Parenthood

"Shit," I spat out.

"Daddy," Britney said giggling and breaking the mood. "Bad word."

My daughter, so much more eloquent than me. We all laughed, even Carrie.

"I'm sorry Carrie, that was insensitive," I told her.

She shook her head. "It's alright Tommy, I just don't know what I did wrong."

"Nothing Aunt Carrie," Sarah said joining in. "Terry and Roger where there within moments, knowing exactly what was happening. Dominic was drunk and never should have turned up. Picking on Tommy wasn't anything I think we ever saw happening."

None of us talked about Sheila.

"So, what happened to Dominic?" Sarah asked a few moments later.

"My brother is driving him home," Don told us. "Hannah pretty much broke up with him once we got him to the house, apologised for bringing him and left."

"He's always acted like he was a little too big for his britches," Don lamented. "He's going to be on the outer of the family now for a while. Not a good spot to be when your girlfriend just broke up with you and you rent a house from one of the other family members."

We spoke for a little while longer and then spent time with more of the family who showed concern. It was weird that it took an event like this and getting beaten to bring me a little further out of my shell.

On the drive home, Britney fell asleep almost immediately, exhausted from the day's events. When we got home, Sarah helped me get Britney into bed and then followed me down into the kitchen where she accepted a glass of juice before we sat in my lounge.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" she asked me, her face full of concern.

"Yeah," I nodded. "Seeing him pick Britney up, well, nothing else mattered accept protecting her."

Sarah smiled, "Parental instinct, trumps anything."

I shrugged. And we sat for a moment.

"And what about you?" I asked her. "That speed with which you ran in, and were you really going to twist his nuts off?"

Sarah blushed, "I was going to tear them off and feed them to him. Coming back from the bathroom I had picked each of us a cup of iced tea when I heard your scream. I saw you both go down and by the time he had you pinned I was running for him with everything I had."

"Sarah?" I asked, feeling my pulse quicken.

"Tommy?" she queried in return, a blush creeping up her neck.

"Why are you spending so much time with Britney and me, I mean you have your own friends don't you?"

"Are you saying you don't want me here?" she asked with a little bit of hurt in her voice.

"No," I said immediately and firmly. "No," I repeated in a softer voice. "I just wondered..."

"Tommy," this time when she said my name there was a new tone in her voice.

"Sarah..." I returned.

"Yes," she said to the unasked question.

I swallowed; she sat and waited. I looked at her and I noticed the blush deepen on her neck.

I sought out her hand and our fingers intertwined. I had looked deep into her eyes a number of times since we met. However, this time as our eyes locked there was something more there. The feeling of our fingers together, clasped together in the moment, locked eyes and fingers, it was something that screamed intimacy.

One moment passed, then another and it wasn't awkward, it was magical. But then she swallowed and went to release my hand.

In that fraction of a second as her grip began to relax a lot went through my mind.

Yes, she was Sheila's cousin, but over the many months since we had become acquainted, Sarah had been nothing but patient with me, she had been there when I had my anxiety attacks. She had spent real time with Britney, she had brought meals to us and hung out when she very easily could have hung out with girlfriends or even found a boyfriend.

'Boyfriend,' that word stuck in my mind. Sarah and I had not talked at all about her love life, and I think she had held back because of my tortured past, but I knew the beautiful woman in front of me was single. I knew there was something between us, that spark, as I called it. Months ago she had called me 'special' to her, and even then when she tried to push it aside, everyone, her parents, aunt and uncle, even me, had known instinctually what she meant.

Her fingers started to slide back away from mine and she was starting to break eye contact. No, she was more than special to me. Like Britney, Sarah made me want to be a better man, when she was around me, I found myself fighting the depression and fears that constantly sought to weigh me down. If I looked back over the months, even before that first family event, Sarah was on my mind more than she wasn't. Her sweet personality was pulling my mind away from the bad things of the past and into a brighter future.

Her knuckles were grazing past mine and she was brushing her hand back over her shoulder in her nervous tick that I had come to know, come to adore.

Sarah was beautiful, inside and out, she was everything I wanted, everything I needed, the exact opposite of her cousin.

Suddenly my grip caught and locked her knuckles, stopping her hand from sliding out of mine and she looked back at me, the look on her face, her eyes sparkled, they held something that suddenly I realised I had dearly lacked for many years: Hope!

I stood then, our fingers untwining, but I would not let go of her hand. The moment was magical, but I wanted something more, something that I hoped she was willing to give. As I drew her to stand with me, I saw her straighten her back, her neck exposed, vulnerable. But that wasn't what I wanted.

Without words I led her down the hallway toward my bedroom. For a moment she was confused, but then it was almost like she was pushing me to go faster.

I pulled her into the room and while still holding her hand, I closed the door so we would not disturb Britney. My curtains were closed and the bedside lamp on the side of the bed I slept on was already turned on as we faced each other.

For the first time in years, I felt myself stir to the feeling of a real woman being in front of me, and I could see that Sarah was excited too. I could almost smell her desire, thick in the air.

Nothing was said as I released her hand and I turned her around, so that I could see the buttons on the back of the summer dress she was wearing.

As my fingers undid the buttons, one at a time, slowly and with purpose, Sarah's breath increased. When I got the last one undone down towards her middle back, I slid my hands over her shoulders and under the fabric of her dress before helping the material to slide down her body to pool at her feet.

Sarah was wearing a black lacy bra and matching black cotton bikini panties. The sight of her beautiful body in all its glory caused me to catch my breath. Her skin was so smooth and her backside the perfect shape. And, if I dare say it, juicy. She looked over her shoulder at me and blushed as I marvelled at her marvellous body.

I took a step forward and ran my hands down her sides, from just under her bra to the top of her panties, the touch elicited a moan from her, while I lent in and took a deep breath of her scent.

Sarah had a slightly musky aroma, most likely a result of sweat from throughout today's dramas mingling with the remains of deodorant and her current arousal. We stood like that for a few moments as she breathed deeply and I rubbed my hands over her sides. When I gently lent in and kissed the side of her neck, Sarah let out a loud audible groan of pure pleasure that permeated the room.

While I gently kissed her exposed neck, she reached her arms up over our heads, holding my lips to her neck. I took the opportunity to let my hands slide once again up her side, but this time, as my hands reached their zenith, I kept moving, reaching behind her, undoing the clasp of her bra. Again, Sarah gave an audible moan of great pleasure in agreeance with my move.

My hands slid forward, under the now loose material and I cupped what felt like two magnificent mounds, their peaks pressing hard against my palms.

A moment later, she couldn't hold it anymore, and while I expected her to turn and throw her arms around me, she took two short steps away from me, towards my bed, and looked back over her shoulder with the 'come to me' look while hooking her thumbs into her panties and catching my eye.

I was transfixed, her eyes told of her want and desire, but she wanted to make sure this was something I wanted too. She must have got the look she wanted because the next thing I knew, Sarah was bending over, pulling the final piece of clothing she was wearing down her legs and showing me everything.

She did it slowly while my body was responding quickly. I felt the desire inside me inflamed even further and I found myself growling as she lifted a leg and stepped out of the now discarded garment.

I'm not sure how it happened but the next moment I was as naked as she was and buried deep inside her. Sarah was dazzling, positioned on all fours on the edge of my bed, while I stood and gave her everything I had. Our groans were passionate and after only a couple of minutes I flipped her over, pushing her into the centre of the bed and buried myself inside her again as she opened her arms and drew me into our first kiss.

As our lips touched for the first time it was if fireworks were going off in my head. I could see colours and lights, and it was like everything was in focus for the first time in my life. I hadn't moved while we kissed. I was still buried deep within her and as our kiss broke we looked into each other's eyes and smiled with wonderment.

Sarah bit her lip then and nodded; I slowly began to pull back, then in, then back. Over and over, faster and faster. Sarah closed her eyes concentrating on the sensation. I did the same and after only a couple of minutes found myself approaching the edge. I think Sarah must have sensed it as she opened her eyes and pulled me in for a passionate kiss, my hips still moving at speed. As our lips parted, she uttered the first two words we had said since leaving the lounge room.

"Do it," she said softly, but with love.

It was all I needed and I started to roar, but then thought that I didn't want to wake my daughter and the cry died in my throat, even as my release fill my best friend's womb. Sarah for her part had her eyes closed, her hand was gripping mine and I could see the veins pulsing in her neck as I could also feel her pulse around my manhood.

We collapsed and I rolled onto my back while Sarah snuggled into my side, placing her head on my shoulder.

"Are you okay there?" she asked me.

I nodded, "Yeah," I croaked out. "Sarah, I..."

As I hesitated; she took it wrong.

"Tommy, I'm sorry, I didn't mean..."

I put a finger to her lips and chuckled.

"No, Sarah, that was amazing," I told her, and she relaxed. "I mean, I didn't know that sex could be like that, could bring such joy, such happiness. That was the single most amazing thing I have ever done."

"Really?" she asked her expression filled with hope.

"Really," I replied nodding. She squealed and kissed me, so I pulled her to me and kissed her back. Then she felt someone stirring, looked down below before back to my face and raised an eyebrow.

[:::: 4 - Looking towards the future ::::]

We were awakened the next morning by Britney pushing the door open to discover both Sarah and I asleep. We had gone at it three more times that night. Our last coupling finishing as light was starting to seep into the sky. We had showered and put on sleep wear as I had told Sarah more often than not, Britney would come in and snuggle for a few minutes usually a little after seven in the morning.

Britney had climbed into bed, carrying her toy rabbit, still sleepy and cuddled me until she suddenly understood that we weren't in bed alone. She squealed when she saw it was Sarah.

"Sarah!" my daughter said excitedly.

Her bouncing up and down caused me to open my eyes, Sarah was also laying there, a huge smile on her face as she saw the excited little girl.

"Hey sweetie," Sarah croaked out.

"Did you stay over?" Britney asked, as she suddenly stopped jumping up and down.

Sarah looked at me and I smiled, Sarah nodded.

"Yay, I'm happy," Britney said suddenly standing and whirling her rabbit around before collapsing on the bed and looked at us both.

"Daddy needs you to love him," she said suddenly. The L word catching me off guard.

"I do Britney," Sarah replied and my daughter nodded like it was common truth.

"And Daddy," Britney said looking at me. "Sarah also needs you to love her, just like you love me."

I looked at my daughter, then at the woman who had given me so much, up to and including herself over the past months, but even more since last evening. I reached out for Sarah's hand in front of Britney.

"I do Britney," I told her.

Britney giggled. "Well now your married, my Mummy and Daddy."

For a moment Sarah and I looked at each other.

"Britney," Sarah gently said. "You're Dad and I aren't married."

"But you said, 'I do'," Britney told us looking confused, "I asked you and you said, I do. And you're here Sarah, here with Daddy."

I laughed and sat up, pulling Britney to me and giving her a big hug.

"It's alright sweetie," I told her. "Sarah and I need to talk some more, but you're right, we DO, love each other. And perhaps we will get married..."

I glanced a look at Sarah who was beaming.

"But how about now," I said giving Britney a squeeze, "the three of us get dressed and go out for breakfast."

The cry that Britney gave was almost louder than when she found Sarah here sleeping in the same bed as me. We had only been out to eat a handful of times since Britney was a baby, usually it was with my parents for a special occasion, such as mine or Britney's birthdays. For me to so casually say we were going out was unheard of and had my daughter more excited than Christmas time.

Eventually we got up, dressed and the three of us jumped in my car and Sarah directed us to a café about fifteen minutes away. As we ordered breakfast. I felt adored, first by Britney who had not stopped smiling since discovering Sarah with me this morning. Then there was Sarah. If she wasn't sipping her coffee, which she needed with the amount of sleep we didn't get last night, she was staring dreamily into my eyes. She was constantly holding my hand and leaning in for quick kisses which Britney took no end of pleasure in, while laughing joyously.

Lastly there was me. I was understanding that since yesterday, much of what I had been suffering had faded somewhat into the background. Sure, it was early days, and yes, my issues were still there, I still had to sit with my back to the wall, but I was surprised by the absence of fear.

We got back to my place not long after lunchtime and Britney went down for a nap. Sarah, kissed me and told me she needed a change of clothes but asked if it was alright is she stayed again tonight.

I, of course, said no.

Pffft, Of course it was alright, I wanted her there all the time, and of course in my bed.

When we went to the next family gathering, I took my parents along, they spent a lot of time with Carrie and Don, and everyone picked up very quickly that Sarah and I were now a couple. Wanda was smiling ear to ear, saying it was about time.

It was in bed that night that Sarah and I exchanged an 'I love you' for the first time. We were watching an episode of a show we liked and she was snuggled into me. After we turned out the lights, I held her in my arms and told her I loved her, it kind of slipped out, but I didn't regret it as Sarah didn't make a big deal of it, she told me she loved me too and that was that.

At work, they quickly picked up I was happier, and my shrink was also happy that I was finding fulfilling love. That it was with Sheila's cousin was a surprise, but we discussed it and agreed that as long as I held no resentment towards Sarah for what her cousin had done then there was no harm.

Six months later, I got home from work to a very despondent Sarah. She had picked Britney up from daycare for me and had been doing that increasingly lately. But tonight, she was moody and snippy at us.

"Sarah, what's going on babe, something wrong?" I asked her once I had gotten Britney to bed.

"Nothing is wrong Tommy," she snapped back at me. It had been a while, but the snap brought back memories of Sheila. I swallowed.

"I don't buy it Sarah," I told her taking what I felt was my life in my hands. "You have been in a mood all week and tonight you all but yelled at Britney when she offered to take your plate into the kitchen. She was only trying to help."

"I know that..." and she stopped, then sighed. "Look, I'm sorry Tommy, but I guess I am out of sorts. It's the new manager, he's pushing all of us to get things done faster and faster, and in some ways, it feels like he's been picking on me for the last week."

She sat down beside me and snuggled into me.

"I'm sorry babe," she told me. "I didn't realise I was being a bitch."

"It's alright," I replied. "I just don't want you to make Britney feel like she did something wrong."

For a moment she said nothing, as tears welled up in her eyes.

"Or you," Sarah added quietly.

"Sorry," I responded, I heard her, but there was still a tone in her voice.

Sarah sighed again, sat up and looked at me. "I said, or you. You don't want me snapping or being a bitch to you."

"That is not what I said," I told her.

"But it's what you meant!" she said accusingly.

"No, it's not," I said shaking my head. "I meant that Britney.... well she loves you and she was upset that you told her off for her asking to help. I..."

"You what," Sarah said suddenly angry again.

"Nothing," I said my defensive barriers coming up for the first time in months.

"No Tommy," Sarah said suddenly standing, her hands now on her hips, nostrils flaring. "Tell me, tell me what a bitch I was being to your daughter, tell me how I have been treating you and her wrong all this time."

I said nothing, not understanding where this was coming from. Sarah and I had been happy until this week. I mean we were talking about marriage in the next year, perhaps having a baby together not long afterwards. And sure, yeah, I still had a few anxiety attacks now and then, but they were fewer and fewer, and Sarah always worked them out with me.

"Look," I said trying to calm things down. "I'm sorry Sheila, but you have been so stressed, with work and all the stuff with Damien, Darren, uh, David. I just don't want you to..."

Sarah's scream caught me off guard and my anxiety was back in full force as she thundered at me.

"I am not that bitch Tommy," she yelled. "I'm not the woman who raped you, took your innocence. I'm the one who helped you, stood beside you!"

"I know, I know," I said my hands up, suddenly realizing that I had called her Sheila. "I'm sorry," I said quietly.

"You're sorry Tommy, stop being sorry, just own it," Sarah accused me, thunder in her voice. "Why don't you just grow up."

Stunned, I said nothing.

Sarah continued glaring at me, "What, aren't you going to say anything, just going to sit there and retreat into yourself? I can see it Tommy, even now your retreating, and you don't give a fuck about Darren. Get his name right and listen," She hissed. Then she stopped.

"You know what, stuff it. This isn't worth the fight. I'll sort Darren out tomorrow," she told me as I just sat there no longer moving. Sarah didn't know it, but in her anger, she unknowingly triggered a huge anxiety attack and I was locked.

"I'm going to bed," she said and stormed off.

I sat there, my mind running on hyper speed, adrenalin filling my system, yet I couldn't move. My breath was coming in short gulps of air; my cry for help was stuck in my throat. As it was, who was I going to call, Sarah had just stormed off and Britney was asleep in bed.