't want it to be like last time. Yes, I'll be gone for a while. But if we timed the recording sessions with school holidays, we could go as a family."

"we can't be gone for months at a time. Yeah, we could do the odd trip away, but if it's like the last release, you'll be gone forever again. I'm sorry, Paisley, but it affects the girls badly. It took me ages to get them settled down after you left."

"Jake, there's got to be a way to make this work. There are thousands of couples all over the world where one or the other partner travels for work."

"A little travel is okay, but not the way you want to do it. You want to have two separate lives. Go away on tour for god knows how long, then come back and play happy home for a few days, before jetting off to god knows where."

She looked disappointed, she had something to say, but for whatever reason, said nothing. Standing up, she sighed. "I better be going. Can I see the girls tomorrow? I could pick them up from school?"

"That's fine. Just give Mum a call and tell her."

For the next week, Paisley spent increasingly more time at home. It was hard for me, because I was losing my personal battle. She was as gorgeous as ever, and she had also grown emotionally. She was witty and captivating. Every night after the girls went to bed, we snuggled on the sofa.

Fair to say I was struggling to maintain separation. Especially since she was trying so hard to worm her way in.

Our conversations were changing, as well. Now we were talking about the future. "Jake, I can't keep living at Lilly's. I need my own house. I have been looking, but, wow. They are so expensive. I'm not sure I can afford to buy."

She was fishing, and I knew that. "Paisley, you could move in here. We do have the spare bedroom. Maybe we could make that work?"

"Thanks, but no thanks. I don't think I could do that. I love you. I want to be with you. Living platonically isn't an option for me."

It was the moment of truth. "Paisley, I'm not sure. What if it doesn't work. I mean you're off again next week."

"Babe, I'm only gone for six days. I'd be back before you knew I was gone."

Her pleading expression softened my heart as she added, "Jake, what is the worst that happens? We try again and if we can't make it work, then we do as you say and go our own way."

I was in no position to argue. I knew it was what I wanted, as well. Our life entered into a period of absolute bliss. She was right: I was horny, and so was she. Our lovemaking was a passionate explosion of lust. When the girls woke in the morning to find Paisley in our bed they were just as happy as we were. They wanted their family back, too.

The other bonus was Daisy, Sabrina and Paisley actually became fast friends. Our jam/rehearsals just became a giant sing along, including Hannah and Leah, who were never going to be left out.

When Paisley heard my new songs she was really impressed. "Oh my god, Jake, they're maybe the best you have ever written."

Daisy agreed. "Yeah, I said the same thing' they're choice, aye?"

"Yeah, my god, babe, they're sweet. I can hear us doing a version of them."

"Like hell." I snapped caustically. They all burst out laughing.

"Told ya." Paisley laughed, giving Daisy a sneaky nod..

Paisley vanished for their Auckland gigs. The change in mood from the girls scared me, but with Paisley returning only three days later, they soon recovered. The fact she came and went every few days over the next couple of weeks didn't help.

They were scared that Paisley would be gone from their lives for good.

It was hard to miss the stress Paisley was under, either. The label was pushing for them to get back in the studio. Their problem was they had nothing, just a handful of Paisley's old songs.

I sensed her sadness. She became quiet, withdrawn. I saw her night after night, guitar and notebook in hand, trying to write something.

When she returned from band rehearsals she was grumpy beyond belief. "Fuck, those guys are hopeless. They have no clue about song writing."

Watching her struggle, slaving away, I took mercy, picked up my guitar and walked into the music room where she was trying in vain to write something.

She looked up when she saw me walk in. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to try and help you write something. My ears are aching listening to the shit you have been playing."

She laughed. "Shit is it? Well, put your money where your mouth is."

I sat down in a chair, tuned up and said. "Okay, show me what you've got."

She gave me the first couple of lines, which was pretty much all she had. I listened to the words, mentally changed a couple and then as she played, I sang my version.

Her face broke into a smile and she started singing along. As she sang, she found another few words, then I found another couple of lines.

The second time through I let her sing and play. As she played the rhythm it freed me up to find a melody line on guitar. Within an hour, we had a new song.

I felt my heart swell with pride, when she said. "Oh my god, Jake, that is amazing. I don't know how you do it."

it took us a week of working every night, but at the end of the week, we had six songs, something she could take to Mushroom, something that would give them some space.

Over the next couple of weeks we kept working away. We pulled out all Paisleys old songs. I even donated an old song that I had never been able to convert into something I liked. This however was a different mission. Now we were writing pop songs, not folky rock ballads.

When Paisley took them to the band, they were, of course, ready to accept whatever they could get. It meant they went into a month long period of rehearsals, making the group of songs into something that the band could sell.

I loved working with Paisley; it was like old times. Writing for her changed the way I approached it. I knew I was giving away my talent, but this time. I didn't care. It was a gift, I was happy to give.

The record label was happy, also. In fact, they were so positive about it that the band was shipped off to Melbourne to record the album.

The girls and I decided we would go for a visit. It turned out to be an amazing week. While Paisley was locked in the studio, Hannah, Leah and I spent our days wandering the city's wonderful galleries, the museum, and of course with two young girls, shopping was right up there as a must do. The evenings were filled with dinners and more sightseeing. All in all, it was an incredible week.

Paisley slowly unveiled the new person that hid inside the cocoon she developed to try and manage her feelings.

"Jake, this is so amazing, having you and the girls here with me, supporting me. It's just fabulous. I feel so free. The last time, all I felt was guilt. I was so weighed down by the negative emotions, I hated every minute of it. Now, I feel like you're holding me up. Can you bring the girls into the studio? I would love for them to see what I do."

"Yeah, I'm sure they'd love it. Can we come in tomorrow?"

"Yes, I'll get passes made up. They'll be waiting at the door."

The trip into the studio was pretty amazing. Their set up was out of this world: twenty times bigger than the studio where Daisy and I recorded our album. This was like, wow. I was blown away.

When we got in, we were escorted into the sound booth. Paisley was in the midst of singing a back-up vocal. The girls peered out through the big glass window into the recording booth. Paisley saw us and gave us a big wave.

If I was stunned, the girls were even more astounded. The control panel was huge, switches, dials, sliders, flashing lights. I could see the desire in their eyes to tinker. Shit, I felt it myself.

Afterwards, Paisley came out and we all hugged. Seeing the look of joy on Paisley's face, the admiration flowed through my veins. I felt it, as well. Even when we were at our lowest, I still felt that surge of pride in her performances. I mean, I hated what they did with my songs, but that didn't detract from her performances. She was a fantastic singer, beyond that, a great performer, an entertainer.

We flew back home, and Paisley stayed on. They had at least another three to four weeks to go.

This time, we stayed in touch. Every night she called, and the girls loved it. We video chatted a few times, Paisley showing the girls new outfits she had brought for them. It was so nice to not have the anxiety. More importantly, I missed her. Every night in bed, my heart yearned for her, the smell of her, the feel of her soft skin against mine. I missed her, and I wanted her back.

When she finally returned, it was a relief. The girls couldn't wait. A lot of that was expectations surrounding all the clothes Paisley had amassed for them. Underlying it, was the love, the warmth.

Paisley did have one surprise tucked under her arm: the new album. She handed it to me. I took it from her outstretched hand, with a slightly quizzical look. "It's nice, love the artwork."