Pastor Allyson's First Appointment

Allyson walked into the office of the First United Methodist Church for the first time since she had learned she was being appointed to her first pastorate. The bishop had called her a few weeks ago and told her that he had a special place of service for her - a place that could be a perfect fit for her, her personality, and her giftedness. After finishing seminary when she was 27, she had served in another church doing student ministry and music for a couple of years. But now at 30 years old, she was ready for her first appointment as Senior (and only) Pastor. She'd just gotten moved into her rooms and was anxious to get to work.

Allyson had been a person of faith for as long as she could remember. She was very involved in the church as a child but it was in middle school that she had discovered her love for ministry and she knew then that she wanted to serve in the church as more than a volunteer. Through middle and high school, she was very involved in her student ministry and in serving others and sharing the message of Christ through her service.

After high school, she moved three hours away from home for college at her denomination's flagship university for those entering the ministry. She worked hard as an undergraduate student, got her bachelor's degree, and then stayed on as a graduate student, finishing her seminary degree in two years. Not being a person who loved school, she was glad when it was finally over. In her head, she tossed around the idea of working on her doctorate, but the day to take the plunge on that one hadn't come yet.

Bishop Sean had told her a little about First United Methodist Church and its past. He had told her that, because of issues that had been simmering for at least the last 40 years, the church was very small (with only 40 people in worship on an average Sunday morning) and the congregation was one-hundred percent senior adult. It didn't sound like an ideal place for a brand new, recently ordained thirty-year-old minister. But Sean assured her that the people there would love her and that she would bring peace and calm to a situation that, in the past, could best be described as a clusterfuck, though the Bishop did not use such descriptive language. "A great opportunity for a young, single minister who is flexible and can survive oh what the church can afford," the Bishop had said. Because of the small number of faithful attendees, the church would benefit from Allyson living at the church - in what, many years earlier, was known as a prophet's chamber. It could best be described as a small studio apartment with a bathroom.

After moving from her near-campus apartment to her assigned place of service, Allyson immediately jumped into her position and began focusing on being a shepherd to her new flock and on, hopefully, guiding the church to a new beginning. She didn't realize it at the time, but God's plan was to lead HER to a new beginning through this new position.

For the first couple of months, everything was great. The people were warm and welcoming, complimentary of Allyson's sermons, and seemed to be willing to work together for one purpose. But as time passed, buried issues that had caused problems in the church for years began to resurface and a power struggle began. Now issues like wearing robes, musical styles, altar flowers, and other trivial matters began to be daily sources of stress. Within a matter of weeks, everything reached a boiling point and every day was a struggle.

Allyson was not looking forward to the monthly church council meeting coming up on the last Sunday in August. She was also concerned about the level of negativity she was detecting inside her own heart. Instead of feeling the peace of God, she was feeling overly stressed and was quickly approaching the point of possibly saying things to her congregants that she should not say. She had passionately told the church that she had been appointed there to help everyone work together to reach the community with the message of Christ but she quickly discovered that the majority of the church members were more interested in tradition, ritual, and "what we've always" done than about reaching others outside the walls of the church. "The people here honestly don't give a shit about anyone outside the church family,' she said to herself in her morning quiet time. "They really don't fucking care! They are more concerned about whether or not the minister wears a fucking robe than they are about someone hearing the message of Christ" she said in her heart, in what was really more of a prayer than a conversation with herself. She was sincerely talking to God.

When the last Sunday in August rolled around, the Sunday evening church council meeting began and quickly turned into a trial, with Allyson being the accused and the other council members being the jury. They discussed everything that they didn't like, that they had heard other people complaining about, and basically attacked every change that had been made since Allyson had begun her service at First United Methodist. After forty-five minutes of dealing with a full onslaught, the thirty-year-old female minister was pissed and ready to walk out, go home to her parents, and never come back.

Later that evening, long after everyone had gone and left her alone at the church, Allyson was at the piano in the sanctuary, playing chords and meditating, her stress level still at an all-time high. The perfectly quiet sanctuary was dimly lit by a small bit of light from a street lamp sneaking in through the frosted windows.

"Lord, how did I get stuck here with people who are totally screwed up and more interested in attacking me than in doing what You have given us to do as Your church? I'm not sure this is the place for me? Maybe this was Bishop Sean's idea and not Your idea?" she asked internally, as she prayed and chatted with the Creator. As midnight approached and she sat there in the darkness at the piano, fuming, ready to walk out and tell the good people of First Church to go fuck themselves, she began to sense God leading her to move to the altar and continue to pray.

After moving to the altar and kneeling in prayer, passionately talking to God, she began to faintly sense something weird. An ethereal feeling, ever so slight, began to trickle over her. As she continued to pray, it became stronger and stronger, until she felt that she was beginning to float up over the altar with her eyes closed. In the moment, it was as if the weight of the world was lifted off her shoulders. Her heart was racing, her breathing was rapid, and she felt a feeling of total exhilaration. She immediately knew that she was surrounded by the presence of God and that He was giving her a supernatural peace - a confirmation that she was in the right place, doing what He wanted her to do. Allyson instantly began to be thankful for that peace and for such an amazing experience - a supernatural connection with God at the altar! So amazing!

After just a few minutes of basking in that new spiritual experience, Pastor Allyson was stunned when she realized that she felt a tingle deep inside herself, and noticed that her nipples were hard. "What the crap?", she asked herself, wondering how she could be so warped. Before she could give it much thought at all, it was as if the Spirit took control of her body. She stood up, without really even thinking about it, and began to undress as she praised God. Her shirt, dress slacks, bra, and panties were thrown over the altar table as she stood in the dim light, facing the altar naked before God.

While one hand was playing with her nipples, pinching them, rubbing her titties, her other hand was gently touching her clit - generating an intense pleasure, flowing through her entire body, like electricity. "Ohhhhhh yessssss, God this is amazing! Thank you so much for this awesome peace and for letting me experience worship like this," she cried as she began to feel overwhelmed by the mind-boggling experience happening in her life at that moment. Getting more and more turned-on, Allyson laid down on the platform in front of the altar table on her back, spread her legs, and began to slide a finger in and out of her wetness while she gently rubbed her clit with the other hand. "Ohhhhh shitttttttttt," she moaned as the pleasure became more and more intense. Her nipples were so hard and her body was on fire with amazing passion and pleasure. After only minutes, she knew she was reaching the point of no return - she began to have an incredible orgasm. "Ohhhh Godddddddd, fuck yesssssssssssssssss! Ohhhhhhhh Yesssssss, Amazing Grace, sooooooooooo fucking goooooooooooddddd yesssssss" She moaned as her butt was thrusting up off the carpet around the altar.

As her orgasm subsided, she was blown away by the power of what she had just experienced. She didn't understand, but she knew, without a doubt, that she had just experienced a connection with God in an amazing way. Pastor Allyson couldn't quite wrap her mind around what had just happened, but she loved it and knew that it was something special. As she began to pick up her clothes and walk back to her room, her heart was filled with an uplifting attitude of thankfulness and praise, while at the same time, she was concerned that the sanctuary probably smelled like coochie.

Job 11:7 "Can you discover the depths of God? Can you discover the limits of the Almighty?