Patti Cake Ch. 05

After hanging up... My mind was a complete jumble of mixed up thoughts, all twisted and turned like the thick vines in a rainforest, each going somewhere -but where I had no clue and nor did I know how to untangle any of it. Where was all of this going? That was the question I had...

I was a bit panicked now so, in doing what any 37yr old guy would do...I wasted no time in knocking on the door that separates hers from mine...

I went looking for my Mom...

***

"HI Dale..!" Mom greeted me smiling. "How are you dear..? Is everything okay..?" She asked in an up-beat voice and happy tone.

Mom was getting back to being more of herself these days, especially since our living arrangement made things that much easier for both of us. Like now, where I could come and talk with her about anything and everything -- including this 'anything' I'd had with Darren on that cafe patio... And again with Patti, just then on the phone -which to me..? This was turning into a great big 'everything'...

"Hi Mom ..." I said back to her while leaning in to give her a peck on the cheek before she stepped away leaving me to follow into her half of the house.

"Yeah, everything is okay... I think..." I said to her, to which Mom stopped and turned...

"Uh-oh, that doesn't sound good..." She added, her voice dropping in a concern.

"Well, it's not that bad, but can I talk to you about something..? Something from my past that has come up..?" I said asking and also sensing my Mom's further concern as she looked at me as if to say "Need you ask..?".

"Why of course you can sweetie, I'm your mother -- I want you to talk to me about things going on in your life..." Mom went on to say as she moved into her kitchen and began filling her kettle with water; presumably to make the tea we always have together whenever I would stop in for one of our little talks.

"So? What's up..? Why do you only 'think' everything is okay..? Mom began. "What's happened sweetie..?" She asked as we stood next to each other at her kitchen's island counter top.

"Okay well, it all started when I was in line at the ATM earlier today -when I ran into an old friend, Darren... He's Patti's brother-in-law..." I began explaining as Mom busied herself making our tea but I know she was still listening...

"I don't think I've ever met him but I do remember you saying something about him being nice to you back then..." Mom replied.

"Yeah, well get this... As it turns out, he now owns some big company that makes car parts or something, and he's hit the big time..." I started to say, but Mom wasn't following.

"I know that doesn't really matter --but what he did tell me was that Patti had always regretted how she treated me back then and now that he'd found me, or ran into me after all of these years..." I said to her speaking rather quickly, excited, I went on.

"He told me he was going to 'make' Patti call me and apologise, because apparently he's her boss now or something. She works in his company but not only that -she also lives there with them in a second house on the same plot of land that he and his wife Carol, own... Carol is Patti's older sister by the way..." I said to her in explaining, again probably going too fast.

"Wow..! That's some news..!" Mom exclaimed once she'd let me finish my rambling. "But what do you think he meant by that..? That he was going to 'make' her call you..? She asked then, sounding just as curious as I was when Darren had made the statement.

"Well that's where I started getting confused as well..." I said to her.

"He told me that they all missed me but Patti would never tell them why I had disappeared... She kept telling them that she didn't know why -- and that's... that's when I felt I should tell him... Tell him what happened when I saw Patti with umm... Brad that morning in the downstairs bathroom, where Patti was there with him... on her knees... Well -you know what she was doing..."

Looking down into the empty sink as Mom and I stood there, the image of Patti and Brad coming to the forefront in my head, seeing her there, licking and dragging her tongue up the hard, veiny-underside of Brad's big cock, I shuddered where I stood, even after all of these years, that picture in my head would always do this to me.

"Oh dear, I'm sorry sweetie, I can't say that must have been easy for you, bringing up a painful part of your past like that... But it's always good to be open and talk instead of just bottling everything..." Mom added in her ever consoling -motherly way.

"Yeah, I know but it was a long time ago, so I have let it go for the most part... And, also, I know how you like me to be open with you..." I answered, letting her know that it really didn't bother me all that much anymore, but that I could come and talk to her still. I know she liked that.

"Thank you dear, that's very sweet of you... You always were the kind, giving type who thinks of others..." Mom commented then as she placed he hand to my cheek, smiling at me.

"But what I found funny Mom, was how Darren seemed really pissed with Patti for not telling them because they liked me back then --and I'll add that he seemed very pleased to see me as well... He was extremely friendly and I could tell he was genuine because a guy like Darren doesn't need to lie or bullshit about stuff like this..." I went on, and then paused, knowing what I was going to say next.

"I guess he's what you would classify as an 'Alpha-male'..." I said to her, making air-quotes, saying the word I knew she would want me to use and true then, Mom looked up at me smiling, like she was happy for me making that analogy, and that I knew the difference, between Darren and me.

Continuing, my Mom smiled, and then again, once more just as gently, she placed her hand back to my cheek...

"What...?" I said to her, knowing her wheels were turning.

"It's nothing dear, it's just that I find it so wonderful that you have an understanding of your place in life, between Alpha -males -and beta-males... it so freeing isn't it darling..? How once you knew, how much easier things became...? I just love seeing that coming out of you like that, like when you recognize and know Darren is indeed an Alpha-male and you are..." Mom said, then stopping -I knew what she wanted...

"I'm... I'm a beta... A beta-male..?" I replied as if I was asking, but we both knew, I think Mom just wanted to hear me say it again.

"Yes darling, I know... I know who you are... We both know... it's a good thing... It's a good thing to know... isn't sweetie..?

Embarrassed, I stood there as we somehow found ourselves going down this avenue in our conversation.

"And Patti..? She knew it too didn't she dear..? Mom asked next, only adding to my discomfort in where she was going with this.

"Remember sweetie, she was the one who first helped you open this door and discover more of who you are... She went on, I couldn't stop her.

"She helped you to find your feminine side because it was so strong -she could see it in you sweetie..."

"You know? The pretty, feminine side that you've been enjoying while hiding in your bedroom all of these years..?" Mom went on, continuing to remind me of this embarrassing part of my passed and also, how Patti had discovered this about me and how when pushed by her... I had enjoyed, if not relished the feeling of having her put me into her pantyhose, which in turn did mean that she was the one who had set me on this course...

And then... If this wasn't hard enough to talk about, Mom came at me again with something from way out in left field...

"I don't suppose you told Darren about any of that night with Patti..? Here in my bed..? In your pantyhose..? Or about what you like to do here at home -on your own..?" Did you..?" She asked to both my shock and my horror...

Mom, saying these things to me, first mentioning my 'pretty-feminine-side' and now asking whether or not I've told Darren about my cross dressing experience both with Patti and how it has continued over the years with her help? Not a chance! Was she crazy..?

I was incredibly embarrassed now because throughout the years, well before I moved out, Mom had continued to bring me little 'gifts' every now and then, but that's how it was with us, nothing was ever said between us. Not until now however...

"What..? No..! God no Mom..? I could never tell him that...Geeze..!" I started sounding offended, and disbelieving. But then, I thought for a moment and remembered what Darren had said about Patti and her sister Carol.

"But... But now that you mention it Mom..." I began, thinking...

"He did tell me that Patti had told Carol a bunch of stuff about me, who then told Darren and as he said, he knew that I'm not... I'm not --or- 'I ain`t packin' as he put it... So God only knows what else she told him... Maybe he even knows about the snowball Patti gave me after she went down on me..." I said then not realizing that I had gone too far, I'd suddenly opened up a whole new can of worms in front of my Mom...

"Oh..!" She exclaimed sounding surprised with this nugget I'd inadvertently dropped while I was upset in remembering Carol and her big mouth -- but also, I was a little surprised that my Mom knew what a 'snowball' was...

Until then I hadn't mentioned that part, I mean even if she and I were being very open the last time we spoke of this affair, I wasn't brave enough to go that far and tell her that after Patti had let me cum in her mouth, how she then turned around and quickly and expertly fed back my own cum to me in a hot, post-sex and rather ardent make-out session.

And also, I hadn't ever mentioned the kiss either... The kiss Darren had laid on me while giving me a Super-toke off the dead end of a joint, the same night I saw Patti sucking Brad's cock. I was already embarrassed so I wasn't too forthcoming about that earlier episode...

Plus as a courtesy to my Mom, I had always kept my weed smoking habits very discrete and private and to be honest... Oddly, I think I was more worried about telling her that I smoked weed rather than telling her that Darren had kissed me and that was because I'd held the weed-secret for decades by this time, it felt odd to let it go...

"Did... Did you like what she did sweetie..?" Mom asked me, sounding tentative and a bit leery as a mother might when asking her son such a thing, asking if he liked tasting his own cum when his girlfriend snow-balled it back to him...

Hesitating and looking at her, I knew I couldn't hide my truth on this... "Well, at first, not really because she surprised me and I wasn't sure if she was pulling some sort of mean gag where she would laugh at me after making me taste my own... Umm...tasting my --myself..." I said to her not sure I should be saying such words as 'my-cum' in front of my Mom.

"It's okay darling, you can say the word in front of me, I think you and I are well past being too overly courteous with our language, so from now on -please don't be afraid... Now to show you that it doesn't bother me... Tell me sweetie, tell me how Patti 'snowballed' you with your own 'cum' and how you didn't like it 'at-first'... What happened then? What changed your mind..?" Mom asked smiling; emphasizing her words while trying to reassure me that it was okay, getting me to open up. However, whenever she did things like this it was still always a bit of a cringe-worthy eye opener.

Pausing, I looked at her trying to find the words and the courage to use them.

"Well... I guess it was Patti again and how she thought I might like to try it..." I began, and then let it out more and more, telling my Mom everything we did that night.

"After everything we had been doing with me in her pantyhose and her on top of me pretending to fuck..." I started saying, not so much afraid now to tell her what happened, but in being able to say such words in front of her... I continued after a quick breath.

"After she pretended to be fucking me... That's what I was trying to say..." I said to Mom, who stood there smiling at me, loving this way more than I was...Well, I think she was, judging from the dreamy look in her eyes -it sure seemed that way.

"So it was the whole thing..? Her treating you like the girl -her being on top and 'fucking' you before she sucked you're little guy for you..? And then when you came, she fed it back to you..?" Mom went on and yes, shocking me with her bold candour.

"Yes, I could see how an experience like that can change your perspective on things sweetie -especially with you being so soft and sensitive already, not to mention how this was such an adventurous thing to be doing -and... I can see how that might change your mind into finding a taste for cum..." Mom went on, yet undoubtedly leaving me aghast and hugely red faced with her language and not to mention her reasoning as well...

But that's where she had me, because again she was right and there was no sense in denying anything to her, it would just put a wedge between us that I certainly didn't want, especially with something like this that could be fraught with all sorts of sexual pit-falls and psychological nightmares... Not only that but I was never very good at not lying or hiding things from my Mom...

"Yes... it was... it was everything and -- and there was something else Mom but I've been afraid to tell you... Until... Until now..." I blurted out to her then in a moment of truth and weakness. I swear sometimes, my Mom was like sodium pentothal... Truth serum... I couldn't keep anything from her...

"Can... Can we sit down..? I don't know if I can tell you this standing up..." I said as she took a look of concern.

"Yes darling, absolutely, this sounds kind of big, so I wouldn't minding sitting myself -so, come, let's sit on the couch and you can tell me... Don't be afraid though, I'm here for you..."

"Now darling, come --sit here with me and tell me but, don't be afraid, I won't judge you... Remember that..." Mom iterated as we sat side by side, my denim clad knee touching hers, in her knee length plaid coloured skirt, her hand out to me in offering.

Putting my hand in hers, I joined her there and sat looking at her for a moment; thinking and wondering how I could possibly tell her about my feeling on this... This thing that happened between Darren and I way back then...This thing where he might have kissed me and how I may have turned it into something else...

Something else I've been fantasising and masturbating to for the last 15yrs...

And also, not to mention again that very afternoon where in a less direct approach, he did kiss me for real this time... Well, it was only on the top of my head -but none the less, it was still Darren kissing me, putting his lips on me...

Taking a deep breath and wiping an un-fallen tear from my eye, I smiled at Mom, her hand in mine and I told her of how Darren and I had found ourselves that night -and what we were doing...

"I know I'm an adult now -but still I don't like to flaunt this in front of you because I think it's disrespectful -but for a long time, since I was in high school..." I started, and then paused for a deep breath... "I've always been... been a pot smoker..." I said to her feeling like I had just lifted a big weight off of my shoulders... Well, one of the many weights -at least.

"Oh gosh Dale... Is that it..? Is that what you had to tell me..? That you like to smoke marijuana..?" Mom asked sounding surprised and rather non-plus, like she didn't care -- and as it turns out... She didn't...

"Well, yes... That's one thing -but that's not what I mean... No... This happened 'while smoking' some pot... After the last wedding I went to with Patti... You know? The one where I found her making love to her ex-boyfriends big cock... With her mouth..?" I said to Mom and feeling bad in being so graphic, I felt like I was being rude.

"Oh well don't you paint a lovely picture... Is that it then..? Is that what has you so upset..? Is all of this making you remember that you're not very well endowed sweetie..? -and that Patti was more interested in someone with a bigger cock..?" Mom said back, leaving me once again to shake my head in confusion, while at the same time reeling at hearing her use the word 'cock'...

"No -- no -- no... Mom no, you've have it all wrong... Well yeah there is that, I don't like that I'm uhh...small -but what I'm talking about is something that happened before all of that... Something that happened with..." I was on a roll -but in last second, I faltered again.

"With who dear..?" Mom asked, not goading or impatiently, just curious again.

"With... With Darren..." I finally spat out, but leaving Mom looking confused, I knew she'd need more.

"You see... After the wedding a bunch of us all piled into a limo and went to an after party at some great big house, I can't even remember where it was now. But anyway, after we'd been there a while and it was getting late, Darren dragged me around to the side of the house to..." I began but hesitated, again not used to talking about my pot smoking with my Mom.

"To do what dear..? What did he do..? Did he hurt you in some way or anything bad like..?" Mom said with concern during my pause, touching my arm with an urgency to her voice.

"What..? No... No Mom it wasn't... It wasn't like that... No we went around the house to smoke a joint... I said in defence of myself, and of Darren too I suppose.

"You see, I found out that Darren likes smoking weed more so than drinking, like I do... So, over that summer we sort of became 'smoke-buddies' at these weddings where we kept seeing each other. Actually, he started calling me 'his little-joint-buddy' but then shortened it to just me being 'his little-buddy' because he's well, so much... so much bigger than me... In height..." I said to Mom who then relaxed some once I had explained that Darren hadn't rapped me or some such that she may have been alluding to.

Then, tilting her head a little and adopting a shy looking pouty smile, she said something I wasn't really expecting...

"Oooh honey that's soooo cute..! Your bigger -older friend calling you 'his little-buddy'... Hmmm..." Mom said to me teasingly, humming at the end, sounding dreamy if not aroused by the thought.

I was really embarrassed now and I hadn't even told her the story yet. I hoped it was just her way of breaking the tension. That is until she started again, continuing with this thought of Darren and me that she seemed to find so...umm? Stimulating?

"Oh and you don't have to worry about compensating for yourself with me sweetie, I already know that your penis is quite small, remember -- I am your mother, I know these things... But I also know that if Darren is already 'bigger' than you in height, as you were so quick to point out... I'm sure that we can assume that he's also much 'bigger' than you in other places...?" Mom said, as she winked at me while tilting her head again -pulling me up on my choice of words -and my obvious nerves in talking about this...

"Aww Mom..!? Do...Do you have say it like that..?" I said to her pleading. "This is hard enough to talk to you about already... If you feel the need to tease, I don't mind it sometimes but can you at least go easy on me until I finish telling you everything..?" I ended my complaint hoping she would relent.

"Okay, okay... I'm sorry baby... I'm just trying to help you see the natural order of things, but you're right, please continue, we can get back to that later. We'll sit here all night and analyze this together, you and me sweetie... We'll find the best course or path for you to take..." Mom said then leaving me to believe that she was going to keep things on track, at least until I'd finished.

"Okay so the two of you smoked a joint or two at these parties, so what of it..?" Mom said but before I could speak, getting back to my original though -she went on to reveal something else to me about herself...