Paisley The Birth of a Star

This is a long story. There is no sex in this story. If that's what you are looking for, then I apologise. Better look else where.

I would also like to acknowledge the wonderful work of Randi, who not only edited this, but offered me guidance and assistance. I do need to apologise to her, because after she edited. I couldn't help making more changes. Any editorial errors, are mine, and mine alone.

The phone ringing dragged me awake. With my eyes struggling to open, I reached clumsily for the phone. "Hello."

"Hey, baby, whatcha doing?"

Fuck, Paisley, what time is it?" I reached for my phone. "Aww, fuck, it's four in the morning. What the hell?"

"Sorry, I just wanted to hear your voice," she said, her words slurring sloppily.

"You're drunk, Paisley. Jesus. What's going on?"

"Oh don't be mad, babe, I just wanted to hear your voice."

"Where are you?"

"In my room, just chilling after the show."

"You know I have to get up in three hours. Christ, this isn't fair. This isn't what we agreed on."

"Oh don't be like that, you know I love you."

"Aww, he loves you, Paise." I heard both Steve and Jerry laughing in the background.

"What the fuck are those idiots doing in your room?"

"We're just having a drink, chilling after the show. It was awesome, babe, they fucking loved us."

"Hey, Jake," Steve and Jerry screamed into the phone.

"Fuck off, you pair of shit heads," I snarled. "Get out of my wife's room."

"Wow, chill, dude, we're just having a drink."

"Yeah, well I'm telling you to get out. It's four in the fucking morning."

I heard Steve's voice loud in the mouth piece. "Dude, chillax, fuck nothings going on. We've all got our clothes on at the moment."

I hated his smug tone, and the inference something was going on. "Get out, Steve. Just get out." The last bit I screamed with a deep snarling growl.

Paisley grabbed the phone. "Hey babe, wow, just chill. You know he's just winding you up."

"I don't care, I don't expect to get a phone call at four in the morning, from my wife, with two guys in her room."

"Sorry, it was a bad idea, just wanted to hear your voice. I miss you when we're on the road," she rasped.

"Yeah, well call me at lunch. Now get those fucking morons out of your room." I disconnected the call and turned my phone off. I flopped back on the pillow, now wide awake and angry. Damn it, now I would never be able to get back to sleep.

As the darkness turned to daylight, and the grey light of dawn filtered in, I decided lying in bed wide awake wasn't helping. I got up, showered and headed for the kitchen to get the girls' breakfast started.

As always I had to just about employ a bulldozer to push them out of bed. We rushed through breakfast as I prepared their lunches and got myself ready.

Dropping them off at school, I took a deep sigh. The fifteen minute drive to work gave me a chance to clear my head. Paisley and this current existence we found ourselves in was driving me crazy. Three weeks since I had last held her in my arms.

Walking into the office, the chit-chat and greetings fell on deaf ears. I flopped into my chair, leaned back, closed my eyes and tried to focus.

"Jake, are you okay?"

Dragged out of my stupor by Janet, the admin manager. I opened my eyes and muttered, "Yeah, sorry. Restless night. I didn't get a lot of sleep."

"Would you like coffee?" she offered. I nodded my acceptance. "Yes, that'd be great."

It was lunchtime before I really started to make any inroads. I had recently started eating lunch at my desk. Work was tough at the moment, and getting on top of me. At least this way I managed to crib back a little time.

The phone tugged my attention away from the computer screen. With my mouthful of salad roll, I asked. "Hello."

"Hi, Babe." Paisley's soft voice wafted playfully over my soul.

When I didn't reply she mumbled softly, apologetically, "Sorry about this morning. I had a bit too much to drink."

"Yeah, that was obvious. Jesus, Paisley, why were those idiots in your room?"

"We were just having a drink. The venue kicked us out, so we came back to my room to finish off. Jake, there's nothing going on. There's nothing for you to be jealous of."

"Easy for you to say. You wake me up at four in the morning, drunk, with two guys in your room. What the hell am I supposed to think?"

"You're supposed to trust me."

"Oh, I trust you. I just don't trust them."

"Oh phooey, they're harmless. They have enough girls climbing all over them. They don't need, or even want me."

"Bullshit, they've both had the hots for you ever since you joined that stupid band."

"Stupid," she spluttered sullenly. "Babe, why say that? We're just starting to make a real impression. The music world is starting to take notice."

"Yeah, that's great for you. But I stay here at home caring for our daughters, working, funding your bloody tour. Christ, Paisley, I'm sick of living on my own. I may as well be a solo parent. The girls don't even mention your name."

"Jake, I call them as often as I can."

"Yeah, the last time was Wednesday, today is Friday."

"Babe, cut me some slack. We are doing shows every night. We are on the road every day, driving unloading, setting up. Then after the show, packing and loading getting ready for the next one. It's hard bloody work."

"Then stop. Come home, the girls miss you. I miss you."

"Please, babe, we are so close. I can feel it, it's right there in front of us. Damn, I can almost taste it. If you could've seen the show last night. God, it went off. The place was packed. We sold out of merchandise."

"Yeah, then why is our bank account bleeding while we pay for this? Tell me that. Where the hell's the money going?"

"Hon, give me a chance. We will sort it out when I get home. Only one more week, babe, just one more week."

The phone was crackling as I listened to her breathing. "I'm sorry I'm not there, babe. I'll give the girls a call this afternoon. I love you, babe, and I miss you so much."

"I love you too, Paisley, but this isn't working, not for me. When you get home we need to talk about us, and the future."

I thought I heard her sniffle as she held back a tear. "Okay, babe. We can talk then. I love you."

It was a shit day, long, tiring and boring. As I swung open the door at Mum's, I heard the girls squealing. "Daddy's here. Yay!"

The moment they leapt into my arms all the tiredness vanished. There were kisses and hugs as I swirled them through the air.

Mum walked up with a smile. "Jake, you look exhausted."

"Yeah, long day."

She waved me through to the living room. "Go and sit in there and play with the girls. You're staying for dinner."

As I played with the girls and listened to their stories about school, and they showed me their exercise books. Dad walked in from work. "Hey, Son," he called out.

Dinner was nice. Dad and I had a beer as he talked about his business and his plans too take early retirement.

It was about seven when my phone rang. "Hi, Paisley."

"He Jake, where are you? I rang the house phone, but there was no answer."

"We're at Mum and Dad's. She made us dinner."

"Oh." She sounded sad. "Can I speak to the girls please?"

I handed the phone to Hannah who snatched it eagerly. "Mummy! Yay, we're having dinner with Gran."

Leah waved frantically, trying to get it as well. Hannah jumped down and scurried into the lounge. We could all hear her giggling crazily. Leah ran after her crying. "I want to talk, too."

Mum laughed as we listened in. "Jake, the girls miss Paisley. How much longer is this madness going to last?"

"She'll be home in a week, Mum." I was sick of defending her to the world. Everybody thought I was an idiot for allowing it. At first, I was totally behind her. I wanted her to follow her dreams. But as our bank balance sank and she was gone, I started to feel that maybe they were right. Maybe I was an idiot.

"Honey, I don't mean to sound negative, but the girls miss her so. I can see it, where perhaps you can't. They are changing. They need their Mum."

"Cut it out, Mum. She's only been gone three weeks.."

"This time, but it is hardly a new thing, Honey. She has been gone a lot over the last six months."

I didn't want to argue. "Thanks for dinner, Mum. It was nice. You saved my bacon again. But I need to get them home and into bed."

Leah rushed in waving the phone crazily. "Daddy, Mummy wants to talk to you."

"Hi, Paisley."

"Hey, babe, the girls sound excited."

"Yeah, there's been lot's happening." I wanted to add, if you were home, you'd know that, but I didn't want Mum to know we were fighting. "We are about to leave. Give me a call back in an hour."

"Okay, love you. Give the girls a big kiss and a hug from me."

At home I tucked the girls in, poured myself a stiff whiskey and reclined back in my armchair. I turned on the TV, but that was a waste of time. Nothing but shitty reality shows and reruns.

I poured another whiskey and folded out the recliner. The last year had been a crazy time. With my eyes struggling to stay open, I took the time to reflect.

*****

Paisley and I had married young. We met through music. The band I played in played a festival down in Dunedin. Paisley was the lead vocalist in another band, who were also playing the festival. It wasn't exactly love at first site, but we did hook up that night. She slept with me in the band van, it was bigger than hers.

We were both trying to make our way in the music industry. We shared similar dreams, we wanted to make the big time.

Her band was far more recognisable than mine. We were new and way out on the left. We played a weird combination of metal and punk, with a following of about 10 crazy fans.

Paisley was a wild child, a crazy combination of maybe Gwen Stefani, or Pink. She had the chops, and she had the persona. She was the epitome of the archetypical front person. She danced around like a wild out-of-control pixie, her petite frame decked out in lace and leather.-

It was her voice though, god she had the voice. Even more famous bands were in awe. We watched their show, as did most of the acts. We stood in the side wings of the stage, blown away by her presence. Standing beside me were a couple of the biggest names in Kiwi music. Even they were impressed.

The only thing letting her down was the band: they were average, at best, and their songs sucked.

I didn't have to like their music, all I knew was she got my pulse racing, my heart fluttering frantically trying to catch up as I watched her swirling, bouncing, dancing in an out of control tribal like dance. She certainly had me hooked.

It was later, after the sunset and the big names were on. Paisley sidled up beside me in the wings as I took in all the acts.

After the festival we all went our separate ways. I went back to my studies at Victoria university in Wellington. Back to the drudgery of studies.

It was months later that the band I played in was playing a little club on Lambton Quay. It was a pretty good night. The crowd was raucous, the area in front of the stage was filled with girls dancing their collective arses off. Front and centre was Paisley, her wide smile sucking me in.

At the break, she came to our table and sat with us. "So what are you doing here?" I asked.

"We're playing at San Fran on Cuba street tomorrow night. Great set, by the way," she warbled, in that sing-song voice.

"Thanks, it's a great venue."

"Yeah, we're trying to hook up a gig. It would be nice to get another before we drive back to Hamilton."

We ended up in bed back at my student digs. It was a shared flat, so no privacy. The walls were thin and my flat mates were noisy arseholes.

The next night, I went to catch their gig at San Fran. Again I was amazingly impressed with her. She rocked, even if the band sucked.

They had the moves, obviously spending more time on choreography than on learning to play. They were shallow, their set was mostly covers. Their original songs had one or two good hooks, but mostly they were juvenile and empty.

Paisley and I became Facebook friends; she followed my band and I followed hers. Maybe we were destined to be nothing more.

It was the collapse of her band which brought us closer. When the end came, she decided to follow her heart and ended up singing for a local Wellington band. They were all right, but nothing to write home about.

She needed a place to stay, and I was more than happy to share my bed. It was a wild time. She worked at a local coffee shop to make ends meet. We sort of slipped into being a thing. I immersed myself in my studies and music. She pushed her band. She spent hours walking all over town trying to get gigs, putting up posters, and when not playing, she wrote songs.

Some of them were pretty good, or at least had the bones of good songs.

Late one night, she was sitting cross-legged on my bed, trying to write a song. I sat with her with my guitar and found a riff to play over the top of her vocal line. She looked up, stunned. She sang a few more lyrics and then had a listen to what I played. Making some quick changes, she started to sing again and her smile exploded. Her face bright and effusive.

As she finished up, she bounced into my arms. "Jake, that's amazing, I mean wow, babe. Like fuck, that is hot."

As we played it again, she asked, "Do you write many songs?"

I pulled out my folder, which had about one hundred written, or partially written songs. As she read through a couple she gave me a smiley look. "Will you play some for me?"

Flipping through the folder, I settled on an old one. it was a slower ballad. As I got into it, she snuggled closer so she could see the words and sang along with me. When I finished she looked stunned. "Fuck, Jake, that is an amazing song. It rocks, but it's not over the top." With a frown on her face she asked. "Why don't you guys play them?"

"Shit, no way. These are hardly what we do. The guys would have a fit if I showed up with these."

"Would you mind if we did?"

"What? No way. I appreciate the offer, but they are mine."

She shrugged, "Sad, at least they would get some air."

"No, I don't think your band is the right platform."

Affronted, she asked, "What's wrong with my band?"

"Nothing, it's just that... you guys don't have the right sound. I know what I am after, and you guys are too out there."

Disappointed, she shrugged. It became our nightly ritual. If we weren't performing, we sat together in my tiny room and wrote. Working with me, her guitar playing improved and her timing got better. We were a good fit.

My little band, though, struggled. We were all students and with the pressure mounting, we all decided it was time to take life a little more seriously. I was clever enough to know that. I wasn't going to be able to make a living from music alone. I wasn't completely throwing away my dreams. It was more like I was shelving them, parking them until the time was right.

Paisley, she was on a different orbit. She wanted that dream so badly it hurt. Seeing her get rejected time after time was hard to watch.

Life threw a huge stick in our spokes. Paisley was feeling a bit down after getting another rejection. To help her get through it, I took her out on the town. We got wasted. Yeah big deal. It happened on a fairly regular basis. The difference was, we were so wasted we forgot to use a condom.

Yep, a couple of months later and there was no hiding from the fact she was pregnant.

I'll remember that day for the rest of my life. I walked in after a long day at Victoria, slammed my books down on the table and called out, "Hey, Paisley, are you here?"

"Yeah, in here."

When I walked in I saw the pain in her eyes, her tear stained face a picture of anxiety. "What's the problem, Paisley?" I cried, jumping onto the bed to hug her. "Come on, Hon, what's the matter?"

Giving me a sad, disbelieving glare, she spat out, "I'm pregnant, that's what."

Wow, it was one of those moments: a punch in the guts, a kick in the balls. Seeing her staring carefully at me, I decided not to just blurt out what I thought. I said, "Wow, that's a bit of a shock. But, it's good news right? I mean, god damn. We're going to have a baby."

She snapped back curtly. "Shut up, you idiot. You don't want that."

"You're wrong, Paisley. So very wrong. I love you. I knew it from the moment I saw you down in Dunners. I love you so much. I promise, give me a chance, and I'll prove it."

"You love me? You never said."

"I was scared; come on, every guy is like that. We don't want to say it first, that's all. Believe me, Paisley. I love you. I want to marry you."

"What? Oh my god, no. Jake, you're only saying that to be nice. You're just doing the right thing."

"No, I'm doing the right thing all right. But believe me, it's because I love you."

"What about your music, your dreams?"

"I don't care about that. You are all that I care about. Marry me, Paisley. I will never let you down."

I guess I was hoping to hear I love you, as well, it never came. She sighed. "I can't do that to you, Jake. I can't let you throw away your whole life because we forgot to use a condom."

"Paisley, believe me. I want nothing more than to hold you in my arms. Not just today, but forever."

"You're an idiot, Jake. We will make terrible parents. I work as a bloody waitress, and you haven't even got a job."

"I'll get a job. I can do it, let me prove it."

*****

Life changed dramatically after that. I did find a job; in fact, I found several. I found a cleaning job at a local supermarket. It meant late nights after they were closed, but that gave me time during the day to finish my business degree.

Paisley had a difficult pregnancy and suffered heavily with morning sickness and cramps. It was giving up on her dreams that hurt. She cursed me many times during the pregnancy. Every time she felt the weight of her collapsing dreams, it became my fault.

She had to give up work early. Following that, she became reliant on me for money. Her family wasn't well off. They were working class. She received occasional cheques from them, but it was barely enough.

She sold her van and her PA gear. All she kept was her microphone and guitar.

We moved into our own little flat out in Tawa. We spent hours searching through second-hand shops, rifling through their stock, searching for pieces to make our flat seem a little more like home.

It was then that the real Paisley shone through. The caustic, sarcastic rock chick slowly disappeared and this warm loving character emerged. A butterfly fought its way out of her leather and lace cocoon.

Finally, the words I had been dying to hear almost blistered my eardrum when it finally arrived. It overwhelmed me. It was a typically cold and windy Wellington evening. The rain was pelting down loudly on the tin roof. We were snuggled up in bed and I felt her body shudder as she sobbed little tears.

"Jake, I want to say a million things, I have so many emotions erupting inside me at the moment. I want to say thank you."

"No, don't say that babe. I love you."

"Yeah, that's the other thing I wanted to say. I love you, as well. God I have been so afraid to say it. I have wanted to for a very long time, but I didn't want you to think it was just because you stood beside me. I love you for being you."

So, little baby Hannah was born. Her birth every bit as hard as the pregnancy itself. The moment our baby was in our arms it was a game changer. There were tears of joy, even Paisley, still in physical pain, didn't care. Her tears helped wash clean our little bundle of joy.

Life became centred on our daughter. Everything else seemed unimportant. Our second daughter, Leah, came along less than twelve months later.